I streamed a few tame streams, but then something happened that made me realize I need to control my audience a bit. A fan got too clingy and lectured me a lot.
BigZam: bruh heal more
BigZam: bruh learn to counter
BigZam: bruh kys or learn to dodge
I realized I needed to drive him away when he said:
BigZam: hey i'm 12 btw
I groaned and blocked him. Then I realized I needed to curate my audience and do things. Like put up every trigger warning ever on my channels so they can't see me. So I do that now. Cause as Michael Jordan says, Fuck Those Kids.
And honestly, I've been what I call Business Manned. It's when someone burns themselves out on you for the sake of moving on. I know how to help with that. I'll be controversial.
Instead of streaming Ninja Bladestorm, I did the following stream:
"Ladies and gentleman, all of society's major issues is stuck in culture war. Allow me to rant about global warming, then upload it to youtube. First of all, all air pollution issues are blocked by Republican Philosophies. Or businesses. Gasoline is kept in place thanks to culture hating electric cars. The economy could be controlled by the government, instead we get screwed over by businessmen on inflation. And to make matters the worst, Republicans keep guns in America. Also if we broke a lot of windows, we could solve global warming as the heat is weather control." I rant angrily.
I was outside. Suddenly a black man in a brown shirt and blue jeans marches over from his yard yelling angrily.
"MAN, FUCK YOU LIBTARD! GET A JOB!" Black Republican yells angrily.
"MAN, FUCK YOU REPUBLICAN! GO SUCK A DICK!" I yell furiously.
We both take a stance as boxers and get close.
"Man, quit livestreaming. Your opinions are r1234567, go back inside. F54321." Black Republican says angrily.
I am stunned by this. Then realize he's right. Let's make content.
"Want to bet on society? There's a protest today. It's about Abortion." I say with eager joy.
His glare intensifies.
"GO THE FUCK HOME! WE ARE NOT GAMBLING ON A PROTEST! I'M A BAPTIST!" he yells furiously.
I groan bitterly, and start taking everything inside. He lectures me as I do this.
"Shame on you for having terrible takes on society. You make me sick, liberal. You need Jesus. I swear, you're a drug addict. Also don't have kids. We don't need your kind reproducing. Fuck libtards."
Once I'm back inside, I find I've lost some followers. Good.
Next I'm on Ninja Bladestorm. And one of the worst and most epic things could happen. First, a hot girl enters the stream. And they have a horrible, delightful hypothetical.
NinaQueen: Hey, want to be my boyfriend? Or fight the heavyweight champion with a katana?
Me: "Uh, what the fuck kind of hypothetical is this? How high are you?" I ask confusedly.
I hear my doorbell ring. I go to the door and there is a hot woman in a black sparkly dress with a katana, a camera man, and an extremely buff black man.
I am tense and pleased. I instinctively snatch the katana, then drop the katana with a sheepish grin.
"I'm not gonna do a death battle guys. I'd rather have a date if that twitch message is real." I say sheepishly.
The girl stomps her foot and points at the sword.
"Kill this man in Mortal Combat or I won't suck your dick." she says angrily.
The Black Guy smacks his fist into his hand. I just close my door and walk away. Government Agent Dan appears in front of me, stepping out my room.
"Do it. He's a Champion of China. Also you're not getting a blowjob, that's my daughter." Dan says sternly.
"Dad! Fuck you! If he beats China, he gets a blowjob!" Hot Girl snaps angrily.
"Why am I fighting China?" I say tiredly.
"If you lose, they delete the North American Server on Ninja Bladestorm." Dan says seriously.
"Give me that fucking katana." I say furiously.
I run over to the katana, snatch it out the girl's hand, and angrily march to the Black Man. I rip the sword out the sheathe, and rest the blade on my right shoulder, holding it with two blades. Then I run at the Black Man.
"FUCK YOU CHINNNAAAA! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE MY VIDEOGAME!" I yell furiously.
"CUT! QUIT BEING AN INCEL!" Dan yells angrily.
I stop, and turn to see Dan pointing a taser gun at me.
"Give me the katana. Bad. We managed to gaslight you into doing a Death Battle with ease. Bad gamer." Dan says, angry and stern.
I sigh bitterly and hand him the sword.
"So I'm not supposed to trust you now?" I say angrily.
"Dude, you're a fucking gamer. You should've challenged him to Ninja Bladestorm." Dan says angrily.
I facepalm and groan with extreme annoyance. I even stomp my foot three three times.
"It was over a videogame man. Now beat him at Ninja Bladestorm." Dan says, amused but stern.
10 minutes later, we're in my room with two tvs and two Xbox's set up in a private room. Best of three, and I keep the North American Server alive.
"If two other New England Patriots win against this guy that is. You, and two others." Dan says seriously.
We start the match, I have a katana and a pistol. He has a spear and a musket. We have nothing else, white armor. Weakest armor in the game.
As soon as we start, the Black Guy throws my remote at the wall. I rush for the remote while Dan bodyblocks me!
"You lose Jacob! You're banned!" Dan yells angrily.
"THAT'S CHEATING, DAN!" I yell furiously. I kick Dan in the shin, reach around, and get the controller as I have two hits left. I activate my ultimate and begin dodging around my virtual opponent while arguing with Dan.
"YOU'RE UNDER ARREST IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN!" Dan yells furiously.
"Fuck you Dan, y'all cheated!" I snap angrily.
My ultimate pops off, Black Guy is stunned. I beat the shit out of him, half his health is gone when it's over. I hit him with my skill, then hit him with low blows to infinite combo him to death while he's down.
The first win is mine. Black Guy punches me in the dick, but I block in time with the back of my left forearm. Then he elbows me in the mouth. I take it with a bleeding grin.
Round 2 starts. The Black Guy is choking me with one hand, and playing with his left hand. I look at Dan angrily while perfectly countering the Black Guy in-game.
"Hannibal, let go or America won't let you get the sniper rifle skin." Dan says sternly.
Hannibal begins to cry as I beat his character for a second time with a slash across the chest. I grin while he just throws his remote at the tv.
"The f43251 is better than me." Hnanibal says with miserable shame.
"So does America stay?" I say amusedly.
"Yes." Chinese Man in a Suit says seriously.
I try to turn around and spot a small group of Asian Men that seem Chinese. Along with a beautiful woman in a red dress with white flowers on it and-
My head is forced away from them and I'm pushed out the room.
"NEVER LOOK AT THEM AGAIN!" Dan yells angrily.
"Fine, fuck!" I snap angrily.
After this, I'm taken to a SWAT Van to be driven home with a Nurse. She patches me up silently, then a bag is put over my head. I'm taken home and that is the end of that adventure.
A few days later, in the midst of this shit, a mental breakdown began to take place. It starts because I hate society and something fucked up happens.
On the news, Brogan Cawl, a controversial youtuber, admits he considers rape a important Men's Right to have. So in response, I decided to begin arguing with society and manipulating it. A typical mental breakdown tactic of mine.
First, I made a post on Readit called "If Men are allowed to Rape People, I'm Allowed to Rape Everyone's Girlfriend." It went like this:
"HEY SOCIETY, RAPE IS GONNA BE LEGAL IF MEN'S RIGHTS WINS! IF IT HAPPENS, I'M FUCKING ALL Y'ALLS GIRLFRIENDS!"
As predicted, a culture war broke out. Cause as many said in various ways, "I'll kill you before you rape my girlfriend, she's mine." To me and to each other.
Next, I happen to be at the mall in a city. And Brogan Cawl is walking around. I decide to do what I call a Diogenes moment. I remember a moment from childhood, and decide to recreate it as adults. I approach Brogan Cawl as he's talking to a camera. Stick my fingers in my mouth. Run at Brogan Cawl. Shove a finger in his ear for a brief second. And run off as Brogan Cawl screams "RAPE!"
Then Dan the Government Agent tackles me to the ground, and slaps handcuffs on me.
"HOUSE ARREST, F12345!" Dan yells furiously.
I'm taken home immediately. But as I watch the news, I see my two actions influenced the rape conversation a lot.
First, Brogan Cawl admitted he thinks rape is a bit rough now while being on the other end. But he's gonna rape me back as revenge. Our rivalry will be a lesson to humanity at best, he isn't changing any time soon.
Second, Women on the internet are arguing they'll break up with everyone who thinks "Rape is based!" I watched a woman called TiaraOnHead rant about how all women should cockblock men on sex. And also wear Anti-Rape Devices that can castrate men if they're raped. That's sick as fuck and I love it.
Third, we're debating Rape on the main News Channels now. A blondewoman is holding hostage Fax News until someone faxes her a good argument on why Rape is Good. Or else she will fire Jesse Fatters who supports Rape.
And so on. A wild chain of reactions and debates on the internet and News Channels. I'm pleased with it. But Dan isn't. Dan's face shows up on my screen.
"Think fast, red ring of death." Dan says angrily.
I look at my Xbox. It has the red ring of death now.
"You fucking douchebag. Guess I can't fight for America now." I say bitterly.
"Nobody cares. You're on house arrest. Now go to work. Your time as a New England Patriot is over." Dan says angrily.
Suddenly everything in my house powers off. I walk around angrily, until I hear the sound of the my truck's engine. I step outside, and Dan is in the driver seat.
"Get in. Now." He says bitterly.
I get in hesitantly. Smoking my vape as I do. He tries snatching it out my hand. We play a game of Fast Hands as I refuse to give up my weed vape.
"Go fuck yourself Dan." I say amusedly.
"I'll never let you stream again." Dan says angrily.
I roll my eyes. He tries punching me but I block it.
"I'm sick of being abused. Why must I go through as a Patriot? What makes you more important than me? Treat me with respect." I whine angrily.
Dan and I glare at each other as the truck drives forward. My glare is sarcastic while his shoots daggers.
He parks the truck outside my workplace. It's a factory job. Easy physical labor at my position.
"Hope you enjoy work politics. After all the shit you've done. Your ghosts are coming back." Dan says with bitter smugness.
I look at him confusedly as I step out my truck.
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"They've remembered who you are. Your demons. And the Angels." Dan says with smug bitterness.
I roll my eyes and walk away.
"I don't care about your fortune telling bullshit." I say bitterly.
I approach my job. It's a blue and white concrete building with barely any windows. I enter it, and see a sight for sore eyes. A woman I used to love. Extremely pissed at me. Not good. She's tall with pale skin, black hair with purple highlights. A thick purple bang. She wears our work uniform, a blue and white shirt with blue jeans, and black and white flat top shoes. She looks beautiful as ever.
"You made society argue about rape again." She says angrily.
"Sera, I can explain." I say, happy but nervous.
I approach with my arms spread a bit, and a sheepish grin. She points her fist at me, and I stay back.
"Don't flirt with me, you fucking Contessa! I'm mad at you! You did this in high school!" Sera snaps angrily.
I can't help but laugh as I have a flashback to this argument in high school. So like, we were debating rape one day. For some fucking reason. Guess it's been around for a while.
"So what if I rape someone? It's just sex." Student A says angrily.
"Would it matter if it was my cock?" I say angrily.
"It wouldn't happen. I'd kill you. Only weak people get raped. You're weak. I'm strong." Student A says angrily.
I front kicked him in response. It was delightful. Then we fought and I was suspended. We both were.
After that, the rape debate happened for the whole week.
"Look, I'm sorry I brought that debate to work." I say sheepishly.
"SOMEONE TRIED TO BREAK MY CAR WINDOWS CAUSE THEY SAID WEATHER CONTROL IS REAL JACOB! WHAT THE FUCK!?" Sera yells furiously.
My smile becomes strained and I sigh tensely.
"So do you work over here today?" I say nervously.
"Skip work today." Sera orders angrily. "Don't clock in."
"I can't skip work. The government took me here." I say, amused and tense.
I start approaching her, and try to step past. We stare tensely at each other as I walk past. Her face becomes a weird smile I love and hate. It's got a bad aura.
"I'll kill you Jacob." Sera says angrily.
"What if I gave you a massage instead?" I say sheepishly.
Sera elbows me in the mouth and drives me into the wall. Her elbow driven into my throat.
"I'M MARRIED!" Sera yells furiously.
"I don't know what to offer you to calm down without being too angry!" I yell nervously.
"Give me money. No, just go! I can't deal with you today!" Sera snaps angrily.
Dan pushes Sera aside, and grabs Jacob by the cuff of his shirt.
"You're working across the street. If you can't work there, you're fired." Dan says angrily.
"FIRE HIM NOW!" Sera yells furiously.
Dan looks over his shoulder at Sera.
"Shut up, he still works here. He just isn't getting paid. He's a slave today." Dan says angrily.
A demon wakes up inside me. A demon of America. I turn to Dan with my fists raised.
"I ain't no fucking slave, Dan!" I yell furiously.
"Hit Dan, and I'm gonna get you fired! He's government! Also you raped society, work a free shift to be nice! Bitch!" Sera snaps angrily.
I sigh sadly, and lower my fists.
"Fine. One free shift." I say bitterly.
"Five. You groomed society too hard." Dan says angrily.
I groan but I hold my hand out.
"What?" Dan says angrily.
"Shake on it. And don't back out." I say angrily.
We shake on it. Then I begin working for five days straight for free. It's horse shit to an extent. I do no overtime that week just to say it now. But it still sucks absolute dick. Everyone bitches at me about every grievance they had ever. And sometimes we fought. Or worse.