A small person wearing a signature suit of the aviation business students walked into the photo exhibition room that was jointly organized by the Faculty of Communication Arts and the Faculty of Digital Media. Glai chose to come here in the evening because he thought there wouldn't be many people. Like now, he was the only one in the large room full of photos.
His narrow eyes looked at the large sign on the wall. The word 'Nga' on the sign made Glai know the concept of this event. All the photos conveyed shadows. However, there was only one photo that Glai liked the most. He stopped standing at one photo... Glai looked at the full moon that was floating prominently in the gloomy sky. The soft yellow light that hit the sea became a reflection. It seemed like there was another moon in the sea. But in reality, it was only the shadow of the moon.
The moon... there is always one.
Glai smiled slightly before moving his gaze to look at the small, long information sign next to the photo. The photographer was a student in the Faculty of Digital Media, majoring in graphics. And this photo is called...
'Lost in the Moonlight'
He thought that the photographer was quite creative. And very skilled to be able to take such a beautiful photo. Glai doesn't know how good the person who took this picture is, but because of the incident that day, he knew that...
The person who took this picture...was a kind person.
And because of the kindness of the owner of the picture 'Long Ngao Chan'
it made him think back to that day again...
Gun : It's almost 9 pm. Have you reached the shop yet?
glaijai : Turn into the intersection and I'll reach the shop.
Gun : If I don't have to help my mom buy things early in the morning tomorrow, I'll go with you.
glaijai : Don't worry, Gun. After that day when we cleared things up, we think all three of them have improved a lot. You've been here since the beginning.
Gun : They haven't gotten any better, but they're just trying to be nice to you because you have benefits for them. The person who's really nice to you is May, because May is nice to you.
Gun : I know you know who's really nice to you. It's like we said, we want everyone to try to adjust themselves one more time. But if they go back to being the same again, this time we'll stop.
Gun : If they act the same way again You should really stop.
Gun: I understand you.
Gun: I understand that everything is hard for you right now, but I believe that you will get through it.
glaijai: Thank you very much, Gun. Thank you for always being by my side.
Gun: Anyone but you would be crazy.
glaijai: send a sticker
Gun: This cute smiling rabbit sticker really suits you.
glaijai: Gun, I'm almost at the shop. Let's talk later.
Gun: Okay. Take care of yourself.
glaijai: send a sticker
Glai sent a sticker to say goodbye to his best friend who he had known since high school before looking at the meter. He took out his wallet from his pocket to prepare money to pay for the taxi. When he reached his destination, he handed some money to the taxi driver before saying that he didn't need change and got out of the car.
Today, his friends invited him to a bar to celebrate after passing a tough exam period. In fact, Glai didn't really like going to places like this. He didn't like drinking alcohol and didn't like going out at night. However, his relationship with his friends in the group wasn't very good recently. Last week, Glai called everyone to come together to clear up the problems that occurred within the group. After that, everyone tried to adjust to each other. Their relationship has improved.
Glai admits that his lifestyle is quite different from his friends in the group. His friends like to hang out together regularly. Every time his friends invite him, Glai always refuses. But this time, Glai agreed because he wanted his friends to know that he is trying to adjust himself as well.
So that we can get along.
No matter how much he wants to preserve his friends' relationship, Glai still doesn't forget to maintain his own identity. This time, he thinks that adjusting has to be at a point that he can accept. We have to meet each other halfway, like what he is doing now. He chooses to come out to hang out with his friends sometimes. Even though he doesn't go out to drink often, at least he still gets to spend time with his friends in the group, apart from the time they spend together at the university.
This is Glai's way of adjusting.
"Glai, this way..."
And this is probably the way friends adjust.
Glai walked into the shop and nodded in response to his friends in the group who were waving at him. He hurriedly walked to his friends' table. Glai stopped looking at the two empty chairs next to each other.
"Glai, sit down."
May patted the wooden crate chair, inviting Yao to sit down next to her. Glai frowned slightly as he looked at his friends in the group who were sitting. Everyone was here now. There were only two empty chairs left, but he thought it was too many for the number of members. It was normal for Glai to sit down without asking anything.
(fun fact!! do you know may means both mother and the literal month in my native language)
"Glai, what do you want to drink? I'll order it for you..." May asked.
"Do you have any Coke, May?"
"Yes, I do."
"Since you're at a bar, why are you only drinking Coke, Glai?"
Glai, who was pulling his phone out of his pocket, looked up at Thot, the only male friend in the group, whom he wasn't very close to.
"I don't like drinking alcohol."
"Have you ever tried it?"
"I've tried it, but I don't like it."
"Thot... if your friend doesn't want to drink, then don't push him. Why are you insisting?" May said.
"When am I insisting, May? The way you're saying it, it makes me sound like a bad person."
Glai secretly sighed as he looked at Thot and May who were staring at each other relentlessly. The two of them often argued because their opinions were not the same. Even though May was a woman, she never showed any fear of Thot. Before, May often went drinking with New and Orn. However, when Thot joined the group, May chose to drink with her friends from another faculty instead.
There are five people in Glai's group, the members are him, May, New, Orn, and Thot. We are not all close because we just joined the new group at the beginning of the second semester. At first, Glai had two close friends, but his close friend transferred to another faculty instead. So Glai had to find new friends, and many of them had problems with friends transferring faculties because when they entered the aviation business program, there were many rules and regulations to follow. After studying for a year, they realized that it was not what they really liked.
As for those who still liked and continued studying in this program, they had to find almost all new friends. In the first week of the semester, Glai met May first. They were together for a little over a week before meeting New. After that, New brought Orn into the group, followed by Thot.
Their relationship was quite bad when Thot came in. May and Thot often fought because Thot did not take responsibility for his own work. But it was not only Thot who did this. Lately, New and Orn often shied away from work.
The worst thing that he and May could not accept was when all three of them had already taken responsibility for their own work, but when it was almost time to submit the work, they said that they could not do it in time and had to have him and May help with the rest of the work so that they could submit the work on time.
Because of this incident, Glai decided to call everyone to gather to clear up the problem. Glai spoke directly and without beating around the bush that if everyone continued to be irresponsible like this, he could not work with them anymore and they might have to go their separate ways. As for May, she couldn't take it anymore and cursed at them until she almost got into a fight with Thot, but he stopped her. It must have been because all three of them knew that they were in the wrong, so they apologized and asked for another chance.
Glai decided to give his friends a chance to change themselves and he also gave himself a chance to try to adjust to his friend because they had only known each other for a few weeks. Maybe they had spent too little time together. Glai thought that no one liked starting a new relationship many times, even if it was in the form of friends.
Because no one wanted to go back to the beginning when they were already halfway there..
Glai knew this well... that's why he tried to maintain their relationship like this.
"Alright, you guys can argue all you want for now, but once Panlee comes out to sing, no arguing, absolutely!"
"...."
Glai looked at New who was sitting looking at the stage. New had said that he had secretly liked Panlee for several months, but Glai didn't pay much attention to him. He had heard of Panlee before, because during the month and year of the competition, everyone was talking about Panlee. And because his cousin is close friends with MuenFah, who is Panlee's older brother, P'Dom had shared some stories about Panlee with him. P'Dom said that Panlee studies in the Digital Media faculty, majoring in Graphic Design, just like P'Dom and P'MuenFah, but he's in the same year as Glai. Glai knew only this much, but he had never seen the Panlee that his friends were so crazy about.
"Last week... I heard that New asked you to get Panlee's Line for him, right?" May asked in a low voice.
"Yeah... New saw me talking with P'Dom and Phi Fa in front of the faculty. New probably thought I knew Panlee too."
"..."
"So I declined and told him I didn't know Panlee. I didn't dare ask for it."
"Then did New believe you?"
"Glai sighed and thought about New's expression at that time before shaking his head lightly.
"Looks like he didn't believe me."
"Is he crazy? You know his older brother, so does that mean you have to know the younger brother too?"
"..."
"I don't get New's logic."
Glai laughed softly as he looked at May, who was drinking alcohol with a frustrated expression. May liked to speak bluntly, which made her seem like a strong-willed person, but Glai liked it because it showed he could trust that she was straightforward and sincere, saying exactly what she thought.
He shifted his gaze from May to the stage. He felt a little uneasy when New mentioned Panlee. He thought that the real purpose of coming here tonight wasn't just to relax, as his friends initially said. So, Glai asked May to confirm he wasn't overthinking things.
"If Panlee is coming to sing here, then New didn't actually invite everyone to relax and drink, right?"
"I just found out like you, Glai..."
"..."
"At first, I thought we were just here to drink and chat, but it turns out we're here to see Panlee."
Exactly what he had thought. Glai smiled faintly, trying to reassure May, who looked annoyed. Then he said,
"It's okay... just think of it as a way to strengthen relationships."
"New's the only one benefiting. We share the cost of drinks, and on top of that, she gets to meet the person she likes."
Glai laughed softly and scanned the atmosphere in the bar, but then he saw a tall, handsome man walking toward their table. Glai sighed quietly and nudged May's arm lightly.
"I understand the part about following Panlee, but the fact that they invited this guy and didn't tell us? I'm not okay with that."
"Who else did they invite?" May asked. Glai nodded his head toward the new guest who had just arrived at their table. May looked up at the tall man who stopped in front of Thot, their only male friend. He sighed deeply and said with obvious displeasure,
"That guy, Mek."
"..."
Glai glanced at the empty chair beside him. Now, he knew that chair wasn't just a spare one. It was reserved from the start. Mek was Thot's friend from another faculty. Mek had been pursuing him for almost a week, but Glai didn't like him, so he rejected him. Mek, however, didn't give up and kept pursuing him. So, Glai had been avoiding him whenever they met at university.
Glai thought that Mek had the courage to pursue him because he knew Glai liked men. Thot probably told Mek about it because, in the first year, Glai had confessed his feelings to a senior, a man, but was rejected. Many of his friends knew about his confession to the senior, and Glai assumed Thot knew as well.
That's why Mek didn't stop chasing him. But even though Glai liked men...
Not every man could make him fall in love.
"I'm the one who invited Mek because he said Panlee would be singing here. You guys don't mind, do you?"
"How could I mind? I should thank Mek for letting Thot tell me."
"Thot told me that New has liked Panlee for months. Since one of my friends is close to Panlee, I heard that Panlee was coming to sing here... so I quickly asked Thot to tell New."
"Thanks a lot..." New said, before pointing to the empty seat next to him. "Sit down,
Mek. The seat next to Glai."
Mek nodded to New before sitting down next to him.
"..."
Glai didn't look at the person next to him at all. Instead, he focused on New, who was smiling at Mek. The situation now felt like a setup. It seemed like Mek had used Panlee's performance to get close to Glai, and New was willing to do this just to meet the person he liked. Glai didn't like how things felt right now.
It was as if he was being played...
"Glai, come sit here... I want to sit next to Mek,"
May said, grabbing his arm. Glai stood up with May's pull and moved to her seat, while May sat next to Mek instead.
"Why do you want to sit next to Mek?"
"I want to be a mediator too, Thot... But don't worry, I won't make anyone uncomfortable."
"..."
"May, don't overthink it," Orn said.
Glai understood what May was trying to say. It was probably because May spoke so bluntly that Thot was showing his displeasure. Right now, Glai immediately thought of Gun's words. He realized he was wrong... His friends hadn't changed at all.
They were still taking advantage of him...
And didn't care about his feelings.
"I'd rather overthink than not think at all."
"May..." Glai reached out to gently touch May's arm, signalling for her to stop. He didn't want her to argue with everyone because of this. Glai leaned in closer to May and said,
"Wait, I'll handle it."
May sighed deeply, nodding in agreement without saying anything.
"Panlee is here..."
Right now, Glai didn't care about anything else. He was so frustrated that he almost wanted to leave the table, but he was still concerned about May and wanted to talk about Thot inviting Mek without telling anyone. But the loud screams that filled the room made him look toward the stage. Their table was not far from the stage, so he could clearly see the person on it. Glai saw a tall, very fair-skinned man, about 185 cm tall, walking up to the stage. The man had blonde hair styled to show his face, with sharp eyes, a well-defined nose, and cupid's bow lips. Glai thought everything about his face was perfectly in sync with his long, slender features.
This must be...
'Panlee.'
Seeing Panlee in person, Glai wasn't surprised at all that so many people liked him. Not only was he handsome in the typical Thai-Chinese way, but his face always seemed playful, with his sparkling eyes and mischievous smile, which made him even more attractive.
Panlee looked like a flirt.
Very different from Phi Fa...
"Panlee looks handsome in his school uniform, but he's even more handsome in casual clothes."
Glai turned to look at May, who was lifting her glass to take a drink.
"..."
Since Glai had never seen Panlee at university, he didn't know how much better he looked in person. He looked at the person on stage again. Panlee was wearing a short-sleeved shirt with a leaf print. Now, Panlee must be more handsome than when he wore a student uniform like May said....
"Hey guys, I'll be right back. The table in front of me is blocking everything."
"Can't you see Panlee? I think you can see it clearly, New."
"I can see him clearly, but he can't see me. He's completely blocked by the guys in front."
New, who didn't care about anything except her own happiness, got up from the table to stand beside the stage. Glai lowered his eyes to look at the glass of Coke in front of him, thinking that the opportunity he gave her might be wasted.
He never thought that he would have to lose his feelings for his friends again. Glai is sincere to everyone. And he's always ready to adjust himself to his friends. But what he got in return... was really different.
"Today, Phi Not, the regular singer, was busy and couldn't come to sing, so I had to come and sing instead."
"..."
The playful tone of the person on stage helped him get over his bad feeling for a moment. He looked at the tall person who was holding the microphone. His other hand was wrapping the black wire around his hand to reduce the length of the microphone wire.
"It just so happens that the owner of the shop is a close senior, so he forced a lousy singer like me to come and sing for him."
Panlee's words made everyone laugh very well. He didn't look worried or nervous at all. Panlee could joke around with the audience naturally. Glai thought that he must have sung on stage many times because Panlee didn't have any stage fright at all.
"If I don't sing well or make any mistakes...please forgive me, a temporary singer."
When the temporary singer finished his sweet words, the screams started again. Glai thought that it wasn't just New who liked Panlee, but many of the women in the bar liked him the same way.
Glai took his eyes off the stage and looked around to enjoy the atmosphere inside then shop. However, he felt like there was a pair of eyes staring at him. Glai turned to meet the eyes of the sharp eyes for a split second before looking down at the glass of Coke instead.
Mek kept looking at him...
Glai knew that he couldn't avoid Mek's gaze by looking at the Coke glass all the time, so he found a new place to rest his eyes. Glai looked far away, but the best place to rest his eyes would be the stage in front of him.
He saw Panlee smiling and laughing with the bassist. He turned to nod at the drummer behind him before the heavy sound of guitar, drums, and bass started playing. Panlee started with a rock song. Glai thought that the person who always had a smile on his face chose a good song because it was a catchy one that everyone must have heard before.
And when the owner of that mischievous smile started to sing...
"Just by looking into your eyes,
Just by passing by,
Just by being next to me,
Just by hearing your soft voice,
It makes my heart race."
The screaming that Glai thought was already loud became even louder...
"But you made me disappointed, when you told me That there will never be a day when we end up together, all because of my past."
"..."
"Some say I'm that kind of person,
Some say I've done things like this,
They say I'm a bad person,
But you've never even talked to me."
"..."
"In the end, I look bad,
Even though you never bothered to look.
When I challenge you to look,
You already know what I'm like,
From the gossip of others."
This was his first time seeing live music. He didn't expect much, but Panlee did better than expected. He probably didn't know that he made someone who doesn't like rock music like him want to listen to it again and again.
Glai thought that it wasn't just his beautiful singing voice that could attract everyone's attention, but his body movements to the beat of the music and his playful smile were what made Panlee able to captivate the audience.
"It's strange but true that you'd leave me. Because of that, it's strange but true that we judged each other like that."
When the guitarist showed off his solo skills, Panlee pulled the microphone from the stand and walked to stand next to the guitarist. He teased the other person with a smile, intimately, before walking to the front of the stage and starting to sing the next part.
"Some say I'm like that. Some say I've done this before. They say I'm a bad person. But you've never talked to me."
"..."
"In the end, I look bad, even though you never looked. When I challenged you to look, you already know how I am from the gossip of others."
"..."
"In the end, I look bad, even though you never looked. When I challenged you to look, you already know how I am from the gossip of others."
Screams and applause erupted when the impromptu singer finished singing. PanLee smiled widely and raised one hand to wipe his face and neck roughly. Glai thought that he was wiping his sweat before starting to talk to the audience sitting at a table Glai the stage.
Manly man
No handkerchief, no tissue
"Glai, Panlee is the best... he sings such a messy song so well. He's really something."
Glai smiled when she saw May speak with a tone and expression of admiration. Since they had been together, Glai had never seen May like something so much this time.
"Even though I've never seen live music before...but I think PanLee did really well."
"It's really good. I've seen it at many restaurants, Glai, but Panlee is considered good...the band played well. Everything was good."
Glai laughed softly while looking at her friends who kept praising Panlee and the band. May must have been really impressed. However, Glai had to stop smiling immediately when he saw someone smiling at the corner of his mouths while looking at him. Mek laughed when he saw him making a straight face. If May hadn't been sitting in between them, Mek would have found an opportunity to bother him for sure. Because when they met at the university, he would take the liberty of putting his arm around his shoulder, hugging his neck, and holding his hand. Glai expressed his displeasure and scolded him many times, but Mek still did the same thing over and over again.
May and Gun knew how persistent Mek was, so they helped Mek stay away from Glai all the time. Mek would show his displeasure every time his friends blocked him. There were many times when he spoke and behaved badly towards his friends because Glai didn't want his friends to have problems with the other party, so he chose to avoid Mek when they met at the university. The reason Glai didn't like Mek was purely because of his personality.
"Glai... can I have your Line?"
Glai shook his head and refused immediately after hearing that sentence from Mek.
"Glai, won't you try opening your heart to me?"
"I don't like Mek. I've told you many times already."
"Glai has never tried to open your heart to me even once, you know."
"I know well who I should open up to... and who I shouldn't." Glai turned his gaze away from Mek and looked at Thot. He thought it was time to clear this up with everyone.
"And stop pushing Thot's friends onto me. Thot should know that doing this will only make our relationship worse."
"I'm not forcing Mek on you, Glai. Don't misunderstand me," Thot said.
"You're not forcing Mek on him? You invited him without telling Glai, and you all know that Glai doesn't want to meet Mek," May interjected.
"Are you trying to stir things up, May?"
"Am I stirring things up?"
"What are you arguing about again?" New, who had just returned to his table, asked.
"We're friends, so good. Why did you just come to New?"
"You're not allowed to get into trouble while you're sitting at the table. I'm tired of trying to stop you."
Glai sat quietly, scanning his friends one by one. He was extremely angry now because no one seemed to feel guilty at all. Thot still lied and kept making excuses to avoid responsibility. Although Glai didn't like conflicts, he wouldn't let anyone use him or take advantage of him anymore.
"New, Glai is misunderstanding us."
"..."
"Glai thinks that we intentionally invited him to meet Mek from the beginning."
He wasn't misunderstanding... it was exactly as he thought. It's just that everyone was stalling for time to find an excuse.
"Glai, it's not like that. We really did invite you to relax after the exams, like we said. At that time, we hadn't invited Mek yet. But then, Mek happened to hear that Panlee was going to sing at this restaurant... so we changed the place from the original one to this one."
"..."
"And..." New glanced at Thot before continuing, "Thot said that Mek really wanted to meet you, but you've been avoiding him, so Mek asked to come along. Me and Thot... we just..."
"So in the end, everyone still planned for me to meet Mek..."
"If you had just told me from the beginning that Mek was coming, I wouldn't feel so hurt."
"Glai..." May reached out and gently touched his arm. She probably knew he couldn't keep his feelings inside anymore.
"I thought everyone would change, but no..."
"..."
"...I could still forgive the work stuff, but I just can't accept this."
"Glai, you're overreacting. We—"
"Thot, I'm not misunderstanding anything." Glai stared at Thot, not looking away. It was the first time Thot chose to look away. "Once we're done with the two presentations, let's just split up, okay?"
"Glai... You're not going to let something like this destroy our friendship, are you?" New asked.
"You're the one, New... you're the one destroying the friendship, not Glai."
"May, can you stop making things worse?"
"We're the problem... We'll leave ourselves."
Glai turned to look at Mek, the person he always avoided. But from now on, Glai would not run away anymore. Instead, he would say, "Mek, stay here. I think this place is for you. Everyone values your feelings more than mine, so... I'll leave."
He would walk out on his own...
Out to where he truly belonged.
"Glai, we apologize. We're sorry for being too careless." New stuttered and apologized to him.
"Glai... should we go back?"
Glai nodded at May before turning back to look at everyone, who had concerned expressions. "There are still two projects we need to do together... I'll finish them. Don't worry, I won't mix personal issues with work. But I ask that everyone take responsibility for their own part in the work properly."
"Glai, can't you forgive us just one more time? ... We already said we didn't mean to invite Mek from the start."
"But after New invited Mek... did New ever think of telling me that Mek was coming? Or did you intend for me to find out on my own like this?"
"..."
"If I hadn't brought this up, everyone would have just let it slide like nothing happened, right?"
Glai clenched his lips tightly before continuing.
"...My feelingsprobably don't matter as much as what everyone wants, right? Am I right?"
"..."
His friend answered his question by avoiding eye contact. Glai thought that it was a clear answer. He didn't ask his friend to see his feelings as important. He just wanted his friend to think about his feelings. Glai understands that in the real world, everyone must prioritize their own feelings.
But Glai believed that we all should be aware that... in order to make ourselves one of the happy ones, we shouldn't hurt others. Because when we are happy, someone else might be suffering.
Exploiting others makes someone happy. Being exploited makes someone suffer.
Glai knew well that in the real world, it's hard to avoid situations like this. No matter how much we try to avoid them, one day we'll have to face them. And when we do, we should remember the lesson.
Remember that we must protect ourselves from being exploited.
And remember that we will never do this to anyone.
"Don't do this to anyone again. Because if it were someone else, not us, a single
chance... you might never get it."
"..."
Glai turned to look at May, who was watching him. She nodded, signalling him to get up from the table. He reached out and took her hand, standing up with her. May quietly followed him until they reached the front of the restroom. She stopped walking and gently held his arm.
"It's okay..."
Glai nodded. Since May was a bit taller than him, she was able to pull him into a hug easily.
"Hmm..."
"We tried... we did our best, Glai."
"Am I being too harsh, May?"
"Protecting your own feelings may make others think you're being cruel... but don't forget that the person you need to be kind to the most is yourself."
"..."
"Be kind to yourself. Don't let yourself be hurt too often... If people think you're cruel, let them think what they want."
"..."
Glai nodded as May softly rubbed his back to comfort him. He took a deep breath and told himself, "I tried. I've been a good person."
He told himself... just like May said.
He comforted himself... just like he should. May pulled away from the hug and asked, "So, how are you getting home? Did you drive here?"
"I took a taxi..."
"I'll drive you home."
"It's okay, May. I can go back by myself. You should go home quickly... it's already late."
Glai's condo was far from May's house, so if he let her take him home, she would arrive very late.
"But you've been drinking... are you sure you can drive?"
"..."
"Should I drive you and then take a taxi back to my condo?" May laughed before saying, "Glai... I only had two drinks. I can drive back... just as long as I don't run into a checkpoint."
"What will you do if you run into a police checkpoint?"
"Pray... just pray that I won't run into one."
"I'll pray with you."
"Alright... so should we leave together now?"
Beep~
Glai was about to nod in agreement with May when his phone buzzed with a notification. He stopped the conversation and took the phone out of his pocket. The name on the screen made his eyes burn.
"Gun."
Gun always called when Glai was feeling down. Glai swallowed hard and looked up at May, who was waiting for his response. He nodded at her before saying,
"I'll walk you to the parking lot."
"No need, I can go by myself. Do you want to answer the phone first?"
"It's Gun... I'll walk you to your car first and then call him back."
"Gun must be worried... You should answer the call first."
"Hmm..." Glai nodded in agreement and then answered the phone.
Actually, Glai had a reason for not wanting to take the call while he was with May.
(How are you? No one made you uncomfortable, right?)
He didn't want May to see the tears welling up in his eyes when Gun said certain things.
"..."
Certain things that Glai always knew his friend would say.
(I'll stay up with you tonight if you want to talk.)
Like this sentence...
Glai looked down, trying to swallow something that felt heavy in his throat. It seemed May knew he was trying to hide his feelings, so she gently placed her hand on his shoulder to comfort him before speaking in a soft voice.
"Go find a quiet place to talk to Gun first... I'll walk to the car by myself."
Glai, still holding the phone to his ear, said, "I'm worried. Let me walk you to your car."
(You don't have to hang up, I'll be okay.)
"I can go by myself... trust me." May smiled at him and waved.
"Text me when you get home, okay?"
"Okay... drive safely, May."
"Yes..."
Glai watched as May walked out of the restaurant. He sighed deeply before letting tears fall freely, no longer holding them back. Now, only Gun remained. Glai didn't have to pretend to be strong anymore.
(Just like before, huh?)
"Hmm..."
He nodded, even though he knew his friend couldn't see his response. Glai lifted his hand to wipe away the tears that were flowing incessantly. The staff standing near the exit kept glancing at him, so Glai quickly stepped into the restroom. He thought he'd wash his face and then leave the restaurant.
Glai didn't want anyone to think of him as a whiner. Once inside the restroom, Glai sighed with relief, as there was no one else there. He walked over to the sink and spoke to the person on the other end of the line.
"Gun, wait a sec. I'm going to wash my face first."
(You don't need to wash your face, because when you tell me everything, you'll just cry again.)
Glai, standing in front of the sink, froze. He looked up at his reflection in the mirror, thinking that he didn't want to see himself with red, swollen eyes all the time.
(Are you ready to talk to me yet?)
The person who wasn't quite ready closed his eyes before walking into one of the empty restroom stalls. Glai shut the door and locked it tightly. He sat down on the toilet seat, closing the lid, and began to tell Gun everything, tears streaming down his face. As he recounted what had happened, it felt like an old movie was playing on repeat in his mind.
A movie that Glai didn't like to watch much... It was the story of a boy who often encountered insincere friends and was frequently taken advantage of, no matter how cautious he was, no matter how hard he tried to avoid people. He still kept running into situations like this. If he had to pick the saddest scene from this movie, it would be from his final year of high school... Glai had given his all to his friends, hoping that what he received in return was sincerity.
But it wasn't as he thought...
'Glai is good at studying, but he's no good at socializing.'
'Yeah, if not, would he only hang out with us?'
'Sometimes he's so boring, his life has no color, no excitement. All he talks about is studying. I get so sick of it.'
'But he tutors us to get into university.'
'It's probably because we're smart too... If not, we'd still be failing even if he tutored us.'
'I think it's best to only keep him around for studying. If we want a real friend to hang out with, I don't think it would work.'
'Yeah... he just reads all the time. I don't know how Gun can stand it.'
'Gun's probably bored too, but he doesn't dare say anything because Glai's always lending him money.'
'Poor guy... seems like he only has friends who keep him around because of what they can get from him.'
The boy who was the main character in this movie was... GlaiJai Borirat. The conversation between his friends that he overheard two years ago came back to him, along with vivid images in his mind. Glai looked at the gray door in front of him, thinking that the situation now was similar to two years ago. He was sitting alone in a cold restroom again, but the difference was that he didn't have to listen to those hurtful words that had stabbed him before.
Now, there was only silence and his own sobs. Glai paused to catch his breath after finishing his story. He wiped his tears away roughly before taking a deep breath. Every time Glai went through something like this...
He would think...
Cry if you must... but don't cry for too long. You have to smile again as soon as possible. Don't do this for anyone... but for yourself. The life lessons that came his way made Glai a stronger person. No matter how strong he became, today, he still shed tears. That made him realize that no one can be strong all the time.
Glai believed that the strongest people... have cried by themselves before. So, Glai had a phrase that he used to comfort himself when faced with bad situations.
That phrase was: "Some days, the world is cruel to us. Some days, the world is kind to us... In the end, the world is just like this."
(You've left that group already, haven't you, Glai?)
"I've actually already left the group, but I think I'll still have to face them and talk sometimes because there are still two tasks left."
(Once you're done with the tasks, you won't have to see or talk to them anymore... They're so selfish, throwing their work onto you until you couldn't sleep. That's already pretty selfish... but this time, it's the worst.)
"I'm so disappointed, I can't even say anything..."
(Tough, huh?)
"Hm... hug."
Gun's comforting words always made Glai feel better...
(So, are you heading back now?)
"I'm about to... I've stopped crying now."
Creek!
Glai heard the sound of the large door opening. He quickly looked down at the gap between the floor and the door. He saw the shadow of someone walking in the restroom. He quickly ended the call with Gun, intending to head back to his condo.
"Gun, I have to go now. I'll text you when I get in the taxi."
(Okay.)
Glai hung up on his best friend and stood up straight. He put his phone in his pocket and prepared to leave the restroom. However, the sound of footsteps approaching the door made him look down at the gap again. Glai swallowed nervously when he saw the white sneakers of someone standing nearby.
"Is that you, Glai?"
Mek?
"...."
"Is it you, Glai?"
Mek must have recognized his voice. Plus, since Glai had just mentioned Gun's name, Mek knew that Gun was Glai's best friend. Glai didn't answer. He took a step back, but then he jumped in shock when Mek knocked loudly on the door. Actually, Glai thought Mek might have been banging on the door instead.
Bang, bang!
"Glai, I know you're in there."
"..."
"Glai, can you come out and talk to me? ... I want to talk to you."
"..."
"I really like you, Glai... Why don't you try opening your heart to me?"
"..."
"Do you still like Phi Shin?"
At first, Glai thought he wouldn't answer anything. He planned to wait until Mek couldn't stand it anymore and would leave on his own. However, when Mek brought up Brother Chin, Glai wanted to know something he'd been wondering about for a long time. Although he could guess the answer, he still wanted to ask for confirmation.
"How did you know I liked Phi Shin?"
"..."
"..."
"It was Thot who told me... but Glai, don't be mad at him."
It was exactly as Glai had suspected, but he didn't feel angry at Thos because he was used to it. Glai knew very well that Thos wasn't the only one who had shared the story of his confession to Phi Shin and how he was rejected. Many people, almost half of the people in their circle, talked about it casually. Glai had always wondered who was the first person to tell their classmates about it because that person had caused him to be gossiped about for an entire year. But Glai had managed to get through that time.
Now, Glai didn't care anymore. He just wanted to thank those people for making him stronger.
"So, the reason you won't open up to me is because you still like Phi Shin, right?"
"I don't like you because of who you are. It's not because of anyone else."
"..."
"...And I don't like Phi Shin anymore."
That day, Phi Shin looked at Glai with a different expression, asking Glai to stop liking him. Glai had to let go. At first, it was very difficult, but now he had moved on.
"I only see Phi Shin as a brother, just like he sees me as a younger brother."
"Really?"
"Really," because that love had hurt the most... and this answer was the truest one of his life. Glai prayed that he wouldn't fall in love again. He wasn't afraid of being disappointed in love, but he was afraid that his unrequited love might make someone uncomfortable.
"Then, can you come out and talk to me?"
Glai shook his head in refusal. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to face Mek right now.
"Mek, just go back. I don't want to see you right now."
"How long are you going to avoid me, Glai?"
"..."
"Can't we just talk for once?"
The voice from the other side of the door started to grow more forceful. Mek often used this tone with May and Gun. Glai still remembered the angry look Mek would give when he was annoyed.
"..."
Bang!
"Can you stop avoiding me like this?! I really don't like it!"
Glai jumped in shock as the door was slammed hard. Mek spoke with an angry tone, trying to pull the restroom door open. Glai understood that Mek had a quick temper, which is why he was behaving this way. Glai decided to go out and talk to him to end the situation before Mek got even more upset.
Glai reached out to the door latch but then pulled his hand back. He had to admit that he was starting to be afraid of Mek, even though he had never been afraid of him before. Glai thought maybe it was because he was alone in an unfamiliar place. The smell of alcohol, likely from Mek, wafted up to his nose. Glai stopped for a moment, reconsidering.
Ping!
"Glai!"
"I'm not coming out..." Glai said, pulling out his phone from his pocket to call someone. He was sure this person would help him. He quickly scanned the screen, his finger scrolling to find the number.
'P'Dom'
He was about to call his cousin to come pick him up from the restaurant since P'Dom's condo wasn't far from here. However, Glai hadn't called him earlier because he didn't want to trouble him. But now, Glai had to put aside that feeling of hesitation.
Creek!
The sound of the door opening again echoed. Glai looked down at the gap between the floor and the door. He still saw Mek's white sneakers. Mek hadn't moved, so Glai thought someone else had entered, and Mek's silence made him sure that someone else was in the restroom now.
Glai stayed quiet, listening to the sound of running water for a brief moment. He lowered his phone to his side and decided to open the door, figuring that at least there was someone else with him. It wouldn't just be him and Mek. But it seemed that today, the world was being especially cruel to him. Because just as Glai was about to open the door, he heard the footsteps of someone moving away, and he realized he would have to face Mek alone again.
The person was about to leave the restroom. Glai looked at his hand on the door latch. The person must have already left the restroom, and if he opened the door now, Glai would have to face Mek alone.
Bang, bang!
"Come out already... Don't make me get even more frustrated."
"..."
Glai removed his hand from the door latch. He looked at the door, which had been pounded by a large hand repeatedly, making loud noises.
"I told you to come out!"
"Mek, you don't have the right to force me."
"That's right... you don't have the right to force him."
Glai took a step back when he heard an unfamiliar voice. He looked down at the gap between the door and the floor. Now, Glai saw not only Mek's white sneakers but also someone else's black sneakers. He estimated the distance and thought that the person wearing the black sneakers was standing face-to-face with Mek.
The owner of those black sneakers... It must be the person who had just entered the restroom. The person Glai thought had already left.
"Who are you to know what's going on?"
"I don't usually get involved in other people's business... but when I meet someone as capable as you, I can't help it."
"..."
"Turns out, you're the picky type."
"I don't want any trouble with you... Panlee."
Glai looked carefully at the black sneakers again and finally realized... The owner of those sneakers... was Panlee.
"You know me?"
"..."
"Then why don't I know you?"
"..."
"Well, whatever... with your attitude, I wouldn't want to associate with you anyway."
"This bastard!"
"..."
"I'm going to clear things up with my boyfriend. Don't be a busybody!"
Glai frowned before saying, "I'm not Mek's boyfriend. Don't talk nonsense."
"That's it... You're so good at talking nonsense." Panlee said with a laugh. You trying to act tough?"
"Not as tough as you... but I can handle it. Want to go behind the shop?"
"Bastard Lee!"
"If you're thinking of throwing a punch... you better make sure I fall. Because if I don't fall and start fighting back, you won't be able to get up."
Glai swallowed nervously when Panlee's playful tone suddenly turned serious. He guessed that Mek was probably about to punch Panlee, which is why Panlee said that. Glai knew Mek wouldn't back down easily, so he was going to open the door to stop it. He didn't want anyone—whether it was Panlee or anyone else—to get involved because of him.
"Forget about it, you bastard..."
"I won't forget it. Take your uselessness back with you."
Glai stood there blinking in the bathroom. He couldn't believe Mek had backed down so easily, but the white sneakers disappearing from the gap under the door confirmed that Mek really had backed off. Glai took a deep breath and reached for the door latch.
Knock knock.
The soft knock on the door made him freeze. Glai bit his lip and looked at the black sneakers through the gap at the bottom of the door. He wanted to open the door and thank Panlee, but the growing nervousness made him too shy to open it. Glai thought Panlee was different from Mek...
"Is the person inside... okay now?"
Definitely different.
".."
Glai nodded in response, even though he knew Phan Lee couldn't see him. It was all he could do because his nervousness was growing, and it made him unable to speak. His body stiffened, as if it had turned to stone.
"He's gone... you can come out now."
Glai nodded again. Panlee's gentle tone made him feel safe. He was about to open the door, but Glai had to stop himself when he heard the sound of the large door opening.
He silently prayed that it wasn't Mek.
"Lee, it's time to go back... you said you were just washing your hands for a second, but you've snuck off to smoke again, huh?"
"Yeah, I'll follow you out in a sec."
"Okay."
".." Glai sighed in relief when he realized it wasn't Mek.
"I need to go now. Hurry up, before he comes back again."
".." Glai nodded in agreement and glanced down at the black sneakers that had started to move. When they moved out of his line of sight, Glai opened the door.
He peered out at the tall figure opening the large door. As Phan Lee stepped out from the doorway, Glai caught a glimpse of the side of his face. Panlee's face always had a playful smile, but it was soon hidden behind the door as it closed.
Every time Glai thought back to that day, the new movie with the protagonist who owned that playful smile would replay in his mind, instead of the old movie he didn't like. Glai smiled faintly as he looked away from the photograph to read the name of its owner. He thought to himself that maybe he had misunderstood the world a little bit that day. Glai had thought the world was incredibly cruel, but in reality, it wasn't as cruel to him as he thought. Because if the world had been truly cruel, it wouldn't have sent Panlee to help him that day.
And because the world wasn't that cruel, Glai had fallen in love with someone once again—someone he had told himself he wouldn't fall for again. But the world, round and full of both cruelty and kindness at different times, had taught him that... we can be happy, even if all we can do is watch from afar.
Because the one we watch, Affects our hearts... not the distance. After that day, Glai had continued to watch Phan Lee from a distance, keeping a mental picture of his smile, though from afar. But now, it seemed like Glai was getting a little closer to Panlee, because he found himself standing in front of the image of...Panlee.
Or
Sasin Phisut.
Glai knew that "Sasin" meant "moon." He thought Panlee had intentionally made this image connected to his real name, and probably no one else would know that Panlee was referring to "moon" rather than "shadow."
Because how many people would look for the meaning behind someone's name...
...It would probably only be someone like him, who's "in love with the moon,"
who would do so. :)