The Summer Matsuri stage was massive, decorated with glowing lanterns and a giant banner that read: "NEXUS MALL IDOL: SING OR BE ERANSED." Deadpool was backstage, aggressively applying "Tactical Eyeliner" over his mask. He was still wearing the red-and-black yukata, but he'd added a pair of spiked leather shoulder pads he'd looted from a Fist of the North Star extra.
"Look at him, Soum!" Deadpool pointed a shaky finger at Aizen, who was sitting in a VIP chair, sipping tea and reading a book on 'How to Gaslight Your Way to Godhood'. "That Mother Fu*** thinks he's untouchable! He turned me into a coffee table! A COFFEE TABLE! I had a coasters-only policy, and he didn't even use a napkin!"
The Judge and the Jury
Stepping onto the stage was the host of the evening: Brook (One Piece). He adjusted his top hat, tuned his violin, and let out a bone-rattling laugh.
"YOHOHOHO! Welcome to the stage, mortals and monsters!" Brook shouted into the mic. "Tonight, the prize isn't gold or glory! It's the 'Legendary Golden Mic of Truth', which allows the winner to force one person to tell the absolute truth for sixty seconds! I'd give my life for it... but I'm already dead! SKULL JOKE!"
"That's it!" Deadpool's eyes turned into tiny hearts. "Soum, if I win that mic, I can make Aizen admit he actually likes My Little Pony! The humiliation will be legendary!"
The Competition Gets Messy
The first contestant was Power (Chainsaw Man). She stomped onto the stage, holding a microphone like a club.
"LISTEN UP, YOU PUNY PEASANTS!" Power screamed. "I AM THE BLOOD DEVIL, AND MY VOICE IS LIKE THE CHOIR OF A THOUSAND SLAUGHTERED COWS! VOTE FOR ME OR I'LL TAX YOUR BLOOD!"
She didn't sing. She just screamed for three minutes straight while Meowy sat on the speakers. The audience (mostly Koalas from One Piece) gave her a 2 out of 10.
"Get off the stage, you chaotic Bi**h!" Deadpool yelled from the wings. "You're ruining the acoustics!"
The Battle of the Century
Then, it was Aizen's turn. He walked onto the stage with the grace of a man who had never tripped in his entire life. The music started—a slow, haunting orchestral piece. Aizen didn't even sing; he just whispered poetry about the "void in the heavens" and everyone in the audience started crying and questioning their own existence.
"9.5 out of 10," Brook wept. "My soul is moved... and I don't even have a soul! Yohoho!"
"Oh, you want to get deep, you slick-haired Mother Fu***?!" Deadpool roared, leaping onto the stage with a wireless mic. "Soum, cue the track! We're going full 90s Grunge-Pop!"
The Performance
Deadpool didn't just sing. He performed a multi-media experience.
The Song: A heavy metal cover of 'Barbie Girl'.
The Visuals: He used Gojo's (Jujutsu Kaisen) discarded "Infinity" bubbles to create a disco ball effect.
The Choreography: He did the 'Orange Justice' dance while firing blanks from his Uzis into the ceiling.
"IM A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WO-O-ORLD!" Deadpool shrieked, hitting a high note that shattered the nearby Starbucks windows. "LIFE IS PLASTIC, IT'S FANTASTIC, YOU BI**HES!"
Suddenly, Saitama walked past the stage, carrying a tray of grilled squid. The vibrations from Deadpool's performance caused a single drop of sauce to fall onto Saitama's clean yellow jumpsuit.
The music stopped. The air turned heavy.
"Hey," Saitama looked up at Deadpool. "That's my favorite suit. You're being... really loud."
"Not now, Cueball! I'm winning a mic!" Deadpool yelled.
Saitama didn't punch him. He just reached out, grabbed the stage, and tilted it 45 degrees. Deadpool slid off the stage, through a row of Nezuko-themed plushies, and into the mall's decorative fountain.