---
The Stonehaven Guildhall was louder than a tavern on payday. Wooden beams rattled with the laughter of adventurers, tankards clinked, boots stamped, and voices carried in overlapping waves. I wanted to turn around and run, but my frying pan clanked at my hip, betraying me with every step. Glitter still stuck in my hair like some cosmic joke.
Eyes followed me the moment I walked through the double doors.
"There he is!" someone yelled. "Slime Boy!"
A chorus of jeers and laughter erupted. "Slime Boy! Slime Boy!" The chant pounded through the hall like a drumbeat.
I tugged my hood lower, praying I could melt into the floorboards.
Chat (Viewers: 82,341):
"NPC hub unlocked!"
"Streamer walks into guild like a raid boss with -10 charisma."
[GoblinSlayer69]: Bro's main quest is surviving bullying."
[SkeptiCam]: These extras can't act. Background noise too obvious."
"Welcome back, rookie."
Rurik leaned against the quest board, scar catching the lamplight, smirk carved across his face. Dane stood beside him, belly jiggling with every chuckle.
"Everyone's here to see your big performance," Rurik said loudly enough for the whole guild to hear. "You'll either prove yourself today… or go back to scrubbing chamber pots."
Laughter rattled the rafters.
---
A burly man in steel pauldrons stomped forward — the Guild Examiner. His hair was white at the temples, his expression carved from granite. As he cleared his throat, he casually rubbed the edge of an old scar on his chin, like it was a nervous habit.
"Quiet down!" His voice cracked like a whip. The room stilled, though snickers lingered.
His gaze locked onto me. "Kai. You've been accused of fraud, incompetence, and possible madness. The guild does not take such matters lightly. By guild tradition, you will undergo a Trial by Combat."
My stomach dropped into my boots.
The Examiner continued, "Defeat the challenge, and you may keep your adventurer's status. Fail… and you're stripped of rank, duties reassigned to the latrine pits."
From the back benches, a thin, red-haired archer yelled, "Save me a seat in the muck, Slime Boy!" The guild erupted with laughter. I made a mental note of his smug face.
And in the corner, I overheard a whisper: "Last year, Jalen didn't walk away from his trial. Carried out on a stretcher, never seen again." My blood ran cold.
I risked a glance at the Examiner. Unlike the crowd, he wasn't laughing. His eyes narrowed, sharp, measuring. At least one person in the hall wasn't treating this like a joke.
Chat (Viewers: 90,112):
"TRIAL ARC CONFIRMED!"
"Streamer boss fight inbound."
[CookingWithKai]: Can't wait for the frying pan recipe book after this."
[Mod_Gary]: Reminder: backseat gaming is fine, harassment isn't."
---
They herded me through the guildhall doors into the training arena — a dirt ring surrounded by wooden stands. Adventurers crowded the benches, shouting, laughing, tossing coins to bet on my death.
And, of course, the glowing stream chat floated above it all like a second mob of hecklers.
The Examiner gestured, and handlers wheeled out a heavy iron cage. The beast inside snarled, a low growl vibrating the ground. When the gate slammed open, a Wolfbeast padded out, scarred muzzle dripping saliva, eyes glowing yellow. Chains rattled as it strained forward.
The stench hit me next — hot, rotten meat breath that made my stomach heave.
My knees went weak.
Chat (Viewers: 100,001):
"NEW RAID BOSS UNLOCKED."
"Wolfbeast looks hungry 👀."
[F2PWarrior]: Bet 100 gold Kai wipes in phase one."
[SkeptiCam]: That's just a dog in a fursuit. Bad lighting hides the zipper."
The Guild Examiner raised his hand. "Begin!"
The Wolfbeast lunged.
I barely yanked my pan up in time. BONG! The clang echoed like a bell through the arena. The beast reeled back, ears twitching from the sound. My arms shook from the impact.
"Holy crap," I muttered. "That actually worked—"
System Alert: New Donation Received.
[TrashPanda donated $2: Bucket Helmet]
A dented bucket appeared, slammed onto my head.
Vision tunneled instantly.
"Oh, come on!"
Chat (Viewers: 105,000):
"Streamer drip check = TRASH TIER."
"Bucket meta incoming."
[HistoryNerd42]: First use of bucket armor in combat. Historic."
I staggered as the Wolfbeast pounced again, claws scraping down my chestplate. Sparks flew. The crowd gasped, briefly silenced.
My pan connected with its snout on instinct. BONG! The crowd roared with laughter, noise rushing back.
---
System Alert: New Donation Received.
[Anonymous donated $1: Soap Bar]
A slick white soap bar landed in my palm. I blinked at it.
"Really? What am I supposed to do with—"
The Wolf lunged again. I shoved the soap straight into its open mouth.
The beast gagged, paws flailing, foam bubbling at its jaws.
The arena went silent for half a second. Then the guild hall exploded in howls of laughter.
Chat (Viewers: 112,334):
"SOAP META OP."
"Streamer unlocked hygiene build."
[xXx420Blaze]: First wolf to die clean."
[QuietWatcher]: Don't give up. You're turning the tide. (Pinned)"
---
The Wolf spat the soap and snarled, enraged. It lunged faster than before, knocking me flat. Jaws snapped inches from my throat.
"Not like this," I gasped, shoving the pan up desperately. My arms trembled as teeth scraped closer.
System Alert: New Donation Received.
[BoomStick donated $5: Firecracker]
A lit firecracker popped into existence under the Wolf's tail.
POP-CRACK!
The beast yelped, tail singed, and leapt off me.
Chat (Viewers: 120,000):
"Streamer HP saved at 1%."
"Clutch donation! PogPan!"
[CuriousViewer]: That reaction… no actor could fake it."
[SkeptiCam]: Please. Dog trainer off-screen with cues."
---
I staggered upright, helmet bucket sliding over my eyes. "Okay… enough of this."
I glared at the Wolfbeast. "Nice breath. Did you eat garbage for breakfast?"
Skill Activated: Sarcastic Roar Lv.1
The Wolf froze mid-lunge, stunned by sheer ridicule.
I swung the frying pan with both hands. BONG! The Goblin Shiv scraped across its flank — barely leaving a shallow cut compared to the pan's dent.
The beast shook off the stun and feinted left before snapping right — I barely dodged, tripping backward. My pan clanged against its shoulder instead of its head. My stomach lurched. One mistake and I was done.
The Wolf lunged again. I slipped on the soap bar still lying in the dirt, pan flailing as I fell.
CRACK! The frying pan smacked the Wolfbeast's skull perfectly.
The monster collapsed unconscious.
Silence.
Then the entire guild burst into uproarious laughter.
---
The Guild Examiner pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Victory… by soap and pan. Gods help us all."
The crowd jeered and cheered in equal measure. "Slime Boy did it!" "Soap meta!" "Bucket hero!"
In the stands, I caught one person not laughing — a stern-faced spearman with crossed arms. He just nodded once before turning away. The only guild member who didn't treat me like a joke.
Chat (Viewers: 150,212):
"Streamer bucket build = OP."
"Streamer RNG carried."
[DivineQueen88]: You did it! I'm so proud of you! 💖"
[F2PWarrior]: Rigged. No way soap is legit strat."
[HistoryNerd42]: First recorded case of pan-soap combat. Will cite in my thesis."
"NEXT ARC NEXT ARC NEXT ARC!"
Rurik and Dane looked ready to chew nails. "You just got lucky," Rurik spat. "Luck won't save you next time, clown."
But even as they stormed off, some adventurers eyed me differently — not just as a joke, but as someone who'd survived when they expected me to fold.
---
Earth POV
Clips of the fight went viral in hours. Titles exploded across YouTube: "Guy Beats Wolf With Soap and Frying Pan?!" "Bucket Helmet Meta Explained."
On Twitter, new tags trended beside #ClownStreamer: #PanFight and #SoapMeta.
Reaction streamers debated heatedly: CGI trickery, or the real deal?
One meme account posted a mock ad: "Bucket Helmet — now available in three stylish dents. Limited edition!" It racked up 50k retweets.
A parody esports caster clip went viral: "AND HERE COMES THE PAN SWING—BOOM! WOLFBEAST IS DOWN! SOAP META DOMINATES THE ARENA!"
And on the fringes of the chaos, a news ticker rolled across a late-night segment: "Mysterious streamer gains global attention — experts baffled."
A skeptical professor of digital media added: "This is an elaborate prank. No real monster fights are being broadcast. It's staged."
But tucked in the flood of memes, a quiet comment rose to the top, pinned beside the noise: "What if this isn't fake? What if he really needs us?"
---
Back in the arena, I slumped to my knees, pan clattering to the dirt. My chest heaved.
The Examiner announced, "By trial rules… Kai remains an adventurer."
I barely heard him. My ears still rang from the pan's last BONG.
"If this is just the tutorial," I muttered, "I'm doomed."
---