Ficool

killer

I Became the Simp Character I Roasted Online

Listen to me closely. Never, and I mean NEVER, leave a hate comment on a game forum right before you die. My name used to be... well, it doesn't matter. I was a 34-year-old salaryman who died in the stupidest way possible. How? I got slapped to death for grabbing a high school girl’s "assets". Wait, hold on! Don't look at me like that! It wasn't my fault, okay? My hand just moved on its own! It was just a tiny, split-second intrusive thought! Come on, you guys reading this—don't act like saints. You’ve had those dark urges too, right? You’ve wanted to grab something forbidden at least once in your life, right?! RIGHT?! Anyway, she slapped me. So hard my soul literally ejected from my body. I thought that was the punishment. I was wrong. When I opened my eyes, I was in [Legends of Valtheris]. Yes, that trash game. The one with the cliché plot where the world ends because some teenage students get their hearts broken. And the worst part? I didn't become the Hero. I didn't become the Villain. I became Revan von Alstaire. The background character. The loser. The guy I literally insulted online five minutes before I died. I called him a "Simp" and laughed at his "Tiny D*ck." Fate is truly a comedian. Now, I’m destined to be the bullied lackey of the future Villainess, Sylvia von Vespera. The game script says I should lick her boots, accept her abuse, and die with her like a loyal dog. Screw that. Remember my last comment? "Revan is such a loser! Tiny dck! If I were you, instead of bowing down, I would squeeze her boobs and own her completely! Garbage character!" Well, it seems God took that personally. Fine. You want a show? I’ll give you a show. I won’t be a simp. I won’t filter my words anymore. I’ll let my intrusive thoughts win. I’ll turn this trash plot upside down—even if I have to slap every "Genius" in this academy to do it.
alvahraaaa · 85.6k Views

Cooper Black

Picture this: a bunch of American outlaws, the kind who lent money to fellow criminals with a "robbery loan" interest rate, decide they want their cash back. But hold on to your spurs, because just as they're gearing up for a wild ride, they get a call from an anti-criminal organization. Yeah, you heard that right — these outlaws now have a side hustle working for the good guys! So, as they're mulling over whether to return the borrowed money or embark on a career change, boom! Foreign troops crash the American party like they're searching for the world's best hot dogs. Now, our reckless outlaws, the true connoisseurs of chaos, find themselves with a new mission: bring peace back to the land of the free. Enter Cooper Black, the modern American cowboy with a penchant for crashing criminal parties. He's not your typical cowboy; he's more likely to ride a motorcycle than a horse, and his arsenal of six-shooters has been upgraded to automatic assault rifles. Cooper spends his days attacking big mafia leaders, terrorists, and any troublemakers who dare disturb his afternoon nap. But wait, there's more! In between taking down bad guys, Cooper has hobbies that would make even the most seasoned daredevils raise an eyebrow. You can certainly expect this vigilante cowboy to be meticulously crafting miniature cactus gardens and hosting tea parties for his action figures, at home. Will Cooper and his ragtag gang of outlaws manage to reclaim their cash, complete the anti-criminal organization's missions, and kick those foreign troops out of the good ol' U.S. of A? Grab your popcorn and saddle up, partner—it's time for a rootin' tootin' adventure with Cooper Black, the cowboy who's wilder than a rodeo bull on roller skates!
Mukto · 54.5k Views