Congratulations,Eiji Kagemaru. Cause of death: Virginity. Error,error. Pervert restarting second life in progress."
The last thing I had expected before dying was that my phone would call me a virgin.
One second I was rage-quitting in the middle of a dungeon raid, headsets hurled across the room, pizza crush clenched like a makeshift dagger. The next,my phone slipped out of my hand and instead of crashing to the floor, it just…hovered. Suspended in the air.
And then it spoke.
"Virgin pervert detected. Initializing reboot."
I froze. "Huh? Excuse me?!"
But that was all I got, because the next moment the whole screen exploded in light, my body turned weightless and suddenly… nothing
{My Pathetic Life Before Dying
Let's be clear: I wasn't exactly prime hero material.
Name's Eiji Kagemaru, though no one bothers to call me that. Online,everyone called me Eight. Gamer ID. It was supposed to sound cool and mysterious,like "Eight Blades of Destiny" or "Eightfold Path." Something like that. But instead, people slammed "Haha 8 inches" in chats until I muted half my friends lists.
That was my life in a nutshell.
Boring college dropout.
Professional broke gamer
Never kissed a girl, unless you count digital NPCs with canned dialogue.
And now? Dead.
When I opened my eyes again, I wasn't in a hospital, or heaven, or hell. I was naked, floating in some void that looked like a bad VR loading screen.
Glowing blue panels circled me like vultures. Each one had my name on it, stamped in bright letters:
[Level 0:Virgin]
[Hidden Trait:Closet pervert]
[Main Quest:Touch a boob before age 30]
I blinked once, twice. Then I screamed
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
I swiped furiously at the floating screens like they were notifications on my phone. They multiplied. Every time I dismissed one, two more appeared-each worse than the last
[Achievement Unlocked:Still Single at 20]
[Passive skilled Acquired: Unstoppable Right-Hand Technique]
"NOPE,nope,nope… delete, delete.."
That was when I felt it. The air.. or whatever counted as "air" in this void…shifted. Warm, sweet like someone was breathing down my neck.
And then she appeared. At first it was just light. Then curves,then skin and then Oh My God.
A girl. No correct, The girl.
The kind of body I'd only seen in the deepest corners of modded character packs.
Hips that swayed like a death sentence.
Chest that defied gravity with smug arrogance.
Thighs thick enough to crush skulls and spirits alike.
She leaned forward with a smile that could short-circuit an incel's brain. Her silvery hair spilled over shoulders that should have been outlawed and her eyes glowed neon,like she was equal parts goddess and malware.
"Welcome Master," she purred,her voice husky enough to make my spine snap in half. "I'm your system. You may call me…whatever filthy thing you want."
My mouth opened but nothing came out.
"...Who are you?"
She giggled..a sound that would've been sweet if it didn't ooze mockery.
"Congratulations Eight. You've unlocked me.. The Almighty System. And lucky you,I'm not just numbers and quests."
Her smirk widened.
"I'm alive. I'm hot and I'm about to make your second life very, very complicated."
I looked at her suspiciously, why did I feel like she was about to give me terms and conditions I didn't agree to?
"Wait..hold up." I jabbed a finger at her. Well more like jabbed at the general direction of her chest and tried not to die again. "You're saying you're the system?" Like.. those things from novels? Stats, levels and quests?"
"Mm." She stretched like a lazy Grey cat,breasts threatening to violate several laws of physics. "Exactly that. Except.."
Her eyes glittered dangerously with mischief.
"..I'm not boring. I'm not robotic. And every quest I give you will be soaked in one thing…" she leaned so close, I could feel her words against my ear. "...your most suppressed filthiest desires."
My brain short-circuited. "That's…not a feature. That's harassment!"
"Aw,but harassment builds character," she teased. "Besides, you don't really get a choice."
A screen popped in front of me:
[Accept Binding with the Almighty Lewd System?]
[Yes] [Hell Yes]
I stared at the screen. ".. Where's the No option?"
She giggled. "Deleted."
Before I could argue, the screen blinked red, and pain shit through my chest like someone had stapled my soul to hers.
[Binding complete!]
"Oh my God…" I clutched my ribs, gasping.
She snapped her fingers, and more Windows popped up around me.
[First Quest Unlocked!]
[Quest:Kiss the first person you meet in this world within 10 minutes.]
[Reward:Basic combat skill – Punch]
[Failure: HP -59%. Public humiliation penalty applied.]
My jaw dropped. "Are you INSANE?!"
"Insanely fun,maybe." She twirled a lock of glowing hair, eyes gleaming with wicked humour. "C'mon, Eight. You want to live, don't you?"
I blinked again, and the void shattered.
Suddenly,I was standing in a field of tall grass,twin suns blazing overhead. My clothes had changed…cheap adventurer tunic, scratchy boots, asked at my hip. I was no longer naked like in the void.
And there she was, lounging beside me, half-transparent but smug as ever.
"Timer starts now," she cooed.
A countdown blinked red over my head:
[09:59]
And from the distance, I saw a figure approaching.
My first person in this world and I had to kiss them.