– My life so far –
Outside, the forest has already taken on its yellow colors. I sit here on the windowsill of my room and watch as the wind picks up the leaves that already cover the grass and blows them far away. It feels strange to sit in my empty room... where I have lived for the past twenty-one years. There is nothing left in it. It was empty... just like me.Once more, I looked out at the garden for the last time and let go of my memories here. Then I headed for the door. Grasping the cool doorknob, I stepped over the threshold and closed the white door behind me. I didn't want to look back; I wanted to get as far away from here as possible. Without looking back, I started walking along the wall.
As I descended the stairs, the wood creaked with every step. The lower I got, the worse I felt. Only light spots remained on the wall where the pictures had been. Another family would paint over them. Boxes were lined up everywhere in the apartment.
I leaned against the railing with a sigh, the same railing I used to slide down at least ten times a day as a child. Leaning against it, I stared at the front door and thought about how much had happened since I graduated from high school. The worst memory of this year immediately came to mind.It had only been two weeks since the funeral, but I had already moved on to another chapter. My mother was moving in with her fiancé, but I didn't want to be any further away from my father. The distance between Portland and Montana is huge as it is.
Besides, why would I go? They don't need me there. I never understood why I was needed in his life.
I looked at one of the boxes that was going to be thrown away and saw one of my drawings under the open lid: it depicted my family the one that no longer existed. In my anger, I adjusted my black bag and headed for the door. Turning into the small hallway, I looked at the red patterned carpet as I walked across it.
All I ever wanted was a family, but that proved impossible even in my childhood. I clearly remember that my father walked out this door for the last time more than nine years ago and never came back.
Flower was standing in the doorway, waiting for us to leave for the airport. She stepped out, and I followed her. As I walked down the concrete steps, I looked back at the house of my childhood one last time, knowing it was the last time I would ever see it. I took a deep breath and headed for the car.
"Emma, are you okay?" Flower came up beside me and put her arm around me.
"It's a bit much... but I'm glad I can move away." I hugged her and rested my head on her shoulder. I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
"It'll be okay. I'll follow you, and we'll pick up where we left off." She stroked my head."Come on, you'll miss your flight, and I don't want to listen to Henry saying I want to keep his little sister here in my evil clutches." He pinched my cheek, which made me smile.
I'm really going to miss how he always knows how to cheer me up... how he always protects me from everything. How am I going to survive this alone, as a woman, in that house?
We got in the car. Mom drove us there, even though she knew Flower had a driver's license. I guess she thought I'd change my mind. But I never will. I know she's my mother, but I've had enough. Our relationship hasn't been like mother and daughter for a long time. Every year, I looked forward to summer so I could be with Dad. I only stayed here because of school and Mom. But now I have neither.
Flower and I cried all the way there, and she made me promise to call her every day.
"Just don't forget me," I said.
When my mother stopped at the airport, I saw Henry at the main entrance. I had always been afraid of flying, and he was the best brother: he had come here just so we could go back together on the next flight.
As soon as she got out, my mother rushed over and threw her arms around his neck. Henry didn't appreciate it very much. As soon as the outpouring of affection was over, his attention turned to me.
"Come on, Zsuzsu, let's go home," he said, taking my carry-on bag and my hand, while Flower gently let go of me.
"Write to me when you arrive!" she shouted after me with tears in her eyes.
I also teared up, but I turned away from them with a smile and followed Henry...
...towards another life. Towards a new beginning.
Thank goodness, there were no problems on the flight. Henry sat next to me, which was reassuring, although it didn't help much with my paranoia. We always did the same thing: I used earplugs, listened to soothing music, and fell asleep. Sometimes he woke me up to tell me we had arrived.
One of my drawings made us laugh the whole way: I drew the bald man sitting in front of me as a gorilla, and Henry kept saying that Uncle King Kong must have been modeled after me. But now I didn't feel like doing anything, so I stuck with the music.
I looked out: the sun had already set. The clouds had turned from orange to pink, like cotton candy. I wanted to tell him to look, but he was talking on his phone. I didn't bother him. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I woke up to someone poking my face. As I slowly opened my eyes, I found myself face to face with a grinning Henry.
"I hope you know I took about fifty pictures of you."
"That's wonderful," I rolled my eyes.
"We're landing now. Come on, Sleeping Beauty!" He stood up and reached for my luggage.
It was just one large suitcase: the clothes I was sure I wanted to bring, especially here in the cold climate, and my favorite leather bag. That was all that remained of my life there.When I got out of the plane, it was already dark and much cooler. I hadn't brought a thick coat, so I hurried. Henry parked nearby, and we quickly got into the car. He drove; I didn't have my license yet.
The trip was quiet. I thought about the four summers I had spent with them. Dad and Henry worked long hours at the flower shop. Henry was the delivery man, and I often hung out with him or with Timothy, who worked at the café across from the flower shop. Henry had been his best friend ever since he and his dad moved here. At the end of the day, we would always go over to his place and annoy each other to death. The thought made me smile. Sometimes we went out together, as if he were another brother.
"Are you tired?" Henry asked in the dark.
"A little." I stroked his hand resting on the gearshift, and he stroked my head.
"If you fall asleep, you'll stay in the car," he laughed.
"Hey!" I nudged him.
"I'll take you in, Dad would just get mad anyway," he smiled.
"I'm not heavy," I said, crossing my arms. "At least I'm not 200 pounds like you."
"Me? I'm pure muscle!" he flexed.
I rolled my eyes. I knew I'd be hearing this until the end of the trip.
After half an hour of torture, we arrived in town. It was raining, and the lights sparkled on the wet asphalt. More and more familiar houses appeared in my field of vision.
"I know it's a lot, and it's hard... but I'm glad you're here and not with Mom," he said softly.
"I'm glad too," I smiled.
Dad was already standing at the door when we arrived. He had put on a little weight and always wore his glasses now. As soon as I got out of the car, I started running towards him. He opened his arms and hugged me tightly. I could smell his sweet cologne and cigarettes as a child, it bothered me, but now it calmed me.
"Finally... you're here."
________
The next day, they took me to Lady Bee's flower shop. They were swamped with work. Every day, they made more than thirty bouquets. Not to mention that they also worked at events: they went out to help with decorations, as well as school dances.
Towards the end of the day, Dad changed his clothes and came over to me at the counter.
"If anything happens, call me," he said, giving me a kiss.
"Nothing will happen," I said.
"You always say that. Once I came home and the front yard was on fire.
"That wasn't me!
"I didn't say it was," he laughed and walked out the door.
I was about to read when a sly voice called out:
"Emmaaa!" It was Henry. "Aren't we going to someone's house?" he grinned.
Of course, I knew where he wanted to go... to Timothy's.
"We can't, we promised Dad we'd stay."
"Please!" he pulled the magazine away from me. "Who else would come to buy flowers at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon? And I know you miss each other."
He was right, and we hadn't seen each other in fourteen months. It would have been stupid to put it off any longer.
"Okay," I gave in.
"One, two, coat!" she threw it at me. "And we're closing!" she turned the sign around.
It was windy outside, but I had brought a hat. We walked over to the café.As I entered, the bell rang. Three tables were still occupied, but my favorite booth by the window was empty.
Henry was nervously ringing the bell at the counter.
"You jerk!" Timothy came out. "Don't you know what patience is?!" He slammed the rag on the wooden counter.
The next moment, he was hugging me tightly.
"Little Zsuzsu! My little baby!"
I almost suffocated in his two-meter hug.
"I haven't seen you in so long!" he said.
"I missed you too," I smiled.
Henry, of course, snorted.
"You've never been this happy to see me, I'll replace you with Northen."
"North?" I looked up.
"Our friend. He's like a brother to me. He went abroad two years ago to study, and he came home this year," explained Timi.
"If we meet, I'm sure I'll recognize him," I said, even though I had no idea who he was.
"You'll recognize him?" Henry laughed. "It's impossible not to remember that guy."
"He has a unique style," smiled Timi.
"Well, I'll see how forgettable he is," I shrugged.
At that point, I didn't know what he was really like...
and how unforgettable he was...