Can you hear it? The sea waves colliding with the rocks? They come and go so smoothly, if you listen closely, you might get lost in them - like a thief of thoughts, but a good one. I dive under the water, feeling my long hair float behind me. I'm a mermaid today, obviously.
I open my eyes and see kelp swaying too - just like my hair - with every gentle whoosh forward and back. It's like the waves are stealing my thoughts, the good ones, the bad ones, all of them.
"It's okay," says the coming wave. "Give that to me, if you don't mind." And then she grabs your thought and throws it far away, past the boats, where you can't see it anymore. I wonder if I could swim there, touch a boat, maybe watch my bad thoughts drift even further and mock them.
Is the ocean a she? I think so. She feels like a girl too, just like me.
"Ophelia!" Shouted a woman far away, from a world distant from mine. I turn to see my mother on the shore, waving for me to come back. Oh well… I enjoy the last minutes of the water as I swim in.
Goodbye fishes, goodbye crabs, goodbye waves.
"Why do you always go so far? Are you stupid?" She snapped. "Didn't I tell you the waves could pull you under and drown you? How many kids get lost in the sea? I've told you this a million times!" Her voice cracked over the sound of the waves, waking me from my own universe. I barely had time to blink before my mom grabbed my arm and yanked me toward the shore.
The water resisted me, clinging to my legs, I could almost hear the waves: "Please, don't go… Stay with me" said one wave pulling me back, "We will make all bad things go away" promised another wave. I'm sorry waves, I have to go back to reality, and it started to sting emotionally, hitting me like a train. I lose balance for a second but her grip tightened, my feet scraping against the jagged sand, burning and unforgiving.
I wanted to let go, but she shook me, harder this time. "Did you see how far this little shithead went? I can't look away for one second!" she yelled to my father, her voice sharp like a knife. My dad shakes his head in disapproval but stays quiet, not daring to face the big shouting sea monster.
Useless.
"I'm sorry, mom" - The words slip out of my throat, more mechanical than sincere. She shoved me so hard that I stumbled and fell onto the sand with a low grunt, my wet hair plastered to my face, the searing grains pressing into my skin, and her shadow looming over me.
"Get. Up. Now!" - She gritted through her teeth "You're humiliating me in public!"
I got up quickly and kept moving, glancing at the people staring. My hands shook and my chest burned, but I had to reach the car before she snapped again.
We go past all the dunes, wincing in pain. The sun is so hot it feels like we're playing that game - what's it called? Firewalking? The one where you walk barefoot over hot coals. I never tried that challenge to compare it, but I'm sure it feels similar.
When we reach my parents' car, we clean our feet, and I climb inside wrapped in a towel.
"Ouch!" I wince again, this time from the burning metal of the seatbelt. Summer here is painful. I can already feel my skin heating toward a burn. I complain internally - in the water I was fine.
My dad goes to the driver's seat, and my mom takes the passenger seat in the front, both of them gasping and cursing about the lack of fresh air inside the car. After a little while, we finally start moving, all the windows rolled down to the maximum, the radio playing Portuguese Fado. It's not my favourite type of music, but it's soaked into my skin. My big sister calls it nostalgia, whatever that means.
Oh! Hi, Moon.
Suddenly, my mom snaps at my dad.
"You think I don't know why you brought the sunglasses this time?!" she hisses. "You think I was born yesterday? You were watching those sluts that were basically naked! I saw you almost drooling over them! You're fucking disgusting!"
My dad stays silent, not denying it either. He just turns the radio volume up.
Next time we come to the beach, I'll go even further into the ocean. I swear I'll touch a boat! Maybe if I swim long enough or far enough, my wrinkly toes will grow fins! Or maybe I need to find the recipe of a magic mermaid potion… Bet it takes glitter!
"You are a disgrace and a cheater! Probably already have a hidden kid with that cheap bitch from your work, right?!" My mom keeps going with her shouting.
But if I swim too far I will need a plan to survive the ocean, I mean, there are big whales – I imagine being swallowed by a whale. That would be scary but also kind of cool.
Or if I see a shark? I know this one! You just boop their nose and they'll swim away. They don't even like human meat anyway. Sharks are so cool.
"That's why your money is disappearing, right? Been sending to your other family!" My mom is very loud.
I chuckle low, imagining myself booping my mom's nose and her butt wiggling away like a shark.
"WHAT WAS THAT?!" My mom snaps at me. Ops. I flinched and lowered my head down.
"N-nothing, mom. I was thinking about sharks and their noses." I stutter.
My mom looks at me in disbelief. I know that face. She is internally judging my thoughts and wondering which side of the family I got my weirdness. Hope she doesn't think it's from dad's family, she will definitely accuse me later.
I glance at my dad as he drives and I widen my eyes. He looks like a ticking bomb! His face is red, his jaw is clenched and his lips pressed hard. It was so rare to see my dad snap - unless he was drunk - but now, it felt like he was going to snap at any moment, and when my dad snaps everyone better stay out of his way - he becomes reckless, aggressive and does things he can't take back.
I recoil and squeeze back into the back seat, as far as the seat and the door let me.
Hope dad doesn't hit the gas and kill us all.