I was born as a zombie.
Yeah, I mean it. It's not a metaphor or anything like that. I was literally born as a freaking zombie.
Sounds like a bad joke, right? But it's actually true.
In my former life, I died. I don't totally remember how. Maybe it was a car accident. Or maybe it was an illness. My memory's a bit foggy on that part.
Ah, wait. Wasn't it because I was staring at a beautiful woman's butt, then I crashed into a lamppost and lost my balance?
As a result, I fell onto the road and was run over by a truck.
Ugh... What a stupid way to die.
Anyway, putting aside my shamefully embarrassing death, the next thing I remember is the feeling of disappearing and everything going dark.
I felt nothing in that place, until there was something.
When I regained consciousness, I was being born. Like a normal baby. Well, except for the fact that I was dead. Or undead. Or whatever the hell this shit is called.
My mother, my mother in this world, screamed when she saw me for the first time.
I can't blame her, you know? Imagine giving birth and your baby comes out with pale gray skin, cloudy eyes, not crying, and no heartbeat. I wasn't even breathing properly. Well, I didn't need to breathe as much as a normal human.
"M-Monster!"
It wasn't 'congratulations' or 'it's a beautiful boy.' It was "monster."
That was the first word I heard in this world.
My father, or the guy who was supposed to be my father, panicked. The doctors panicked. I panicked. We all panicked.
I didn't understand what was going on. I had the mind of a 15-year-old trapped in the body of a newborn zombie. How fucked up is that?
For the first few weeks, my family, if you can call them that, kept me locked up. They were afraid. It's a little sad, but they were afraid of me.
I never blamed them for that.
"We can't keep this."
"This." Not even "him." Just "this."
My mother cried when they said they were abandoning me. My father said nothing. I guess it was easier that way for him.
They left me at an orphanage. Or rather, they left me at the door of a hospital with a note. The note said something like "Please take care of him" or some similar crap.
But when the nurses found me and saw what I was, they panicked too.
In the end, nobody wanted me.
Do you know what it's like to grow up knowing that no one, absolutely no one, wants you because you were born different?
It sucks.
But I had no choice. I had to survive.
And that's exactly what I did.
"Hey, monster! Stay away!"
I'm 6 years old now. Well, 6 years since I was born into this world.
The boy who yelled at me is Takeshi. Or maybe Takashi. I don't remember well. All human children look the same to me when they're yelling at me.
I'm in a park. And if you're wondering why, I'll tell you that even zombies need to get out once in a while.
The truth is, I'm trying to get used to being around humans without them panicking.
Unfortunately, my idea isn't working very well.
"Go away or I'll tell my mom!"
The boy picks up a rock and throws it at me. It hits me on the shoulder. It doesn't really hurt because my defense was really high. Or is it because I have no sensitivity to pain since my nerves are dead? I guess that's one of the advantages of being a zombie.
"Okay, okay. I'm leaving."
I turn around and start walking in the opposite direction.
"Wait!"
Huh?
It was a girl's voice. When I turn around, I see a little girl running towards me.
The girl comes out from where the boy who hit me with the rock was standing.
"Rei! Don't go near him! He's dangerous!"
Rei? Is that her name?
The girl completely ignores the boy and keeps running toward me. The boy, Takashi apparently, yells at her again.
But she pays no attention to him.
She reaches me and looks at me with concern.
"Are you okay?"
"..."
Huh?
I can't help but stare at her in surprise.
She has big red eyes. Her hair is orange-brown, quite long for a girl her age. She seems to be the same age as me and the boy, that is, 6 or 7 years old, and she also seems to have been his friend.
But most importantly, she's not looking at me with fear.
She's looking at me with concern.
"I'm... I'm fine. It doesn't really hurt."
It's the truth since I don't feel any pain.
"Rei!"
The boy, Takashi, comes running and grabs the girl's arm tightly.
"Stay away from him! He's a monster! Haven't you seen the news? Monsters that murder people—!"
"He's not!"
The girl gets angry. Her cheeks puff up like a pufferfish and her eyes shine with indignation.
"Takashi, you shouldn't be mean to other children!"
Then she pulls her arm away from the boy's hand and looks at him angrily.
"But Rei...!"
"No! You look really ugly when you're mean to others!"
The boy becomes angry. His face turns red and he clenches his fists.
"T-Then do whatever you want! I don't care!"
He turns around and runs off to the other side of the park.
The girl, Rei, sighs and shakes her head as if she were a mother scolding a naughty child.
Then she looks at me with a big smile.
"I'm sorry about that. I didn't know Takashi could be so mean."
"N-No, it's okay..."
I don't know what to say. This has never happened to me before.
"What's your name?"
"I... I don't have a name."
Damn it. My tongue gets tied when I speak.
Rei tilts her head in confusion.
"You don't have a name? Why?"
Because I was abandoned before I could have one. But I can't say that.
"I just... don't have one. But you can call me Arata."
Arata was my name in the other world. I don't remember my last name. In fact, I don't remember much about my previous life.
My memory is bad because I'm a zombie. Memories of my previous life, and even those of this life, sometimes become blurred before disappearing completely.
It's terrifying.
I fear that one day I will lose all my memory and truly become a mindless zombie. Just a walking corpse with no thoughts and no personality.
"Arata... I like your name!"
The girl smiles broadly.
"I'm Miyamoto Rei! Nice to meet you!"
"Miyamoto... Rei..."
That name sounds familiar. As if I've heard it before. But I can't remember where.
So I stop thinking about it.
In my previous life, I was a pretty outgoing person. Or so I think. But after being away for six years and having no one to talk to, I feel uncomfortable around people. I don't know what to say or how to act.
Rei seems to misinterpret my silence as shyness. With a big smile on her face, she takes my hand and pulls me along.
"Don't be shy, hehe! Come on! Let's play on the slide!"
"W-Wait...!"
But she doesn't listen to me. She drags me to the playground while laughing cheerfully.
I can't help but think that this girl is very different from the others.
Ugh... Playing in a children's park, how embarrassing.
The sun is already high in the sky when we stop playing.
I'm exhausted. Well, not physically. Zombies don't tire easily. But mentally, I'm exhausted.
How long has it been since I played with someone and laughed with someone? It's been a long time, actually.
Rei is sitting next to me on the swing, swinging her legs happily.
"That was so much fun! Now you're my friend, Arata!"
"Friend...?"
"Yes! Friends! So we have to play again, okay?!"
She looks at me with an expression full of expectation.
I could only nod.
"Okay..."
Then I remember something.
"But... what about the other boy? Takashi?"
Wasn't he her friend? If the three of us really get together, I'm afraid there will be another conflict.
"Takashi?"
Rei tilts her head, then smiles.
"Ah, I've only known him for a week. I thought it would be fun to play with him, but..."
She pauses and frowns.
"I don't want to be friends with a kid who discriminates and calls others monsters!"
Ugh...
But I am a monster.
I keep that thought to myself.
Because it looks like I've made a friend.
"Well, I have to go home now."
Rei jumps off the swing and brushes the dust off her skirt.
"Do you want me to walk you home?"
I ask her. That's what a friend would do, right?
She shakes her head.
"No! My house is close by. And it's not dark yet, so I'm not scared."
She lifts her chin proudly, looking very brave.
"See you tomorrow, Arata!"
Rei waves goodbye and runs off in the opposite direction.
I stand there watching her disappear into the streets.
A friend. I have a friend.
A strange warmth spreads through my chest. Ah, I'm a zombie. But anyway, it's not something physical.
Is this what it feels like to have a friend?
As I think these things, I walk back to my house.
It's actually just an abandoned building that's not too far from the park. Maybe about a twenty-minute walk.
It's perfect for someone like me since no one comes there.
The windows are broken, the walls are covered in graffiti, and the floor is covered in dust and debris.
It's a shitty hole fit for a shitty zombie.
I sit on the old mattress I found a few months ago thrown away in the trash and stare at the ceiling.
"I've been in this world for six years now, huh..."
And I still don't understand why I'm here.
Why was I reborn as a zombie?
Earlier, I said that I'm afraid of losing all my memories. But right now, I think being like the zombies in the movies isn't so bad. They don't have memories. They don't have to deal with this loneliness. They just have their instincts to eat, bite, and infect.
"Damn it..."
I rub my face in frustration.
"At least I have a friend now."
But then I think.
What if she finds out the truth? Would she act like the other kids and call me a monster?
"Stop thinking such depressing thoughts!"
I get up abruptly from the mattress and walk to the broken window.
I look out at the streets where I see lights beginning to turn on in Japanese houses. Through the window, I see families preparing for dinner, children doing homework, or parents returning from work.
That was normal life in this world, and the life I can never have.
I can't go to school, and I can't even have a family.
Because I'm a monster.
"Ugh!"
I punch the wall in frustration. The plaster cracks a little and small pieces fall to the floor.
That's another advantage of being a zombie. I'm stronger than a very well-trained adult human.
In fact, thanks to that strength, I have this place as my home. Two gangster thieves used to live here, and I had to chase them away. I remember I had to show them my true face and growl a little before hitting them.
They ran away as if the devil were chasing them.
Fuhahaha... I laugh when I think about it.
—Grumble!
My stomach makes a noise.
Ah, yes. Another thing about being a zombie is that I still need to eat.
But don't get me wrong. I don't eat human flesh. That would be too much even for me.
No, I eat raw animal meat. Beef, pork, or chicken. Whatever I can 'acquire'.
I can't eat normal food. I tried it a few times. I threw up immediately after swallowing. Even remembering it is unpleasant.
So raw meat is all I can eat.
I walk over to the bed and pull a piece of raw beef wrapped in plastic from under the mattress. I borrowed it from a supermarket a couple of days ago.
Although I don't know why they hit me with a broom.
Ah, well, I know. It's because I'm a zombie thief.
I unwrap it and stare at it for a moment.
I take a bite.
The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. The texture is chewy and difficult to chew.
"It's not delicious..."
I swallow with difficulty.
"I miss normal food."
I miss hot rice, steaming ramen, greasy hamburgers, and pizza with melted cheese.
All that delicious food I'll never be able to eat again.
I finish eating the raw meat in silence as I look out the broken window at the night sky.
The stars shine through the clouds.
For some reason, they make me feel less alone.
"Tomorrow... tomorrow I'll see Rei again."
—Ruuak!
A crackling sound interrupts my thoughts.
—Crack!
I'm a little scared that my house is going to fall on me, but I realize it's coming from outside.
What the hell was that?
I turn my face toward the street, and my eyes catch a black silhouette on top of a lamppost.
The silhouette belongs to a man.
Because I'm a zombie, my vision is blurry during the day, but I can see quite well in the dark.
Thanks to that, I can see that his skin has an ashen tone, but not like mine. It's different because his skin is more normal. You would only notice if you looked closely enough.
That said, there is definitely something wrong with him.
The sclera of his eyes is black and his iris is bright red. It reminded me of blood.
What... what is that thing?
Are there monsters in this world too?
Well, considering that I am one, then it's not so strange.
I also remember that boy, Takashi, mentioning that he saw monsters killing people on the news.
Was he referring to these things?
The guy leans forward and takes a deep breath. As if he's sniffing the air.
Then his gaze locks directly onto me.
Shit!
Did he see me?
Ah, wait. I didn't hide.
His cheeks spread into a smile.
That smile made me want to run.
"Huh... I thought I smelled a human. But you're not human, are you? Are you a ghoul too? No, no... you're not a ghoul. Uhuhu... interesting."