The first day's worth of bullshit began awfully. Dan was the first to yell at me.
"Why did you get us involved with China? We hate China." Dan says angrily.
"Don't we have a plant in China?" I argue annoyedly.
"Yeah, and I fucking hate it. We should get rid of it." Dan says angrily.
"I thought you were government. Why do you hate this? It's good for business to get along with all the countries." I whine angrily.
"I collect shirts. Work shirts. Anyway, fuck you. I hate China cause they're a communist welfare state." Dan says angrily.
I shake my head angrily and try to keep working.
"Aren't you American? You're supposed to love Democracy." Dan says angrily.
"I actually want to be a Communist State cause of things like, Communism is basically the power of friendship, but Politics." I say annoyedly.
"No it isn't, it's a welfare state." Dan says angrily.
"Get a job, Jacob!" Sera says angrily.
I turn nervously to Sera, and sigh tensely.
"Aren't you supposed to be in another building?" I say.
"I can't help it, I'm so angry about your stupid opinions! Don't you know they're in China!? They don't get overtime pay!" Sera says angrily.
I shrug without a care.
"So what? Do they get off on time as well?" I ask amusedly.
"Yeah, if they're lucky! They're all salaryman in communist China!" Sera says angrily.
"Are they really?" I ask curiously.
"Yes. Cause everyone gets paid the same in Communism." Dan says angrily.
"You were a fucking Contessa on the internet! You pretended to seduce people for content! Then stabbed them in the back!" Sera snaps angrily.
"Virtually. I never did that literally." I say sarcastically.
"It counts! Kind of. Enough to piss me off. Can't you think of people like me!? Your… your…"she says angrily.
I try to spare her the trouble of admitting she's my ex and she's embarrassed by me flirting with people on the internet.
"Yes, but I'm still gonna do that cause it's funny to gaslight people. And also I might to get a girlfriend from the internet some day." I say sheepishly.
"What does that mean? You can't date a internet celebrity. I'll stab you. I'm not watching that stream." Jimmy says angrily.
I turn to Jimmy, a 19 year old that's fat and wearing a Mudswig shirt and blue jeans.
"I would rather die than watch you date anyone on the internet. Or even try to get a girlfriend. You're broke. You make $17 an hour. Also you're r2314532!" Jimmy snaps angrily.
I roll my eyes at Jimmy and flip him off.
"Jimmy, a man can't hold his rizz." I growl sexily.
"Never do that again." Sera says angrily.
"Anyway, you fucking said that everything is cultural. And now my neighbor is arguing with me about how she can't own a electric car cause a Republican will flatten her tires." Jimmy says angrily.
I smile nervously at that.
"Well, you nationalists are known for doing stuff like breaking German televisions cause you think they're evil." I say.
They all glare at me.
"Can you not talk about that?" Dan says angrily.
"But America does this with everything. I can't even have stilts in this country. I tried walking here in stilts before and Dan tried to hit me with his car." I say angrily.
"Get that fucking African shit away from me. We use cars, not stilts." Dan says angrily. "I'd do it again. No hesitation." Dan says angrily.
"Yeah, but the stilts were economic. And I was going 30 miles per hour. It was so good for getting to work without spending money on gas." I say angrily.
"So what? It's against our culture. We use cars. Also I didn't see you." Dan says angrily.
I flip Dan off.
"Bitch, we made eye contact before you ran into me. And you switched lanes." I snap angrily.
"Yeah, and you ran over my car. You broke my sunroof." Dan says angrily.
"I hate America. All of you are racist on a national level. This feels new to me still. Regular racism makes more sense." I say angrily.
"No, it makes more sense. But that's semantics. We need to focus on China and Mexico." Dan says angrily. "How do you feel about immigrants?"
I look at Dan annoyedly.
"Didn't I do enough politics? I'm Democrat and like diversity. We should allow immigrants if they do it legally." I say.
"Fucking centrist. This is why people hate Jacob." Caitlynn says amusedly.
I turn to this woman, a short pretty woman with bright MJ red hair currently. And realize something about society so hard I get a headache.
"Does nobody fucking like me cause I'm a Centrist that flipflops around based on the issue we're on? It's cause I'm not a reliable vote, isn't it?" I say with pained anger.
I'm holding a hand to the side of my head as I speak and have a headache. Everyone laughs.
"Yup. He's White Obama but if he streamed." Sera jokes.
"Yeah, cause he's a gamer we all hate. And he's a Centrist." Dan says, annoyed and bitterly amused.
I pout and walk away from everyone. However, when I get to my machine, my boss is there. Wearing an American Flag suit. I groan with sheer cringe and agony at the sight of my boss now both my boss, and a political opponent.
He pokes me in the chest really hard. I glare as he does it.
"Why are you playing Chinese videogames? And fucking losing sometimes? You know we don't lose to Chinese people. Or any foreigners for that manner." My Boss, Flint Davis, says with bitter seriousness and passion.
"It's a videogame Flint, chill out. Before you blow a cringe ass gasket." I say angrily.
Flint flips off me, tilts his head to the side angrily, then steps closer. I step back while holding a hand out, and my other fist tucked close to my chest.
"Chill out Flint. I thought you hated politics." I say tensely.
Flint keeps angrily walking towards me, I keep walking backwards until I walk into my machine. I shove him away from me as he gets too close while yelling "Quit being gay!"
Then I stand there with a shit eating grin as the Republican Boss goes through the stages of being called gay, and realizing they were a little gay. First, angry denial.
"I wasn't gay. Fuck you, I'll kill you Jacob. I'll fire you." Flint says angrily.
I roll my eyes.
"You stepped too close. That was pretty gay. Especially as you pushed me into a corner. Fucking gay. And your head was tilted? Gayyyyy." I snap with smooth anger.
Flint steps back several steps, and straightens up.
"That better?" he says angrily.
"Yes, now you look like a heterosexual business man." I say nicely.
"Don't call me heterosexual. I'm a straight man." Flint says angrily.
"I know Flint." I deadpan with annoyance.
I roll my green eyes and flick my beautiful long brown hair to the side. Then I glare at Flint once more. This time with a bit of malice to keep him at bay.
"So Flint, what do we need to discuss? I see since you're in a suit for America, it's important." I say seriously.
Flint raises a fist at me, but I snap out "GAY!" He steps back, then stomps his foot and barks back.
"How's it gay to threaten to hit you? Fucking f!@#$%!" Flint snaps angrily.
"It's cause your hand looks like you're jerking off a cock." I joke wryly.
"Everyone shut up and get to work." Dan says angrily.
"You're not the boss, I am. Flint Davis is. Mr.CEO of the Plant is me!" Flint brags angrily.
I legit step back with shock. Flint and I have had our differences since day 1. It began with my first sandwich. I wanted the last Big ZA burger. He wanted it more. He called me a f!@#$%. I called him a cuck. We almost got in the fist fight the first day. For some reason, it was discrimination if they fired me. Even though reflecting now, it was a bit deranged. But I didn't know he was CEO until now. I thought he was a random bastard.
"Did you not fucking know that?" Dan asks, angry and shocked.
"How haven't I been fired?" I say, shocked and amused.
"I'm firing him now!" Flint says angrily.
"Okay but wait!" I say excitedly.
We all tense up, my arms held out and pointing at them a bit.
"What if I gave work a shoutout?" I say amusedly.
"Jacob, you have 6 followers right now. Shut up." Dan says angrily.
"We're doing all this for a guy with six followers?" Flint says angrily.
"Flint, he's a New England Patriot." Dan says angrily.
"So that's it? He's just a New England Patriot? I should kill him now. He's worthless to us." Flint says angrily.
"But he's American property!" Dan says angrily.
"I should fight you both for this argument alone." I say angrily.
Dan and Flint both angrily step towards me, fists clenched tight. I assume a typical boxer's stance. Then an airhorn blows, and Sera enters the scene. She starts yelling sternly at us all.
"EVERYONE QUIT BEING TOXIC MEN! AND QUIT INFLUENCING JACOB TO SAY POLITICS! HE HAS 6 FOLLOWERS, HE CAN'T INFLUENCE ANYTHING!"
"But he can eventually! And he did it before! After yelling at people on the streets after street fights!" Dan says angrily.
I laugh at the memories. Like the time I yelled about global warming. And the time I uh… Ah right, literally every time I did that, it was about global warming or Trump being a toxic male.
"Don't do it again! I'll stab you!" Flint snaps with malice and rage.
"I gotcha boss." I say nervously.
Flint steps towards me, I throw a quick jab out of anxiety, Sera hits the airhorn! I cringe with pain, so does Flint. Dan feels nothing.
"Dammit Dan, you're so good at reading lips. I forgot you're deaf already." I say angrily.
Flint turns to Dan angrily.
"I should fire-" he tries to say.
"Shut it, I'm government. You need me, or everything goes to shit." Dan says angrily.
"Everything is already in shit. For me at least." I deadpan sheepishly.
"It's your own fault. You shouldn't have been retarded and-" Dan tries to say sternly.
Dan bursts out laughing.
"What am I kidding? It's all hopeless. Everything is a simulation, it'll all be over soon. We're just going through the basics, half of this isn't real. You're lucky you're even good at the game. You can't beat the bots half the time, SueDaPye can beat the bots every time." Dan says with jaded amusement.
I glare at them both and flip them off with both hands.
"Can I go back to work now?" I say angrily.
"We're not done yelling at you yet!" Sera snaps angrily.
Sera stands to the side with her hands on her hips for a moment.
"The Ghosts of Christmas Past are coming!" Sera says with amusement like a jester staring at their bewitched prey.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" I say nervously.
"The people you beat. Both virtually and in real life. They're mad and want round 2. In a new game." Sera says amusedly.
She smiles a strained smile. I stare with sheer confusion. Then suddenly a gaming headset is put on my head.
"Alright, here's your hints, Mr.Sociologist! Let's see if you have anything American about you. Phillip J. Cry, you're about to be in a videogame where Hitler, Abe Lincoln, Epic Man, and the Billion Dollar Man have challenged you. Beat them at their own games, or be banned from America! Exiled to Canada! Your first challenge is simple! Beat Snow White and avoid the Seven Gangster Dwarfs!" Dan yells angrily.
I find myself in a near identical reality of my workplace. Except it's cell shaded, but everything looks the same. I even check the reflection of a computer, and there's a ugly version of me on the computer. They made me look like an incel with a neckbeard.
"Ha! They made you look like you do now! When you don't shave and you're fat!" Sera says with smug bitterness.
I roll my eyes and advance forward.
"Alright, where's Snow White?" I say annoyedly.
"Also, keep up with your machines. You're doing this on the clock." Dan says bitterly.
I hunch over and groan "Fuccckkkk." Cause this sucks dick.
I catch up my machine's intake and offload sections. This machine makes wrenches. The other makes bolts. Then I search the area. I walk around a bit, past other machines. Everyone seems normal, except they're stiff. I get too comfortable and hypothesize out loud under my breath.
"I think they're animated to some extent. Only people in-game will be animated well."
I look around, knowing I'm on a timer until my line fills up. It's a tense, annoying walk. I manage to walk about a block away, when I spot my first Gangster Dwarf. And a beautiful Snow White that has the face of youtuber GunnerCougar. I groan annoyedly.
"This is a Dramatuber challenge." I groan annoyedly.
Snow White huffs angrily, and points with malice at me. Gangster Dwarf pulls out a tommy gun, and I hide behind a box as cover. Generic gun sounds play as a coworker approaches me. I look up and sigh bitterly. It's Sera, and I'm at her machine.
"What is up with this place? What are you doing?" Sera says amusedly.
Then she kicks me in the shin.
"There are kids around. Don't do anything crazy. Beat them in-game only." Sera says tensely.