I always knew my name was strange.
Seo Soo-Ah.
A name that sounded delicate. Feminine. A name that never truly felt like mine. From the moment I started school, it was the first thing people teased me about.
"Why do you have a girl's name?"
"Did your parents want a daughter instead?"
"Such a pretty name for someone like you."
At first, I used to cry about it. But after a while, I learned to swallow my pain, to keep my head down and pretend it didn't bother me.
Like it didn't hurt when people laughed at me.
Like it didn't sting when I heard my name spoken with mockery.
Like I wasn't tired of constantly trying to prove myself, only to be brushed aside.
I grew up that way—silent, enduring, smiling even when it hurt.
And for fifteen years, I endured as a trainee in this company.
Fifteen years.
That number echoed in my mind as I sat stiffly in the CEO's office, hands clasped together in my lap.
Most idols debut in their late teens or early twenties, but here I was—twenty-five, still waiting for my turn. I had watched younger trainees pass me by, one after another, each of them making it into groups, each of them achieving the dream I had spent more than half my life chasing.
But I refused to give up. I told myself that if I worked hard enough, if I trained long enough, then eventually, my time would come.
Maybe todaywas that day.
The CEO himself had called me in for an important meeting.
That had to mean something, didn't it?
"You are a very important trainee in this company," the CEO said, his deep voice breaking the silence.
I nodded, my pulse quickening.
"You are also a very talented individual," he continued. "You sing well, dance well, and play multiple instruments. Not many trainees can do all that."
For the first time in years, warmth bloomed in my chest. I couldn't help but smile.
I had always known I wasn't the most handsome trainee, but at least I had talent. At least I had something.
Maybe, just maybe—
"But," the CEO continued, and the warmth instantly vanished.
A cold, sinking feeling settled in my stomach.
"You have already passed the debut age."
I swallowed, trying not to let my expression falter. I already knew that. I had been told that before.
But his next words crushed what little hope I had left.
"And above all…"
He paused.
"You are average-looking."
I barely managed to keep my face neutral.
Average-looking.
The words replayed in my head like a cruel joke.
Every single trainee evaluation came rushing back to me.
"You have talent, but your visuals aren't strong enough."
"The industry values looks. It's unfortunate, but that's how it is."
"If you were just a little more handsome, maybe you would have debuted by now."
I gritted my teeth but forced myself to smile. A well-practiced, neutral expression.
"You should quit being a trainee and become a mentor instead," the CEO said, his tone final. "That way, you'll still be of great use to the company."
I was mad.
I was furious.
But I didn't let it show.
Instead, I smiled, because that was all I could do.
The CEO asked for my answer, but I told him I needed time to think. He nodded, telling me to give him my decision by tomorrow.
I bowed, excused myself, and walked out of the office.
~~~
The moment I stepped outside, the cold night air hit me.
How ironic. My name, Soo-Ah, meant beauty.
Yet, apparently, I had none.
I tilted my head back, staring at the dark sky.
The world is cruel.
I had given everything for this dream.
Fifteen years of my life. Countless sleepless nights, brutal training sessions, injuries, starvation diets, pushing myself beyond my limits—only to be told that none of it mattered.
Not because I lacked skill.
Not because I didn't work hard enough.
But because of something I had no control over.
My face.
Even my own family had turned their backs on me.
My parents. My siblings.
They were all beautiful. Effortlessly stunning. Successful celebrities, shining in the industry while I struggled in the shadows.
They barely spoke to me. And when they did, it was only to remind me of how I didn't belong.
"You're a disgrace."
"Why don't you just give up?"
"You're a curse to this family."
I exhaled, watching my breath fog in the cold air.
I should have been used to it by now. The rejection. The disappointment. The loneliness.
But somehow, it still hurt.
Then—
A child's laughter.
I turned my head.
A small boy ran across the road, chasing after a ball.
My chest tightened.
A blaring horn.
Screams.
A truck was coming.
People shouted at the kid, but no one moved.
The truck was getting closer.
Faster.
Before I could think, before I could process what was happening—
My body moved on its own.
I ran.
I shoved the kid out of the way.
Pain exploded through me.
A deafening crash.
The world spun.
The cold pavement. The distant sound of people screaming.
I barely registered the impact before everything faded into black.
So this is how it ends.
Lying in the street. Bleeding. A dream unfulfilled.
In my final moments, one thought echoed in my mind.
If there's a next life, let it be different.
Let me be different.
Let me be... someone else.
I won't try to be an idol again. I just want to be happy.
~~~
Darkness.
A void.
So this is what you see when you die.
Empty.
Lonely.
I couldn't move. I couldn't speak.
Then—
A light.
A small, glowing orb drifted toward me, illuminating the endless blackness.
I tried to move away, but my body wouldn't respond.
The orb passed through me, and suddenly, I heard a voice.
Soft. Gentle. Neither male nor female, yet filled with an overwhelming warmth.
"I'm sorry, my child."
"You have been a kind and selfless soul."
"I will grant you another chance."
"Please… be happy."
Warmth enveloped me, wrapping around me like an embrace I had never known.
I wanted to cry.
But no tears came.
A blinding white light filled my vision.
Then—