They say your life flashes before your eyes moments before you die. What a load of cheap cinematic bullshit.
As Caius, a connoisseur of the "tactical retreat" (or what idiots call "cowardice"), I can tell you the truth: When you're about to die, you don't see happy childhood memories. You just see the ground rushing up to kiss your face at 200 kilometers per hour, and you think of exactly one thing:
Shit, I forgot to clear my browser history.
BOOM!
My body slammed into the ground. Or rather, it ricocheted off a jagged rock outcrop before tumbling like a sack of rotten potatoes down to the bottom of the dark crevice.
"Ugh... my spine..." I muttered, wiggling my fingers to make sure I wasn't a quadriplegic. "Why does Arcadia have so many potholes? Does this cursed world not have a civil planning department?"
I looked around. The place was, in short, a grave. Black rocky walls oozed a sticky substance resembling tar, accompanied by a smell like rotten socks that hadn't been washed since the Ice Age. Far above, the opening of the fissure looked like a tiny, distant star.
I was stuck. But wait... this was actually better than outside. Up there, you had "Heroes" in tight, colorful spandex screaming ridiculous attack names while fighting an army of "Groomed Demons." Yes, demons wearing business suits. The irony was palpable. I'd rather starve to death here in the dark than hear someone scream "Explosive Justice Strike!" one more time.
"Alright, Caius. Plan of action: Lie down, play dead, and wait for the world to end."
I closed my eyes, ready for the nap of the century. But Fate, that sadistic bastard, had other plans.
Boing.
A strange sound. Soft, sticky, and rubbery. I opened one eye. Inches from my nose, there was... a thing.
It looked like a snowball, or maybe a rotten Japanese mochi. A white gelatinous blob the size of a fist, with two wide crimson eyes staring at me with a coldness that didn't match its cute appearance.
"What the hell are you?" I asked the creature.
The blob didn't answer. instead, it jumped. Boing! It landed right on top of my head.
"Hey! Get off, you glob of snot!" I reached up to rip it off, but my hand passed right through it like smoke. Then, the mass froze, turning as hard as steel, fusing to my skull as if it were a part of me.
[Compatible Vessel Found.] [IQ: Low. Ugliness Level: Acceptable. Killability: Excellent.] [Initiating Fusion...]
An arrogant female voice echoed directly inside my skull, a sound that made my teeth grind together.
"Who said that?" I shouted, spinning around like a lunatic. "Get out of my head, you concussion-induced hallucination!"
[Shut up, you ape. I'm trying to recalibrate your pathetic soul settings.]
Before I could retort, the ground shook. Not a little tremor—an earthquake that made gravel rain down like a storm. From the pitch-black darkness at the end of the cave, two eyes appeared. Not normal eyes. Two blue flames the size of a dump truck.
Then came the body. A skeleton of a dragon... no, that wasn't accurate. It was a mountain of bones shaped like a dragon, dripping acidic venom that melted the rocks it touched.
GRAAAAAAAAAH!
The dragon roared, and its breath smelled worse than my love life.
"Oh, crap..." I scrambled back until my spine hit the wall. The thing on my head spoke again, in a tone that sounded like it was enjoying the show.
[That is "Vargas," the Threshold Guardian. Threat Level: Catastrophic. Survival Chance: 0%.]
"Thanks for the valuable intel!" I screamed with hysterical sarcasm. "Do you have an airplane mode button or something?!"
[No. But I do have a restart button.]
"What do you me—"
I didn't finish the sentence. The dragon didn't waste time on drama. It didn't give a villain monologue, and it didn't tell me its plan for world domination. Simply put, it opened its bony jaws and clamped down on me.
The sound of my bones snapping was louder than I expected. I felt its teeth pierce my ribcage, shredding my lungs. The heat, the indescribable pain, the blackness swallowing my consciousness...
I died. I really died.
GASP!
I snapped my eyes open, inhaling violently like a drowning man breaking the surface. I felt my chest. No blood. No holes. I felt my head. The white blob was still there.
I looked around. I was standing on the edge of the rocky crevice. Up top. Before I fell.
"What... what just happened?" I looked down into the dark abyss. The voice in my head laughed. A wicked, soft, terrifying laugh.
[Congratulations, Vessel No. 404. You have activated your unique ability: "Echo of Annihilation."] [Death is not the end for you. It is merely fuel for me.]
White smoke materialized from the blob on my head, forming a miniature figure of a girl with white hair and red eyes, sitting cross-legged on my head with utter insolence.
[My name is Celine. Now, you lazy ape, jump again. The dragon down there is hungry, and I need more "Causality" to restore my full body.]
I blinked in disbelief. "You want me to... commit suicide? Just so a bone dragon can eat me... again?"
Celine smiled, revealing tiny fangs.
[Exactly. And if you refuse, I'll make a migraine look like a massage compared to what I'll do to your brain. Come on, jump!]
I looked at the abyss. Then I looked at the raging battle behind me where the heroes were fighting. Then I looked at the little demoness perched on my head.
"My life... is just one dirty joke, isn't it?"
I took a deep breath. And jumped.