The elevator doors opened to Floor B3 with a ding that sounded suspiciously like a funeral bell. Deadpool stepped out, still wearing his "Mall Security" polo, but he had added a neon orange reflective vest and was holding a pair of glowing traffic wands.
"Okay, Soum, we're in the belly of the beast," Deadpool whispered, his voice echoing off the concrete pillars. "It's dark, it's damp, and I'm pretty sure I just stepped on a discarded Tamagotchi. This is where the real anime villains hang out because the rent is cheaper."
The King of Curbs
Sitting in the center of the garage on a throne made entirely of crushed Toyota Supras and abandoned shopping carts was Ryomen Sukuna (Jujutsu Kaisen). He wasn't wearing his kimono; he was wearing a black "Valet" vest over his bare chest, and he was spinning a set of car keys on his finger like a cursed tool.
"You're late for your shift, brat," Sukuna sneered, his four eyes glowing red in the dark. "There's a 2024 Mecha-Godzilla double-parked in Section G, and if it isn't moved in five minutes, I'm going to use Cleave on its insurance policy."
"Whoa, easy there, Four-Eyes!" Deadpool chirped, waving his glow-sticks. "I'm just here for the 'Serious Eggs' and to clear my debt! Also, nice tattoos. Did you get them at a 'Buy One, Get Three Free' sale at the cursed tattoo parlor?"
Enter: The Incompetent Intruders
CRASH!
Suddenly, the ceiling of the garage buckled as a giant, cat-shaped hot air balloon smashed through the ventilation shafts.
"Prepare for trouble!" "And make it double!"
Team Rocket (Pokémon) tumbled out of the basket, landing right at Sukuna's feet. Meowth shook himself off and looked at Sukuna's throne.
"Hey! This guy's got a lot of shiny scrap metal!" Meowth chirped. "We can sell this to buy the Boss a new espresso machine!"
"Silence, pests," Sukuna muttered, visibly annoyed. "I am trying to organize a grid-based parking system. Do you have a reservation?"
"We have a Wobbuffet!" Jessie screamed.
"WOBBUFFET!" the blue blob appeared, accidentally knocking over a row of Motorcycles belonging to the Tokyo Manji Gang.
The Narrative Chaos
"HEAVENS!" a voice boomed from the shadows.
Robert E. O. Speedwagon (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure) stepped out from behind a pillar, pointing dramatically at the scene. "Look at the sheer audacity! Even Speedwagon is afraid of these parking violations! The King of Curses vs. a talking cat! The structural integrity of this mall is at its limit!"
"Thanks for the play-by-play, Speedie!" Deadpool yelled. "Soum, look! We've got a narrator now! This makes me feel so much more important!"
The "Waku Waku" Factor
While Sukuna was busy trying to decide which member of Team Rocket to bisect first, a pink-haired toddler poked her head out from the trunk of a nearby Tesla.
It was Anya Forger (Spy x Family). She looked at Sukuna, then at Deadpool, then at the glowing red eyes of the Cursed King.
(Thinking: Scariest parking man wants to turn everyone into sushi. Red man with the mask has a brain that sounds like a radio station playing ten songs at once. Waku waku!)
"Peanuts," Anya whispered, holding up a small bag. "Do you want to trade for the eggs?"
The Domain Expansion: Malevolent Garage
Sukuna stood up, his patience finally snapping. "That's it. No more talk. I'm putting you all on the 'Do Not Service' list."
He folded his hands into a terrifying sign. "Domain Expansion: Malevolent Valet."
The garage didn't turn into a shrine of skulls. Instead, thousands of automatic parking barriers slammed down, trapping everyone in 5x5 foot squares. Giant, floating "NO PARKING" signs appeared like guillotine blades.
"OH CRAP!" Deadpool yelled, hopping onto his Segway. "He's weaponized the bureaucracy! Anya, get in the sidecar! Team Rocket, use your uselessness as a shield! Soum, hold my slushie! We're going full Fast & Furious in this b**ch!"