The soft beeping of the hospital machines were slowly fading from her awareness, a sound that had accompanied her for over half of her life. Which would sound more impressive is she wasn't only twenty-three, pitifully young to be leaving this world so soon.
But honestly?
Elina had known that this was coming for a while now and was even grateful for the impending end. She was tired of being confined to a hospital room, the same four, sterile white walls staring back at her day and night, unchanging. Confined to a hospital bed, having grown too weak in the past year to even manage a short walk up and down the sometimes bustling hospital corridors.
But most of all, she was tired of being trapped in a body that had become a prison, her mind unable to make her limbs do even the lightest of tasks any more. Oh, she had tried, she had fought with every fiber of her being to stop this disease, to triumph and to live an ordinary life. One like those that millions of people took for granted.
The ability to get out of bed, to cook food, to go to work, to be yelled at be your boss, to fall in love and have a family. Any of those and a million and a one small things besides.
But no, normal was never destined to be her lot in life. Hadn't been since the day the doctor had visited the orphanage for a routine check up for all of the children and had uttered that fatal sentence about her blood work being abnormal. That had led to tests and tests and yet more tests. Only to find out that she had one of the rarest forms of incurable disease.
To be honest, she'd had a better chance of winning the lottery than contracting this disease. As it was, she was only the fifth known case of this particular disease. And the one who had lived the longest. All the others had died before their sixteenth birthday. The fact that she had made it to her twenty-third birthday had made the doctors hopeful that they were on the brink of finding a cure for it.
But she had known the truth. It was nothing more than pure stubbornness and spite. She, Elena Smith, even her name courtesy of the orphanage matron, the girl who had been discarded by first her parents and then the rest of society, refused to die out of pure spite. She had been determined to go on and live a full life, to prove everyone wrong who had looked at her before glancing away hastily, some with scorn and some with pity.
She wasn't weak or pitiful or stupid or lazy or any of the other multiple labels that had been placed on her. She had graduated online high school at fifteen from her hospital ward, back then, she had still been able to move about and even go outside for short bursts of time. Although, the hospital had become her home since she was twelve and the orphanage had signed over her care to the board of directors, citing that they couldn't provide the care that she needed. She had swallowed that pill bitterly in silence, thinking that it didn't care if the only home she had ever known didn't want her, she would prove her value by making a great scientific breakthrough when her disease was cured.
She had graduated college with a double masters at nineteen, although this time it was from her hospital room instead of the ward, no longer having the strength to stroll freely through the halls like she'd used to. No, instead it had become a pained shuffle leaning heavily on a walker. But she had continued to smile brightly as she did, half because it made people uncomfortable to see a sick person looking so unbothered but also to reassure the handful of nurses and the singular doctor that really did care for her.
She did feel a brief pang of regret for the sorrow that those few would feel when she passed. They had worked tirelessly for years helping her to fight against her very own body, to keep her spirits lifted and her well of hope filled when it was perilously low. They also made sure to celebrate every holiday and occasion with her. Sure, it was a little unconventional, but it had filled her with warmth and hope nonetheless.
And here she was, at twenty-three, finally making the contribution to science that she'd always dreamed about. When she passed, her body would be donated to science and maybe they would finally be able to determine what was the root cause of this horrible disease. They had come so close to breakthroughs before, only to be clobbered with disappointment when the disease surged up again.
She did wonder, briefly, who would be responsible for her library of books when she was gone. Although her body had trapped her, her mind had always been free, eager to learn and know more. But not only that, she found herself increasingly fond of fantasy stories. World's where anything and everything could happen. Where limits could be overcome and even the faintest of hopes could banish the dark in the end.
Even trapped in a small bed, she had traversed countless worlds and universes, on all sorts of far flung adventures. She was slightly sad that she wouldn't find out how her latest book ended, although she had been growing weary of the story line. The female lead, although she had every possible advantage at her disposal, was weak. She allowed her friends and family to walk all over her and betray her repeatedly. Even after they had proven to be untrustworthy, she had foolishly given them another chance.
Some would probably consider that sweet, that the female lead was courageous and openhearted, daring to be so open even after being hurt so many times. Elina considered it the height of folly. When someone showed you who they were, believe them, don't think you can change them. Waste of everyone's time. And also, the female lead was so desperate to be loved that she threw away all of her pride and self-respect. If one wanted to be loved, they should start by loving themselves first, simple as that.
She let out a soft snort, barely more than the faintest puff of air. Maybe it was best that she hadn't finished it after all, she probably would've ended up tossing the book across the room at the undoubtedly sappy ending where the female lead's goodness suddenly miraculously changed everything and they all hugged it out and there were rainbows and unicorns and all that crap.
Nah, if something like that had happened to her, she'd be making sure that everyone knew exactly how bad of an idea it was to mess with her or her people. Actions had consequences and all the feel good dormat-ness in the world wouldn't change that.
But such a thing would probably never happen to her. Still, if she should happen to be reborn someday in the distant future, please at least let her be born into a healthy body. All the rest she could take care of herself, rich, poor, lucky or unlucky, didn't matter. She could deal with all of that. Just please don't let her be sickly again.
Then again, her luck had always been simultaneously both extraordinarily good and excruciatingly bad. It would be interesting, if there was anything beyond the silent grave that was her current destination. Still, she was tired, all she wanted was to rest, truly rest.
Letting go of her last thread of consciousness, she heard the faint sound of the heart monitor going flatline before she allowed the waiting darkness to swallow her whole.