Author notes are written by several people so bare with us on that one please. It's mostly written by a certain individual called Melatonin. (A/N: I did some work) (A/N: Group project) The A/Ns are a feature you either love it or hate it.
Discord: discord.gg/hrprteam If you join you might have a chance to write the fic with us.
Biggest lobotomy server… This fic is not for the weak and neither is this server.
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It's been 2 hours since I decided to make a plan to live and I got nothing. Maybe I can make a trap, I thought back to all of the wilderness survival videos I've seen and got nothing.
Absentmindedly I continued walking, regularly checking my pockets to see if a note had appeared like one of those fanfics where a ROB accidentally killed me and decided to transfer my soul into a new body in a new world but so far nothing.
With the sun setting on the horizon, my legs on life support and my mind groggy, I decided to stop and rest my back against a tree. Never had I ever been so exhausted, other than that one time I decided to participate in the tradition known as No Nut November, I fondly remember that night on December 1st. (A/N: Trillions died) (A/N: Reverse Gooning technique has been under work for a long time) (A/N: He lasts through the NNN but cant do 4 hours without gooning)
*Flash Back-
Just as I was reminiscing about the day of Enlightenment, I heard a bush move. Startled, I turned to see a red fox holding a rabbit in its maw run off in another direction.
"FINALLY SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!"
Quickly I decided to follow after it, thinking it would lead me to a river or something else but I just ran and ran, slipping and falling a few times but after 5 minutes, I saw it hop into a hole, likely it's home.
*Insert panting* (A/N: Not gooning made him gay)
"Haah haah, w-why did I do that? What got into me? Was it because I thought it was a magical beast, capable of turning into a Kitsune? Damn it all, I JUST WANT TO GOON ALREADY!!!!"
My voice filled with homicidal rage traveled through the air, rustling leaves and scaring off any bird close enough to hear it but just as I was about to do something I would forever regret, I saw that some of my saliva flew out in that moment, making me pause, eyes wide I muttered.
"Saliva… Lubricant… Should I do it? Wait no, it's unsanitary, I just got done with a 24 hour session before this, plus with the time I've been walking… It should be around 2 days since I last brushed my teeth."
But, I NEED TO GOO- [A/N: (goon)(goon) (thats whats going on in his mind)]
*Random river sounds*
Taken aback by the sound of flowing water, I quickly moved towards it driven by a desire to drink and remain alive. Just a minute's walk away was a river. Excited, I quickly jumped towards it. Crouching down and taking gulps so big, I could be mistaken for a pornstar.
"Aahh~ So refreshing, almost better than cumming to (censored)" (A/N: furries) (femboys) (A/N: We losing viewers with this one.) (A/N: Futas)
Now you would think that I, a modern 17 year old boy would be repulsed by drinking 'unclean' river water, but you would be surprised to find that rather than repulsed, I was actually quite happy. After all, I learned from Classroom Of The Elite that running water is actually safe to drink and besides my immune system has grown strong enough to fight the worst of bacteria. Drinking mere river water is child's play compared to some of the things in my goon cave.
"Now that the water is solved, I need something to fill my stomach. I see a few fish in the river but I'm not confident enough to catch one without injuring myself."
Hmm now let's see, water, food and shelter are the basic of basics when it comes to survival, I can't sleep out in the open and even if I find a cave to sleep in, I can't rest assured knowing that some bear or tiger walks in and turns me into minced meat in the middle of the night. As I was pondering on the issue I took notice of a bird nest above.
"I could climb a tree to observe the surroundings, maybe I'll spot some indication of where I am or at least try to spot something man-made."
Okay, I've decided I'll climb a tree, now you might be wondering how someone who spends all his time indoors has the strength to walk for hours, let alone climb a tree but I'll have you know my gooners are stronger than the man, it takes years upon years of constant training to build the arm strength to goon for hours on end. Oh I still remember the old days when I would wake up with a sore arm.
But I persisted, if my right arm was sore, I'd use my left. I continued even if my Johnson hurt and begged to be put out of its misery, I continued. The cycle of gooning never stopped and at some point, my arms stopped getting sore, my legs stopped cramping and the hours I could goon increased day after day. And on one special day, I awakened to a power beyond what was possible for a normal human, that day was a special one.
December 1st (A/N: I wrote about the day of Enlightenment but I have absolutely no idea about how to continue on with this topic)
The day of Enlightenment, the day I'll remember for the rest of my life. What happened on that day I hear you ask? Well, that's a story for another time. (A/N: Did he discover a new way to goon)
Breaking out of my internal monologue, I decided to get this over with. Walking up to a nearby tree, I first examined it to see if it was wet or had sharp bark.
"Let's see what we're working with here…"
Deciding that it was good enough, I started to climb it. Around 10 meters up, I decided to take a break. Sitting on a thick branch, I looked around for any signs of human civilization.
"Nothing but trees, maybe a little higher"
As I stood up to climb some more, I realized. I'm afraid of heights. Panicked, I reached out to hug the tree trunk but slipped. My vision slowed down as I fell, my hand reaching for the sky. I see a cloud above in the shape of a butt. It was (A/N: Why is he a retard)
"Beautiful…"
*Thwak*
I hit my head on the ground, my vision blurry but my eyes still locked onto that majestic view. I was lucky to have landed on a patch of dirt.
"Damn it, am I going to die..? Here of all places? In the middle of nowhere? Damn it, DAMN IT ALL!!!! NO, I CAN'T DIE, NOT HERE NOT NOW. I HAVEN'T HAD SEX YET, HAVEN'T KNOWN THE FEELING OF A GIRL'S LIPS ON MY COCK. I HAVE SO MUCH TO LIVE FOR, SO MUCH TO GOON STILL, IF I'M DYING IT WOULD EITHER BE BY HAVING MY PELVIS GRINDED TO SHREDS OR GETTING SUFFOCATED BETWEEN A WOMAN'S THICK THIGHS!!! I… Can't… die… here…"
My hand reaching for the horizon, for the future slowly fell onto the ground. For how long I'll be down for, I don't know but what I do know is that I'll survive, no matter the cost, I'll survive. (A/N: Buddy is hoping too much) (A/N: He's dead canonically, everything after this features a new MC) (A/N: I think he has the hallucinogenic cum and is on a trip and this is all in his mind)
My head was starting to ache more and more as the seconds went by, most people would reflect on their life but I've already had several days, though they may not have changed me they showed me what I had to improve on.
I was a man and a little headache wasn't going to put me down, surviving was still a top priority in my books so I would still focus on that.
"First thing is to check where I am," I was a bit experienced in these woods nearby. I wouldn't say I could jot off the places by head since it was still a forest but I had gotten used to this.
My willpower was strong but I couldn't say the same thing about my body. As much as I wanted to stay awake I knew I could not.
"Tsk tsk.. This early already.. You might have been the biggest gooner but you sure weren't the strongest!" a strange voice says to me. I look around seeing darkness before turning my head slightly left and seeing glowing figures. (A/N: WE ARE NOT STALLING ANYMORE TIME FOR SOME LORE AND ACTION!!)
They all kind of looked like spirits with slight humanoid features, every single one of them had a different color and a number plastered onto them where their chest should be.
"We should be thankful since he is going to be the last gooner to ever touch this world,".
I looked at the colors and numbers on them. Guessing from what they were talking about it was probably in order of how much they goon, right?
Red OrangeYellowGreenBluePurple
"Umm sorry to interrupt but what do those numbers mean and why does purple have a dick?" I asked curiously.
"The numbers are in order of when we descended to a certain world or universe. Usually in every important time period the biggest gooner is taken out of the human realm and placed in their own world" the red explained back in a monotone and kind of nerdy voice. (🤓)
I could guess he came from back when slavery was considered a new thing.
"Then what do the colors mean?" I asked back, I had already taken in what he said but I still had a few unanswered questions I wanted.
"You sure do ask a lot of questions for a new-comer!" this time the blue one replied. (A/N:Coomer get it, HAHAHAHAHAHAH)
"They don't mean anything, I guess you could call it the representation of your spirit," the orange one explained back to me.
"The colors represent our abilities.. stop trying to be so cryptic man let the kid have a rest," this time the yellow one replied. (A/N: Question is are they gooning right now)(A/N: They have progressed above normal human levels of gooning, just by the mere thought of gooning they can goon just by their thoughts alone)
I looked at myself, lifting my arm up. I could see a bright white color where my arm was supposed to be.
"Wait a minute… I'm white," I chuckled out.
"Theoretically white is a combination of each of the gooners spirit colors," the green one said.
"Shut up nerd… erm actually ahh loser!" the purple one choked out, laughing at his own joke. He sounded kind of young. Must have been the young gooner.
"Well your gooner level is off the charts… IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!" the blue one said, screaming the last bits of his words.
"Over nine thousand I got that reference" I said back.
"What reference," said blue one
"Forgot you came from 2000 years ago," said the purple one
"Is that a popular thing to masturbate to? Funny enough I never masturbated a lot, I just created something that would help others and thus I was here!" the blue one.
"You might as well call him the odd one out.. The idiot who created lotion but never thought of using it for the right purposes!" the purple one joked.
"A heavenly product indeed… my genius could only take me so far.. Even so let us not stray from the topic. A new gooner has arisen with the ability to take our abilities! What more could we want!" lamented the blue one.
"Before that can you please give me your names, my mind has been spinning just calling you numbers or colors." I said back.
"Helmuth Günther Guddat Hübener, but you can just call me the strongest," the purple one said but I guess I should call him Helmuth.
"Robert chesebrough," Blue said.
"Isaac Newton," Green said.
"Wait what? THE ISAAC NEWTON… WHAT KIND OF FICTIONAL WORLD WERE YOU INSIDE!" I shouted with all my might in surprise. Ain't no way Isaac Newton was gooning while making the laws of gravity and figuring out calculus. (A/N: All might get it heh)
"I'm na-asdcsd‽we3245tygf$" said yellow.
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"It seems you aren't strong enough to hear the rest of us." the red one said in a voice that seemed to radiate aura.
"That's fine anyway, but since you're white and that consists of all the colors you should be able to use the power of at least one of us!" the blue one said.
"And that will be me, my main ability was my regeneration but I wonder if you will be able to tank it. If you can overcome your weakness of doing it raw, our power will become yours. A gooner must be able to thrive in all environments!" purple exclaimed to me
"Until then enjoy what you have, may the gods of gooning be with you." the yellow one said.
"Wait, I still have questions!" I shouted back. I thought there would be more time.
"You are restricting your gooning, maybe if you're able to get through that." the red one explained.
"At least tell me what universe I'm in!" I shouted.
"Remember what you loved edging to the most," Helmuth said.
"Futas? Susan Storm? Futa Susan Storm?" maybe femboys the voices in my head said.
And with that I was sent out back into the forest more confused than reassured.
(A/N: man, the grammar near the end was shit but I don't feel like editing it. Splingo, can you do it? Or anyone for that matter.) (SPLINGO EDIT OUR CHAPTER AND MY LIFE IS YOURS)
End
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
The very talented and beautiful authors and editors that participated!!! (lobotomized authors and editors)
Melatonin (The main author frfr )
Flower (I wrote some stuff :P)
Counter (doing some of the A/N, ideas department)
Jashane (I like turtles)
Boy of joy (shout out to pho)
Honoured_Writer (I'm into men with thick chest hair)
SugmaMaleWriter ( Make sure to goon while reading for true experience. Praise the Kenjussy Bruzzahs)
Glorious4EyedKing (Yeah I carried this chapter, I only wrote the first Dos sentences, Feel free to glaze me)
Griffith (I like kids)