Kevin Spudnik had a dream.Not the noble kind of dream where a man stares into the horizon and declares, "I will unite the world."No.Kevin's dream was far simpler:"May the chips bag always refill itself. May the Wi-Fi never lag. And may my bed forever hug me with warmth."
Unfortunately, fate had other plans.
The Isekai Accident Nobody Asked For
It was a typical Tuesday. Kevin was sprawled across his couch, face half-buried in crumbs, controller hanging loosely from his hand. His greatest achievement that week had been a 12-hour marathon of "Castle Builders Simulator", where he built the world's largest moat shaped like a potato chip.
"Life is good," Kevin muttered, eyes glazed, lips shimmering with cooking-oil sheen.
Then, like any respectable isekai protagonist, he choked on a stale Dorito.The choking became coughing. The coughing became rolling. And then, darkness.
When he opened his eyes, he was standing on a grassy field, wearing medieval clothes that smelled suspiciously of goat. Around him: peasants, nobles, armored knights, and banners of a kingdom he did not recognize.
A booming voice announced:"Behold! The Chosen King who shall lead us into a new golden age!"
Kevin blinked.Then scratched himself."…Golden age of what? Napping?"
The Nobles Who Wanted a Speech
Before Kevin could slink back to his couch (which was tragically missing from this world), he was shoved onto a wooden podium. A crowd of nobles and soldiers stared expectantly, waiting for their new "sovereign" to speak.
Now, Kevin had never spoken publicly. His most formal speech was once telling a pizza delivery guy: "Keep the change, mighty warrior."
But something inside him—perhaps desperation, perhaps indigestion—kicked in. His eyes narrowed, a sly grin spread across his face. It was the same expression he made when convincing his mother that the cookie jar was already empty before he touched it.
He raised his hand dramatically."My loyal people! A true kingdom is not built on riches… but on hard work!"
The crowd gasped.Kevin continued, eyes sparkling like a scheming fox."And who better to prove their loyalty… than you, the nobles! The knights! The proud warriors! To sweat for this land is not slavery—it is the greatest honor of all!"
The peasants cheered.The nobles froze.
Kevin's grin widened—diabolical, smug, teeth gleaming. His voice dropped to a honeyed whisper."Or… are you telling me… that you, the noble elite, are weaker than mere peasants?"
Gasps.A fat noble clutched his chest like Kevin had stabbed him. Another's monocle shattered dramatically.
In less than three minutes, Kevin had successfully manipulated half the aristocracy into volunteering for free manual labor.
The Birth of Free Labor
The next day, Kevin awoke not in silk sheets, but in a half-built tent. Outside, nobles in embroidered coats were carrying boulders, knights were digging trenches, and peasants were supervising them smugly.
Kevin stepped out, yawning, his bedhead resembling the mane of a lion who had given up on life."Ah… productivity smells like sweat I didn't produce," he said proudly.
One knight, drenched in mud, glared."My king… is this truly necessary?"
Kevin's face shifted instantly into wide, sparkling anime eyes. He clasped his hands."Sir Knight! Do you not realize the honor bestowed upon you? Children will one day say: 'That trench? Sir Mudbeard dug it himself with love!'"
The knight teared up. "R-really?"Kevin's eyes narrowed back to smug slits. "Of course. Now keep digging before I downgrade your title to Soggy Peasant #3."
The knight wept openly and dug harder.
Kevin's First Castle
Weeks passed. The nobles had lost half their weight from free labor, the knights had arms like oxen, and peasants lounged on hammocks supervising the entire fiasco.
Kevin? He had claimed a "royal advisor" position that involved pointing dramatically at blueprints he stole from Castle Builders Simulator.
"This tower must be 20 meters taller. Why? Because taller = cooler.""This moat must be potato-shaped, for symbolic reasons.""No, Lord Chubsworth, you may not stop hauling rocks. A true leader never rests!"
His facial expressions became legendary.
The Smug Grin of Doom: when nobles realized they'd been tricked.
The Fake Innocent Smile: when he denied responsibility.
The Diabolical Finger Point: always followed by unpaid overtime.
The castle rose. The people despaired. Kevin thrived.
Scene 5 – The Couch Potato King's Revelation
One night, Kevin sat on the half-built throne, eating an apple like a discount emperor.
"Back on Earth, I couldn't even convince my cat to move off the couch," he mused."But here… I convinced fifty nobles to dig a moat. For free."
His grin stretched wider."This… is the miracle of free labor. And with it, I… Kevin Spudnik, Couch Potato Extraordinaire… shall rise as King."
Cue lightning strike.Cue peasants screaming in the distance.Cue nobles sobbing while mixing cement at 3 a.m.
The legend had begun.