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My name's Kai, and the first slime I ever tried to kill nearly murdered me with its ass.
I don't know the polite way to say that, so let's just go with the truth.
I'm eighteen, broke, and officially the worst-ranked adventurer in the Guild of Stonehaven. My sword is rustier than the guild toilets, my armor squeaks when I walk, and I've got exactly five copper to my name—barely enough to rent half a bed in the barracks. My messy black hair never stays down, I'm thin from skipping too many meals, and even my second-hand armor seems designed to announce my failures with every step.
Honestly, the guild called slimes the "easiest monsters" for rookies. Easy for who? A guy with an actual sword, maybe. I'm basically holding sharpened rust and praying it doesn't snap in half if I sneeze too hard.
And if I failed here, it wasn't just hunger. Word would get back to the guild. The veterans already called me "Slime Bait" behind my back, and Rurik once laughed so loud about it that half the tavern joined in. Dane even made squelching noises every time I walked past the barracks, just to remind me what I was good for. If I failed too often, they wouldn't just mock me—they'd throw me into one of the guild's dreaded "Trials" to prove I wasn't a waste.
Still, I clung to one pathetic dream: one day I'd climb high enough to prove them wrong. Weak-to-strong, that was the path every adventurer wanted. Even me. Especially me. If this was my starting point, then my climb was going to be the longest in history.
So here I am, in the forest, risking my life for a single slime core worth ten copper. Ten. That's one day of food and the luxury of sleeping indoors instead of under a wagon. One day, though, I swore I'd make enough to afford a real bed. Maybe even two pillows. A man can dream.
The guild handbook said: "Slimes are the easiest monster for rookies to kill."
Easiest my ass.
I swung at the blob of jelly, missed by a mile, and faceplanted straight into the dirt. My sword clanged out of reach. The slime jiggled ominously, bounced once, and then—how do I put this delicately?—it farted directly into my open mouth.
That's when the glowing red words appeared in the corner of my vision.
[LIVE]
I gagged, spat slime gas, and scrambled back. "What the hell is this supposed to mean? Live? As in… curse me while I die?"
Another glowing box appeared. Blue text scrolled across the air.
Chat (Viewers: 3):
"HAHAHA HE ATE IT"
"Is this real? What did I just click on?"
[SkeptiCam]: Fake. Bad acting. Slime prop looks cheap."
"What? Who's saying that?" I swung my head around. The forest was empty. Just me, the slime, and my dignity dissolving faster than my armor.
If a slime could kill me, then this forest wasn't training grounds. It was a graveyard waiting for my name.
Chat (Viewers: 12):
"Nah this has to be staged. Where are the cameras?"
"Streamer debut speedrun: died to fart boss."
[QuietWatcher]: Is he okay? He looks terrified."
[Mod_Gary]: Keep it civil, chat. Don't spam fart jokes.
"CLIP WHAT?!" I shouted at the air. "What do you mean clip? Do you want me chopped up?!"
The slime jigged again. I swear it was laughing.
---
I grabbed my sword and faced it down again. My stomach knotted. If I failed here, it wasn't just embarrassment. I'd starve, and the guild would laugh me out of the barracks. The guild doesn't give second chances to rookies who can't bring back cores, and if you fail too often, you end up cleaning latrines—or worse, expelled from Stonehaven entirely. The barracks already smelled like sweat, moldy bread, and spilled ale; if I got kicked out, I wouldn't even have that miserable stink to call home.
The slime bounced forward. I swung, missed, cursed, tried again, missed again. The blade cut air, the slime bobbed cheerfully, and I nearly tripped over my own boots.
Chat (Viewers: 25):
"Bro doesn't know how hitboxes work."
"Swing faster noob!"
"This is painful to watch but I can't look away."
[Lurker01]: …hi. first message.
I tried stabbing. The slime rippled sideways like it was mocking me.
"This is impossible!" I growled. "How do you stab jelly?!"
Chat:
"Use fire, genius."
"Kick it!"
[DivineQueen88]: He's struggling so much… I want to help!"
The slime launched.
SLAP.
I hit the ground again. My lungs wheezed like a dying accordion. My chest burned, ribs screaming—I was one mistake away from never standing again. A thought stabbed sharper than the slime's body: if I die here, I'll be forgotten. Just another name whispered over drinks, another rookie who never mattered.
Silence hung heavy for a moment. Even the chat seemed to pause—just long enough for me to feel the hopelessness crush down.
Chat (Viewers: 42):
"LMFAO he's getting clapped by Jello."
"DivineQueen88: This poor guy donating $10."
"System: Donation received. Converting."
"W dono! First real dono hype!"
Wait. What?
A glowing icon spun in front of me. Then—plop—a sandwich fell out of thin air and landed in the mud.
I blinked. "Is that… food?"
The slime bounced closer. In desperation, I threw the sandwich.
It smacked the slime square in the face. The creature quivered, glowed faintly, and then deflated like a punctured bladder.
Dead.
I stood frozen, chest heaving, mud on my lips, staring at the lifeless blob. Even the forest seemed to hold its breath.
Only then did the chat explode.
Chat (Viewers: 210):
"Best weapon NA."
"New meta: Ham & Cheese build."
[HistoryNerd42]: Historic moment. First recorded sandwich kill."
"Can we donate him more sandwiches?"
"Somebody should drop him soap next lol."
---
Somewhere on Earth, in a cramped apartment, a college kid shoved their chips aside and leaned toward the monitor. "Dude. I swear this isn't CGI."
Another voice called from the kitchen: "What are you watching?"
"The funniest stream I've ever seen. This guy just killed a monster with a sandwich."
On a nearby Discord server, notifications pinged like crazy.
"NEW STREAMER? Fantasy IRL??"
"No way this is real, looks like Skyrim with mods."
"Shut up, he just gagged on a slime fart. No mod does that."
A Reddit thread was already exploding: "This fantasy clown is the funniest stream I've ever seen." Someone replied: "Bookmarking before it goes viral." Another: "Clips are already hitting YouTube." A forum mod even locked a thread for spam: "Stop posting sandwich guy clips, use the megathread."
Chat (Earth):
"This is funnier than half of Twitch right now."
"Even a cooking subreddit is reposting sandwich guy."
---
Back in the forest, I stood trembling, staring at the glowing chat boxes.
"You can hear me?" I asked cautiously.
Chat (Viewers: 1,024):
"YES!"
"He finally gets it!"
"Say poggers."
"…What the hell is a poggers?"
And then another thought struck me. Wait… who ARE you people? Gods? Demons? Some new curse?
A new line flickered faintly under the chat box, almost like a whispered translation only I could see:
[System Notice: External Audience Detected. Realm: "Earth." Terminology auto-translated for host comprehension.]
"…Earth?" I muttered. "What kind of cursed realm is that supposed to be?"
Chat:
"SUB TO HIM!"
"Quick, donate again!"
"Streamer W."
"GG!"
"GG? What does that mean—Goblin's Guts?"
---
Two more slimes emerged from the bushes. Bigger. Meaner. Glowing faintly.
"Oh no."
I raised my rusty sword.
"This was it. One slime nearly ended me—these two might finish the job before my climb even starts."
Chat (Viewers: 5,003):
"NEW BOSS FIGHT LET'S GO."
"Bet 5 bucks he dies in 10 sec."
[F2PWarrior]: Easy money, streamer's doomed."
"Streamer vs. Slimes: Round 2."
The slimes bounced.
I swung, cut one in half—only to watch it reform into two smaller blobs.
"Oh COME ON!"
Chat:
"Streamer just doubled his problems."
"Mods ban slime exploit pls."
"Streamer unlocked Slime Breeding Technique."
I tripped over a root. My sword flew out of reach.
"Better humiliated than dead… but tonight I might be both."
Chat (Viewers: 7,000):
"Streamer about to rage quit IRL."
"F in chat for Kai."
"Somebody donate him a real weapon already!"
---
System Alert: New Donation Received.
[Anonymous gifted $5: lol enjoy]
A glowing sock appeared in midair and dropped onto my face.
"…You've gotta be kidding me."
Chat:
"HAHAHA cursed sock drop."
"Streamer gear upgrade: +1 Stink Resistance."
"Use it as a weapon!"
Another alert.
[Anonymous gifted $1: Do a flip]
I groaned. "You people are insane."
---
Then came the big one.
System Alert: New Donation Received.
[Anonymous gifted $50: Have fun streamer 😈]
A glowing chest appeared and crashed onto my chest.
I shoved it off, popped it open… and pulled out a frying pan.
"You've gotta be kidding me."
Chat (Viewers: 9,876):
"YESSS PAN META."
"Streamer got the wok of destiny."
"Bonk build unlocked."
One slime lunged. I swung on instinct.
BONG.
The slime exploded against a tree.
Two more swings. Two more goo splats.
Silence.
I stood there, panting, slime dripping off my hair, gripping a frying pan like it was a holy relic.
"…I just killed monsters with cookware."
Chat (Viewers: 15,342):
"Streamer OP."
"World record frying pan run."
"Gordon Ramsay would be proud."
---
I pointed at the glowing boxes. "This isn't funny! I nearly died twice!"
Chat:
"Funniest stream I've ever seen."
"Streamer rage = free content."
"Cry more."
Ding.
[New Skill Unlocked: Sarcastic Roar Lv.1 – Insulting enemies stuns them for 3 seconds.]
"…My superpower is sarcasm?"
Chat:
"Powered by salt."
"Peak content."
"Streamer leveling through pain."
I clenched the frying pan tighter. "I may be trash, but I'm still breathing. And if this is divine blessing, then the gods really are trolling me."
---
The bushes rustled again.
A goblin stepped out, dagger raised, eyes gleaming. Its blade caught the moonlight, flashing cold and sharp as it pointed straight at me.
Chat (Viewers: 25,000):
"NEW BOSS FIGHT LET'S GOOO."
"Streamer vs. Goblin Pog."
"This clip is gonna blow up."
"Easy fight, he's got this."
"Streamer speedrun goblin kill incoming."
The goblin hissed. The frying pan trembled in my hands. My palms were slick with sweat, my heart pounding so hard it drowned out the chat. For half a second, I dared to hope the voices would save me again—maybe drop another miracle from the sky.
But deep down, I knew Rurik and Dane would laugh themselves hoarse if I died here, livestreamed for gods I didn't understand.
And for the first time tonight, I wasn't sure the voices would come through. But I raised the pan anyway.
Chat:
"Streamer just accepted his fate."
"Best debut ever."
"Subbed for life."
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