'Aunt Tim's Curry Rice Shop'
The small person stood, looking at the shop sign on the wall while waiting in line to order food. They shifted their gaze away from the sign when they heard Aunt Tim, the shop owner, calling out in a friendly tone. Glai smiled at Aunt Tim, who was holding a plate of food. Even though Aunt Tim already knew what his favourite dish was, she still waited for a response from him each time. Aunt Tim probably thought he might change his order. But Glai never changed his choice.mHe'd been eating this same dish for months.
"Just the same as usual, dear?" Aunt Tim asked.
"Yes, Aunt."
"Wait for me a moment."
"Sure."
While waiting for Aunt Tim to scoop his favourite dish onto the plate, Glai looked around the shop to see if any other restaurants were open at this time. However, it was just Aunt Tim's shop and a drink stall. Most food stalls didn't open until noon, which was the lunch break for students from almost every faculty. So from noon onward, there would be many more food options, and the cafeteria would be full of people.
But no matter how many other shops were available, whether it was 6 AM or noon, Glai still chose to eat at Aunt Tim's shop. Once he found something he liked, he rarely changed his mind. Unless Aunt Tim closed the shop...
Then he would have to accept it...
"Here you go, fried chicken with a well-done fried egg."
"Thank you, Aunt." The person said as they handed Aunt Tim the exact amount for the meal. He received the plate with pieces of fried chicken and a fried egg on top of the hot rice.
"The chicken dipping sauce is over by the spoons, dear."
"Thanks, Aunt."
The person nodded and set their plate down near the dipping sauce container. As he was spooning some sauce, he heard footsteps behind him. Turning, he saw his close friend.
"Gun, what are you going to eat? Should I order for you?"
"What are you eating?" The tall friend leaned in to look at the person's plate, then shook his head slightly.
"I don't want the same as you. I don't like eating with dry dishes."
Glai chuckled softly, pointing to a large pot in Aunt Tim's shop. "Today, they have clear soup too."
"Then I'll have the soup."
"Okay, I'll order it for you."
"No need, no need. Go sit down. I'll order myself."
The person nodded, walked to a nearby table, and after setting down his plate and bag, went to buy drinks. He bought two bottles of water, one for his friend.
"How much for the water, Glai?"
"Don't worry, I'll pay for it."
"No, how much? Just tell me."
"Two baht," Glai said teasingly.
Gun shot him a glare, then lightly pushed his head. "It's just two baht, don't make a big deal out of it."
"How can I not? I still haven't paid you back for the money I borrowed last month."
"Since when has Gun become the one to overthink things?" Glai teased.
Gun chuckled lightly, looking down at his plate. "I'll pay you back as soon as my salary comes in."
"Gun..." Glai sighed softly and pulled his plate away from his close friend. Gun, who was having his breakfast snatched, looked up at him and immediately pulled the plate back.
"I'm not trying to steal your food. But I'm going to call out the person who's avoiding eye contact... because I think he's feeling guilty, right?"
"It's because I'm already late with paying you back, that's why I feel bad."
"We've been friends for so long, Gun. You should know that I don't mind about this."
"It's because I know how you are that I feel so guilty."
"Gun, what did you use the money for?" The person knew what his friend had used the money for, as Gun had explained it before. Gun furrowed their brow slightly while looking at them. "I used it to pay for my mom's medication, just like I told you."
"Then you don't need to feel guilty or worry about it."
"..."
"And stop working yourself to exhaustion trying to earn the money back. If you get sick too, who will take care of your mom?"
"..."
"Twenty thousand baht isn't a small amount... not for either of us."
"..."
"...And because it's not a small amount, I know it's going to take you a little longer to pay it back." Glai smiled at his close friend again. "Gun, you once told me that you'd be my friend forever."
"Yeah, I'm still saying that now."
"Even if I have no money to my name... I still think those words are worth more than any amount of money in the world."
"..."
"Thank you so much, Gun... You're always there to help me."
"If it weren't for you, I'd be in trouble too."
Glai thought that both of them knew well that friends aren't just important when we need help. True friends are important all the time. A true friend is not someone who can help with everything... not someone who's with us all the time. A true friend is someone who is always ready to give us chances and forgiveness.
"You're being so sweet, I can't eat my food."
"Why can't you eat?"
"I'm full... full of happiness because I have a good friend like you."
Glai laughed, then said, "No matter how full you are, you have to eat. Because if you end up hungry in class, I won't be able to help you."
"You're really cute, you know that?"
"Can we change 'cute' to 'handsome'? I'd like to be handsome for once."
"I think 'cute' suits you better."
Glai smiled before taking a bite of the food, sharing some fried chicken with his close friend. Gun smiled back at him. The look of worry in Gun's eyes had disappeared, and Glai felt happy knowing he'd helped ease his friend's anxiety. Even though Gun still had many things to worry about, at least while they were with each other, the good, grateful person like Gun could rest for a while, even if it was just for a split second.
"Do you want more chicken, Gun?"
"No, I'm good. You go ahead."
Glai nodded and took another piece of fried chicken. Before he could finish chewing the chicken, he stuffed more rice into his mouth. Now Glai was chewing without paying attention to Gun's laughter.
"Your mouth is not that big, you can't shove that much chicken and rice in there."
Glai kept chewing his food, lifting his wrist to show his watch as a way of telling Gun that it was almost time for class. If they didn't hurry, they'd definitely be late. However, Glai didn't expect that while looking at his friend across the table, he would spot someone familiar who had just entered the cafeteria.
A familiar face...
It was probably because he was facing the entrance that seeing someone walk into the cafeteria didn't seem unusual. P'Chin, who he hadn't seen in months, quickly passed by their table. Glai thought that P'Chin hadn't noticed him. Because if P'Chin had seen him... he would've probably walked right out.
"Hey, what are you looking at?" Gun asked.
Glai shook his head, but Gun furrowed his brow in disbelief. Gun turned to lookbehind him and saw P'Chin buying food at Aunt Tim's shop. Glai stared at the tall, handsome man for a moment before lowering his head to eat again. He didn't look with that kind of feeling anymore.
But he looked with the feeling of...
It's been a long time, hasn't it? I wonder how P'Chin is doing. Just as siblings. Because it had been a long time since he had seen P'Chin, encountering him by chance made him reflect on the past...
"Yesterday, you were watching the captain practice basketball. How was it?"
Glai turned to the owner of the voice, who was helping him carry the cooler with cold water to the side of the court. He said, "He's as good as expected for a team captain."
"Even though that wasn't exactly what I asked, with how you're smiling like that, I can guess you had a lot of fun yesterday."
"Who else would understand me better than Gun?"
"I don't think anyone else does... But there's someone else."
"Is it P'Jeab?"
Gun laughed because they knew each other too well. "Yeah... P'Jeab is the one who understands you best. As for me, I'm okay with being second."
"If P'Jeab knew you let her be number one, I'm sure she'd bake some butter cookies to wait for you."
"Next week, I have to do a report at your house. You tell P'Jeab about this too, I want to eat those butter cookies of her again."
"Sure, I'll make sure to pass on every single sentence for you."
"Good job..." Gun said, turning to look at him while carrying the heavy cooler along the basketball court. "You've had a crush on P'Chin since you joined the club, haven't you? Aren't you planning to get to know him better, Glai?"
Thud!
The sound of the cooler hitting the wooden table by the basketball court made the conversation stop. That noise meant that Gun had finished helping him with his backup duties, and the main players who were actually playing on the court had to start their practice.
Next week, their school's basketball team would compete in the finals of the highschool league, so the club supervisor had asked to use the club session for the main players to practice. The backups like Glai and a few younger students from Grade 10 had to wait by the court until the practice was over.
"I've already introduced myself to P'Chin."
"That doesn't count as getting to know him, Glai... That's just introducing yourself to the club members."
Glai smiled faintly. He thought what Gun said was true. The day he stood up and introduced himself to everyone in the basketball club wasn't exactly "getting to know" P'Chin. "Well, I guess that was like getting to know him, Gun."
It wasn't that he hadn't tried to get closer to the person he liked, but after several attempts, Glai realized that he wasn't memorable to P'Chin at all. So he thought...watching P'Chin from the sidelines was probably the best.
The event that made Glai feel this way was... he and a few other younger backup players had the task of pouring water from the cooler into cups and serving the athletes during their break. Glai would always bring water to P'Chin. The first week when he brought water to P'Chin:
"Thanks."
"Y-You're welcome."
"What's your name again?"
"It's Glai. My name is Glai."
"Thanks, Glai."
Glai was so happy to talk to P'Chin, even if it was just a short conversation. Some people might not have been as happy, considering they had been in the same club for almost a month, and P'Chin was only now asking for his name. But Glai felt that even if P'Chin just remembered his name, that was already a success. Then came the second week.
Glai remembered that he brought water to P'Chin again. P'Chin smiled at him and said, "Thanks." It was the same sentence, so Glai smiled, thinking the second sentence would be the same too.
P'Chin probably remembered his name by now because he had just told him last week.
"Thanks, I'm... I'm sorry. I think your name is Im?" P'Chin furrowed his brows slightly, looking at him. "Or not? Did I get your name wrong?"
"... I'm Glai."
Im was the name of another backup player, and as far as Glai remembered, Im had never brought water to P'Chin. Hearing his name confused with someone else's made Glai a little sad, but it didn't discourage him. The next week, he quickly showed up at the club session, bringing the cooler with his junior. He filled cups of water, waiting for P'Chin just like usual.
The third week...
Glai didn't expect much.
He had heard the saying, "Don't expect, and you won't be disappointed."
"Thanks..." P'Chin stared at him with a serious expression. "What's wrong with me?
Why can't I ever remember your name?"
"..."
"I only remember you as Gun's friend... Let me ask you one last time, and I won't forget it next time."
This time... Glai wasn't disappointed.
"My name is Glai."
But that was just in his thoughts, not his feelings. Because thoughts could be controlled. But feelings... no one could control them. And that's why Glai thought... it was best to just do his job well and watch P'Chin from the sidelines.
Glai shook off the thoughts reminding him not to hope too much and turned to his best friend, who was standing with his hands on his hips, watching him.
"Should I introduce you to P'Chin properly?"
Up until now, his best friend had tried everything to get Glai to know P'Chin, but Glai still thought, "I think this is fine."
"I think it'd be better if you got to know him and talked to him more, Glai... In a few months, P'Chin will graduate."
"..."
"I'm just saying, you're wasting time watching him from the sidelines without even talking to him."
"But I've already talked to P'Chin... And the result is..."
"It was just when you gave him water. I've been watching. P'Chin talks to you for a couple of sentences, then goes back to practicing. You're too shy to continue the conversation."
"..."
"I know you don't want to date P'Chin... you're just happy to have a secret crush on him."
"Yeah, I think I'm just happy secretly liking him."
"But it'll be even better if you can get closer."
"..."
"P'Chin doesn't know you like him. Trust me."
"I'll try to get to know P'Chin seriously again."
"That's the spirit, buddy!" Gun clapped Glai on the shoulder lightly, then ran off to the court when the coach blew the whistle to start practice. Glai nodded to encourage himself, then walked back to the long table next to the cooler. While he sat there watching the seniors and his friends practice, Glai saw a younger girl from another club come to cheer for P'Chin, who was fighting for the basketball. At that moment, Glai wasn't surprised that P'Chin couldn't remember his name in just a few weeks, because so many people were approaching P'Chin.
Glai probably had to stop thinking too much and forgive someone as popular as P'Chin for not remembering his name. While Glai had many thoughts running through his mind, he was watching the players on the court when he accidentally met the eyes of the tallest player in the field. His heart skipped a beat, and he quickly looked away as soon as he realized that P'Chin was looking at him. Glai believed that P'Chin hadn't meant to look at him, but the unintentional gaze made Glai's heart race, and his blood surged, making him feel hot all over. Sitting next to the cooler, Glai grabbed a plastic cup of water and filled it with cold water to cool himself down, but he thought that even a thousand liters of cold water couldn't stop the heat inside him.
Glai believed... only someone with a secret crush could understand this feeling. After the club session ended, the juniors who were the reserve asked if they could take the cooler to store it in the storage room, in exchange for collecting the dozens of basketballs. Since Glai didn't have a tutoring session or any errands to run, he agreed to swap duties with the juniors
"Let me help you."
Glai was kneeling down to pick up a brown basketball when he looked up and saw his best friend, who was preparing to leave, smiling at him.
"Your mom's selling sweets at the market today, right, Gun?"
"Yeah, I'll help you collect the balls and then head to the market."
"You don't have to. I can do it alone. Go ahead... You'll be the only one to help your mom set up the stall."
"I already told her I'll be a bit late," Gun said as he walked toward the ball cart.
"Go ahead, Gun. Trust me. It's Friday today, so traffic will be really bad. And you're taking the bus. If you leave any later, your mom will have to carry everything herself."
Gun sighed deeply before saying, "No one knows my weaknesses as well as you, and you love using it to push me around! You little devil!"
Glai laughed and started putting the basketballs into the cart. "I'm not pushing you, Gun. I'm just telling the truth."
"..."
"Hurry up. Your mom is waiting."
"I'll help you with a few more balls."
"No need! Go ahead!" Glai said, gently pushing his best friend.
"Okay, okay."
Glai waved as Gun smiled at him and ran out of the gym. He glanced around and found himself alone on the large court. He quickly began collecting the scattered basketballs because he wanted to go home too. Just then, he heard footsteps from someone entering the court. He assumed it was
Gun coming back to help, as Gun always felt guilty leaving him alone. But the person who appeared in front of him made Glai almost stop breathing.
Thud, thud, thud.
The sound wasn't from his heart racing, but from the basketball slipping from his hands and bouncing on the floor, matching the rhythm of his heartbeat.
"P-P-P'Chin?"
"Where did everyone go?" P'Chin asked.
"Uh..." As the conversation started seriously, Glai found himself at a loss for words.
"Everyone has already gone home."
"Then you're the only one left to collect the balls?" P'Chin asked.
Glai...
P'Chin had remembered his name.
"Yeah, but there are just a few left," Glai replied.
"Then let me help. We can finish faster."
"Y-Yes, please."
Glai watched as the basketball he had dropped rolled to P'Chin's feet. P'Chin looked at it before bending down to pick it up and stand tall once more.
"Since you joined the club... have you ever played basketball?"
"I have, but I can't really catch the ball. There was one time when I almost caught it, but I missed and the basketball hit my face, causing a nosebleed. The coach told me to just watch, and let the others go ahead. He said he'd find time to teach me later."
P'Chin laughed before saying, "I guess you don't like sports. Am I right?"
"You're right, P'Chin. I don't really like sports."
"Then why did you choose to join this club?"
"Well, last year I was in the art club. I really liked art and I was pretty good at it. This year, I wanted to try something different. I wanted to see if I could do well in something I don't like and feel like I'm not really good at...," Glai paused and then laughed quietly. "But the result just confirms that next year I should go back to the art club."
P'Chin laughed. He stepped a little closer to Glai and said, "It seems like you don't have any good memories in this club. So, before you go back to the art club next year, could I help you create some good memories here?"
Glai wanted something more in his world than just a brown-orange basketball and a cooler. So he nodded without thinking. He didn't know what made P'Chin remember his name or what made P'Chin approach him first, but there were only a few months left before P'Chin graduated, and Glai didn't want to think too much about it.
Maybe P'Chin felt guilty for not remembering his name. Once he remembered it, he probably wanted to get to know Glai. Or maybe it was because Gun introduced Glai to P'Chin. But whatever the reason, right now, Glai's heart was swelling with happiness.
"Have you ever tried shooting a basketball?"
"I have, but I've never made a shot."
P'Chin, who was holding that basketball, laughed before walking behind Glai. Glai bit his lip when he felt P'Chin move closer. P'Chin handed the basketball to him from behind. Glai used both of his hands, wet with sweat, to catch the ball.
"Bend down a little more, Glai. Don't tense up."
"Okay."
"Now, look at the hoop, aim well, and use your hands to send the ball up."
Glai followed the captain's instructions, but just as he was about to throw the ball, P'Chin's large hand moved to gently guide both of his hands.
"..."
"Keep the ball aligned with the hoop."
"Okay, P'Chin."
"I'll help a little..." P'Chin said, before putting some effort into pushing the ball in
Glai's hands to send it flying through the air.
"..."
Thud, thud, thud.
The sound wasn't from Glai's heartbeat, as it usually was. It was the sound of the same basketball bouncing off the rim and missing the hoop. But Glai didn't feel bad at all for not scoring. In fact, he felt a joy he couldn't quite explain...
"First time trying, huh? That's how it is. I'll teach you more next week."
Glai turned to look at the person behind him. "Thank you, P'Chin."
"No, I should be thanking you, Glai, for letting me create good memories for you." After that conversation, Glai and P'Chin continued talking and quickly became close friends. Even Gun was surprised by how fast they got along. Normally, they would only meet on club days, but recently, just before finals, P'Chin would sit and eat lunch with him.
"I'll go ahead, Glai. The chemistry teacher likes us to be in class fifteen minutes early."
"Okay, don't run, P'Chin. You just ate a full meal. You'll feel bloated."
"Okay," P'Chin replied, before standing up to leave.
"Glai... Can you think about this question and answer from your own perspective?"
Gun started as soon as P'Chin left. He looked at Glai with a serious expression. "Do you think P'Chin likes you?"
"N-No, that's not it."
"Then what's the reason P'Chin leaves his group of friends to come sit and eat with you? And it's strange, because I didn't introduce you to P'Chin, yet he came to get to know you himself... When you're sitting by the court during club time, P'Chin always sits and talks with you. Some of his friends tease him that he's too close to you." Gun lightly tapped the table before continuing, "I'm sure P'Chin likes you."
"But I've heard that P'Chin likes girls."
"Yeah, P'Chin's friends talked about how he dated a girl from another school for a while and then broke up... That was back when P'Chin was in grade 11. You hadn't joined the basketball club yet, you were still drawing in the art club."
"Back then, I didn't even realize that I liked..."
"Exactly. You didn't realize that you liked a guy, until you met P'Chin in the basketball club... See, Glai? Everything can change. Maybe P'Chin is just figuring out his feelings, just like you."
"...P'Chin's actions and words do seem to suggest that, but I don't want to assume too much. Right now, just talking and seeing each other every day is already good enough. I don't dare hope for anything more."
"If you're not brave enough to hope, then you have to let the other person do the hoping," Gun said with a mischievous smile.
"Gun, what do you mean when you smile like that?"
"It means... if P'Chin likes you, he has to want more than just a senior-junior
relationship with you."
"..."
"One day, he'll confess his feelings to you."
Glai chuckled softly and shook his head. He wanted Gun to secretly fall in love with someone, so that he'd understand how difficult it is to confess love to someone you've secretly liked. Confessing love isn't as easy as the physics exam that our friends say is so hard they want to jump into the water to escape it.
"Confessing love isn't that easy, Gun."
Gun frowned as he looked at Glai. "True... otherwise everyone in the world would have their love answered."
And because it isn't easy, Glai hadn't confessed to P'Chin yet, even though P'Chin had already graduated and was having a celebration at school. He had thought about confessing many times, but the courage he had was always suppressed by one important reason.
That reason was, if their feelings weren't mutual, at best, they could return to being like brother and sister.
At worst... he might lose P'Chin altogether.
Glai now understood that he wasn't ready to lose P'Chin. His heart couldn't bear it if their relationship had to end, even if it was just a senior-junior relationship. But for someone like him, who was secretly in love, it meant so much that he didn't want to lose it.
Today, Glai had brought a gift for P'Chin to congratulate him on graduating. He had hired an artist to paint a portrait of P'Chin and had it framed beautifully. Glai was waiting at the basketball court because P'Chin had told him he wanted to talk privately. Once he finished taking pictures with the other juniors, he'd come find Glai.
"Glai..."
Glai, who had been looking at the painting, looked up when he heard the familiar voice. He smiled as he looked at the person in front of him, who looked like he had stepped out of a painting.
"..."
"Did you wait long?"
"Not too long."
P'Chin walked up and stopped in front of him before saying, "I graduated today... Do you have something to tell me?"
"Well... Yes," Glai wanted to tell P'Chin many things, but because his fear outweighed his courage, the truth was hidden. Today, all he could say was... "Congratulations, P'Chin."
P'Chin smiled faintly before continuing, "Thank you, Glai."
"You're welcome... I also brought something for you, P'Chin." Glai said as he handed the painting to him. P'Chin took it and smiled widely.
"Did you paint this yourself?"
"No, I hired someone to paint it. My skills aren't good enough for this. If I painted it for you, I don't think you'd be smiling like this."
P'Chin laughed and moved a little closer to Glai. "Can I hug you?"
0_0
Glai's eyes widened when the tall figure pulled him into an embrace. He had never imagined that he'd receive such warmth from P'Chin. Now, he didn't know how to react—whether to hug back or just stand still and let P'Chin continue the hug.
"Thank you for letting me create good memories for you, Glai, during the time we had left."
Glai wanted to thank P'Chin too. Slowly, he raised both arms, preparing to hug him back. But P'Chin loosened his embrace before Glai could do so. He quickly retracted his arms and kept them by his sides.
"Is there anything else you want to tell me, Glai?"
There was. Glai liked P'Chin... so much that it had turned into love. But all Glai could say was, "I hope you'll be happy at university, P'Chin."
P'Chin's face looked a little confused before he said, "Thank you again, Glai."
"You're welcome, P'Chin."
P'Chin's confused look left Glai with a question in his mind. He didn't know what P'Chin was trying to convey with that uncertain gaze. But Glai couldn't predict the other person's feelings, just like how P'Chin couldn't read his heart. Because if they knew each other's true feelings, Glai would have had his answer long ago. Now that Glai had graduated from high school, he and P'Chin were still in touch, even though they didn't talk or meet every day like before. But they never lost contact for long.
However, Glai thought that next month, they'd probably see each other every day again, because Glai had decided to study in the same faculty and university as P'Chin, though in a different department. The reason Glai chose this faculty and university wasn't because of P'Chin, but because he had learned about their courses at the university's open house and also asked P'Chin for advice. After considering, Glai thought this university had a good enough curriculum, so he decided to study there. He didn't know if it was life's coincidence or fate, but he was going to be close to P'Chin again.
Glai picked up his phone and checked the last message he had sent P'Chin the previous week. His message had been read, but there was no reply. Glai didn't feel hurt or angry at P'Chin because P'Chin had said he was busy lately. Glai typed a message to P'Chin again, not expecting a reply. He just wanted P'Chin to know that he'd be a junior in the same faculty and hoped they'd see each other often again.
"P'Chin, I've decided to study in the Faculty of Arts."
His message was read quickly, and this time there was a reply.
Chin: "Which university, Glai?"
Glaijai: I'm studying at the same university as you, P'Chin.
Chin: Really?
Glaijai: Yes, really.
Chin: That's great! We'll be able to see each other more often.
Glaijai smiled widely, his heart swelling when he realized P'Chin also wanted to meet him more often.
Glaijai: But I chose to study in the aviation business field, like I mentioned before.
Chin: It's best to choose a field that you're interested in because that way, you won't get tired of it easily.
Glaijai: I've thought about it a lot, and I like this field the most. No matter how
difficult it is, I'm not someone who gives up easily.
Chin: That's great!
Glaijai: Gun is studying at the same university as us too. But he chose to study in the Faculty of Business Administration.
Chin: Oh, Gun's smart. He could probably study anything.
Chin: If I haven't replied to your messages lately, I'm sorry. I've been busy with some family matters.
Glaijai: It's okay, P'Chin.
Chin: Well, I have to go now, Glai. I need to drive my mom somewhere.
Glaijai: Okay, safe travels, P'Chin.
Chin: Thanks.
Chin: I'll see you at the freshman orientation.
After that day they talked, Glai counted the days and waited for the day he had been looking forward to. The day finally came. He sat at the freshman orientation booth of the Faculty of Arts. He watched the second-year seniors explain the schedule and activities. Then, he secretly looked at the tall figure standing with his arms crossed. P'Chin turned to meet his gaze for a moment before a smile broke out across his face.
Glai felt his entire body heat up, and it gathered at his cheeks. He quickly turned his face away and rubbed his ears. He guessed that his ears were probably redder thanhis cheeks. It always happens like this when he gets embarrassed...
He doesn't get a red face like everyone else. But his ears always turn bright red.
'Hey, Chin, who are you smiling at?'
Glai immediately looked up when he heard a senior ask.
'Nah...'
'Which junior made Chin smile?'
He lowered his head, avoiding the senior's gaze after hearing this question.
'Is it that one? ...Look at his face turning red.'
'Yeah, that one for sure. Come out here!'
A senior pointed at Glai, and someone else teased him.
'Don't mess with the junior.'
Glai blushed again and secretly smiled when he heard someone defending him. And, of course, that person was... P'Chin.
'Definitely that one. Chin is protecting him.'
'Glai was my junior in school.'
'In that case, you're going to be given a hard time at the orientation.'
'Yeah, come out and dance the grilled chicken song.'
'Chin, take your junior from school out here.'
As soon as the senior finished talking, P'Chin walked over, stopped in front of him, and offered his hand. Glai smiled and reached out his hand to him. He stood up, tall, and walked past the other students sitting on the ground. Glai bowed his head in thanks to everyone who made way for them. Because he was busy doing that, he took slow steps. P'Chin turned back, holding his hand more tightly.
Right now, Glai's heart was beating so fast, it almost felt like it would fall to the ground. P'Chin stopped in front of a group of over a hundred students, all staring at him. Glai took a deep breath to calm his nerves, but when P'Chin's large hand gently touched his head, all of his nervousness melted away. He turned to look at P'Chin, who was standing next to him, and saw P'Chin smile at him before taking his hand off.
'You even patted his head, Chin?'
'Don't tease me.'
When P'Chin's friends teased him, Glai felt shy. But when P'Chin spoke like that... it only made him feel even more embarrassed.
'At first, I was going to make you dance the grilled chicken song, but I was worried you'd think I was being cruel by not giving you a choice.'
'...'
'So I'll let you choose between the grilled chicken song or the hippopotamus dance. Which one do you want to dance to?'
Glai looked at P'Chin standing next to him, 'Uh...?'
'I'll have Chin dance with you so you won't feel too embarrassed.'
'Hey! I'm not dancing!'
'Come on, Chin, do it for your junior. It's not hard... Help him out, won't you?'
Glai was about to tell P'Chin not to dance with him because he knew P'Chin didn't like doing things like that, but P'Chin smiled lightly, looked at him, and said:
'Okay, I'll dance with you. Which song do you want to do?'
Because P'Chin didn't seem to be forcing himself, Glai decided, 'I'll dance the grilled chicken song.'
'Glai wants to dance the grilled chicken song. Man, go grab the drums.'
'Got it!'
'Everyone, help out and sing the song with us!'
Glai lifted both his arms to prepare for the grilled chicken dance. He tried to reduce his embarrassment by telling himself, 'It's just a chicken on a skewer being grilled.It's not hard. I can do it.' But the embarrassment he felt was overwhelming. He couldn't shake it off.
Right now, his limbs were stiff, and the drumming was getting faster, encouraging everyone to sing the grilled chicken song enthusiastically. Unlike the others who were dancing along, Glai was still standing awkwardly, moving his arms and legs clumsily.
'Glai...'
Glai shifted his gaze away from the students in front of him and turned to follow the voice calling him. 'Y-Yes, P'Chin?'
'Don't look at anyone else... just look at me.'
Glai nodded and looked at P'Chin, who was dancing the grilled chicken song with all his energy, smiling at him. Glai could see his own reflection in P'Chin's eyes, which made his heart feel warm.
Now... Glai could dance the grilled chicken song. He had become the happiest chicken. Not the awkward chicken flapping its wings anymore.
'Thank you, P'Chin.'
Glai tried to speak loudly over the drumbeats and the singing of his friends, but it seemed P'Chin didn't hear him. P'Chin leaned closer, still dancing.
'What did you say?'
We've never been this close...
'Th-thank you, P'Chin.'
P'Chin smiled and reached out to pat his head. 'It's nothing... I'd do anything for you, Glai.'
Glai's heart was beating so loudly right now... it drowned out the sound of the drums.
...
After the freshman orientation activities were over, they started regular classes, unlike other faculties that were still holding orientation events, like Gun's faculty, which would continue for another month. Gun had time to meet only during lunch breaks. However, that evening, Gun was free to hang out with Glai since the midterm exams were coming up, and the seniors had paused the orientation activities until after the exams.
Glai stood waiting for Gun outside the Faculty of Business Administration. He had made plans to meet P'Chin at the steakhouse near the university because P'Chin had promised to bring his old midterm exam summaries from his first year. Last week, Glai overheard P'Chin talking about missing Gun, so he invited his close friend to join them for steak.
Glai... have you been waiting long?'
'Not long~'
'Let's hurry. P'Chin will be waiting.'
'P'Chin called me earlier and said he'd be a little late. The traffic's really bad.'
'Doesn't P'Chin have class today?'
'Yeah, he's off today.'
'Even though it's his day off, he's still driving all the way here to bring you the summaries... Looks like you're really important to P'Chin.'
'You're teasing me again, Gun.' Glai pressed his lips together and smiled briefly, then walked ahead. Gun was probably teasing him again, making his ears turn red.
'Glai! Wait for me!'
'No way, Gun!' Glai laughed and quickened his pace, but his friend caught up easily.
"Yes~"
Glai glanced at the person next to him, who was looking at the menu. Gun often said things that made him feel special to P'Chin. He had mentioned that saying things like this made it easier to guess P'Chin's thoughts by observing his reactions. Sometimes, Glai was afraid P'Chin might feel uncomfortable or uneasy, but there had never been a time when P'Chin showed any displeasure when hearing such words. P'Chin always responded in a cheerful manner.
"Hey, Max, what did you order?"
Glai looked at the senior across from him, who was still focused on his phone. He knew that P'Max was a friend from a different faculty, because whenever P'Chin came to eat lunch with him, P'Max often sat with them.
"I just ordered a fish steak."
P'Chin frowned as he skimmed through the menu, then turned to ask him, "Glai, what do you want to eat?... Do you want the same tuna salad as usual?"
The tuna salad... his favorite dish.
Glai smiled and nodded, "Yes, I'll have the tuna salad just like always, P'Chin."
"Okay, I'll order it for you."
A favourite dish ordered by the favourite person... it would taste a hundred times better.
"One black pepper chicken steak, please. And one tuna salad." P'Chin looked up from the staff member and turned to Glai, who was still looking at the menu. "Gun, what do you want?"
"I'll have the black pepper pork steak."
"One black pepper pork steak, please."
"Got it!" The waitress wrote it down on a small piece of paper before taking the
menus.
P'Chin briefly looked at Glai, then turned to the other side to grab something from his shoulder bag. After a short while, he handed over a stack of A4 papers, which had been folded into a large wing shape.
"Here's the summary for the math exam... I also included the final exam notes, so it's a bit much."
"you almost gave me a heart attack... I thought this was just the midterm exam msummary." Glai laughed before taking the stack of papers. He looked at the handwritten notes on the pages, full of numbers scattered everywhere, with almost no empty space left. Glai smiled when he saw that different coloured pens were used to underline certain points to emphasize their importance. He hadn't expected P'Chin to use such cute pens.
P'Chin is secretly kind of sweet...
"My handwriting is terrible, so bear with it, Glai."
"Let me see..." Gun reached out for the papers, and Glai handed them over. Gun frowned slightly before saying, "This isn't bad at all, P'Chin. Your handwriting is actually really nice... it's mine that's terrible."
"Chin likes to be humble like this." P'Max chimed in.
Glai nodded in agreement. "Yes, P'Chin likes to be humble, even though he's good at just about everything."
"You're exaggerating, Glai."
Glai smiled at the person who was blushing from the compliment, then said, "I'm not exaggerating... to me, P'Chin is the best."
"But Chin is good at everything, really..." P'Max said with a smirk. "Including secretly loving someone."
"You jerk, Max!"
"Why are you yelling at me? I'm just speaking the truth."
"I shouldn't have said that... now you're going to tease me about it forever."
"If you weren't drunk that day... I would never have known you secretly liked that junior from school for two years... and now, you're in your second year and still haven't confessed."
"...!"
"You're secretly great at loving someone, my friend."
P'Max's words made Glai turn to look at the person beside him, who had gone completely quiet. It wasn't just Glai who was staring, but Gun too, who had slightly widened his eyes, couldn't take his gaze off P'Chin. Normally, P'Chin didn't shy away from anyone's gaze. He was always ready to meet anyone's eyes. This was probably the first time he couldn't hold eye contact and chose instead to stare at the empty plate in front of him.
Glai didn't want to jump to conclusions, but after thinking it over carefully, he realized he might have a chance to be the one P'Chin secretly liked too. Because theyhad been talking for two years now, and P'Chin always treated him differently from the other juniors at school. As for the junior girls who came to cheer at basketball games, P'Chin had never interacted with them. He had even said that he had never been as close to any other junior as he was with Glai.
Glai had once heard a saying long ago...
It's not wrong to hope for something.
But it can hurt you...
Glai had always been cautious, trying not to be too hopeful. But after reflecting onmeverything, he realized he had the right to hope. After all, they had been talking for two years now. And P'Chin had treated him differently from everyone else. So, in a way, he could be the person P'Chin secretly liked too. He had to be careful, though. He didn't want to get his hopes up too much. Glai knew he might either succeed or fail with this love, but after weighing everything, there was still a possibility he could be happy.
It's a natural part of life...
The good and the bad. Success and failure.
But no matter what the outcome, he could only accept it because the world doesn't offer many choices. There are only two options: happiness and sadness. In the past, Glai didn't know how to handle the two results that life gave him. When everything went as expected, he would be so happy that he'd forget about the tears. But when things didn't go as planned, he would suffer and cry, forgetting about his own smile. He thought the world slowly taught him how to adapt. And it felt like the world, with its roundness, was telling him... don't let the things that happen affect your life and mind too much.
Glai now realized that no matter whether the result is happiness or sadness...He had to accept it. Because it wouldn't last forever... What would always be with him is himself. Now, Glai knew how to handle all the results that life gave him. And that was... to smile and shed tears in equal measure. Never let one thing dominate too much. Glai thought that this mindset had been good for him because it gave him the courage to make certain decisions. He was going to confess his feelings to P'Chin.
Now, he was ready to accept whatever the outcome might be. If they both felt the same way, he would cherish the relationship. But if P'Chin didn't see him as anything more than a junior, Glai was ready to handle the heartache. Even though Glai had once said... that just talking and being around P'Chin every day was enough, deep inside, no one who secretly loves someone ever wants to stay in that secret love status forever. Those who love in silence sometimes want to receive love in return—a love that comes from mutual feelings, not one-sided love.
Telling someone how you feel...
No matter what the outcome is, At least you're no longer stuck in the status of a secret admirer.
"Fish steak"
"This way."
Glai turned to see the waitress place the fish steak in front of P'Max, then looked at the person beside him, who was still silent as usual. Until now, P'Chin was still avoiding everyone's gaze.
"Just talking about unrequited love... and my friend goes completely quiet?"
"Stop talking so much... just eat your fish steak already."
"Tuna salad"
"For me," Glai said, raising his hand to signal the waitress. She brought the tuna salad to him. He looked at the red tomatoes that were sliced into small pieces, placed on the green lettuce. Glai didn't really like them, so usually, P'Chin would eat them for him. He thought that this time, P'Chin wouldn't touch his salad at all, but the salad was slowly pushed to the side, right in front of P'Chin.
P'Chin used his spoon to scoop the small pieces of tomato and placed them on his own empty plate, then pushed the salad back to him.
"I've taken out the tomatoes for you... now you can eat."
Glai smiled and said, "Thank you, P'Chin."
P'Chin nodded and ate the small tomato pieces that Glai disliked. He had once told
Glai that he didn't like tomatoes either, but since Glai didn't like them more, P'Chin would eat them instead. At that moment, Glai smiled at his salad and, when he looked up at his best friend, saw Gun's smile in return. Gun nodded, as if telling him that what he was about to do was the right thing.
Glai thought... he would confess his love to P'Chin before the last exam day. Because on the last exam day, it would be the math exam. Once the confession was made... Glai might even get some encouragement from
P'Chin too.
Gun : Glai, are you done with the exam?
Gun : P'Chin is waiting for you at the library. He's sitting at the usual table. There aren't many people right now.
Glai : I'm done. I'm on my way.
Gun : Okay, hurry up.
Glai : Ugh...
Glai quickly put his phone back in his pocket after sending the last message to Gun.
Today, he was determined to confess to P'Chin. He planned to ask him to come to the library in the evening, pretending he had trouble with one of the problems from P'Chin's review sheet. In reality, he had already understood it, but Gun, who didn't have any exams today, agreed to come to the university to offer support. Gun said he would stay far away and watch from a distance, so Glai and P'Chin could have a private conversation. Only after Glai confessed would Gun reveal himself. Glai smiled when he remembered what Gun had said: You'll get what you wish for, Glai. Please make sure P'Chin takes care of my best friend.
Gun said he would say this after Glai had confessed. Glai shook his head slightly and smiled wider, hurrying his steps to the library. When he arrived, he saw Gun hiding near a bookshelf in a corner, far from the table by the window where P'Chin was waiting. Gun nodded and flashed a peace sign at him. Glai smiled back at Gun before walking over to P'Chin. Today seemed like the perfect time to confess, because besides the three of them and the librarian, no one else was in the library.
Since P'Chin was engrossed in reading, he didn't notice Glai had arrived. Glai pulledout the empty chair across from him and quietly sat down.
"Hey... you're here already?" P'Chin asked.
"Yeah, P'Chin. Have you been waiting long?"
"Not long. I was reading, so it wasn't bad."
"..."
"So... which problem didn't you understand?"
Glai swallowed nervously before pulling out a sheet of paper that wasn't P'Chin's review sheet from his backpack. He looked at the note he had written with his own handwriting on the white paper.
The note said:
"This problem is... if Glai were to say he's had a secret crush on P'Chin for a long time, ever since they were in the basketball club together. Glai tried to get to know P'Chin many times but failed. P'Chin couldn't remember him. Then one day, P'Chin came up to him, and Glai was so happy. And we grew closer. P'Chin didn't just create good memories for Glai, he made something grow every day... that something is'love'."
Glai took a deep breath before handing the note to P'Chin. P'Chin furrowed his brows slightly and took the note. Glai watched as P'Chin read the paper, focusing. After a moment, P'Chin raised his head and looked into Glai's eyes. Glai stared deep into P'Chin's sharp eyes and added the missing part of the note.
"The answer to this problem, Glai wonders... could it be possible that P'Chin feels the same way about Glai?"
His hands began to tremble again when he saw P'Chin's confused and uncertain expression, just like the memories from the past. Glai swallowed again, pressing his lips together firmly. He had braced himself, prepared for the worst. At this point... If the result is... that our feelings are different...
Another truth in this world is... there is no such thing as 'being prepared'. And another truth is... Glai would hurt a lot.
"Glai..."
"Y-Yes, P'Chin?"
"I don't know how to start," P'Chin said, sighing. This was the first time Glai had seen him show such a troubled expression. The handsome face looked up, meeting Glai's gaze, and then P'Chin continued. "I don't feel the same way about you."
"..."
"I just see you as a younger brother."
"..."
"I'm sorry... if I've made you think I did something because I like you."
Glai thought the words "I don't feel that way about you" hurt enough, but when he heard those words, it hurt even more.
"I really can't feel more than that for you," P'Chin said, his confused and uncertain gaze now turning firm and resolute. He bit his lip before speaking again. "Can you stop loving me this way?"
The truth is... pain has no limit. We can hurt continuously until we feel numb all over.
Soon, P'Chin's once resolute eyes turned empty and indifferent. "I've never asked anything from you, Glai. But this time, I'm asking... can you stop loving me like this?"
Glai admitted that he had stopped understanding P'Chin after the words "Can you stop loving me?" But he forced himself to continue listening, forcing himself to comprehend what P'Chin was requesting. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, just like when he handed that paper to P'Chin. He was about to open his eyes when the sharp sting in his nose reminded him to focus, before locking eyes with P'Chin again.
Glai kept his eyes closed, choosing to lower his head and give himself time to gather his thoughts. It felt like he had just destroyed their good relationship. It was shattered by his own hands. Glai opened his eyes and looked at the vacant expression on P'Chin's face.
"If Glai..." Glai stopped, his voice shaking. He took another deep breath and spoke again. "If Glai stops loving P'Chin like... hic..."
"..."
Glai had tried. He had really tried.
"...If Glai stops loving you, P'Chin... like a lover..." Glai clenched both his trembling hands. He could barely see the person in front of him clearly, his vision blurry from the tears. "P'Chin... hic... can we go back to how we were before?"
"..."
"Can you still love and care for this younger brother the same way as before?" At that moment, with tears falling...Glai saw the person in front of him clearly again. P'Chin didn't answer. Instead, he turned his face away from the window.
"..."
"I will stop loving you, P'Chin, like a lover... just please don't change, okay?"
P'Chin turned back to meet Glai's gaze before saying, "I'm sorry..."
"P'Chin, it's not your fault," Glai said. "It's me... I didn't know how to control my feelings." He wiped away his tears quickly and said, "I was wrong to make youuncomfortable. I won't make you feel this way again, I promise."
P'Chin lowered his head, avoiding Glai's eyes. "You don't need to promise anything to me... Just stop loving me."
Glai nodded and wiped away the constant flow of tears. "I... I will definitely do it." Glai realized that the most painful thing was promising something he wasn't sure he could fulfill. It was like trying to piece together shattered glass, knowing it would never be the same again, yet still forcing himself to try, even when his hands were covered in wounds.
He wasn't unaware of the blood on his hands.
He saw it... he knew.
But he still hoped... he hoped everything would go back to the way it was. Hoped that the empty eyes... would warm up again.
"And one more thing I want to say... I think you misunderstood this part too."
"..."
"That day when Max said I had a crush on a younger student... I admit I did have a crush on a younger student, but it wasn't you."
"..."
"It was a girl from the Japanese arts department."
"..." But now, the boy from the Chinese arts department who used to sit next to the Japanese arts kid is hurting so much that his whole body is numb. P'Chin looked up and sighed deeply. "I've told you everything honestly... well, I'm going to leave now."
"Y-Yes."
Glai nodded. As soon as P'Chin stood up from the table, Glai let his tears flow freely. He cried like a child, asking himself...
"Didn't you say you could handle any outcome, Glai? Then why are you crying like a kid? Aren't you embarrassed?"
But Glai didn't have an answer for himself... all he had were words of comfort.
"Being rejected... it doesn't hurt that much. Don't cry too much. Your eyes will get swollen. And don't stay weak for too long, okay?"
Glai slowly lifted his head when he felt someone's hand around his shoulder. When he looked up, he saw Gun standing there, smiling at him. Gun gently rubbed his shoulder with his hand.
"Gun..." Glai bit his trembling lip, lifting a hand to wipe the tears from his face before speaking. "I didn't get what I wanted... Hee... But at least, I've finally gotten out of the 'secret crush' status."
Gun nodded, his eyes red. "I'm sorry. I had prepared all the congratulatory phrases for when you succeeded, but I didn't prepare any comforting words for when youfailed."
Glai laughed through his tears and rested his head on his close friend's stomach. Gun continued to rub his shoulder, then used his other hand to gently stroke his hair.
"Can I use the phrase I prepared?" Gun asked. "But I'll adjust it to fit the situation right now."
"Sure. Go ahead."
"Congratulations, man... for getting out of the secret crush status."
Glai closed his eyes and nodded. "Thank you, Gun... Thank you for always being there for me, no matter what status I'm in."
"I'll be your friend forever."
Gun's comforting words at the university helped lift Glai's weakened body and heart, and brought him back to the condo. Gun said he wanted to stay with him that night. He didn't want Glai to be alone, fearing he might cry even harder. But Glai reassured him that he would be okay alone, so Gun reluctantly agreed to let him sleep by himself.
Glai put his backpack on the desk and walked over to pick up the review sheets for his other exams. Tomorrow, he had three more exams. Right now, he had to clear his mind and focus on doing his best. Glai could feel sad and disappointed, but he couldn't afford to let his father, who had always been his source of encouragement, be disappointed in him. He chose the same method he always used before studying during exam periods. His slightly swollen eyes from crying slowly closed. The pitch-black darkness around him helped to calm his restless thoughts. As long as his mind and heart were still in turmoil, he wouldn't be able to study.
And luckily, this time...
His mind and heart weren't as stubborn as usual. His light eyelids slowly opened, and he picked up the stack of exam summaries in front of him. He glanced at the yellow mug with a pen sticking out of it. He picked up a coloured pen and grabbed a blank sheet of paper. Glai focused on the review sheet, writing down key points from each subject that he hadn't remembered well.
His father had taught him this trick.
His father had said... "Even if you summarize everything well, it doesn't mean you'll remember it all. Writing out the important points again is the best way to review."
Glai finished reviewing the summaries for the first two subjects around midnight, but he still had one subject left. He had gone through the summary for this subject many times already, but he should go over it again for reassurance. He sighed and reluctantly grabbed his backpack to open it. As soon as he saw the handwriting on the summary sheet of his math exam—his brother's handwriting—it brought back memories of his conversations with P'Chin, and the look in his eyes that he had tried to hide deep within. All the feelings came rushing back.
Every emotion that P'Chin conveyed with his eyes felt like a blade cutting into Glai's heart over and over. Glai had to admit that he couldn't focus on his studies. But with the exam schedule reminding him that he had a math exam tomorrow, Glai didn't have many options. He forced himself to finish reading the math summary as quickly as he could, but as he read each page, he realized how hard it was to focus. Still, he continued reading until the words on the page began to blur. The tears he had been holding back seemed to cloud his vision again, just like before.
Glai didn't dare blink, afraid the clear tears that had gathered around his eyelids would fall onto the summary sheet that P'Chin had lent him. P'Chin had been kind enough to let him borrow it, and he felt that he needed to take the best care of it. It should be returned in the same condition—clean, without any stains. Especially not his tears.
But then, despite trying to hold them back, the tears fell onto the summary sheet he had borrowed from the person he had loved in silence for so long. Glai quickly grabbed some tissue to wipe the tears from the paper, then used the back of his hand to wipe the tears that had stained his cheek.
He thought he had wiped the tear from the summary sheet quickly, but the tears, born from his sorrow, quickly soaked through. The fifth page now had the marks of his heartbreak on it. In the end, Glai let himself cry freely, not holding back. The reason he didn't want to cry often was that he didn't want to be weak for too long. But he also understood that the fresh wound that had just opened couldn't be healed in just a few hours. There was one thing, though, that helped relieve the pain... and that was "tears."