Luka always knew life wasn't fair.
Some people were born tall, handsome, and with charming smiles that could melt hearts. Luka, on the other hand, was born looking like a sack of potatoes someone had kicked down the stairs.
His cheeks were sunken, like life itself had been vacuumed out of him. His nose had lost at least three battles it never asked for, leaning crooked across his face. His teeth were uneven, with one crooked incisor poking out like it was waving for help. His hair was a greasy mess, hanging in limp strands that hadn't seen shampoo in months, maybe years. And under his eyes were rings so dark it looked like he'd been awake since the dawn of time.
In short: he was the kind of guy mothers warned their daughters about. The kind of face that made small children cry in the supermarket. If someone invented a contest for "Most Punchable Bastard Alive," Luka would have taken first place every year running.
And yet, despite all of that, the first thing that killed him wasn't depression.
It was a truck. (Truck-kun on his daily mission)
"Wha—" Luka had just been walking home from his dead-end part-time job, clutching a plastic bag of instant noodles, when the headlights flared. He turned his head just in time to see a rusty delivery truck barreling toward him like the wrath of a bored god.
BEEP BEEP!
The sound of the horn was the last thing he heard before metal met flesh.
When Luka opened his eyes again, there was no asphalt beneath him. No flashing ambulance lights. No sound of sirens.
Instead, he found himself lying on a dirt path surrounded by rolling green fields. A soft breeze carried the scent of wildflowers, and far in the distance, he heard the faint ringing of church bells.
"…You've got to be kidding me," Luka croaked, sitting up. His bones creaked like an old door hinge.
Blue sky. Picturesque scenery. His body strangely intact despite being roadkill just moments ago.
"Oh no. Oh hell no," Luka groaned, dragging a hand down his ruined face. "This isn't real. This is some kind of joke. I'm in an isekai, aren't I?!"
He waited. Normally, this was the part where something cool happened. A glowing window. A goddess appearing in all her divine, busty glory. A legendary sword stabbed into the earth, calling out to him.
But for Luka?
Nothing.
No window. No voice. No blessing. Just Luka. Just ugly, useless, bastard Luka.
"…Figures," he spat. "Other guys get harems, legendary swords, and immortality. I get… this face."
He pinched his own cheek just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. Unfortunately, the pain confirmed it.
His stomach growled like a dying animal. With a sigh, Luka staggered to his feet and limped toward the sound of the church bells. Maybe, just maybe, the village ahead had food.
The road was short, and soon enough, he entered the village square. People were bustling about—farmers carrying sacks of grain, merchants shouting about fresh produce, children running with wooden toys. It was quaint.
It was also the kind of place where someone like Luka stuck out like a bleeding thumb.
And yet… something strange happened.
The first to notice him was a young woman carrying a basket of carrots.
She stopped dead. Her eyes widened, her cheeks flushed scarlet, and she dropped the basket to the ground. Carrots rolled across the dirt.
"My… dream man…" she whispered, staring at him like he was the sun itself.
Luka froze. "…Eh?"
Before he could react, she ran straight toward him and latched onto his filthy sleeve.
"What the hell are you—?!" Luka yelped, stumbling backward.
But he didn't get far. Because more eyes had noticed him.
A shopkeeper gasped, her jaw dropping. "By the gods… he's… perfect!"
Two maids cleaning the inn screamed simultaneously: "MARRY ME!"
Even the old widow knitting on her porch was suddenly blushing like a teenager.
Within seconds, Luka was swarmed by at least a dozen women.
Hands tugged at his clothes. Fingers traced his arms. Eyes glistened with hearts.
"Hold on! Wait a damn second!" Luka shouted, flailing like a drowning man. "Are you blind? Look at me! I look like a potato that got mugged!"
"Potato?!" one girl squealed. "So rugged!"
"That nose… that crooked tooth… oh, you're too handsome for words!" cried another.
"Please, step on me, Master!" begged a third, literally throwing herself at his feet.
Luka's brain officially short-circuited.
But the women weren't the problem.
The problem was the men.
Because while the women practically worshipped him, the men of the village were glaring like they were ready to start a lynching.
The blacksmith's hand tightened around his hammer.
The young adventurer's knuckles cracked as he stepped forward.
Even the farmer with a straw hat grabbed his pitchfork, holding it like a weapon.
"…Oh, for the love of—" Luka muttered, already predicting his fate.
"HEY, YOU UGLY BASTARD!" the adventurer roared. "GET YOUR FILTHY HANDS OFF OUR WOMEN!"
"I didn't even— they just—!" Luka tried to explain.
BAM!
A fist smashed into his jaw. His vision exploded into stars as his body hit the ground.
Before he could recover, another kick slammed into his ribs. Then another.
"Pervert!"
"Monster!"
"Stay away from our wives!"
Blow after blow rained down. Luka curled up on the dirt like a human punching bag, spitting blood.
Five minutes later, he lay on the ground, face swollen, one eye shut, nose broken. He looked like a corpse that hadn't gotten the memo yet.
"…Some things never change," Luka muttered, coughing up blood. "New world, same outcome. Always getting my ass kicked."
The young woman with the carrots knelt beside him, pressing a handkerchief to his bleeding face.
"You poor, misunderstood man…" she whispered, her cheeks flushed as though this was the most romantic thing she'd ever seen.
"Misunderstood?! They just broke three of my ribs!" Luka shouted, spitting out a tooth.
"That's what makes you so manly," she whispered back with trembling lips.
Luka stared at her. Then at the other women, who were still fighting to touch him despite his mangled state.
"…This is hell," Luka muttered.
And then it happened.
A golden window popped into existence above him, glowing with divine light.
[Congratulations, Luka!]
[You have awakened your Unique Skill!]
Luka's one good eye squinted at the glowing text.
[SSSSS-Class Ability: Infinite Harem]
Effect: All women you encounter will fall hopelessly in love with you. Resistance: None.]
Silence.
Luka blinked once. Then twice.
"…You've got to be shitting me."