Author notes are written by several people so bare with us on that one please. It's mostly written by a certain individual called melatonin. (and me) (me as well.. kinda) The A/Ns are a feature you either love it or hate it.
Mc is a gooner but the authors are even bigger ones. (A/N:who would win the strongest gooner of today (mc) or the strongest gooner of history (the harem king)) (ME.)
Discord: discord.gg/hrprteam If you join you might have a chance to write the fic with us.
Biggest lobotomy server… This fic is not for the weak and neither is this server.
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To be honest, I wasn't a very social person. I was a young teenage boy who like any other one was going through a stage of puberty, I myself was just finishing up on that stage. And also like other teenage boys, I was intrigued by these god-given creations called women.
I could never get close to any of them but I could watch as others effortlessly smoothed-talked their way to getting close to them. This infuriated me because whenever I tried to do that, I wouldn't be given any attention. And it's always the ugly ones pulling the best ones.
I wasn't interested in their personality or how they saw me but rather their genitals. To be specific, I wanted pussy.
I was a thirsty man… or well, teenager.
Even though, I knew what I was saying was wrong, even fucking despicable, but cut me some slack I'm going through hard times here. (A/N: Get it since he's jorking it? His peanus is hard!!!!!!!)
So like any other person who couldn't get what they wanted, I opted for a different option. By picturing their body being mine, I was able to do a magnificent thing called masturbate.
I have no fucking shame in saying I masturbate a lot. Even google said that it was good for you and the benefits out-way the negatives. (A/N: I am not telling you to masturbate this is written for entertainment reasons only) (A/N: other one here i am telling you to jork your shi) (A/N: A third one in here and I'm telling you to jork your homie while you at it)(A/N: at this point jork the whole squad) (A/N: I'd recommend not masturbating excessively but still not shying away from the subject, it's only natural after all. But do beware of developing an addiction to pornography) (A/N: NERDDDDDDDD) (A/N: Lick your hand when you're done)
But one day because of a certain curiosity, I decided to try the substance that comes out after finishing masturbating. Sweet ol' sperm, I mean...
"A chef gotta taste his meals." (A/N: What was bro cooking when he wrote this) (A/N:Bro talking from experience) (A/N: This is gay as fuck bro) (A/N: This is so real) (A/N:Yum)
At first, I was nervous thinking of the health concerns but then I reminded myself that girls online take plenty of cum without dying. So with that resolve I licked off every drop.
And before you scream "EVERY DROP... THATS GAY". My mom always told me never to waste food. (A/N: So true)
But unfortunately, unlike the videos on the hub. I did not survive and smiled, I dropped dead like someone fired a bullet to my brain. (A/N: Crazy how buddy died from that, me personally that wouldn't happen) (A/N: He got that singularity sperm) (A/N: Poison cum… remember this) (A/N: Skill Issue)
All went black.. but not for long.
I opened my eyes only to see a deep forest. It seems that my cum had made me start to hallucinate. How the fuck do them hoes tank all that cum? (A/N: He got that magical cum)
"Talk about heavenly seed." I said to myself. Now how do I return back to normal…? No one told me this shit had deadlier side-effects than weed.
Wait, am I dreaming or hallucinating because if I am hallucinating then I would probably hit my head again on something in my room. I really hope the cum sent me to sleep.
Well enough about that, I'm curious on how to get out of my situation. I began pondering several different ways to get out. Most of them required dying in this world in painful ways.
Like choking myself, hanging myself or drowning! Starting deforestation and dying along with the trees. (A/N: He think he's the lorax) (A/N: Just slurp up your milk again)
You know that type of stuff.
"Why do I want to get out anyway? Let's see if there is any fun here!" I had long figured out that I was probably having a lucid dream. I hope that something doesn't happen that shocks me too much and wakes me up. (A/N: Does he know?) (A/N: I'M GONNA CUM)
Walking around and seeing all the greenery kind of made me (c)oil up. All of this greenery, trees and bushes were stuff I admittedly hadn't seen in a while. It was one of those moments when you regret what you have been doing in your life.
It isn't a time to reflect on my life but instead to try and have some fun!
Strangest thing about the forest was that there was a path that was seemingly paved by humans. Do people actually come here or is this just another effect of my dream?
Maybe I should stop thinking it is a dream because I'm not surrounded by tits. I'm having such an ass time :( but no ass on me). (A/N: I love ass) (A/N: same) (A/N: Me personally I'd motorboat some juicy ass) (A/N: Ass>tits)
My environment was just one of the mysteries of this place, my creative mind wanted me to think that I was inside a fictional world.
Worlds like Jujutsu Kaisen or Naruto just to name a few, not to mention DC and Marvel but I couldn't be sure because it kind of looked prehistoric. Like medieval times even. (A/N: Guessed the time period of the woods, this mc is a genius!!!) (A/N: he might be the second coming of L) (A/N: He too smort) (A/N: The cum gave him more brain cells)
I had noticed the signs of humans discovering this place or rather a smart species that was decently developed. The sharp crosses and the clean pavement or road were just a few that I could notice. (A/N: Is bro a detective) (A/N: It's dinosaur tracks, obviously)
As much as I loved observing things, I couldn't help but feel bored once again at the lack of action in my life. (A/N: Just jork it again)
"These other isekai characters have it so easy man… and look at poor old me having to be tortured right from the start." I incoherently muttered to myself. (A/N:cry about it, I just saw an mc get Isekaied as a minor villain right when he was getting that antagonist humiliation) (A/N: Tortured? You didn't even have to get birthed)
"In my old world, a good wank would have been enough to make the pain go away but now I don't even have baby oil or lotion." I sighed contemplating the worth of my stay here. (A/N: Diddy is that you?) (A/N: weak a true goon would've done it in the wilderness) (A/N: Oil is weak, doing it dry is the manly way to go)
"I might have to raw chicken it, not going to lie... It's already been 4 hours of painstakingly walking." Talking to myself had become a common thing during these torturous times.
I couldn't do anything about it since I had no screen nor any person to talk to, I was a human being at the core.
"Maybe I should just choke the chicken while thinking of Lana Rhoades" I mutter to myself continuing my endless chatter to myself.
"But to be fair, her child is a group project, I feel sorry for that kid when he grows up." (A/N: Hitomi Tanaka, goat)
I honestly really hope I'm not in some fucked up universe like Warhammer 40k or DC, now that would be a pretty shitty situation, even an Xianxia would be better cuz then at least I'll have the chance to rail some jade beauties. I might even pick a few monster girls on the way too. (A/N: The way I'd kill for some Lamia woman to stick her tongue down my throat is concerning) (A/N: Slime is the way to go, doesn't matter if it's male/female/genderless) (A/N: He will die to the first young master) (A/N: It's Xianxia, just not in the way you would expect)
"Does it matter anyway? There will be some bad bitches in all of them which means more material for me!" (A/N: He getting no bitches) (A/N: Mc: Who wants me? Waifus: Nobody)
Now seriously, I've been walking for what feels like at least 20 minutes in one direction and not a single sign of any fucking civilisation.
All I see are these stupid ass trees that just continue on endlessly. Honestly, I feel like they're judging me everytime I talk to myself, but that may just be my delusions. (A/N: Stick it in em, who's gonna know anyways?)
I wonder what my mom will think of me when she finds out I died by eating my own baby batter. God I hope that a fire has started and got rid of any evidence of my experiment.
"The sad thing is I passed out before I could even register the taste." I sighed in regret. (A/N: I can confirm that it tastes bad at least for me) (A/N: You can?) (A/N: Kinda salty)
I spotted something in the distance "Is that finally some civilization?" I yelled out excitedly.
Yea so spoiler alert it wasn't any kind of civilisation, it was just a dumb fucking shiny rock. It turns out that the time spent not gooning was making me dumber. (A/N: Dumbass)
"What kind of bull-shit is this man… JUST LET ME GOON!!" I yell out in anger and kick the rock with all the will-power I could muster. (A/N: If you don't wanna go raw then just spit on that thang)
"OW FUCK!!" My foot is killing me
"Mmm~ ahhh~" I freeze, taking a moment to register what I just heard. (A/N: My boy is going schizo) (A/N: All in his mind?)
"WHAT THE FUCK!!"
"Who said that?!?"
It was only a few hours later that I realized that because of not gooning for at least 10 times today I was losing my mental capabilities and gaining a few mental disorders. These were the benifits of masturbating that no one talked about. They don't realize how heavenly it truly is to shoot my impregnating juice everywhere.. (A/N: True) (A/N: do you mean cons? I could edit it but idk)
"Or it could just be me being lonely." I kept on reminding myself not to talk out-loud but the constant pain of not being able to jork kept on ringing in my mind.
I wanted to scream, I wanted to cry but I knew that none of this would do me any good. Only masturbating would, I wanted to get out the baby oil or lotion, whip out my big ass dick and start beating that shit. Naughty things deserve a beating.
I have no material but I must goon. If I don't goon in the next ten minutes I will explode. Those were the thoughts in my head. (A/N: Sadly in not the way he wants, a tragedy indeed, he's also kinda weak for not being able to imagine spanking material. Complete loser!)
Instead of panicking and wanting to do it raw, which by the way I will never attempt to do after my dick started to ache for three days straight. It should be a time for me to reflect on my actions and see what I can do to improve on my situation. (A/N: How dare you call yourself a gooner if you can't even do that? Cripple your balls and kowtow to me 10,000,000 times junior!)
Some character development, you know. I should focus on getting food and a warm place to sleep and stay instead.
Maybe even find a nice tree that looks curvy enough. (A/N: We are getting copyright claimed) (A/N: By who? Sticko????) (A/N: The manhwa about fucking a tree)
No, I'm still thinking in that mind-set. Let me rethink how I should name the tree, I'm a gooner, some things deserve to remain innocent. Who knows how old that tree could be? Don't want the allegation to set in.
"These trees are pretty dry so if I use a bit of my brain, I could light a fire using those and stay warm since it is starting to get a bit dark." My brain is finally starting to work. Gooning wasn't going to be the only thing on my mind. (A/N: Just wrap yourself in your scrotum to have a good night's sleep)
I would have to sharpen my survival skills and get out of this place. I would meet new people and learn (A/N: And goon to the people that he will meet) (A/N: True dat)
Now I only need to get a plan and construct a way of living before even thinking of leaving. Then I can enjoy beating that shit medium rareeeeeee…. (He was found dead the next day from not eating for days)
(A/N: these A/N's lowkey ruined my immersion) (A/N: the A/N's are critical to the plot) (AN: We are the product of mc insanity) (A/N: Deal with it!)
END
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The very talented and beautiful authors and editors that participated!!! (lobotomized authors and editors)
Melatonin
Jashane
Ra
Boy of joy
Counter
Spungus
Griffith
Glorious4EyedKing
Flower