They said life is fair if you work hard , play nice and keep your nose clean .
They lied .
Or May be I just lied enough to believe them .
My name is Hiro Takahira , thirty years old , company drone , dependable husband , reliable friend and according to every single of co-workers , the model human being .
" If everyone was like Hiro , this office would run like a heaven. " Once my boss told me .
I laughed modestly , thanked him and went back to finishing the report someone had screwed up .
Yeah ,I was that guy . The one who say " Don't worry , I'll handle it . " The one smiles when he's exhausted. The one who let people walk all over him because " it's no big deal . "
The one who claps at wedding , cheers at promotion, and congratulate everyone on their happiness even when his own was rotting quietly in the corner .
You know the type : " The Perfect Man " .
Spoiler ; it's not worth it .
Because perfection , my dear audience is just another word for " useful idiot . "
Minami ,my wife used to tell me ,I was her love . Every morning she'd kiss me on the cheeks , hand me my lunch box , and send me off to work like a picture for some tacky family magazine . She was beautiful, elegant, and always smiling. A goddess in heals , worshipped not only by me but also by every male co-worker who got glimpse of her during company outings.
Lucky bastard , they'd whisper . Hiro really hit the jackpot.
Yech . Lucky me .
It's funny how you loved and lived someone for years and not see cracks . Or May be you just see them and pretend .... they're not like that .
Like igroning the crack in the floor or flickering bulb .Until one day , the whole house collapses on top of you and you're left wondering if you were ever really living in a home or just a stage set waiting to be burn .
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THE FIRST CRACK
Appeared on an ordinary Thursday . I was leaving the office late ----- because of course I was - when I realized I'd forgotten my phone in the conference room .
On the way back , I saw Minami. At least I thought I did . She was standing near the vending machine , her head tilted back in laughter .
And beside her was ... Taro Ishikawa .
My best friend, my brother in everything except blood . The guy I trusted with secrets , I never told anyone else . The guy who stood beside me in my wedding , grinning like an idoit , teeling me how lucky I am .
He was leaning close ,too close , his hand brushes against hers as if it was the most natural thing in the world .
Minami didn't pull away . In fact , she smiled the way she used to smile at me back -- when we were dating .
Before I became husband before her love fade .
I told myself I was overthinking . That's what men do , right ? They gave the benefit of the doubt .
So I walked away . I didn't ask . I didn't confront.
I smiled at her when I got home , kiss her forehead and told her I loved her .
God , what an idiot .
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The Second Crack
Laundry day .
I was sorting through Minami's clothes when I notice something odd ---Lingerie.
Lingerie, I didn't recognize. I mean , I'm not exactly a fashion expert , but I do know what my wife owns . This is new . Expensive , Sexy in a way that screamed not for your husband .
When I asked her about it , she laughed it off .
" A gift from friend . " She said .
A friend .
Right .
Again I let it go.
Because that's what good a husband do .
They trust . They forgive. They bury their doubt unde layers of self sacrifice until my backbone snaps from weight .
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The Third Crack
The one that broke me the most .
I came home early from work , for once .
Thought of surprising Minami with my home cooking dinner . Maybe rekindle some sparks in our fading marriage .
You know like the cheesy protagonist of some K-drama . Expect in those shows , the husband isn't greeted by muffled voices behind the bedroom door .
Voices ....
Her laugh.....
Taro whisper....
My wife low moan that pierced my chest with thousand knives at once or like a acid dipped over my chest .
I froze in the hallway , every instinct screaming at me to open the door to catch them red handed . But I didn't .I stood like a coward , listening .
I'd been to stupid , idiot and too blind to see .
After half an hour ..... When the door finally creaked open , Minami....stepped out , her hair mess , her cheeks , she wearing something that cover nothing , shorter than bikini .
Her cheeks flushed . She forze when she saw me , guilt , flashing her eyes , for the briefest moment before it vanished , replaced by cold stare ..
Taro followed his shirt unbuttoned , his smug expression .
He came closed to me .
" Your Wife sure have , nice breast . I really enjoyed. "
And he left .
I closed my eyes in shame stood there .
Minami said " Hiro - san , I ----
" You don't have to ----
I could control my tears ....
I ran outside and screaming in road and crying loud ..... I ran faster as if I lost my mind.
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We grew distance . We are husband and wife in just papers only .
The day came that ended my whole world , ended me .
Pregnant.
Minami got pregnant with Taro's child .
The conversation that followed wasn't conversation at all : it was a act of betrayal and murdering of my feelings...
Minami spoke about how she never truly felt love , how I was too distant , How Taro was understand her better than me .
Taro just stood nodding there as if he was some noble saviour that rescued her from the scumbag Villian .
But why did you married me , when you felt my love ? ... Distant , I was in the house where you live ,Minami ..... I understand everything , but I choose to trust you .
Me ? I just sat there numb , nodding like an idoit , because what else I can do ? Rave ? Scream ? Hit him ? Hit her ? That's what scumbag would do . And I wasn't a scumbag at all . I was Hiro Takahira ---- the perfect man . The kind man .
So I agreed to divorce . I signed the papers,
I paid alimony. I walked out of the house that
I bought . Leaving behind the life I built with nothing. I gave my wife , my everything.
I smiled even then , Smiled as if it was necessary for my wife and best friend.
And you know , what people said ,
" He's such a good man. "
"What's a gentleman. "
" He handled with dignity. '
Stupid .
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From that day I worked , and keep working .
Not to live but to forget.
I become the ghost in my own life . Eating , Breathing, Sleeping --- all was optional.
The only thing I excelled at was existing .
Every thought was about Minami's smile as she carried Taro's child .
Until the day of wedding .
I went . Call it masochism .
Or call it the final act of fool who don't know when to stop playing the role of kind man .
I stood there in the coward , clapping as Minami walked down the aisle in white .
My chest burned , my vision blurred but I clapped . Because that's what other expected me to do .
I watched everything to the last ... Then , I couldn't hold back my tears , I ran outside clutching my chest ...
And later that night , I collapsed on the wedding door of the hall , alone and cold .
My heart gave out or maybe it's just couldn't stand the humiliation anymore .
As the darkness swallowed me , one thought echoed me ....
I was truly a fool .....
And the perfect man died .