Prologue: The Truck, The God, and The Utter Nonsense
When people die, they expect some kind of dramatic exit.
A flash of light, maybe. A tragic monologue.
But me?
I died because I tripped on my phone charger, fell face-first into my instant ramen, and suffocated.
I wish I was joking.
One second, I was scrolling through "Top 10 Ways to Make Money Without Working," the next - darkness, and the faint taste of soy sauce.
When I opened my eyes again, I was in what looked like a cheap hotel lobby made of clouds. A single desk. A single bell. And behind it, a man wearing a hoodie that said "#GODMODEON."
"Uh… am I dead?" I asked.
"Yep," said the man-god, not looking up from his phone. "Cause of death: idiocy. You're surprisingly high on the leaderboard."
I blinked. "There's… a leaderboard?"
"Oh yeah," he said. "We keep track. Keeps us entertained. You'd be surprised how many mortals choke on mochi."
"…Right."
He finally looked up. His eyes glowed faintly golden, but his expression screamed, 'I haven't slept in 10,000 years and I hate my job.'
"So, standard protocol," he continued. "You get reincarnated in another world. Magic, swords, dragons, capitalism - the usual. You'll be a hero, save the world, blah blah."
"Can I not?" I asked immediately.
He blinked. "Excuse me?"
"I mean… that sounds like effort. Can't I just reincarnate as, like, a cat? Or a decorative vase?"
The god squinted. "You'd rather be a vase than a hero?"
"Depends on the working hours."
He sighed so loudly that thunder echoed somewhere in the distance. "Fine. I'll give you… let's see… one 'special skill' to help you survive. It'll be random."
He snapped his fingers. A small window appeared in front of me like a video game pop-up:
Congratulations! You have acquired: "Master of Procrastination (Passive)"
Description: Allows user to delay any responsibility indefinitely, often with catastrophic results.
"...This is a curse."
"Yeah, kinda," said God, already scrolling on his phone again. "Anyway, good luck, or whatever."
Before I could argue, he flicked his hand, and the world exploded into light.
Chapter 1: Welcome to the Kingdom of Whatever
When I came to, I was lying in a field of flowers under a blue sky. My clothes were tattered, my vision blurry, and my stomach growling.
"Okay… another world. Probably full of magic. Probably full of idiots. Just like Earth."
I sat up and looked around. A medieval town lay in the distance, complete with castle spires, market stalls, and at least three people arguing about taxes.
Classic.
A notification window blinked in my vision:
Quest Received: "Begin Your Hero's Journey!"
Objective: Go to the Guild and Register as an Adventurer.
Reward: 100 EXP + Wooden Sword.
Failure: Eternal poverty.
"…Yeah, I'll do that later."
I flopped back down in the grass.
Hours passed. Clouds drifted. My stomach made noises that could summon demons.
Finally, I heard a voice.
"Excuse me? Are you alive?"
I turned my head lazily. Standing above me was a girl in a white robe, holding a staff, radiating pure main character energy.
"I'm fine," I said. "Just spiritually exhausted."
She frowned. "You've been lying here all day! Do you have a name?"
"Name's Ren. Professional slacker, part-time corpse."
"Ren… are you an adventurer?"
I glanced at my quest log. Still blinking.
"Technically, I'm an unregistered adventurer. I'm… in beta testing."
She tilted her head, confused but polite. "Well, I'm Lila! A priestess from the local church. You should come with me to town - it's dangerous out here!"
"Dangerous?" I asked. "Like monsters?"
"Yes, monsters! And - wait, why are you smiling?"
"Because if I get eaten, I don't have to register."
Her expression dropped. "...You're weird."
"Thank you. I work hard at it."
Before she could reply, a rustling noise came from the bushes nearby.
Out stepped a goblin. Tiny. Green. Wielding a stick like it owed him money.
Lila gasped. "A monster!"
The goblin screeched and charged at me. I didn't move.
Instead, I reached for my menu and clicked 'Procrastinate.'
Skill Activated: Master of Procrastination!
Effect: Delay immediate danger for 10 seconds.
The goblin froze mid-swing. Literally.
Lila stared, wide-eyed. "You stopped it! What magic is that?!"
"Talent," I said, standing up. "Ten seconds, though, so if you could kill it before it resumes, that'd be great."
She did. Easily.
I yawned. "See? Teamwork."
"You didn't do anything!"
"I managed the situation."
As we walked toward the town, Lila kept talking about the world's magic system, the Demon Lord, the prophecy of light -
and I kept thinking about where I could take a nap without being eaten.
And so began my journey.
A lazy man.
A confused priestess.
And a world full of quests I'll definitely… get around to eventually.
"Talent," I said, standing up. "Ten seconds, though, so if you could kill it before it resumes, that'd be great."
She did. Easily.
I yawned. "See? Teamwork."
"You didn't do anything!"
"I managed the situation."
As we walked toward the town, Lila kept talking about the world's magic system, the Demon Lord, the prophecy of light -
and I kept thinking about where I could take a nap without being eaten.
And so began my journey.
A lazy man.
A confused priestess.
And a world full of quests I'll definitely… get around to eventually.
Next Chapter Preview:
Chapter 2 – I Got a Guild Card, But It Requires Effort, So I Lost It Immediately