I was in prison.
I was in my room. Everything felt bad. Everything felt gloomy. Nothing was special, just stupid royal decorations and thingies. There was nothing, there was no one except loneliness, except misery, except riches, except hatred. Nothing else.
I sometimes thought What is my life? Why is my life?
What was I made for? (-Billie Eilish)
Since I was one, since I was two, since I was three, since I was four, since I was five, since I was six, since I was seven, since I was eight, and till now, when I am nineteen, my life has never been good. My life has always been miserable. Since my birth, I have been sad.
I cannot go outside, and I cannot talk to anyone else except a few people. Why? Because I am a prince. Prince and the heir to the throne of "Caelum", known as the "Kingdom of Skies."
I never thought that life could be so dark, so cold, so grey, so black and white, so harsh, so hard, so fucked up. Life is a beautiful word; it is a lovely, yet harsh and deep word. Life does not have the same meaning for everyone.
Although I live in riches, I live in the palace, I am a prince, I have everything. I have everything except love, happiness, and freedom.
I don't know how other people live their lives. How do they grow up? How do they live? How do they giggle? How do they cry? How do they die? How are they buried?
I am afraid to grow, I'm afraid to live, I'm afraid to giggle, I'm afraid to cry, I'm afraid to die, I'm afraid to be buried.
It was not me, it's not me, I'm not like that. I was raised to be like that. Completely isolated, completely hidden, and completely secluded. Yes, but now, this is me! Prince and the heir of Caelum, Prince Agnos.
"Your majesty! The king is awaiting your presence at breakfast."
I heard the soft voice of Miss Tilly. She loved me after my mother passed away seven years ago. She is the kindest in the palace. She cares for me and talks with me. No one else gives me that much love. My father does not care about me, and my sister does not care about me. Miss Tilly and another person care about me, whom I don't want to talk about.
"Coming, Miss Tilly!"
I responded as I came back to my room from my balcony, where I've been standing for hours, the same marble on the floor and the same marble pillars on both sides of the balcony, a red sofa made completely from velvet and wood, a few decorations, and fresh flowers. There was nothing else on the whole balcony except loneliness, except riches, except isolation. Sometimes I wished to jump out of the balcony and live a normal life, but then, the thought of dying from jumping down the tall balcony, being captured again by the soldiers, and being punished always stopped me.
Here in Caelum, Giakai, and Okeanos, everyone has special abilities that they are born with. I can create vines. Thorned vines, which I practice twice a week. My father's ability is conducting thunder. It matches him perfectly. My younger sister, Jareth, can create illusions. My late mother had the power to harness wind.
I walked through the corridor to the grand staircase with the same old marble stairs, red carpet, and a few paintings, nothing else except sadness and isolation.
Soon, I was in the dining hall, so large that it could fit five to ten normal houses from our kingdom. Everyone was present at the long dining table, which could host up to a million guests, consisting of a million chairs, candles, and flowers. The dining room also served as a ballroom. I walked to the start of the table where everyone was sitting, eating breakfast. The hall had large box windows that gave a breathtaking view of clouds and blue sky. Touching the clouds was not a dream here in Caelum; we grew up playing with them.
"Agnos!"
I cocked my head towards my father, the king. His thick dark brows were crossed. His dark beard covered his lips, which would be bitten by his teeth with anger.
"I-I was no-, I mean, I am not feeling well today."
I was afraid, afraid to look in his eyes, afraid to bear all the eyes of other people staring into my soul, enjoying me being doomed. I hated people looking at me. It gives me supreme anxiety, fear, and stress. I was telling the truth, my head was hurting so bad that it looked like it could burst out any time.
"Don't be weak! You are the prince and heir to the throne of Caelum. An ordinary headache cannot make you weak. How many times do I have to tell you this? I have tried everything I could, Agnos. You cannot be like that. Understand! Now take your seat."
His face had the same old expression. I don't know why he always reminds me that I am the prince and heir to the throne of Caelum, like I don't know. He doesn't let me live in peace. I know he said those words to make me strong, but I have tried many times, and I just get frightened, and I am weak.
I just took a glass of milk and started drinking it. Finally, my mind felt a bit relieved until Valerius came there. He was the one who looked at me the most.
In fact, he didn't just look at me. He searched. He searched for something lost, deep inside my eyes, deep inside my soul, deep inside my lips, and deep inside my body.