I thought my friends were ghosting me, but it turns out they all got arrested.
"Fuuuck, it's a text post! I gotta read..."
Twelve Demigods of various Divine Pantheons were incarcerated last week in a coordinated sting operation across the City of Primeval, as part of a recent campaign to rid the streets of vigilante violence and to combat the irresponsible use of Divine power.
"Yeah, bullshit. They just wanna use our power."
Authorities are currently pursuing Primeval's thirteenth and final resident Demigod, Nicole Artemis Astoria of the Greek Pantheon, and are offering significant monetary compensation for any information leading to her capture.
"Damn. That's crazy."
I keep doomscrolling past the newsfeed and wunkus cat memes and clips of police brutality and reviews of celebrity scandals and rankings of antidepressants sorted by Vibes. Catching my breath at a water nymph's ass pics, I dash into the comments on a fucking mission.
@strmgrl: godsdamn girl lemme hittt 👅💦💦
>@nymphox9: lol skrrt
>>@ramparttwc: BRUH 😂😂😂
>>@vendetta97: yoo she curved nico no wayyyy 😭
>>@DRowelms: "so no lesbian sex?" *nico smashes phone, jumps to break skateboard*
>>@arkriddle212: LMFAOO @strmgrl
"[WEBNOVEL CENSOR: JOKE ABOUT SUICIDE]," I groan. The replies and laugh reacts keep coming in and I drop my phone on the bed. "Fuuuck. This is the worst thing that could possibly be happening to me right now..."
Authorities are currently pursuing the thirteenth Demigod, Nicole Artemis Astoria–
I gasp and sit up. "Wait! Shit! That's me!"
I scramble out of bed and get dressed. Royal blue designer hoodie with black leggings, and even though I might be about to get raided by cops, I won't be caught dead in these streets wearing no beatniks. I tie up some Hephaestus Original Tempest NA-27s, white and blue, fresh out the box.
They practically sparkle.
I snap a quick pic for the socials.
@strmgrl: cops can't raid this drip tho!!!
Glass shatters in the other room and a flashbang bounces off the floor. Gods, really? Amateurs. I turn away and cover my ears as it goes off, the thunderous clap bashing through my chest. More of my windows smash inward and the SWAT team breaches my apartment, guns blazing. The bullets ricochet off my electromagnetic field like they're nothing, so I hit my blue raspberry vape and consider my options here. On the one hand, killing cops is [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: PROMOTION OF VIOLENCE]. On the other, killing cops would further the right wing's reactionary agenda by giving them more martyrs, and would kinda prove their point about trying to arrest me.
Aw, man. Guess I shouldn't.
While they're shooting at me, I gather my handful of belongings and toss them into my backpack. I always fucking forget my phone chargers, so I make triple sure I grab it. Phone, charger, bathroom shit, couple spare clothes, my passport, birth certificate, other legal documents, the usual. Even though I've been here for a few months, I never really unpacked and I only have the one bag, so it doesn't take me long.
The front door explodes and more cops rush in to shoot me.
"Fuck, I'm so not getting that security deposit back. Whatever, man. Deuces, dickheads."
I sprint toward the window. Jumping out of the thirty story building like a total badass, I drop the whole way down and hit the dirt nasty hero landing with a fist to the asphalt because it just looks so damn cool. There are a bunch of cops down here who start shooting at me too but I shrug it off and walk–
Something hits me hard, breaking my energy shield and sending me fucking flying. Damn, that's kinda rude! I bash through glass and concrete before finally skidding to a stop in my apartment lobby, flat on my back staring up at the decorative light fixtures.
That only hit me because I wasn't paying attention.
I swear.
I swear!
Standing up, I shake the dust off and wave at the receptionist, a lovely woman with some seriously beautiful bleached locks. "Yo, Quishaaa! Sorry about the mess!"
She gives me the kinda judgmental look only a mother could master. "You alright, sugar?"
"Fine, fine. A little rattled after this sudden violation of my rights as a citizen, but y'know. What else are cops for? Oh, seems like I'm moving out, by the way. They totally shot up my apartment, but any chance I'm getting the security deposit back?"
She doesn't answer, pursing her lips.
"Worth asking, right? Anyway, I'm gonna bounce, but can I grab one of those canned latte things you know I love so much, pretty please?"
"Sure, baby. I know your broke ass can't pay, so just take one."
"Thank you, Quisha! You're a gem!" I snag one from the cooler and take it to go, jogging backwards. "You know how to handle this, right? File the insurance claim, say it was me who did the damage, all that?"
"Mmhm. I know the procedure."
"Cool, cool! Love you! That man of yours better remember your anniversary tomorrow!"
"Oh, he will. Or else."
"Hell yeah! Deuces!"
"Mmhm. Bye, Nico. Careful out there, baby."
Ignoring the little footsoldiers shooting at me, I crack open my cinnamon latte and take a deep drink before hopping onto one of cop cars to get a better look down the street at what just hit me so Godsdamn hard.
I click my tongue. "Seriously, a tank? Whoa!"
Another shot comes my way and I duck. The shell whips past me and the force puts me on my ass and the impact explodes the sketchy corner store I get my beer and smokes from.
"Aw, damn it! Not Sketchymart!" I grit my teeth. Blue sparks fly. "Nah, nah, nah! That does it! I'm gonna fuck you up for that one!"
Charging up my power, I take off. [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: GRAPHIC DEPICTION OF VIOLENCE]. As I'm sprinting down the street, my regenerating shield deflects the tank's turret bullets and I dodge its next shell by cutting wide and jumping onto the glass of the high rise. Hitting a sick wall-run going for height, I gasp as the police open fire on civilian domiciles while trying to shoot me down.
Like, shit, man! And I'm the problem?
Diving pointed elbow drop. Directly to the tank's armor. The hunk of steel crushes inward and both ends jerk upward as the tank folds in half. The street explodes with the impact and kicks up so much dust I can't see anything, shattering every window in a half mile radius, probably. I dunno. All I know is I avenged Sketchymart. No one's coming out of the tank's wreckage in one piece.
A pair of choppers careen around the corner, firing rockets and machine gun spray at me.
"Jesus Christ, for real? What the hell is the budget for this shit?"
I shoot them both down with a bolt of lightning from a lazy flick of my wrist as I walk back down the street. Helicopters are real easy for me to destroy. Just one little zap to seize up the electronics systems and gravity does the rest. I'm way too cool to look at explosions, so I leave that shit in the rearview as I head toward Sketchymart. The city loves to pin the damages for this sorta shit on us Demigods, but is it really my fault? I'm just defending myself. They're firing rockets and tanks and shit in the middle of a densely populated metropolitan area.
Hypocrisy!
The fire alarm is going off inside Sketchymart. Half the place is gone and the other half is debris. Passing through it, making sure my shoes don't get dirty, I move aside the steel wreckage and fallen shelves blocking the back door, then bang my fist against it.
"Hitesh!" I call, knocking again. "Come on out! Door's clear!"
He bursts through, belting a rapid string of Hindi, then ushers out his six year old daughter, named Indu. Clasping my hand, he exhales, "Thank you! Thank you, Miss Astoria! Thank you!"
"I guess it's kinda my fault though. I mean, they are trying to arrest me. So... gratitude feels... weird."
"No," he says, jabbing a finger in my face. "No. You are not shooting rockets! You are not destroying my store! You do not risk the life of my daughter! They do all of this!"
I drink some more of my latte, shrugging. "Can't argue with that."
The poor kid's in tears and he pulls her close, asking, "Miss Astoria, what do we do?"
"Uh. Get out of here as fast as you can. Keep to the alleyways. Call Laila and get her to pick up Ishaan from school. Get home, get them home, and stay home until the smoke clears. You have insurance on the store? Make a claim against me and they're more likely to cover it, and give you more money too."
"But that puts blame on you!"
"And exploits the insurance company's bias against me, which is way more important for you right now. Get that bag, my man. On me. Don't sweat it. Once you're gone, I'll trash the place a bit more and leave my mark, so they can't contest it. You'll be back on your feet soon enough and you'll never see me again."
He bobs his bald head up and down. "Thank you, thank you. I will miss you. It was always a pleasure."
"The same to you," I say, hiding my internal grimace at how much I've [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: DESCRIPTION OF ILLEGAL ACTIVITY]. Making amends, right? "You should get moving before more of them show up."
He tries to comfort Indu, pulling her along with him as he leaves. With one final wave from him and a teary-eyed glance back at me from her, they're gone. Sirens wail in the distance, closing in. I steal the moment of peace to load up any excess space in my backpack with energy drinks, cigarettes, and alcohol, then fuck up what little is left of the place with my electricity.
Stepping back out onto the street, I scan the carnage. Smoking, burning, overturned vehicles, heavy machinery wreckage galore, broken glass everywhere, a couple fires burning in the high rises.
None of it my fault. None of it.
But the corporate owned media will twist it into a much bigger issue, inflate the damages, and label me a terrorist or some shit. Again. Damn, I don't even know why the fuck any of this just happened. Why are they actually locking up Demigods? Guess I'd better go find out. Cinching my backpack straps, I finish my latte and toss the can in the trash because I'm an upstanding citizen, cracking a [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: CONSUMPTION OF ALCOHOL] for the road. Just as I start to get moving, my phone buzzes in my backpack. Ignoring it for now, I build up electric charge before sprinting at near enough the speed of light as I bail on my old digs.
A few miles away, I jog to a stop in some quiet back alley.
Now that I have some distance, I keep walking as I whip out my phone to see it's my fucking deadbeat emotionally absent dickhead father calling me. Gods damn it. He knows I don't wanna talk to him, and he also knows not to call me unless it's something important, so whatever. I'll answer. Maybe it's about this sting operation bullshit.
"Fuck you want, old man?"
"Hey, little storm," says the almighty Zeus. His voice is a low rumble of thunder. "I know you're in a tight spot, so I'll get right to it. The newscasts have already picked up the story of this scrap you just had with the police. You got away, right? Are you hurt?"
"Nah, I dodged 'em. I don't think they really knew what they were doing, 'cause all they did was try to shoot at me. But yeah, I'm good. Wiped the floor. [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: JOKE ABOUT VIOLENCE]. You know how it is."
"Titans, that's good to hear. Listen, Nicole, you're the only Demigod in Primeval who evaded capture, for one reason or another–"
"For one reason or a–That one reason is because I kick mega fucking ass, dad!"
"Of course you do, and damn right that you did so. But that's also part of why I'm calling. I've been talking with the other Divines, those who've had their children abducted by this sting, and it seems like they all want to talk with you. How soon can you get over here?"
"Uh. I can run at the speed of light, so..." I take off running again and blitz through the air over to the Hills. "I'm outside."
My old man answers the door, dressed in a white suit. Appearing to be in his late fifties or so, but with a beefy late middle aged salt and pepper heavily bearded macho muscle dad vibe, Zeus's long white hair dangles around his shoulders as his weary blue eyes take me in. The mansion in the Hills is the same as I remember, and Dad looks just the same as he always has.
I scurry in the front door and he shuts it behind me. Kicking off my shoes at the door and dropping my backpack in the middle of the floor, I yawn and stretch my arms overhead as I make myself at home. The grand entry hall is all white marble trimmed with gold fixtures and gold statues and gold everything, really. A big fancy fountain spews its beautiful crystalline waters in the center of the grand staircase that winds around the far wall in a semicircle. It smells like steak and spices, wine and potatoes, rosemary and thyme.
"Oh, sick. I'm just in time for dinner."
"You are." Pops hovers for a second, and I can tell he's questioning if he should try to hug me or not, but he decides against it and walks past me. Damn right. Good choice. "Your uncle is here already."
"Uncle. Uncle?" I trot after him. "Hello? Which one? Like, true uncle? Your actual brothers? Or, like, extended family or siblings I just happen to call uncles?"
"Brothers. Take a guess. Fifty fifty."
"Well, knowing you, it's gotta be my big dawg Uncle P, right?"
He casts me a sideways look.
"Uncle Hades is here? Sick! Fuck yeah! But why though?"
"Something I'm sure you're now intimately familiar with. The incarceration of his daughter."
"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm intimately familiar with Anna, that's for sure."
He snorts, shaking his head. "Don't make jokes like that around him."
"I'm not joking."
"You had [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT] with your cousin?"
"What? No! I said I'm intimately familiar! There's more than one form of intimacy, Dad! Not that you would know, you fucking hoe! And how many of your cousins have you [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT], huh? I don't wanna hear it! Anyway, on the topic of my raging and extremely active sex life, I got way more than just my lightning powers from you, old man. But you know what makes me infinitely better than you?"
"I know, I know, you're a student of–"
"I'm a student of Sappho! Bitch! Not–Not that it prevents me from exposure a hundred percent. We are trans inclusive up in [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT]."
"Please, stop talking. Exposure?"
"To the parasitic sexually transmitted virus known as pregnancy! No more Demigods coming from me! Or... Quartergods? I dunno."
"Legacies."
"Right, sure, that."
We go into the kitchen, which also hasn't changed in the slightest. It's a grandiose place, a temple of its own, dedicated to perfectly prepared food and the hosting of guests and the flowing of wine and whatever else. Columnworks and grape vines, marble flooring and decadent seating, a long white table set with fancy adornments, candles, candles, and more candles.
Greek. Grecian. Classical. Whatever.
Standing at the island is Uncle Hades, sharp as a knife in an all black three piece suit. I dart over and nearly tackle him. "Uncle Hades! Uncle Hades! What the fuck is up, gangster?"
"What's up, storm?" he snickers, giving me a big hug. When he lets go, he takes my hands and checks me over. "You're intact. Unharmed?"
"Unscathed. Unbothered, even. Moisturized. In my lane. Thriving. I elbow bombed a tank. Folded. No big deal."
He proudly nods. "These are dangerous times to be a Demigod, Nicole. I'm quite honestly relieved to see you've managed to evade this newest initiative of the city's."
As Dad takes the roasted rosemary potato wedges out of the oven, I pluck one up to eat. The scalding infernal temperatures play at my tongue like they're nothing but an added texture. While chewing, I shrug. "Yeah. They tried to SWAT me earlier today. Guess you know that already. Mm. Needs more salt."
After grinding some salt over them, Dad turns on the TV and flips to the news. There it is, the coverage of my awesome scrap and the details of my daring, thrilling, titillating escape from custody. Oh, hell yeah. This publicity is so gonna get me [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: SEXUAL CONTENT]. As if I need any help with that! Heyo!
Dad lets out a troubled hum, arms crossed. "They're likely to check here next, little storm."
"Yeah, but I'm safe. Right?"
Neither of them answer me.
I wince a little. "Right?"
Dad serves up the steaks. "There's a problem with that."
Uncle Hades cuts me a piece of his and pours me a glass of the wine. "Diplomacy."
The fat melts in my mouth and the spice and flavor makes my spine tingle and my eyes roll back into my skull. Oh, fuck yes. More of that. In response to Uncle H, with my mouth full, I groan. "Come onnn. You're Gods. What can anyone do to the Gods?"
"Tie our hands," Dad sighs, cutting into his. "Issue ultimatums, implement sanctions, threaten legal action..."
Uncle Hades explains, "Things have come a long way since the days of old, Nicole. We've given up a good amount of immunity and agreed to certain binding legal agreements in order to appease the masses and reduce strain between the Divine and the Earthly."
"I remember," I sigh, elbow on the table to prop my chin on the heel of my hand as I swirl my red wine. "All those old documents and whatever, the declarations, and the constitutions, and the treaties, and the 'we agree to stop destroying shit all the time's. Dumb."
Dad's phone starts to ring. "Excuse me."
"Rude," I say, flipping him off as he goes. "I'm glued to my phone but even I know it's dinnertime."
Uncle Hades responds with, "This is a temperamental moment in time. Whatever it is, it must be important."
"What's going on, Unc? What's even happening?"
"Your father and I will explain shortly. In simple terms, there's something of a coup happening. Or rather an attempt at seizing some of what power we have left."
"I don't see why the Divines can't just break those stupid contracts and remind everyone why they shouldn't dare to fuck with you."
"In everything, Nicole, there are consequences. Actions and reactions. We've agreed to cooperate with humanity in these modern times of relative peace. At this point, however, if tensions continue to go unmitigated, it could mean conflict."
"And we would [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: DESCRIPTION OF VIOLENCE]."
"Which is something we want to avoid. Forgive my preaching with this: you do not know war, Nicole. You certainly don't know divine war. And in most of our hearts, our wrathful and destructive tendencies are things of the past. We as a collective wish to continue to pursue peace. To this end, we need to compromise and practice some metered amount of compliance."
"But they're challenging you. Challenging us. Compliance will only see them taking more and more. Hello? The Rhinelands? Poland? Give an inch and they take the Nile!"
"That's not how the saying goes."
"Huh? Yes, it is. Inch, the Nile. Right?"
"Listen. There is balance in all things. And fear not, little storm. There is a limit to our compliance. Boundaries are set in place and will be enforced should the need arise. The question, and the immediate issue at hand, is where do we draw the current line? What are we willing to cede and what are we going to fight to hold onto? The Divines must commune and come to an agreement. And that takes time."
"Whatever, man. So, what are we even doing? What's the plan?"
"That's what your father and I are meeting to discuss. It's fortunate that you're here. I implore you to join us."
"Well, yeah, I'm not going anywhere. There's free food and wine here!"
He lets out his dry wheezing laugh. "A touch of Dionysus in you, that's for certain."
"That's a mighty fine compliment right there, my good man!"
Dad comes back. "The others wish to speak. Right now."
"Let's."
"Word."
Dad nods and brings up the conference call and I stifle laughter. It's just a fucking Zoom meeting on the smart TV. I expected something more fantastical for the Gods of Yore. A handful join immediately, and the audio blares from a jet going overhead somewhere. Dad shouts at Tēzcatlīpōca, the Smoking Mirror, to mute himself. Meanwhile Kali Ma is going off on a tirade but it's completely silent because she forgot to unmute herself.
I am weeping.
Dad calls everything to order as the remaining Divines join the conference call. "Everyone, everyone, slow down. One at a time. Please."
"Gods, Goddesses, and Deities," says Yemoja, powerfully elegant voice dominating the call. Yes! Power! Love her! She's a total badass–the Yoruba Orisha of rivers. "All of us are facing the same conflict, so all of us have this anger in common. Be at peace and at ease, while knowing full well your grievances will be heard and acted upon."
The chat quiets down accordingly. Nice. I pour myself some more of the two hundred year vintage. This shit ain't half bad. While Yemoja explains the basics of what Uncle Hades just told me, I check out the call attendees and check my knowledge, trying to remember who's who. All of them have Demigods around my age, all of whomst are my friends, so I should know these Gods.
Probably.
There's Amaterasu, the Shinto Goddess of the Sun. Then Longshen Bailong, the White Dragon of the West, Chinese Deity of the Autumn season. Old Thor is up in the corner glowering–he and Dad have long standing beef over who rules the storm. We do, obviously. Bastet I know for sure, and am a little afraid of, because I dated her daughter for years. It ended, uh, not well. Coyote and Tēzcatlīpōca are both native to the Americas–the former is a trickster God and the latter is a wind and hurricane deity. Then there's blue skinned Kali, Hindu Goddess of Time, Change, and Power.
And then...
*Sighs with sapphic yearning...*
Morrigan, Marzanna, and Hecate, all in the same camera feed together. Celtic, Slavic, and Grecian Goddesses of Witchcraft and many other amazing things that I love and adore them for. I'm the power throuple's biggest fan. The three of them make up Bloodmoon, the most badass metal band in all of existence, and I go to all their concerts when they're on tour.
I've always had a massive crush on Hecate. Ohhh, she's so perfect.
Trying to beat down my desperate lesbian lust despite the fact that, damn, my lesbian lust got hands, I lean over to Uncle Hades and ask, "Who's the Maori one again?"
"That's Rūaumoko, God of Earthquakes, Volcanoes, and Seasons."
"He looks pissed."
"We all are."
Yemoja draws my attention by saying, "Regardless of our desires for peace, this mass incarceration initiative of our children is a clear and blatant act of hostility. The city's leadership, all of whom are in NasCorp's pockets, are making a statement of provocation, and I, for one, say we respond in kind."
Fucking NasCorp! Late stage capitalist scum that got so bloated they took over the government and shit. Like, 'drinking water is a privilege' level evil corporate bullshit.
What else is there to say?
The backstory writes itself.
After a good number of the other Divines voice agreements, Dad sighs. "Need I remind you that they have your children in custody, and can therefore do whatever they like with them? Torture, violence, interrogation, experimentation–if we act in any official capacity that can be even so much as interpreted as an act of retaliation, your children will receive retaliation in kind."
Their Demigods. Not his. Because, uh...
WE STILL OUT HERE❗❗❗😂👌💯🔥
Bastet croons in response, "You're correct, Zeus. As we discussed earlier, I say we must act in an unofficial capacity. Through more... clandestine means. How is my darling little Nicole, hm? Is she there with you now?"
Dad slowly nods. "She's sitting just off camera."
I lean over the table, going for a diplomatic smile and a sideways peace sign. "Gods. Goddesses. Deities. It's an honor. Bastet, heru nefer, hekenu, udja har... tenu? Little rusty."
She grins, her black tail swishing. "Em hotep, Nicole. Not bad for being rusty. It's a welcome sight seeing you unharmed, sweetie."
"And unimpeded," Yemoja adds, leaning closer. "You somehow escaped capture. Explain yourself, Nicole. How is it that our Demigods ended up in the corporate owned regime's custody yet you haven't?"
"Um. Heh. [WEBNOVEL CENSOR: JOKE ABOUT VIOLENCE]."
The musical sound of one distinct person's laughter rings out like wedding bells, and the lower left panel's perimeter lights up. My dearly beloved Goddess Hecate herself snickers, "Apologies, Divines. I'm not even here."
YESSS!!!! I MADE HER LAAAAAAUGH!!!!! AUUGHHDSHAHDH!!!!!1!!!
Yemoja hums. "What a remarkable windfall you are, Nicole."
"Remind me," Kali Ma says, "how old are you, Nicole?"
I go for a smile. "Twenty five."
"A spinster!" Coyote laughs.
"Bruh! I'm not that old!"
"Old enough," Amaterasu responds. "I think we've found our unofficial capacity."
A good number of them voice agreement.
Well! This sure took a turn!
Yemoja gets closer to her camera and declares, "Nicole Artemis Astoria, you are hereby charged with the task of freeing the twelve incarcerated Demigods of Primeval from imprisonment, wherever they may be incarcerated, however they may be restrained, and by whomever dares to think they can trifle with the Divines without consequence."
"Wha-heyyy, alrighty then! I'm down! How loud can I be?"
"Very," she states with authority. "We will collaboratively deny, deny, deny. And you will not be caught nor implicate us with anything regarding this conversation having ever happened. As far as the story goes, these are your friends and colleagues, and you're acting independently in their best interest, not ours. Do you accept this Divine charge, Nicole?"
"Hell yeah! Let's rock! When do I start?"
"Right now."
I clap my hands. "A'ight, I'ma head out. It's been real. I don't know most of you personally, but uh, I bid you my humblest farewells, Divines, Gods, Deities, and most importantly, Goddesses. Bastet, I hope to see you sometime soon in person. Morrigan, Marzanna, Hecate, all my love."
The three of them wave at me on screen. Euphoric.
Bastet adds, "It's your turn on our word game, by the way."
"Shit, true! I'll get on that in a minute. Got some shit to do now!"
Dad hisses, "What do you think you're doing?"
"What's it sound like? I'm off to play the hero!"
"You're going to get yourself killed. Or worse."
I shrug him off, slipping away. "Like you've ever cared."
Without looking back to see the damage, I give Uncle Hades a half hug. He tells me, "Talk soon."
"Yep. Deuces, everyone! My gay ass is off to save the day!"