I walk around the workplace, just doing my machines. The place is deserted. But then I realize I can start it first. I pull out my phone and I text an online friend I've been flirting with. However, the message gets denied by my internet. And Dan snatches my phone.
"Sorry, town girls first. We don't outsiders until later. When everyone has rejected you sadly." Dan says sternly.
My eyes legit water at this news.
"I have literally only gotten along with women outside this town. This is gonna be a sad reel of rejection." I say miserably.
My mouth is agape with suicidal misery as I realize what's coming unless I got rizz in reality. And I know I don't. Especially right now. Dan laughs in my face.
"Yeah, I know. It's hysterical. I'm posting this on my youtube channel." Dan says with sadistic glee.
"Dan, I should've known you had a youtube channel. I just didn't expect it to be blackmail of me being cringe." I say with dramatic anger.
"Do you even care!? You're being weird." Dan snaps angrily.
I shrug.
"Eh. My girlfriend would find out eventually anyway. That I'm a weirdo." I say nonchalantly.
Dan glares at me as I stare back at him. Cocky and bored.
"I can kill you before your next girlfriend gets here." Dan says angrily.
"Can you? You're government." I say cockily.
"Speed dating doesn't mean I can't kill you. It just means I have to wait." Dan says angrily.
I smile with delusional glee.
"That literally means I have invulnerability until I am done dating everyone." I say cockily.
Dan rolls his eyes.
"You'll cry after the first girl. She's the legit one." Dan says with smug disdain.
I stiffen up, eyes watering again. I hunch over and hit a knee for a moment. Then I force myself on my feet.
"No, I'm a man. I can control my emotions." I say emotionally.
"You're screwed. Shouldn't have been a streamer." Dan says with smug disdain.
He walks away, and I walk the area doing my work. I've calmed down. I took a smoke break. And while on my smoke break, she appears. My first girlfriend. Ashley. A girl from another town I met on a shitty game app's chatroom. She looked hot as expected. I'm just shocked she showed up. Brown hair, blue eyes, rocking bod. Dream come true. Except well… she was angry. And disappointed.
"I'm a Doctor. And you're a fucking piss ant working at a dairy farm." Ashley snaps angrily.
I roll my eyes, the rude words stiffening my back with rage.
"Yeah, well who gives a shit? After you left, I'll admit it. I stopped caring as much. When I'm alone, my expectations for myself are low. I just want to be entertaining and be good at it." I say angrily.
She points a finger gun at me, her words filled with anger as she fired every point at me.
"You cried for a year straight. You were pathetic afterwards, getting into street fights. And all you managed to do was the complete opposite of me." Ashley says angrily.
I smile amusedly at that. I remember something about my favorite game, Ninja Bladestorm. There's a big thing of Yin and Yang in that game. In this case, Ashley is the Yang. The light. I am the Yin. The dark. Because she is a Doctor, and I am a Martial Artist.
"That's some great and tragic dichotomy we've got going on." I say, amused and bewitched by the situation between us.
We have become opposites. She smacks me across the face, and walks away. The first girl is gone. Forgotten forever. We will never speak again. And well. It is what it is.
Next up was surprisingly a local celebrity. I had flirted with her before, but I was surprised she showed up. They know her as Trippp on the internet. Cause she trips balls on drugs she homebrews while she streams. I love her to an extent cause her personality is hot, her voice sounds like a seductress with a deep, effeminate tone that smokes a bit much, and she is a hot hippie chick with dreads.
She wears a white bandana around her dreads hung down behind her head. And she is being hot in a weird way. She's dressed like the same character we use in Ninja Bladestorm. Kobra Du. She's wearing one of her outfits that I considered a bedroom outfit, but modified for society. She's wearing pants instead of stockings. That's basically it. Otherwise, it's identical. It's a white and blue long sleeved blouse, a gold snake necklace, black pants with blue and white dragons on the sides of her thighs, and gold high heels with no socks. She is stylish and hot as hell, just like our character. The manchild nerd in me makes me get a huge boner.
She laughs at me, points at my boner, and walks away laughing.
"His cock is too small! I need a big black one!" Trippp laughs like a crazy loon.
My boner shrivels up with rage at that. Should've expected the drug addict to be a crass bitch.
I keep working, angry as hell.
"Wanna go to a protest?" Rapunzel says with smug chaos in her tone.
I turn and see the girlfriend I barely remember cause we did so much stupid shit in just a few days. She is a legendary protester of folklore cause she is known as a Girlfriend Protester. She takes her boyfriends to show how they act. And well, now we're gonna have a really funny talk.
She wears a Guy Fawkes mask, a baggy black hoody, camo green cargo pants, and black combat boots. I approach her, she stands still. I feel the energy radiating from her. The chaos of the crowds. The Riot Walker. I grab her hand, and she smacks it. I felt what I wanted. She's still fit as a fiddle. Her forearm has a nice fit feel to it. Nice and tightly strung.
"Weirdo. Pervert. But whatever, I still like you. Are you calming down? Don't do it, I need my Fuckboy Machivelli Boyfriend back." Girlfriend Protestor says with seductive glee and excitement.
She is like a crazed fan before me, her God of Chaos. And I can't blame her. Let me revel in the vibe before I decide if I want to settle down. Or manipulate society through protests, propaganda, and riots with this mysterious woman. That's what we did before.
"Were you the girl I was with? That kept saying she was Greta Thornberg? But wasn't Greta actually? As it turned out after I calmed down after the overstimulation of all that protest bullshit." I say nervously.
"Your memory is shot. It's the weed and the fact you're new at this stuff. Come grow with me. We'll get you used to the crowds. And then you can do as ya please truly." Girlfriend Protestor says with amused seduction.
She holds her hand out, and curls her fingers towards herself. I take her hand, and she pulls me close. She grabs my ass and giggles happily.
"The only thing I want more than to see you do something stupid with bear traps is to feel this ass again." Fake Greta says lovingly.
"It was you, you're the fake Greta." I say amusedly.
I step back, and point at her.
"Let's talk about that stuff. First girlfriend request is to get some facts straight about our protestor life together." I say seriously.
She huffs annoyedly, gives me the vibe she rolled her eyes, and crosses her arms.
"Fine, I'll explain everything. Narcissist." she says annoyedly. "You just want to confirm you were as psycho and badass as you tell everyone."
I grin mischievously.
"Okay, so? Tell me anyway." I giggle excitedly.
"So we met at a protest about unemployment and automation. You were for automation. You argued and gaslit people using memes and Morality Flashcards. You avoided fights with your Flashcards, which I still think are dumb. But whatever, humans are r!@#$%^&. After that, we ditched the protest to go on a date. I regret it, your side won the debate that day. Then we went to a few protests together and caused chaos as we debated and argued with people and each other at the protests. You'd hide your opinion from me if we opposed each other." Fake Greta explains bitterly.
"Did I do the bear trap argument?" I ask with sadistic glee.
Fake Greta sighs.
"Yes, and I legit hate you for that. Cause now we can't automate society until there's more healthy foods to eat." she says bitterly. "Also you're still a man child. You aren't mature. I need a man of passion. You're a child who wants to do things automatically. I need a worker of society. Not a manipulator whispering and yelling in our ears. We don't need supervisors." Fake Greta says angrily.
She walks away, flipping me off. She shuts a machine off out of spite as well. She yells "Fuck capitalism! Why did I come here!?" As she leaves.
I roll my eyes, start my machine back up, and keep working. Eventually though, things get weird. Too many whistles and beeps on machines start going off. Dan approaches me, angry and defeated.
"Your true girlfriend is here. The hacker boyfriend." Dan says bitterly.
My jaw drops with glee. I smile happily and hold my hands by my head like an anime schoolgirl.
"OOOOO! That one? The one from my twitch streams that did stupid shit like add videogames to my console? I loved those streams!" I say with extreme glee.
"So you remember me?" a cute voice says happily.
I wander around the room, searching for the voice. Then I laugh like a mad man.
"The hacker is speaking through the electronics. There's microphones in the machines or something. So yeah, I remember you. Maybe. When I started streaming, there were some weird good times with hackers. Like we ummm… well, I got free games. Honestly all my favorite hacks were the ones with big streamers during beefs." I say happily.
"Likkkkeeee? Clarify, some of those hackers weren't me." Cute Voice says warmly.
I smile, pressing my face against a blue screen on a machine with a bomb ticking down to 0. It's at 69 and counting down.
"So there was the AlphaChad stream. Where a guy tried to prove he's the most alpha gamer by beating me in a forced duel using hacks." I say with delirious glee.
"Not me, but I watched. Proud of you for that. Fuck those toxic alphas." Cute Voice says happily.
"Ummm… what about when we did erotic hacks with the stream in Ninja Bladestorm?" I whisper with lust.
"Yes, that was me! Don't talk about it!" Cute Voice laughs loudly.
"You were there when I was a Contessa! That's adorable!" I say happily.
Then I frown and start to get sad.
"But bad. You've seen some real controversial stuff of mine." I say tensely.
"Indeed. But we're still here together. For now. Depending on how you beat my trial." Cute Voice says happily.
Suddenly my favorite videogame's victory song plays for a few seconds! I dance with glee compulsively, then it's struck down with Saymour's Ambition, another favorite of mine. But this is the villain's theme song.
"I am your true boyfriend. But due to this being training, you must defeat my ultimate trial. Drink poison and live using only household ingredients." Cute Voice says with loving glee.
My mouth is agape with confusion. But I remember my chaotic life, and realize I have a solution for it.
"Consider it done. Where's the poison?" I say cockily.
"It's been in the air the whole time. You have 24 hours to beat the poison, starting now. Win, and you get a chemist boyfriend as a reward. Eventually. Once we calm down from this training, and meet for real." Chemist Boyfriend says with loving malice. "Tick tock, boyfriend. Or else our new relationship has a deadline. And it's your funeral that's the punchline."
"I hate how aroused I am by this tsundere. I'm doing this for a tsundere boyfriend now. Awesome. I love and hate it. He better be cute as hell." I say, bitter and cocky.