Ugh, goddamn it... where am I? Shit, did I drink too much again? Ahh, a Borg and vodka combo at 4 am was a bad idea…
Phew~ thankfully I don't have a hangover. Hehe, I used to have them. Ha, I have adapted!
…
Wait, where the hell am I?
Why does my body feel so… weak? or no small? is the right word, I guess. Uh, wait, where did my beard go? Huh? Also, what are these cloths? Where did my clothes go? go? uhhh…
Where is my phone…? Ok, I am drunk all the time, but never this drunk… Did I smoke some crazy shit? Nah, I would remember…
Hmm… Oh, who cares? There is, like, a 56% chance I smoked something mad and just forgot about it and somehow woke up in a room which is not mine in clothes which are not mine…
Been there, done that, ha...
I stand up from the floor. The room was made out of wood, which was weird because I was damn well sure I used to live in a city…
Ok, the chances of this happening are less than 22% now… Also, where did my beard go again? Ugh, shit, don't tell me I got kidnapped again or something…
Ugh, no, I was near the college campus the last time I was awake; people would have known if I got kidnapped…
Hmm, ok, the chances of whatever happened to me just happening because I was high are less than 3% or maybe 4? Uh, my math has gotten rusty, huh? What the hell am I thinking?
Ugh, can I please stop thinking about random shit and get started on facing the problem!
Hmm, now what do you do in this situation? Well, my body feels fine even though I feel a little weaker? And also smaller. I was for sure taller than this, or am I high out of my mind? Yeah, that's also a possibility. I am so high that I am just dreaming all of this…
Nah, I never get that high, plus what's the fun in just getting so high you start daydreaming?
Uh, back to the problem, I should look around to see what's up and maybe find a mirror? or something. Check my face to see if I am still handsome and beautiful…
I walk around the room; it is pretty empty. There was what seemed like a bag. or something like some hay on the floor, which looked like a bed? for someone from 200 BC… Ugh, and no lights? or switches? weird…
I walked around, and there was another room connected to this wooden house, but the walls of this room were made out of rock for sure… So it's like a hut connected to a cave? Ugh, in what timeline am I? where people make huts connected to caves…
I walk in the cave slowly, and there was only one book on the ground and nothing else in the whole cave… I grab the book and quickly step out of the cave and walk through the wooden hut…
I look around fast. Where the hell is the door? Out of here! You have got to be fucking kidding me. Don't tell me I am trapped in here or something… ughh
The bag in the corner of the room looked like the only thing in this dame place… So I went there and opened it. The bag was made out of what seems like rough leather… And thatch, huh? And what the hell is inside here?
Small black balls??? Ayo, what the fuck?
Uh, damn my filthy mind, it's not that! It's, uh? Hmm, it does not look like any beans or anything I have seen… Hmm, they smell like seeds for sure…
Should I eat one? Ugh, no, no, that would be stupid now…
I sit down, crossing my legs, and I fold my hands and look down at the old book and the bag…
Hmm, ok, first I find myself in a weird place that does not seem to have a door. Not only that, but my body feels weird… And most of all, there is this weird sense… like something is deeply wrong…
Ugh, even for a casual guy like me, it's hard to act cool… Hmm, what even is this dumb book?
I open the book up, and my eyes almost pop out… because what was written in there was, well, it looked like Chinese, or in other words, Mandarin…
And it said… I don't know; I don't know how to read Mandarin! Fuck me sideways…
I knew I had to learn at least 5 languages, damn it! I only know 4! ugh… but thankful I did go to that Mandarin club to hear their propaganda for fun… I know some Mandarin but only a few letters…
But it's fine; I can decode this with time… After all, I am a genius, haha…
And with a narcissistic grin on his face, he started to slowly but surely translate the first page of the book…