About a week - six days to be precise - before Naruto and Jiraiya were supposed to return, Tsunade got a letter from a toad. In it, she found a lame explanation of her idiot teammate, stating that he and his student would take a month longer than planned. As much as it annoyed her, she was fine with it. However, the letter went on to explain that she could expect two new residents for Konoha to return with them.
Tsunade put the letter down and sighed. It didn't surprise her that Naruto would make new friends when left mostly alone to run rampant all across the Elemental Nations, but did he have to drag them back here? If it was another jinchuriki, Tsunade would quit. If nothing else, she was sure it would at least be some pacified former enemy turned best friend. She glanced back at the letter. And two at once at that!
Thus Tsunade decided to end the day early. If Naruto was dragging back two new "friends" she needed all the sake she could get before the headaches would start coming in spades. And as one month turned into two, went from two to four and finally stretched to six entire months, Tsunade ran out of sake.
It was a quiet day at gates of Konoha. Some may find that boring, but both Izumo and Kotetsu preferred it that way. Every day was a good day when no one was trying to kill you. Izumo sniffed as haughty as possible at a merchant that had "lost" his license when Kotetsu tapped him on the shoulder.
"What?"
"You seeing that, too?" he asked, nodding towards the gate.
Izumo craned his head, looking over the merchants. His eyes widened. "Oi, isn't that-?"
"He's grown tall," Kotetsu remarked.
"And who's that with him? Is that Kazekage Gaara?" Izumo grew worried. "Shit! Did we miss something?! Tsunade's going to murder us!"
"That's not the Kazekage," Kotetsu frowned. "The hair is far too long. And that one is smaller." He squinted after them as they left the gate behind. "Is that... a girl?"
Suddenly a tall man walked out of the crowd towards them, previously utterly unnoticed. Both of the gate guards had to peer up almost an entire foot to meet the easy grin of none other than Jiraiya of the Sannin.
"Hey there, we're back."
Sakura was just about to lose it and deck the man that sat on her examination table when the door was opened by a someone. With one last withering glare at the idiot that had the audacity to try and woo her at work, Sakura turned to the nurse- No wait, that was one of the Genin here on a D-Rank mission. She felt herself smile. To think this little girl was only four years younger than her.
"What can I help you with?" she asked, ignoring the protest of the soon to be punching bag.
The girl blushed. Gosh, had she been this small once? "There's a lady that's here for checkup! S-She's real scary!"
Sakura sighed. This was the shinobi part of the hospital after all and the older kunoichi were simply terrifying at best. Just look at Anko. That woman had traumatized more children than enemies, which allegedly made her really bad at her job at Torture and Interrogation.
"I'll be there in a minute," she told the girl. "Just have to finish that." She glared at the rapidly paling man over her shoulder. What a pathetic excuse for a chunin.
So - after the chunin left the hospital with more aches that he had initially arrived with - Sakura went to the reception to see to the lady that had come for checkup.
The main doors chimed close just as she arrived to see a petite redhead scowl severely after whoever had just left. In her arms, wrapped in a thick, worn looking blanket, was a tiny, equally redheaded baby.
The Genin from before scurried by. The woman hissed at her, and the young girl squeaked in fright, almost dropping the armful of papers she carried, and sprinted down the hall.
The redhead laughed quietly, rocking the baby, which gurgled happily in response. Well, like mother so... daughter; probably. It was a 50/50 chance. With a practiced smile, Sakura approached her.
"Hello," she greeted quietly as to not startle the baby. "What can I do for you?"
"Why the fuck are you whispering?" the redhead asked, not looking up from her child.
Sakura blinked. "Uhm." Right, Kunoichi were scary, strange and brazen. Sakura knew she was scary if she wanted to be. "For the baby, I- Never mind. I heard you're here for a checkup? For the baby, I assume?"
The woman looked up. Hm, she couldn't have been older than Sakura. And already a baby? "You got that right, pinky." Sakura's brow twitched. "The old pervert said I better get her immunized or something."
Her smile was a bit strained. "Right, we can do that. You'll have to fill in some forms before that, though." Sakura reached over the reception counter and grabbed one of the clipboards that were stacked there. "Here."
The woman scowled, looking mutinous enough to refuse, but finally arranged the baby girl against her shoulder, who wore an orange onsie, Sakura noticed, and took the clipboard. She scanned the contents. "You know," she said after a moment. "The only thing I can reliably fill in here is my fucking name."
"Oh." Oh, indeed. Was she a refugee? They still came from all across the country. Things didn't look too good in the Land of Fire in the moment. That aside, Sakura didn't remember a kunoichi (or anyone for that matter) with hair that distinctive. Aside from Gaara, who - as far as Sakura knew - had no other siblings and/or children.
"Well, I suppose that will do for now. We take care of your daughter first, the legal stuff comes later."
With a disgruntled nod, the woman filled her name into the paper and handed the clipboard back. "Right, so Tayuya Uz- Ack!" She bit her tongue. "Uzumaki?"
"The father's name, Naruto Uzumaki," Tayuya supplied shortly, back to tending to her child.
Sakura licked her lips. "Right," she said absently. "I uh, need to check on something. Would you... wait here, a moment?"
Without waiting for a response, Sakura sprinted out of the hospital and towards the Hokage tower. Because there was just no way, right? Couldn't be their Naruto, right?
"Yo. We're- UGH!"
Tsunade threw her pen the moment she heard the window slide open. Jiraiya, who barely had half a second to get comfortable on the window sill, was hit by the projectile right between the eyes and promptly fell out of the window.
"Ah." Damn reflexes. Well, Tsunade mused to herself, maybe this would teach him to use the damn door.
And not a moment later, another window slid open. She resisted the urge to throw a paperweight and turned around instead. It wasn't Jiraiya this time, but Naruto. Taller, shorter hair and a lot less orange, but he was definitely Naruto. Just without the baby fat.
"Yo, granny! ACK!
The paper weight hit his shoulder and he, too, tumbled out of the window. "I told you to stop calling me granny you brat!" she hollered after him.
Out of the four windows that the office had side by side so one could view all of Konoha in a quite nice panorama view, yet another one opened. Tsunade didn't even hesitate before grabbing her chair and slamming it right in Jiraiya's face, the pen she had thrown earlier still somehow lodged in his forehead, and he fell out of the window yet again.
"And use the god damn door!"
The fourth and final window open, accompanied by a draft of wind that scattered all but a few of the multiple papers that had rested on Tsunade's desk through the office, and Naruto. The latter was promptly greeted by a flying drop kick to the chest, sending him flying back into the village.
"You, too, you god damn brat!"
So when Shizune entered the room, not only were all the windows open, a fresh breezed playing with all of Tsunade's assorted document and scattering them more and more all throughout the office, but her chair was missing as well while Tsunade stood in front of the windows, beating heavily and face flushing in anger.
The younger woman sighed. "Have you been drinking again? Naruto and Jiraiya aren't even back yet."
Shizune had to doge an inkwell and a seal stamp.
"You didn't change at all."
Tsunade threateningly waved her paper weight at the blonde boy- well, young adult - sitting in the chair she had thrown at Jiraiya earlier. "Don't push it, brat!" She glared at him for a few seconds before she let the smile split her lips that she had held back for so long. "And it's good to see you back home."
Naruto smiled back, and while she couldn't tell anything odd about it, it was still different. Not as wide, not as exuberant. Actually... mature. She hadn't expected him to mature at all, given that he was traveling with a huge man child for three and a half years. "That said..." She rounded on Jiraiya. "You are late! Half a god damned year late!"
Jiraiya rubbed his head, more to ease the growing bruise than a sheepish gesture. "Hey, I told you we would-"
"One month!" she hissed back. "You said one, single, month! Not six!"
He shrugged his shoulders, casting his eyes to his pupil. "Well, something came up."
Tsunade looked from him to Naruto and back again. "Hm," she huffed before sitting down heavily. "Fine. Be that way. Let's talk results. How strong is he?"
Jiraiya smiled triumphantly at her. "Ah!" he exclaimed, slapping a huge hand on Naruto's shoulder. "He's more powerful than I thought the idiot would become!"
"Hey!" Naruto shouted, glaring at him.
"And how strong is that exactly? High Chunin? Special Jonin?"
Naruto pouted at her and Jiraiya slapped his shoulder again. "I said stronger than expected!" Jiraiya rose from his seat. "He couldn't quite beat me, but I really wouldn't want to bet on that anymore since he figured out how to coat a Rasengan in wind."
Tsunade blinked rapidly at them. "You... aren't serious, right? You would put him at Kage level?"
Jiraiya nodded, grinning widely. "He could beat your ass if he so desired. And that's when he fights alone! You should see him with-!" He interrupted himself, clapping his hands together. "Oh that's right! We haven't old you about-!"
Suddenly the door to her office was kicked off it's hinges. Five ANBU simultaneously dropped from the ceiling just as Sakura barged inside. "Master!" she huffed and puffed, her face so red, she might set her hair on fire, "There's a woman with a baby at the hospital who says it's Naruto's!" She skidded to halt right in front of Jiraiya, who gave her a once over.
Silence.
"See?" the Sannin said, indicating Sakura with both his hands.
Naruto did as his master had done and eyed Sakura critically, who blinked unintelligibly at them. "Well, I mean, her chest is still the same. So I guess you were right about something."
Tsunade stared at them for a long suffering second and before Sakura could break out of her stupor and realized what Naruto had just said, she dismissed the ANBU and rose from her chair. "Right, hold up," she said, walking around the table. "What was that about a woman and a baby?"
Sakura, whose eyes turned murderous for a second, accompanied by a luminescent blush, turned to her. "Yes, uh-! The woman said that Naruto is her baby's father!"
Tsunade took a deep breath. Neither Naruto nor Jiraiya reacted in confusion or outrage. She feared the worst. "Spill it!" she ordered.
"Well," Jiraiya began, "I believe I told you we would have two new residents."
"Yes, yes," Tsunade waved off, "What about the baby part?"
Naruto took the word. "I mean, she's mine and all, but it's not like you-!"
Sakura attempted a right cross right at the back of Naruto's head, but he ducked out of the way faster than Tsunade could follow and just barely stopped before he would have twisted and broken Sakura's arm. He stood taut for a second, his eyes sharp, before his shoulders relaxed. "You really ought to stop that, Sakura," he advised sourly. "Could've hurt you..."
"Sakura, sit the hell down and someone explain to me why you-," she jabbed her finger at Naruto, "-have a baby!"
"A daughter," Naruto corrected, smiling. "She'll be two next fall!"
Tsunade could barely believe what she heard. She rounded on Jiraiya. "Tell me," she demanded icily, just short of exploding.
"Whoa! Hey!" He raised his hands defensively. "That isn't my fault! We all ought to thank Orochimaru for that!"
"Well," Naruto injected thoughtfully, "I wouldn't really thank him, but it might be enough to kill him quickly."
"Right," Jiraiya agreed before turning back to her. "The short version is, we found her in a hideout in some kind of incubator, where she was... well, giving birth to a baby Orochimaru produced using Naruto's DNA and her body."
"He did freakin' what!?" Tsunade nearly shouted. "Why would he ever-!?" She stopped herself, releasing a long suffering sigh. "You know, I'm sure I don't want to know what he could have done with the baby... So you took both the baby and the mother with you, is that it?"
Naruto nodded happily. "Yeah! We found all those papers and folders and all of them basically said that I had a baby!"
"How are you so happy about that?" Sakura spoke up from where she had sunken into a chair.
"Are you kidding?" Naruto responded excitedly, turning to her. "I have baby daughter! Did you even see her? She's so cute!" He turned to Sakura. "She's cute, right!?"
Oookay. Leave it to Naruto to take that in stride. "What about the girl?" Tsunade asked.
"Oh, right." Naruto laughed. "She was really pissed when she woke up, but she wouldn't leave the baby and I didn't want to either so we took her with us. She's damn sexy by the way. She has those awesome dimples right above her hips and that things she can do with her..."
Tsunade's eyebrows twitched. And there was Jiraiya's influence...
"And what... is she to you?" Sakura asked, looking terribly pale.
Naruto grinned at her. "Oh, we're lovers!"
Sakura squinted at him as if to make sure that it really was Naruto she talked to before she slumped over in the chair, either fainted or just finished with this conversation.
"Lovers?" Tsunade asked incredulously.
"Well, we have sex and-"
"Jiraiya!" she interrupted him, "You god damn pervert!"
"Hey!" the man exclaimed. "This isn't my fault! The girl came on strong!"
"Heh, that she did," Naruto grinned to himself, a dreamy smile on his lips.
She threw the paperweight right in his face.
After she taped Naruto to a chair, stuffed Jiraiya under a sofa and sent Sakura back to do her damn job, Tsunade decided that it was time to meet the wife. And the child. Wait, hold up. She was a grandmother now! Well, if the child ever got to meet her, then definitely. Otherwise she wasn't really that blood related to Naruto, Kushina's family and her own grandmother's should have been quite far apart so she had no obligations to be anyone's grandma.
Ah, who was she kidding? She would love to!
Not that anyone needed to know that...
"One more pervert joke and I will kick you straight to the hospital. Understood?" she threatened. Naruto nodded meekly, his split lip already visibly healing. Wow, had that gotten faster, too? "Now tell me about this daughter of yours and why I shouldn't freak out?"
"Because she's adorable?" said Naruto, though somehow it sounded more like a question.
She scowled at him. "First things first. Her name."
Naruto grinned broadly at her, leaning forward and straining against his binds. "Akari!" he proclaimed proudly. "Her birthday is the 29th of September and she's adorable! Did I mention she's adorable? I'm sure I did, she's so adorable after all!"
Tsunade had seen this before. He was just like all those other new fathers, barely able to contain themselves. It was baffling to see Naruto like that. That wasn't to say she hadn't expected him to never have children. Just not when he was so awfully young. Then again, they started killing when they were just thirteen and Naruto was almost seventeen.
She sighed, rubbing her aching temples. "Akari, huh? Was that your idea?"
He nodded rapidly, excitedly, almost jumping in his chair. "I got to choose! Tayuya may be a bit crass and totally violent but she's so sweet as well! She let me name her and all I had to do was be the father the baby deserved!"
That sounded awfully mature. "How old is she anyways?"
"Who? Tayuya? Uhm, as old as me, I guess?" He tilted his head. "Does that matter? And while we're talking about this, can Jiraiya go get her? I kinda miss her already."
"Whipped!" Jiraiya wheezed from under the sofa, before another paperweight hit him. "Ouch! How many of these do you even- ARGH!"
"One more if you open your mouth again," threatened Tsunade. She turned back to Naruto, who was happily wiggling in his chair. "How are you not upset by this? Like, at all."
He shrugged. "I mean... it was strange and all. Tayuya actually kicked my ass after she woke up, which was just five minutes after she had, you know, given birth and all that 'cause she thought I raped her." He scowled. "That kinda pissed me off more than the baby."
"You didn't even know it was yours by then," Jiraiya voiced from behind him.
Tsunade merely lifted the paperweight from the desk and Jiraiya fell silent again. She motioned for Naruto to go on, pointing the - by the way, Kunai-shaped - paperweight in Naruto's face. Blunt or not, those hurt. Which was one of the reasons she had those in the first place.
"Uh, yeah," he said nervously, "Jiraiya found all those papers and reports." He threw a glare over his shoulder, "But only ever said that when she had already broken my jaw! Yeah well... anyways. We got out of there as fast as possible and, uh, well..."
"You decided to go gallivanting through all of the god damn continent with not only a recently woken coma patient, but with a newborn baby just as well," Tsunade finished icily. "For, what? One and a half years?"
Naruto swallowed nervously. "Uhm... it was Jiraiya's idea?"
The white haired Sannin gaped disbelievingly at his pupil. "You-! You little shit! How could you- UGH!" She Kunai-shaped paperweight nailed him right in the throat, leaving him to cough and gag violently.
Tsunade sighed. "Fine. Not like I can change this anymore." She stood from her chair. "Let's get the girl here. I've run out of paperweights to throw anyways."
Sakura arrived with the redhead and the baby version of her half an hour later. Tsunade blinked rapidly once she laid eyes upon the child. The little girl looked just like Kushina once had. Well, it would be better to say that the baby- that Akari - would one day look a lot like the seven year old Kushina had when she came to Konoha to have the Kyuubi sealed inside her. The resemblance was uncanny, the similarity in their eyes was almost disturbing. Orochimaru couldn't possibly have anything to do with that... right?
"Fucking hell, what'd they feed you to get those tits so huge?"
Tsunade immediately frowned at the young woman. Right... Another brat. Perfect.
"You know... I wondered about that, too," Naruto muttered, taking the baby from her arms without any offered resistance. The process was too smooth. It almost hurt to look at them. The baby girl immediately gurgled happily, tiny arms reaching for her father. Naruto. Her father was Naruto.
Naruto had a child.
It would take some time to let that sink in.
She shook her head before scowling at Tayuya. "That's Lady Hokage with the huge tits to you, young lady."
The girl just snorted. "Lady, hah."
Tsunade narrowed her eyes. "So you somehow managed to get yourself pregnant with the brat's child."
The redhead rolled her's in response. "Yeah, I think you mean the snake pedo with the unhealthy Uzumaki fetish thought it would be fun to get me pregnant with lover boy's child while I was still out cold."
The Hokage raised an eyebrow. "Lover boy?"
She pointed at Naruto. "Him. Who'd you think of? That aside, one hell of a lover he is..." She trailed off, moving over to Naruto. Little Akari grabbed onto her fingers as soon as they were in reach, laughing. "That said, we're not gonna sleep tonight. And it won't be the baby's fault." She licked her lips and Naruto countered with a strangely mature grin.
Gosh, they grew up so fast...
"Could you not!?" Sakura exclaimed, beet red in the face. Jiraiya merely nodded proudly from his perch on the window sill-
That god damn-!
Tsunade almost forgot how prude the girl was. "I couldn't care less about that," she said, though she was very much abhorred by the thought and did not need anymore info on that than necessary, "Let's just get this over with. I need a name and a date of birth to start a file for you," she pointed at Tayuya, "And the rest I'll probably have to make up."
The redhead looked up from the baby, an almost calculating look in her eyes, before she turned back to Naruto, smiling. "Yeah," she said, "You can put it down as Tayuya Uzumaki. I dunno about my birthday but I guess I'll take Akari's."
"You could take, like, a day sometime in November," Naruto remarked. "We'd have a birthday to celebrate each month."
"Celebrate, huh?" Tayuya grinned. "Do we need an excuse to "celebrate" I wonder?"
"Stop that!" Sakura whined. She turned to glare at Jiraiya. "How did you turn him into such a fiend?"
"Me!?" Jiraiya exclaimed aghast. "Oh, he did that all by himself, let me tell you that! If anyone's to blame for this, then it's her!" He pointed an accusing finger at Tayuya, but he was grinning somewhat proudly.
A loud whine rang through the office, obviously coming from Akari. Naruto handed his daughter - for the love of all that was sacred, Tsunade would not get used to this - to Tayuya, who pulled her tunic open without warning. The baby latched onto the exposed breast with practiced ease.
Tsunade could see the indignation and embarrassment on Sakura's face from here. Her eyes immediately searched Jiraiya's face, but there was no leer to be found. He looked at them... fondly. Tsunade had to admit, the two of them were an almost too painful reminder of Minato and Kushina. Well, aside from the fact that Naruto was nowhere near Minato's level of aloofness and that Kushina wouldn't curse like that if she were paid to do it. The woman had actually been an awful prude.
Sakura, caught in between the need to chastise public indecency and getting between a small baby girl and her meal, opened her mouth only to close it again and finally sat down in a chair with a defeated sigh. "She's very healthy," she commented tiredly, "just so you know. Took the immunizations without any fuss."
"She ain't got that from me," Tayuya murmured. "You come at me with a needle and I'll chop your tits off, however little you have of those."
Jiraiya badly hid his snort with a fake cough and even Tsunade couldn't stop her lips from twitching. Naruto wasn't playing attention to the conversation, rather he kept staring at his daughter - no, it wasn't getting easier - and gently stroked the tuft of red hair on Akari's head. It was surreal.
Maybe she was still drunk? Couldn't be, Shizune had taken away all the sake when the first two months of waiting had passed.
"You-! You-!" Sakura stammered before finally huffing angrily. "I can't believe you!" she exclaimed and vacated the room.
Tayuya looked up from her baby, looking after Sakura before staring questioningly at Naruto. "What's got her tiny bra in a twist?"
The news of Naruto's return reached one raven haired Hyuuga and her team just as they entered the village. Hinata overheard the gate guards comment on Naruto's arrival to Kurenai when they checked in.
"He sure took his time, huh?" Kiba whistled. "The Hokage's gonna kill him."
Shino nodded mutely, adjusting his glasses. After a moment, he added, "I concur," and fell silent once more.
"S-She wouldn't so something so drastic, would she?" Hinata mumbled, more to herself than her teammates.
"Aaah, hard to say," Kiba remarked. "He kept us waiting so I'm half a mind to let Akamaru kick his ass!" The ninken barked his agreement.
"But would he be able to?" Shino questioned. "Naruto may as well have grown exponentially in three and a half years. Why? He was trained by one of the Legendary Sannin."
"Yeah but so was Sakura," Kiba huffed. "And now look at her."
"S-Sakura is an outstanding medic," Hinata threw in.
"She's supposed to be a ninja," the Inuzuka dismissed. "Aside from that, she didn't exactly change at all. Three inches in height don't count in my book." His eyes landed on Hinata, more specifically, her sizable bosom. "We all grew in a lot of ways," he said, averting his eyes, cheeks reddening.
Shino elbowed him sharply, shaking his head. "We should hurry," he said. "Why? Because Sensei is already on her way to the tower."
Indeed, Kurenai was already way ahead of them, so Team 8 hurried to catch up. Their latest mission had brought them close to the borders, searching for an escaped convict. However, it had all gone to hell rather quickly, as it always seemed to do, when said convict found refuge in one of Orochimaru's old hideouts. The man, a simple chunin, consumed unholy magnitudes of dangerous chemicals and turned into a unhinged monster, running rampage near the borders. In the end, Team 8 managed to take him down in a battle of attrition, when Shino's insects had leeched almost all chakra out of him and half his body nonfunctional with Hinata's gentle fist.
They passed a distraught Sakura on their way up the stairs and neither of them could get a word in before she was out of earshot, wailing profoundly.
"I refuse to ask," Kiba commented, continuing to walk up the stairs without turning around.
Hinata merely glanced back at her for a moment before following suit. The door to the Hokage's office was still open when Team 8 stepped inside. Hinata's eyes found the head full of blonde hair almost automatically. He was taller, leaner and even more handsome than before. Her face turned red before he even looked up at her from-
From... the baby he was cradling?
A young woman with flowing red hair stood right next to him, close to him, and fastened a few buttons on her tunic. Then she hooked a finger in Naruto's shirt collar, pulled him down and kissed him. Hinata almost fainted, though her face was ghostly pale at this point. The redhead took the baby from him and looked up, noticing their presence.
Her warm yet sharp brown eyes stared intensely at her before she declared: "Are all chicks in Konoha that busty? Pinky sure is the odd one out, huh?"
To their left a tall man with white hair laughed uproariously before he was hit by one of the Hokage's paperweights and sunk to the ground in a boneless heap.
"Team 8," Tsunade said by way of greeting, sounding very tired. "I got your report. Is their anything more worth mentioning that wasn't already in it?"
Kurenai, who threw a confused look first at Naruto and the redhead, then at the knocked out Sannin, cleared her throat. "No, not specifically, but I wish to enter my entire team into the next Jonin exam."
Kiba whooped loudly in joy before Kurenai could get a word of explanation in, but Hinata couldn't bring herself to celebrate. She was still watching how Naruto interacted with the young woman, perfectly at ease as he tended to the small baby in her arms. What in the world was going on?
Kiba's joyous shouts seemed to bring Naruto back to reality and he, too, looked up at all of them. He smiled widely and the blood rushed back into Hinata's face, going from pasty white to beet red in under two seconds.
"Hey guys! So good to see you again!" he greeted, leaving the young woman's side. Hinata didn't miss that she followed him even so.
"Shiiit," Kiba appraised lowly, "When'd you grow so damn tall?" he slapped Naruto hard on the back, who didn't so much as flinch.
Naruto returned the gesture and Kiba almost doubled over. "Ya know," he said sheepishly, missing how Kiba wheezed for breath, "Eating a lot, training a lot..."
"Fucking a lot," the young woman threw in, a devious grin on her delicate lips.
Hinata's face began to feel strange as once again all blood seemingly vanished from her neck up. She was beginning to feel faint. "F-F-F-Fu-?" she stammered in an effort to repeat the crude word, but ultimately it died on her tongue.
Shino, right besides her, nodded somewhat sagely. "Intercourse burns an immense amount of calories," he commented serenely.
The young woman's grin widened. "You bet it does." Her piece said, she bowed her head back down to the awfully cute, equally red haired baby in her arms.
Kiba whistled appreciatively. "Man... how'd you get that?"
"Tank bred," the redhead deadpanned, not looking up. "I just decided to keep her and him. Was some kind of package deal, apparently."
Naruto scowled at her with obvious mock hurt. The affection in his eyes drove a nail deep into Hinata's heart.
Kiba laughed roughly before Kurenai decked him over the head. "We are still in the presence of our Kage!" she reminded him sharply.
"Oh, uhm Sorry!" he hurried out, stepping back behind all of them.
Tsunade, however, just waved the off. "I've had enough weird stuff for one day. Jonin exams, you say?" Her eyes moved over to Naruto. "Hm, if you can beat the brat, sure, why not."
"Three against one?" Kiba asked incredulously. "Just how much stronger did you get?" he asked of Naruto.
"I'm not so sure myself," Tsunade admitted. "That's gonna be his test. Your's too. Now get out, I need sake and a lot of sleep."
She roughly ushered all of the out of the office and threw the still unconscious Jiraiya out as well, right down the staircase. They stood awkwardly in the antechamber, even Kurenai's eyes were now on the baby Naruto had taken from the young woman's arms.
"So, uh, who are you then?" Kiba dared to ask.
The redhead looked up. "Me? Tayuya Uzumaki. Not sure if it's nice to meet you but..." Her eyes found Hinata's, "Your tits are impressive." She prodded them sharply for good measure.
At this point Hinata's blood circulation was so messed up, she didn't manage a full blush before she fainted with a confused "Meep?"
After they woke Hinata - which took considerably more effort after she fainted a second time when she came face to face with Naruto - they made it to the training ground Kurenai had designated for their test. It was, probably on purpose, Training Ground 7. Hinata was still a bit shaken as she watched Naruto fondly pat one of the three training logs that stood on the field.
Naruto had a child. The thought wouldn't leave Hinata's mind.
The redhead, Tayuya - baby still in tow - took a seat right next to Kurenai, who was supposed to step in if things got too rough. Hinata glanced at Kiba, who looked a tad too eager to fight in her opinion. She really didn't want to hurt Naruto...
That was the moment Naruto choose to take off the thick combat jacket he had worn.
Hinata swallowed as her blood started flowing twice as fast as before.
The shirt he wore was sleeveless, formfitting and basically a second skin. Whatever training Naruto had done, it had obviously involved at least a couple thousand sit ups. Tayuya wolf whistled shamelessly over at him.
"You better not exhaust yourself!" she called. "You gonna need the energy!"
Naruto grinned back at her, rubbing the back of his head like he always had, but to Hinata it looked so much more mature. And drop dead sexy. If the skin wasn't melting off her face at this point, Hinata would suspect a minor affinity for the ice element in her veins.
"Let's do this!" Kiba exclaimed as Akamaru barked excitably, taking off his jacket as well.
Tayuya's blank stare hit him like a physical thing. She wordlessly screamed "Can't even compare" with her eyes only. Kiba's formerly so proud face fell away like a house of cards in a Great Breakthrough. Shino merely adjusted his glasses, glancing at Hinata to see if she was ready. The Hyuuga nodded somewhat shakily at him and turned her eyes to Kurenai.
The jonin sighed and walked onto the field in between them. "Right," she began, "I want this to be as clean as possible. Nothing too destructive, nothing lethal. If you could have died, you are out. Are we clear?" Everyone nodded their assent. "Ready then? Begin!"
Hinata hadn't even activated her Byakugan yet when Kiba and Akamaru were already rushing forward. Much to her surprise, Naruto had yet to move. Mid sprint, Kiba and his partner suddenly jumped into a rapid spin, their technique seamlessly conducted into their advance. They crushed into the spot Naruto had occupied like a giant drill, unearthing tons of dirt and debris.
Hinata refused to think that Naruto had actually been hit by that and took the moment to activate her Byakugan while Shino sent his bugs out. She found him standing in front of Tayua, holding a rather huge chunk of rock aloft with one hand only. He was most definitely annoyed but Hinata could barely look at him long enough to tell when the brightness of his chakra forced her to avert her eyes.
"Oi!" he called, drawing Kiba's attention. "I'm sure we agreed on not using anything too destructive!"
Kiba growled, a feral grin on his lips. "That was nothing!" he shouted. "We got something far more destructive than that!"
"D-Don't rush!" she managed to call out.
"Agreed," Shino affirmed, "Naruto is obviously much faster than before. Sensei wants us to be Jonin, try to act like one."
Said sensei did indeed look none too pleased with Kiba.
With a reluctant huff, Kiba retreated back to them while Naruto casually dropped the Choji-sized rock, patted the baby's head affectionately, and walked back into the middle of the field.
"Right," he said, "It's been beaten out of me to rely too much on one technique so I guess the Shadow Clones will have to rest for now."
Hinata had never actually seen Naruto do more than two consecutive handsings before, so the speed in which he completed no less than forty-seven took her aback. The air briefly bristled with chakra before Naruto inhaled a humongous amount of air.
"Get back!" she called out, jumping away as far and fast as she could manage. And not a second too late.
A blade of compressed air tore through the Training ground, uprooting dozens of trees as it waltzed even further into the tree line. Hinata found herself blown away with the current and would have taken a heavy fall if not for Shino catching her in a pocket of insects. Always a bit of a disconcerting feeling but nothing she wasn't used to by now. Kiba had taken the brunt of the attack and crashed hard into the dirt.
"I thought we said nothing too destructive!" he shouted out angrily, wiping mud out of his face.
Naruto appeared besides him out of nowhere. "Oh don't worry," he said causally. Kiba immediately bolted away. "I got something far more destructive than that."
Kiba huffed. "Yeah, you got me." Then he smirked. "Or do you?"
Hinata knew what was going on. Out from the ground behind Naruto, Akamaru burst free, latching onto Naruto's back. A stream of bugs followed from the hole in the ground and Kiba himself immediately launched himself at Naruto as well. Hinata hesitated for about a second before she charged as well.
"Not bad."
Hinata rolled to the side mid charge when Naruto's voice rang suddenly from right besides her. She had her Byakugan active! How did he-? Had he actually moved too fast for her to see?
The Naruto Akamaru had grappled turned out to be a clone and Kiba barreled right into his partner. Fortunately they had practice recovering from those collisions and managed to land like it had been planned. Or at least make it look like that.
"You have become fast," Shino commented as he emerged from the underbrush. "So fast in fact, that my bugs can't get a hold of you."
"And what was that with 'The Shadow Clones resting'?" Kiba called indignantly from where he crouched besides Akamaru.
Naruto shrugged, giving an easy smile. "Deception."
Shino's eyebrows visibly rose over his glasses. "I see," he said. "It seems we have been taking you too lightly."
"Yeah, about that," Naruto began, scratching the back of his head. "It looks like I kinda overdid it in training. Always getting to fight the old pervert was kind of hard and once I could almost beat him-"
"What!?" Kiba exclaimed. "You mean to tell me you can beat a Sannin!?"
He shrugged again and Hinata felt strangely weak for entirely other reasons than her crush. "I mean, we haven't had a go since half a year but I guess I can."
"Are you calling us weak?" Shino asked flatly.
Naruto shook his head. "Nah, just that I'm stronger. By a bit too far a margin. You'll get there but... I mean, it's kinda hard not to just knock you out all at once."
Hinata swallowed. Just how strong had he grown? Truly strong enough to beat a Sannin?
"Oh yeah?" Kiba bristled, obviously annoyed. "I'll show you who-!"
He dropped to the ground without another word. Behind him stood Naruto, or rather, one of his clones, one hand aloft. It dispelled immediately. "Can't have him do anything more destructive," Naruto muttered. "That idiot might hurt Akari."
Akari, right. The name of the baby girl. Shino walked up to her side. "How much of a chance do we stand against you?" he asked.
Naruto barely hesitated before he said, "None."
Hinata smiled uncertainly. "Y-You got really strong, Naruto," she said honestly.
"You bet he is," Tayuya declared, walking into the clearing. The child in her arms was fussing. "And now he's gotta be a good boy and tend to his daughter because she don't need me no more."
He laughed, taking the girl from her. "Yeah, we both know she'll want to be back in your arms in less than five." He said that, but little Akari immediately stopped fussing once he held her.
Hinata had never before been as jealous in her entire life as she was in this one moment. She hadn't envied her little sister's position in the clan, hadn't envied her cousin's strength and had never envied another's beauty or been jealous of another's possessions. This, however, spiked a feeling akin to hate in her gut. An ugly feeling. She didn't like it. But as she watched Naruto handle the baby, his little daughter, with a content smile on his face, it almost immediately evaporated.
Hinata smiled sadly to herself. She wondered if this could have been her, standing with him and a baby of her own. Maybe she had been too shy, too slow or any number of other things, but it seemed like her chance had long since gone by. And just like that, Hinata walked away. Not only from the training field, but form her crush as well, if only so he wouldn't see her tears.
Shikamaru had been sleeping in that day. He always was but it wasn't wise to make everyone aware of your habits, however good they were. He met Temari, running almost an hour late, for talks about the next Chuunin exams. How he ended up being the one tasked with this, he had no idea; Shikamaru had literally slept through that meeting.
So he got a nasty glare before any greetings were exchanged when he met Temari in front of the small cafe.
"Any excuses?" she asked shortly, impatiently tapping her foot.
"No," he said, "None that would satisfy you, which a an absolute drag."
She huffed once before she grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Women.
Despite his less than admirably efforts to resist, Shikamaru was dragged into the small cafe but Temari suddenly stopped in the middle of the way. He peeked past her and came face to face with a very familiar redhead.
"Aren't you supposed to be dead?" he found himself asking.
The girl - Tayuya, was it? - eyed first him, then Temari distastefully before she said, "Aren't you supposed to be gay?"
Hah?
He didn't have an answer to that and would have called it all a huge drag when Temari suddenly burst out laughing. Shikamaru gave her a sideways half-glare. Women.
"Oh that was great!" Temari huffed, still laughing. "Shit, just imagine we'd have met before all that invasion stuff!"
Tayuya, who had been semi scowling at them the entire time, cracked a smile. "Yeah, I could see that turn out bad for him." She jerked a dismissive finger at Shikamaru.
Great. They were unifying against him. This called for tactical retreat. He stealthily turned around but ran right into none another than Naruto. When did that guy get so tall?
"Oh, hey there Shika! Long time no see!" he greeted with the same old cheer. Then he glanced at Temari, who had captured his hand again, and tilted his head. "Aren't you... you know, supposed to be gay?"
And while Temari chocked on heaps of laughter, Shikamaru felt it was too much of a drag to noticed the baby the Uzumaki carried on his shoulder.
Kakashi always knew that Naruto was weird. He'd known it before the boy had been born, had seen it when he guarded him from the shadows and was subjected to it as his sensei. But, no matter how weird Naruto was, he always moved in a predictable way, no matter how unpredictable. There was just a certain level of weirdness to be expected.
But seeing a grown up version of his cute little genin with a baby in one arm and a redhead on the other... Those were the wrong kind of flash backs, the wrong kind of weird that blew right through any expectations. Was he having an episode again? Maybe he shouldn't have stopped taking those meds. He glanced over at Yugao. Well, at least she looked about as shocked as he felt. So maybe this wasn't an episode after all.
Question is, was that really better?
"Hey!" Naruto called out, the baby girl on his shoulder bouncing excitedly, "Sensei! Guess who's back!"
Well, it could still be some kind of weird flashback. Did that baby have Kushina's eyes? Did she come back to punish him? He managed to lamely lift a hand in greeting. He glanced once more at Yugao, who had an odd gleam in her eyes as she stared at the little child, blinking rapidly with an almost serene expression.
Right. Time to get some condoms.
The redhead raised a challenging eyebrow in his direction, daring him to make a noise with fierce brown eyes. Fine, so at least this redhead was not Kushina incarnate.
"Yo, Naruto," he greeted evenly, ignoring the redhead's huff. Thank kami he caught himself before he called him Minato. "I see you did the deed." Wait, was that really the first thing he thought of?
Yugao was so absorbed, she didn't even elbow him.
The redhead snorted. "Yeah, a lot at that," she affirmed, grinning, "But unlike you, cyclops, he'll get laid again tonight."
Yugao didn't confirm that, but she was still mesmerized by the tiny baby on Naruto's shoulder, so maybe there was a chance. Kakashi just shrugged in response.
"You're still such a perv," Naruto laughed before he turned to Yugao. "Say, would you like to hold her, Cat? You'v been staring."
So he remembered her after all. Well, the purple hair color was rather unique. Yugao took two seconds to respond with a smile and a nod. "Oh, why yes, I would!"
He was so going to buy condoms. He was too young to have- Wait... "So... is that yours?" he decided to ask, somewhat hoping that Naruto had just kidnapped a random baby.
"My cute little daughter!" Naruto said proudly, carefully placing the surprisingly calm child in Yugao's arms. Good thing this wasn't the first the she had held a baby or she might have freaked out. Funny thing was, the first time had been Naruto himself, about a year old.
Ah, good old times.
The redhead was suddenly close enough to Yugao to kill her within a heartbeat, her eyes making it clear that one wrong move would end her entire career. Well, if that wasn't the mother, Kakashi would eat his entire Icha-Icha collection.
What was it with blondes and redheads? Was that some kind of genetic thing?
Naruto made some light conversation, mostly about how cute his daughter was, with Yugao, before they went on their way again, taking the little girl from very reluctant arms, leaving Kakashi with the wistful looking Yugao. She suddenly caught his entire right arm in a death grip.
Kakashi didn't even look in her direction.
He knew that it was too late to buy condoms now.
Tsunade had a killer hangover. That was old news, of course, but waking up in the same bed a Jiraiya was, at the very least, bad news. Well, at least she was still dressed. Mostly. Yeah, celebrating their return had taken a turn deep down into twenty eight bottles of sake, shared between just the two of them. So even with her head feeling like it was about to melt off her shoulders, she could still see how this happened.
The alcohol left in her system helped her not to think too much about it, so she dragged herself out of bed, hit the cool wooden floor with a groan and crawled into the kitchen. Five minutes later, as she was sitting on the floor with a tall glass of water in front of the fridge, Jiraiya followed out of the bedroom, crawling as well.
"We are too old for this shit," he groaned.
She snorted. It hurt. "You didn't seem to think that yesterday."
"Neither did you," he croaked, accepting the glass of water she held out for him.
He downed it in one go. "Are we going to ignore this happened? 'Cause right now, I could do that."
Tsunade pushed herself up from the floor and into one of the kitchen chairs. "Hah, I'll believe it when I read a book about it."
He gave her the stink eye from the floor. "I wouldn't have," he said. "Can't remember enough anyways," he mumbled under his breath.
Tsunade huffed, emptying her glass. She peered out of the window, overlooking most of Konoha. I was so peaceful, shame that it wouldn't ever last. It was noon already and people were going about their daily business. Tsunade was content just observing for a while when she spotted a dot of vibrant red and yellow. Of course they would be up already... Baby and all.
Right, Naruto was a dad now. He had a child. Yeah, this wasn't helping the headache.
She could barely make them out but the closer they got to the tower, the better Tsunade could see. Little Akari was ridding on Naruto's shoulders, Tayuya was walking backwards in front of them, probably making faces.
"Gods," she muttered. "Why are they so wholesome?"
"You think that's bad?" Jiraiya groaned, dragging himself into a chair next to her. "You should have seen the brat when he decided that she was gonna be with him for a while. It was awful." He covered his eyes with both hands. "I had to rent two rooms when we picked her up and I swear they did it the first night."
"And you didn't try to spy on them?" she asked sarcastically.
"Of course," he huffed, "but she threatened to castrate me using a dirty diaper."
Tsunade grimaced. "How would she even-?"
"Trust me," Jiraiya interrupted, "You don't want to know."
Tsunade managed a hoarse laugh before her pounding head forced her to wince.
"The funniest thing though," her old friend continued, "is that I'm pretty sure she gave him the talk while they were at it!"
Tsunade lightly glared at him. "I'm sure," she drawled, returning her eyes to the two of them down in the streets.
With a dry laugh Jiraiya pushed himself up. "You know," he said, suddenly somber, "I don't think I can let him fight."
"What?" Tsunade asked. "You trained him to fight. How could you not-"
"I'm not saying he won't," Jiraiya cut her off, "I'm just saying I don't want him to. He's got so much more to lose than me. There aren't many Akatsuki left," he said, dragging a hand down his very tired face. "We actually came across Sasuke about a year ago. He and his weird group of misfits killed two of them."
Tsunade nodded slowly. "Well, that at least helped us a little. Who?"
Jiraiya shook his head. "All that's left is their leader and three others. Gaara killed Deidara and Sasori apparently fled or died. Killer B was attacked by Kisame, who died when A personally joined them." He locked eyes with her. "Itachi is dead. Either the sickness killed him or Sasuke did, I never found out. The brat and me, we got rid of the immortal one, Hidan. He's rotting away within the belly of an ancient toad."
She scowled at him. "You could have mentioned that so many of them were simply taken care of!"
"It doesn't change that their leader is still there. Pain has a Rinnegan, that doesn't compare to something as measly as a Sharingan or Byakugan." He leaned his forehead against the window, eyes tracking Tayuya's red hair in the crowd. "I can't let the boy fight him. I will have to do it myself."
"You can't-!"
"Win?" Jiraiya asked humorlessly. "Maybe not," he admitted. "But it will buy them time. They failed to take the eight tales, and with only the masked one, Kakuzu, the plant one and the leader himself remaining, they will come for the brat as soon as possible before we can rightly prepare."
Tsunade pushed herself out of the chair. "You god damn-! We need to prepare! If the Rinnegan is as powerful as you make it out out to be, Konoha will have to be fortified!"
Jiraiya wasn't listening to her, she could see it in his eyes. "I'm leaving soon," he said. "Won't tell him." His gaze landed on her. "And you won't either. I'll send him to the toads."
"You want him to learn Senjutsu?"
"We already started," Jiraiya said. "He picks it up quickly enough but he needs to be on Mount Myoboku to really learn it." He sighed before laughing dryly. "Oh look at me, all depressed already and I just crawled out of bed with none other than my Tsunade Hime! Something must be wrong with me!"
Tsunade didn't have the heart to throw her glass at him.
Anko's morning routine consisted of flashing the neighbor's girl when she went to pick up the morning papers stark naked and a healthy helping of good ol' dango. Not necessarily in that order. That day she had yet to pick up her treats and was more or less an hour late for work when she arrived at the dango stall just in front of the Hokage tower.
The deliciously sweet smell assaulted her nostrils just a few seconds before she collided with some hunk that blocked the doorway. He was about a head taller than her, his back deliciously muscled from what she groped through his jacket, and he was handsome as-
Wait. Didn't she know that face? Those whiskers and sky blue eyes...
"Aren't you that Uzumaki brat?" she asked aloud.
"Ah." Well damn, that voice was a far cry from the squeaker he had first been. "You're the crazy tongue lady." He grinned down at her. "Found other kids to suck blood from since?"
How old was he now? Seventeen? Eighteen? Both sounded old enough to have fun with her! Kakashi was off the market ever since the cat lady sunk her admittedly sexy claws into him and aside from Izumo and Kotetsu, there weren't a lot of eligible men to go around. Gai didn't count. So Anko put on her most sultry smile, and put a hand against his chest.
"Nah," she purred seductively, "But I remember yours to be awfully tasty. But even my memory ain't that good. Care to remind me?"
Naruto hadn't even responded yet when there was suddenly an abundance of killing intent in the room. Anko jumped when someone tapped her on the shoulder. Kunai all but drawn, she came face to face with a redhead, just and inch smaller than her.
"Yo," Anko greeted nonchalantly, trying to figure out who in here was about to go on a killing spree when the redhead suddenly grabbed her by the collar of her coat.
"Listen here, bitch," the redhead drawled with an eerie sort of calm Anko only ever heard from Orochimaru. "That one-" She pointed over Anko's shoulder at Naruto. "- is mine. So you and your fat ass tits better get the fuck off him before I decide to put every single piece of Dango in this dump up your loose asshole until you gag on 'em."
In a stark contrast to the threat, an adorable baby with striking red hair suddenly put its head over the girl's shoulder and giggled excitedly. The redhead didn't look especially strong but there was something about the way she casually tended to the baby after threatening to ass-rape her that made Anko swallow nervously.
And a tad excited.
"Uh-"
"Thought as much," the redhead huffed, flicking her hair over her shoulder.
She roughly shoved past Anko, grabbed Naruto's arm and dragged him out of the shop, leaving Anko there, numbly looking after them.
She remained standing still while others awkwardly went about their business in the aftermath of the confrontation.
"Hey, Kurenai," Anko suddenly called out.
Said woman, who had been trying her best to hide the entire time, sighed wearily. "What?"
"Is it strange that I'm disappointed she didn't even try it?"
Kurenai made a face. "I mean-"
Anko turned her head, looking directly at her, a maniacal gleam in her eyes. "You up to buy some Dango with me and try putting them in my-"
"NO!"