Deadpool was surrounded. Twelve flickering, lightning-blue images of Killua Zoldyck circled him, their feet making no sound on the plush department store carpet. The air smelled like ozone and "Mid-Summer Breeze" scented candles.
"Okay, Soum, watch this," Deadpool whispered, his voice trembling slightly. "It's time to move from 'Mall Cop' to 'John Wick,' but with significantly more spandex and a much higher deductible."
Killua moved.
It wasn't a run; it was a spark. One of the echoes lunged forward with a palm strike intended to liquefy Deadpool's internal organs.
The Tactical Fumble
"Mall Cop Secret Technique: Slip-and-Fall Liability!" Deadpool screamed.
Instead of dodging, he slammed his foot down on a stray bottle of "Ultra-Strength Mannequin Polish" he'd dropped earlier. He didn't just fall; he projectiled himself horizontally. Killua's hand whistled through the air where Deadpool's head had been a microsecond before, instead punching through a solid oak display of Naruto-themed ties.
"Missed me, Lightning Lad!" Deadpool yelled, sliding across the floor on his stomach and grabbing a heavy-duty yoga mat from a nearby rack.
Deadpool swung the mat like a giant foam club. Killua, moving in Godspeed, simply leaned back, the mat missing his nose by an atom.
"Too slow," Killua hissed, his hand forming a "claws" shape.
The Department Store Armory
"Oh, you think we're playing by Hunter x Hunter rules?" Deadpool laughed, kicking a rack of Designer Leather Belts toward the kid. "We're in a department store, Sparky! Everything is a weapon if you have enough imagination and zero respect for the return policy!"
Step 1: Deadpool grabbed two stainless steel frying pans from the kitchenware aisle.
Step 2: He began banging them together like a deranged cymbal monkey. "Can't hear your own thoughts now, can you?! It's the 'Teflon-Clang' technique!"
Step 3: As Killua winced at the noise, Deadpool threw a X-Large Cashmere Sweater over the kid's head.
"Acknowledge the softness!" Deadpool roared, lunging for a tackle.
Killua didn't even flinch. He used Whirlwind to sense the displacement in the air, shredding the sweater into high-end confetti before Deadpool could even get close. He followed up with a kick to Deadpool's chest that sent the Merc with a Mouth flying through a wall of Summer Sundresses.
The Climax of Chaos
Deadpool emerged from the wreckage of the floral prints, his mask now wearing a tiny pink sun hat that had fallen from a mannequin.
"Okay, kid, you're good. You're 'Studio-Pierrot-Budget' good," Deadpool wheezed, popping his shoulder back into place. "But I have something you don't have. Employee Benefits."
Deadpool reached into his fanny pack and pulled out a Security Flare he'd modified with a Mentos-and-Coke explosive core.
"Say hello to my little friend! I call this one... The Budget Buster!"
He threw the flare. Killua, confident in his speed, went to swat it out of the air. But as his hand touched the flare, Deadpool pulled a string attached to his belt.
POP.
The flare didn't explode with fire. It exploded with Industrial-Grade Glitter and 15% Off Coupons.
"MY EYES!" Killua yelled, stumbling back. The glitter was specifically designed to stick to high-frequency Nen auras. The lightning-blue glow of his Godspeed mode was now a shimmering, fabulous disco ball.
"Now!" Deadpool cheered, grabbing a mannequin arm and charging. "For Soum and for the glory of the minimum wage—!"