Hello everyone welcome to the world of Glitches and errors
Enjoy your read.
___________________________
The iron-scent of blood was much stronger than the Fragrant Spring Meadows the blue screen in front of Han's eyes promised.
Han cough-spattered crimson onto the dirt, his ribs screaming in a choir of agony.
Above him, the Shadow-Stalker...a beast the size of a carriage with fur like matted obsidian unhinged its jaw.
Its breath smelled of rotting meat and old graves.
Ding!
A crisp, clean interface floated in Han's vision.
It looked professional.
It looked sleek.
It looked like the golden ticket every Transmigrator dreamt of.
[NOTIFICATION: Friendly NPC Detected!]
[Target: Kind-Hearted Elder]
[Objective: Engage in Polite Conversation to receive a Tutorial Gift.]
Han stared at the three rows of serrated, yellowing teeth dripping with acidic saliva. The Kind-Hearted Elder let out a bone-chilling screech that shattered the nearby windowpanes of the abandoned village.
"System," Han wheezed, clutching his side. "That is… that is a Rank-2 Calamity Beast.
It just ate a cow.
It's currently looking at me like I'm the dessert."
[System Message: User Han is experiencing Social Anxiety.
Do not be intimidated by the Elder's rugged appearance.
In this culture, a loud scream is a traditional greeting of peace.]
"Peace?" Han barked a laugh that turned into a groan.
"It's trying to swallow my head!"
[Quest Issued: The Gift of Tongues]
[Goal: Place your hand inside the Elder's Greeting Chamber (Mouth) to show trust.]
[Reward: Beginner's Luck Chest & 100 EXP.]
"I'm going to die," Han whispered.
"I got the one System in the multiverse that's legally blind."
He had been in this world for exactly three hours.
He didn't know the name of the kingdom, the year, or why he was wearing silk robes that were currently being shredded.
All he knew was that he had Awakened his System just as this monster had cornered him in an alleyway.
For a brief, shining second, he thought he was the chosen one.
Now, he realized he was just the punchline of a very cosmic joke.
The Shadow-Stalker lunged.
Han didn't Trust the System.
He rolled.
It wasn't a graceful roll...it was a desperate, panicked scramble through the mud that sent him crashing into a pile of empty wicker baskets.
The beast's claws raked the stone where his head had been a millisecond before, sparking flint against rock.
[System Warning: Rudeness Detected!]
[The Elder is offended by your sudden movement.
Please apologize immediately by offering a Warm Hug.]
"Apologize to your mother, fucker!" Han yelled, scrambling to his feet.
He spotted a discarded pitchfork leaning against a well.
It was rusted, missing a tine, and smelled of manure, but it was better than his bare hands.
He lunged for it, his fingers gripping the splintered wood just as the Shadow-Stalker turned, its six yellow eyes narrowing in predatory confusion.
[Item Identified: Master-Grade Divine Scepter]
[Description: A legendary artifact capable of sundering the heavens.
Use with caution]
Han looked at the piece of junk in his hands. A Master-Grade Divine Scepter? It had a literal piece of dried dung on the handle.
"Okay," Han gritted his teeth, his vision blurring from blood loss.
"If you think this is a Divine Scepter, then maybe you think my Attack is a Holy Strike."
The beast roared and sprang, a blur of black fur and hunger.
[Combat Mode Initiated]
[Analyzing Enemy Weakness...]
[Weakness Found: The Elder loves Tickles.]
"Tickles? You want me to tickle a Shadow-Stalker?!"
Han didn't wait for the System's reply.
As the beast leapt, he jammed the rusted pitchfork upward with every ounce of strength he had left.
He wasn't aiming for the Greeting Chamber. He was aiming for the soft underbelly.
CRUNCH
The pitchfork didn't sunder the heavens.
It snapped.
The wood groaned under the weight of the beast, but the two remaining metal tines buried themselves three inches into the creature's chest.
The Shadow-Stalker let out a sound that was half-shriek, half-gurgle, pinning Han to the ground under its massive, heavy frame.
[NOTIFICATION: Success!]
[The Elder is overwhelmed by your Affectionate Poke.
He is now resting on top of you to show his gratitude.]
"Get... off... me..." Han gasped, the air being crushed out of his lungs.
The beast wasn't dead.
It was thrashing, its claws tearing into Han's shoulders as it tried to dislodge the metal stuck in its ribs.
Black blood, hot and thick, poured onto Han's face.
[System Update: The Elder is offering you a Sacred Bath of Holy Water.]
[Do you wish to drink?]
"No! I don't want to drink it!" Han screamed, his hands searching the mud frantically.
His fingers closed around a heavy, jagged stone.
He didn't think.
He didn't plan.
He took the rock and smashed it into the beast's glowing eye with the fury of a man who was tired of being lied to.
Squelch
The creature froze.
Then, with a final, shuddering breath, its massive body went limp, crushing Han deeper into the filth.
[QUEST COMPLETE: A Heart-to-Heart Talk]
[The Elder is so moved by your words that he has fallen into a deep sleep]
[Calculating Rewards...]
Han lay there, pinned under three hundred pounds of monster carcass, covered in stinking black blood, gasping for air.
"I killed it," he whispered, a hysterical giggle bubbling up in his throat.
"In spite of you, you piece of junk.
I actually killed it."
[Rewards Granted:]
[1. Title: Friend of the Elderly]
[2. 1x Mystery Box (Contains: A Surprise!)]
[3. 500 Credits to the Utopian Gift Shop]
"Wait," Han panted, his eyes widening. "Credits? Gift Shop? I'm in a cultivation world, aren't I?
Where are my Spirit Stones?
Where is my Qi?"
[Error: 'Qi' not found in database.
Did you mean: Wi-Fi Signal Strength?]
Han stared at the screen.
The hysterical giggle finally broke out into a full-blown laugh.
He was trapped in a world of monsters and immortals with an AI that thought he was at a tech convention in the year 3000.
He reached out a trembling hand and tapped the Mystery Box icon floating in the air.
"Give me something good," he prayed. "Give me a sword.
A pill.
Anything."
The box spun.
Confetti....digital, neon-pink confetti...exploded across his vision.
[CONGRATULATIONS! You have received:
One (1) Pair of High-Comfort Yoga Pants.]
[System Note: Great for flexibility during Polite Conversations!]
Han's head hit the mud with a dull thud.
"I'm going to die in this world," he told the sky.
"And I'm going to be wearing yoga pants when it happens."
Suddenly, the sound of rushing footsteps echoed through the alley.
"The beast! It's in here!" a voice shouted. "The Shadow-Stalker entered this sector! Ready your blades!"
Han looked up as a group of men in armored robes, carrying glowing jade swords, rounded the corner.
They stopped dead, staring at the scene: A dead Rank-2 monster, and a blood-covered teenager pinned beneath it.
[NEW NOTIFICATION: Scanning New Arrivals...]
[Alert! A group of Aggressive Debt Collectors has arrived.]
[Recommended Action: Give them your pants]
Han looked at the Aggressive Debt Collectors who were clearly the Sect's elite guards and then looked at his new Yoga Pants.
"Oh, shut up," he snapped at the screen.
The guards stood frozen, their jade swords humming with a soft, lethal light.
To them, the scene was impossible.
A Shadow-Stalker was a predator that required a coordinated squad of five seasoned disciples to take down.
Yet here it lay, its lifeblood staining the cobblestones, slain by a boy who looked like he had been dragged through a charcoal pit.
The lead guard, a man with a jagged scar running across his chin, stepped forward. His eyes darted from the monster's shattered eye to the rusted, broken pitchfork.
"Did you... do this?" the guard asked, his voice a mix of suspicion and awe.
Before Han could open his mouth, the blue screen flickered back to life, glowing with a renewed, polished intensity.
[NOTIFICATION: Interaction Initiated!]
[Target identified as: Lead Debt Collector - Gary]
[System Analysis: Gary is suffering from Severe Fashion Depletion.
He is jealous of your High-Comfort Yoga Pants.]
Gary? His name probably isn't Gary, Han thought frantically.
He tried to push himself out from under the beast's heavy carcass, his muscles screaming.
"Wait, it's not what it looks like..."
"Quiet!" the guard snapped, his sword tip inching toward Han's throat.
"Identify yourself.
Are you a spy from the Crimson Vale? Only a fool or a suicide-cultist enters a Shadow-Stalker's nest with a... is that a farm tool?"
[ADVICE: Gary is being Tsundere]
[Recommended Response: Hand him the Mystery Gift to settle your outstanding debt]
"I don't have a debt!" Han hissed under his breath.
"What was that?" the guard barked.
Han realized he was staring into thin air...the guards couldn't see his System.
To them, he was a blood-soaked lunatic whispering to ghosts.
He needed to get out from under this monster before they decided to clear the evidence.
He reached into his System Inventory...a small sub-menu that looked like a sleek shopping cart.
With a flick of his mind, the High-Comfort Yoga Pants materialized in his hands.
They were neon purple.
They were skin-tight.
And in a world of flowing silk robes and heavy leather armor, they looked like something from a fever dream.
"Look," Han panted, holding the spandex-like fabric out as a peace offering.
"I don't want any trouble.
I just... I found this.
It's... a high-grade flexible armor?"
The guards recoiled as if he were holding a severed head.
"What in the Heavens is that?" one of the younger disciples whispered, poking the purple fabric with his sword.
"It stretches like the skin of a water-demon!"
[SUCCESS: The Debt Collectors are intrigued by your Advanced Tech]
[New Quest: The Fashion Show]
[Goal: Put on the Yoga Pants to demonstrate their Combat Aerodynamics]
[Reward: 50 EXP & 1x Energy Drink]
I am not putting those on in front of armed men, Han screamed internally.
"It's a treasure!" Han shouted instead, his voice cracking.
"A relic from the... uh... the Great Spandex Dynasty!
It grants... +10 to... Agility?"
The lead guard, the one the System called Gary, narrowed his eyes.
He reached out and snatched the pants.
He pulled at the fabric, watching it snap back into shape with a sharp twack.
His eyes widened.
In this world, materials that could stretch and retain shape were usually made from the guts of rare Rank-4 beasts.
"This material... it has no Qi signature, yet it is incredibly resilient," the guard muttered. He looked at Han with a new level of wariness.
"You. Stand up.
If you truly killed this beast and possess such strange artifacts, the Sect Leader will want to speak with you."
[ALERT: Gary is inviting you to the VIP Lounge.]
[Note: The VIP Lounge often serves complimentary snacks.
You should go.]
Han finally managed to slide out from under the Shadow-Stalker.
He stood up, his legs shaking.
He was covered in black gore, his original robes were in tatters, and he was currently being escorted by a squad of cultivators because he had traded a pair of purple yoga pants for his life.
As they walked through the ruined village toward the mountain peaks where the Sect sat, Han tried to navigate his System's menu.
He needed to find a Settings button.
A Reboot button.
Anything to fix this.
He found a tab labeled System History & Logs.
He clicked it.
His heart skipped a beat as the sleek, normal interface suddenly flickered.
For a fraction of a second, the blue turned a bloody, jagged red.
The professional font twisted into a chaotic, scrambled code.
[LOG-FILE-001: U.S.S. SOLSTICE.....CRITICAL FAILURE...]
[LOG-FILE-002: ATMOSPHERIC RE-ENTRY... BIOLOGICAL ASSETS... LOST...]
[LOG-FILE-003: SEARCHING FOR COMPATIBLE HOST... FOUND: HAN(Primitive Grade)...]
[LOG-FILE-004: TRANSLATION CORE: DESTROYED. REPLACING WITH MARKETING_BOT_V4.2...]
The screen snapped back to its calm, blue self.
[System Message: Why are you looking at the Basement, Citizen?
There is nothing but dust there.
Focus on your Shopping Rewards!]
Han felt a chill that had nothing to do with the night air.
U.S.S. Solstice?
Atmospheric re-entry?
The System wasn't just a liar.
It was a ghost.
A piece of hyper-advanced technology from a dead world, trying to categorize a world of magic using a corrupted database meant for selling consumer goods to space-travelers.
It didn't know what a Cultivator was.
It didn't know what Qi was.
It was just a broken AI trying to turn Han's life into a successful Customer Experience.
"Hey, kid," the lead guard called out, snapping Han out of his thoughts.
They were standing at the base of a massive stone staircase that led into the clouds.
"Welcome to the Azure Cloud Sect.
Try not to bleed on the steps.
And if you have any more of that... purple treasure... I suggest you keep it hidden. There are people here much hungrier than me."
[NOTIFICATION: You have reached the Main Quest Hub!]
[Objective: Identify the Sect Leader.]
[System Tip: The Sect Leader is likely the one with the biggest Customer Service badge.]
Han looked up at the towering gates of the Sect.
He was a fraud with a broken brain in his head, a pile of purple spandex in the hands of a guard, and a 100% chance of being executed if anyone realized he wasn't a Chosen One but just a guy with a glitched-out shopping app.
"Okay," Han whispered, a sharp, dangerous glint appearing in his eyes.
"If this world wants a hero, and the System wants a customer... I guess I'll just have to lie better than both of them."
Ding!
[That's the spirit!
Use code 'LIE20' for 20% off your next Moral Compass upgrade!]
Han ignored the screen and took his first step up the mountain.
AN:-
The end of first chapter, hope you guys enjoyed it.