My vacation was supposed to be simple. Go back to the village, relax, and eat my grandma's food. The news channels had been screaming about heavy rains for a week, and they weren't wrong. It was a full-blown monsoon, but for some reason, our family's prized buffalo decided this was the perfect weather for a stroll near the river.
I threw on a raincoat, grumbling to myself, and trudged out to drag her back. But that thick-headed bitch had other plans. The moment I got close, she lowered her head and tackled me with the force of a small car, sending me flying straight into the river.
Which, I should add, was already flash-flooded.
The world became a chaotic swirl of brown water and debris before everything went black. When I opened my eyes again, the roaring of the river was gone, replaced by the gentle rustling of leaves. I was lying on damp soil in the middle of a deep, ancient-looking forest.
You might be wondering how I knew I was in another world so quickly. Simple. When you see a frog the size of a Mini Cooper chasing a deer-like creature that has a nose shaped suspiciously like... well, you know... you tend to catch on fast...it was dick shaped.
Then the frog stopped. Its huge, unblinking eyes swiveled and locked onto me.
Oh, wait. It's looking at me now.
It let out a croak that sounded like a foghorn and took a bounding leap in my direction.
Oh, WAIT! IT'S COMING FOR ME!
"YO, WHERE ARE MY SUPERPOWERS?!" I screamed, scrambling to my feet.
My inner monologue of becoming an overpowered hero vanished in a puff of pure panic. I ran. Fueled by adrenaline and the very real possibility of being eaten, I found the nearest climbable tree and scrambled up its trunk like a terrified monkey. I held my breath as the giant frog monster, thankfully, lost interest and went back to chasing the "penis-nose deer."
Once my heart stopped trying to beat its way out of my chest, I took in my surroundings from my treetop perch. In the far distance, I could see the faint outline of a town. Hope surged through me, immediately followed by a loud growl from my stomach. I noticed some squirrel-like creatures on a nearby branch happily munching on some bright purple berries. Figuring if it was good enough for them, it was good enough for me, I plucked a few and cautiously took a bite. They were surprisingly sweet.
I stuffed a handful of the berries into my pocket for the road and began my journey towards the town. As I walked, I couldn't shake my disappointment. This crappy world really gave me nothing. I tried everything I could think of from years of reading and watching isekai.
"Status Window!" I yelled, waving my hand in front of my face. Nothing.
"Fire Blast!" I shouted, pointing my palm at a rock. Not even a spark.
I tried teleportation, summoning, and about a dozen other chuunibyou commands, but the only result was a sore throat and the growing fear that I was completely, utterly powerless.
Carefully dodging weird animals, I finally reached a wide-open grassland. The town was much closer now, a welcome sight. But then I saw it. A figure, lying motionless on the ground.
Wait... is that a person? Are they dead?!
Forgetting my own safety for a moment, I ran towards them. "Hello? Are you alright?"
I knelt beside him, reaching out a hesitant hand. He was incredibly striking: pale skin, long, silver-gray hair that shimmered even in the fading light, and a tall, slender figure. A gasp caught in my throat as he slowly lifted his chin. His lips parted just enough to reveal a beautiful, pearly white set of... fangs.
Wait... he HAS FANGS?!
Before I could process this internal conflict, his eyes snapped open. They were a startling, vibrant red. He didn't look at me with hunger, but with... horror.
"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?! What kind of disease is that?!" he shrieked, recoiling.
"The disease is I was born this way," I mumbled, my internal monologue screaming in outrage.
He blinked, then quickly recovered, a flush of pale pink rising on his cheeks. "Oh. Uh, sorry about that. You just look a little bit... never mind. Can you give me some food? I can smell some berries on you. See, I've been starving for a while, so..."
(Oh, hell no. This is it. He's trying to lure me. I'm only eating these berries because they're the safest-looking thing in this forest and I'm too weak to hunt the terrifying creatures running around. A powerful predator like him wouldn't be starving for... berries. He's a vampire! He's trying to get me to lower my guard so he can suck me dry!)
Of course, I said all this internally. I'm not an idiot to provoke a freaking vampire.
As my mind spiraled in terror, the vampire, with surprising speed, pounced. My life flashed before my eyes.
Yep, good by. My second life was good while it lasted.
Crunch. Crunch.
I blinked. The vampire was sitting beside me, calmly munching on one of my purple berries.
"Wait... you're eating berries?" I asked, completely bewildered.
"Yep," he replied, taking another bite.
"Aren't you... a vampire?"
He paused, a berry halfway to his mouth. His red eyes narrowed. "...How do you know that?"
"Your fangs, your skin, your hair... everything screams vampire."
He sighed, running a hand through his silver hair. "Oh, and here I thought I completely looked human. You see, my fangs are usually hidden; they're only visible now because I was so weak from starvation. But now that I'm recharged," he said, swallowing the berry, "I can hide them again." He gave a little grunt of effort, and slowly, his fangs receded.
"So... you're going to eat me now?" I asked, still wary.
"Why would I do that?" He looked genuinely confused.
"Because you're a vampire!"
He scoffed. "I only eat veggies."
The sheer absurdity of it all hung in the air. "Wh-what the fu—"
"Yes, I know! That's why I was exiled from my home!" he interrupted, sounding frustrated. "Because I refused to drink blood! And you," he added, looking me up and down, "you also look quite weird. Those clothes, I've never seen anything like them."
"Well, you see... ah... I was also exiled. Because I can't use magic."
He stared at me, then at the sky, then back at me. "Seriously? A human who's... ugly and with no magic? Aren't you an ultimate failure?"
"Says who? The vampire who can't drink blood?" I shot back, the absurdity overriding my fear.
"I can," he bristled, "I just refuse to!"
"So... we're both abandoned by our families, then?" I asked, a strange camaraderie forming.
"Yep," he admitted.
"Well, how about we go to that town together?" I suggested, gesturing towards the distant settlement. "There will be less questioning if we say we're here to form a party."
"Are we forming a party?" he asked, tilting his head.
"That's what I thought we should do," I explained. "We're both new to this town, and we both need money. We can earn it if we get some simple quests done."
(I can really use this vampire. I seriously need money if I have to live here. And maybe he won't be so bad. He can't be any worse than a buffalo, right?)
"Alright!" I declared aloud. "Let's go to town and make a party!"
"What's your name, vamp?"
"Carl Zeiss," he replied, a small, almost shy smile touching his lips. "And yours?"
"I'm Darcy Sinclair."