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"Everybody Loves Naruto (And He Has No Idea)"

Naruto Uzumaki wakes up on the morning of team placements as the happiest kid in Konoha. He's a genin now. He's got the hitai-ate to prove it. Life is good, life is great, life is one long sprint toward the Hokage hat and nothing — nothing — is going to distract him from his dream. Not the fact that every single kunoichi in the village has overnight become impossibly, ridiculously, physics-defyingly thick. Not the fact that every single one of them appears to be completely, hopelessly, almost violently in love with him. Not the fact that his brooding rival Uchiha Sasuke is now a gorgeous girl who looks at him like he hung the moon and the stars and also possibly invented ramen. Not the fact that Mitarashi Anko has broken into his apartment, killed his sentient toilet mushroom, and is now apparently living in his kitchen, cooking him six-hour pork bone broth while debating whether "girlfriend" or "wife" is the more appropriate title for their nonexistent relationship (she finds both inadequate). Not the fact that his jōnin sensei Hatake Kakashi — legendary Copy Ninja, wielder of a thousand jutsu, and now the owner of thighs that could crush a man's will to live — has restructured an entire bell test just so she can hold him in her lap and play with his hair. Not the fact that Sakura and Sasuke have formed an unlikely alliance dedicated entirely to his protection, his feeding schedule, and the complex logistics of who gets to make him pancakes on Sundays. Naruto notices none of it. Not a single thing. He is the most oblivious human being the Elemental Nations has ever produced, and he is surrounded on all sides by an ever-growing army of absurdly curvaceous, overwhelmingly affectionate women who would burn the world to the ground for him without hesitation. He just thinks everyone's being really friendly lately.
Axecop333 · 1.1k Views