My thoughts are sitting in my head, and the only way to somehow speak out is to turn them into consecutive sentences, which in turn add up to a kind of narrative. Everyone needs someone to talk to, and when you don't have such a "someone", you look for an alternative to "him".
"I" is a character in this story, and "I" is just Me. And it is possible that "I" is also You, and maybe even "He" or "She". One thing remains incorrigible, we all at some certain period of life are "I", because this is human psychology. But even so, the "I" of this work has its own story, mixed with unremarkable everyday life with notes of mysticism of parallel worlds.
Attention: Next comes the nonsense from the author, you can skip it and immediately proceed to the first chapter.
And why? I don't know myself.
It would be correct to call all this "When I'm sad," but when we're sad, we start entering a personal diary where we write down all our thoughts and pour out our soul, right?
Well, or you, like me, are afraid that someone might read your diary.
Come on, how can you be so dramatic?
So, the answer to the first question is most likely this reason.
Meaning? But it's not here. Not that it doesn't exist at all, maybe it does. Only now, asking such questions is the lot of philosophers and thinkers, even though there is a little philosopher and thinker in each of us, we still remain people with our own experiences. Despite this, we all try to please this world and prove ourselves at least in something.
The very concept of the world, the existence of all earthly things is based on the desire to do something, to contribute your treasure. Or not? After all, we are all dependent on public opinion.
Think for yourself why!
We all know how people try to show themselves in who knows what aspects! Someone is distinguished by intelligence and eloquence and receives the Nobel Prize for new discoveries, someone is characterized by extraterrestrial beauty, and someone brags about their muscles and physical abilities.
Even male animals arrange performances and fights in front of the females to get their attention! We are all addicted. Well, what's the point? I don't know. Why should I know?
I have no idea.
At the moment, it is difficult for me to accept and realize everything to the exact extent. I'm not drunk at all, don't think about it. So to all this, I'm also writing this at 3 a.m., how can I even be aware of anything at such a time?
I'm not a writer. Not a philosopher. Not even a thinker.
I do not know at all what and how I need to write, what I need to write about, how I should express my thoughts. I'm just writing.
I don't see the point in scrolling through some strange thoughts like "who am I?" in my head hundreds of times. Over time, you begin to realize that no matter how much you ask yourself such questions, you will not be able to find the answers to them in full, because they will be too changeable.
Maybe it's the transition age that affects it?
When your life doesn't change and remains the same routine as it was a month ago, well, or even years ago, in general, yes, years, you just give in to the flow of time and calmly go with the flow.
I don't think you can call it life, but you're living. You exist.
It is at such moments that melancholy sets in.
The longing that eats you completely from the inside out, which is why you don't let yourself realize what exactly is happening around you. You see, but you don't feel.
When we are sad and lonely, tears come to our eyes, and after a while it becomes easier. We understand that it was some kind of fleeting sadness or unhappiness, but in a very short period of time, everything repeats itself. It repeats itself. When everything repeats over and over again, you don't stop realizing what the reason for your sadness is. And you get depressed.
All the people around you talk about love and happiness at a time when they themselves are in the same position as you.
You think you feel so bad and no one will ever understand you. Do you really think so? When you see some completely anonymous person in front of you, you can't tell about his past or his present, you don't know him or his life. Human psychology is actually quite a rational science, but the approach to completely different people differs.
What can I say? We are all lost.