He stood leaning against the trunk of a tree in a large garden adorned with various plants and flowers. Birds flitted about happily, chirping as the sun began to set. The view was breathtakingly beautiful, but his mind was far away. Though his eyes were fixed on the horizon, he stared absently at the sunset, lost in thought.
Beside him stood a man in his mid-forties....a hospital staff member, his doctor...who gently placed a hand on his shoulder and softly said, "It's getting late, let's go inside for a bit."
Xiao Zhan didn't even blink, his eyes distant as if he hadn't heard the words. Slowly, tears welled up in his eyes, and his breath came shakily. The doctor took his hand and drew him into a light embrace. "Come on, sweetheart," he whispered, "are you already breaking the promise you made?"
Xiao Zhan rested his head on the man's shoulder, tears streaming freely down his cheeks. The doctor closed his eyes and gently patted his back, trying to comfort him. They both turned upon hearing approaching footsteps in the garden. A man stood a few feet away, watching them but not moving any closer.
The doctor greeted him respectfully, but Xiao Zhan instinctively pulled away, turning his back to him, tears still falling from his eyes. Just like always, his presence made it hard for him to breathe. Suddenly overwhelmed, he broke down in harsh sobs and clung to the tree beside him for support. The man didn't reply to the greeting. He simply turned and left the garden.
The doctor rushed to catch Xiao Zhan as he nearly collapsed. He helped him down onto the soft carpet of grass, gently trying to calm him. "Why, Zhan?" he asked softly. "Why won't you keep the promise you made to me?"
With a trembling voice, Xiao Zhan whispered, "I'm sorry, I just can't… I really can't…"
The doctor pulled him close again, rubbing his back as he held him tight, overwhelmed with sympathy. In all his years of practicing medicine and helping countless patients, none had ever touched his soul the way Zhan did. He wished he could take away his pain, bring him happiness again...help him forget the past and face the present.
Softly, he said, "Zhan…"
Xiao Zhan lifted his teary eyes to the doctor.
"I'm so sorry, Zhan. I truly am," the doctor said.
Xiao Zhan looked away, silent. The doctor took his hand and gently helped him up, and together they left the garden, heading toward the main house.
A Few Years Ago
"Talk to Yiming about it. I know he would never agree to this, and he'll definitely find a way out for you…" Zhan looked at his friend Yu Bin with wide eyes. For a moment, he said nothing, then slowly lowered his gaze and replied, "That would just be another heavy burden, Yu Bin. You know how expensive apartments are in this city. And I already told you....I won't ask him for anything again. I won't let him do anything else for me…"
YuBin sighed. "But if you don't ask him, then who do you have to ask? Besides, you know how he is...he could easily twist this whole situation against you. I honestly think you're better off just telling him. You'll have more peace of mind that way."
Zhan fell silent, weighing Yu Bin's words. After a moment, he exhaled deeply and shook his head. "It's fine, Bin. There's no need to tell him. I'll manage… We only have a year and a half left anyway."
Yu Bin looked at him with concern and took his hand. "Or you could come stay with me. I'll just tell them a friend of mine will be staying with us for a little while."
Zhan shook his head gently. "Let's not trouble them, Bin. Don't worry. I'll find a way."
"No," Yu Bin said firmly. "I'm going to talk to Hailong-ge about your situation. I know he won't say no. His husband, though....he's something else. And honestly? I don't care. You don't even know the nonsense he's been pulling lately. He hasn't cooked in days. I just end up eating snacks or making cereal for dinner. You know Hailong works night shifts, and me? I'd rather eat junk food than starve."
Zhan chuckled. "So you want me to come over and suffer with you, huh? You're hilarious."
Yu Bin rolled his eyes. "So what? You're not staying with him, you'd be with me. And did you forget? Hailong is my cousin brother. Whether he likes it or not, I'm staying in that house until I finish my degree. He can deal with it."
Zhan shook his head. "Don't start with that, Bin. I'll adapt to my current situation with time. I know I'll get used to it eventually. It's just hard now because of how I was raised...and some personal principles. But I'll be fine, really."
Just then, his phone buzzed. He glanced down and said, "I think my ride's here, Bin. See you tomorrow."
Yu Bin sighed and said, "Alright then, take care of yourself. I'll head home too." With that, they parted ways. Zhan walked toward the cab he had ordered to take him back home.
***
It was around 10 p.m. when Zhan finished preparing noodles for dinner in the kitchen. As he scooped the noodles into a plate and grabbed a fork, he heard the sound of the sitting room door opening. Calmly, he rinsed the pot, placed it aside, opened the fridge to grab a bottle of water, and walked out of the kitchen, heading directly toward his bedroom.
Just as he reached the corridor, the door of a room just a few steps from his opened. He didn't even glance in that direction, focused only on unlocking his door, when a voice said, "Hi, good evening. We didn't get to meet when I came in earlier today. I guess you had already left for school. You can call me I Bo. I'm your new housemate....moved in this morning."
Only then did Zhan turn to look at him, but he said nothing. He gave a small nod and repeated, "I Bo."
Flatly, without emotion, he replied, "I see."
Just as he was about to enter his room, he quickly added, "One minute, please." Zhan turned back to him with a neutral expression. He asked briefly, "Are you Chinese?"
Zhan brows furrowed slightly as he replied, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, alright," he said, adjusting his posture.
"What I mean is… could I borrow some of your bottled water and maybe some beverages just for tonight? I'll get mine tomorrow if you don't mind."
Without looking at him, Zhan said curtly, "Okay."
"Alright, thanks" he responded. With that, Zhan entered his room, locked the door, and turned the key in place. Even after finishing his noodles, he didn't feel like opening the door again to return the plate to the kitchen. Instead, he left it on a side table, went into the bathroom to brush his teeth, then sat on the edge of his bed and picked up his phone.
He saw two missed calls from Yiming, both from around 6 p.m. He sighed and checked the time....almost half-past ten. He opened WhatsApp and saw that he was online, so he decided to call him through the app. When he answered, he lowered his voice and greeted him quietly.
He didn't respond to the greeting and instead said, "Now is when you finally saw my calls?"
Zhan let out a hidden sigh. "I'm sorry… I just saw them now."
"You mean your phone hasn't been with you all this time?"
"Not exactly… I've been studying since I got back from school. We'll be starting exams in a few months."
"I see. So you think I don't deserve your time anymore because exams are coming? How could your phone ring twice and you claim you didn't notice? Do you think I'm stupid?"
Zhan didn't know what to say. The phone had been on silent mode, something he had previously warned him against multiple times. Wanting to avoid further conflict, he chose not to mention it.
"I'm sorry," Zhan whispered. "It's not like that, really…"
"Sorry for yourself. Tell me exactly where you were when the calls came through. Your lectures ended by 4 p.m. Baltimore time. Where did you go after that?"
Zhan closed his eyes and opened them again, already drained from the interrogation. After a pause, he said softly, "I was in the sitting room, studying. My phone was in the bedroom."
"Oh, so now you're hanging out in the sitting room? Since when? Did your housemate stop bringing her boyfriend over?"
Zhan heart skipped a beat. Carefully, he replied, "She's not around. She went to L.A. yesterday."
"That makes three times I've called you this week and you didn't answer until it pleased you. That nonsense better not happen again. Are you the only one preparing for exams, or are you trying to tell me I'm unimportant now?"
Zhan said nothing. His eyes filled with tears.
"Did you hear me?" he said sharply.
"I did," Zhan answered quietly. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."
"Good. Go to bed now."
"Thank you… goodnight," Zhan whispered while wiping tears from his cheeks.
Yiming ended the call without another word.
Zhan placed the phone beside him on the bed, laid his head on the pillow, and let the tears fall. After a while, he got up, went to the bathroom to wash his face, returned, turned off the lights, and curled up in bed.
***
The next morning, Friday, Zhan and Yu Bin finished their lectures early. They sat at the exact same spot they had the day before. Yu Bin was on a call while Zhan seemed lost in thought. So deeply lost that he didn't even notice when Yu Bin ended the call.
It was the gentle tap on his shoulder that brought Zhan back to reality.
"What's going on with you, Zhan?" Yu Bin asked. "I've been talking, and you didn't even hear a word. What's on your mind?"
Zhan forced a smile. "I'm just missing my mom and siblings, that's all."
Yu Bin frowned. "I don't buy that. Something else is clearly bothering you."
Trying to dodge the topic, Zhan asked, "Was that George on the phone?"
Lowering his voice, Yu Bin leaned in. "Please, tomorrow's the weekend. Let's go to Virginia, Zhan. George is throwing a birthday party, and we're also going to the beach. Don't say no, we need to unwind. It can't be all books all the time...we didn't invent school."
Zhan stared at him. "You're really going to Virginia, Bin?"
"What's the big deal?" Yu Bin rolled his eyes. "It's just a four-hour ride from Maryland. Please, for once be social, Zhan. Aren't you tired of being stuck in one place in this country? Monday we'll be back, no one will even know we left. I already planned my excuse with Hailong ge. You don't even have anyone watching over you like I do, and yet you keep wasting your freedom. Once we're back in China, that's it. This trip includes both guys and girls."
Zhan shook his head. "Honestly... I'd advise you not to go, Bin."
"Well, I didn't really ask for advice," Yu Bin shrugged. "Ten of us are going."
"Safe journey then," Zhan said quietly. "Hope you get there and back safely."
Yu Bin narrowed his eyes. "So you're definitely not going?"
Without looking at him, Zhan replied, "You already know I won't."
"Fine, suit yourself. See you Monday." Yu Bin stood up.
Zhan raised his brows. "You're already heading out? There's still time, Bin."
"What are we still doing in school? We don't have any more lectures. Funny you're now saying there's still time, given how eager you always are to get back home." He rolled his eyes. "Unbelievable."
Zhan said nothing. Deep down, he no longer felt at ease at home. Sharing an apartment with a Chinese guy wasn't something he thought he could handle. If he were of another background, he wouldn't even care....but this? It unsettled him. He hadn't even seen the new housemate since morning.
Yu Bin, watching him closely, suddenly seemed to remember something and sat back down. "Wait... this is all because of your new housemate, isn't it? What's your deal with him? He minds his business, you mind yours. If he ever bothers you, just call the cops. Dial 911, end of story. Honestly, with the way things work here, he probably struggled just to get into this school. If he was rich, he wouldn't be living in a shared apartment in the U.S. Rich kids are usually the wild ones anyway. These scholarship kids just keep their heads down. Do your thing and let him do his. He probably came here on a scholarship."
Zhan just looked at him. Yu Bin pursed his lips and added, "Let's head back to your place. Except Hailong ge won't let me rest unless I personally be home."
Zhan pleaded, "Please talk to him again, maybe he'll let you stay. Back then when he stopped you from coming over, we had just started classes."
Yu Bin waved him off. "Don't bother. He won't agree. Come on, let's go. If your housemate sees you acting all nervous, he'll lose respect for you. You need to carry yourself like you belong. Otherwise, he'll start second-guessing you."
Zhan stood. "Let's just not speak Chinese when we get there. Pretend we're not from China."
Yu Bin laughed. "You may pretend not to be, anyway you're so beautiful and cute, you can pretend to be...Japanese, Indian, Korean or Arab...but I'm Chinese and proud!"
And with that, they left the campus and headed home. When they reached the apartment, Zhan opened his backbag and took out his keys. He unlocked the front door, and they both stepped into the sitting room. Yu Bin immediately noticed the pleasant scent lingering in the air.
"Looks like he just left," he said, sniffing slightly.
Zhan glanced around. The guy's study materials were scattered across the sofa.
"Please relax and go about your business as usual," Yu Bin said. "You're in Maryland, USA...not some remote Chinese village. Be modern, will you?"
Zhan gave him a look and set down his bag. "It's not that I care about foreign roommates. My only issue is that he's Chinese. He even asked me yesterday if I'm Chinese."
Yu Bin's eyebrows shot up. "So you've already talked?"
"I didn't answer him. I pretended not to understand. I'll just say I'm from Japan."
That sent Yu Bin into a fit of laughter. He nearly slid off the couch.
"Well, lucky you...they're known for having stunning, fair-skinned man. He'll totally not buy it. Just sprinkle some Japanese here and there, he won't know the difference. He might even think you're genuinely Arab. And imagine what Yiming would say if he finds out you're living with a Chinese guy. Baltimore would be too small for the drama. I told you to tell him!"
Zhan didn't respond. He left Yu Bin laughing and walked into the kitchen, wondering what to cook. He hadn't even had breakfast before leaving earlier. Standing there, he noticed at least seven cartons of bottled water...premium brands....and a cabinet full of high-end beverages. He walked over to the fridge and opened it. It was fully stocked with expensive drinks, fresh milk, fruits, beeb meat and plenty of eggs.
Just then, Yu Bin's voice came from behind him.
"Whoa, who put all this stuff in the fridge, Zhan?"
Zhan turned around, speechless. He quietly took some eggs and shut the fridge. Heading over to his corner where he kept his food, he found that even his shelf was now filled with new groceries.
"Is he blowing all his scholarship money on this?" Yu Bin muttered, holding his chin. "Or is he just clueless about budgeting in this country?"
Zhan grabbed a pack of noodles. "Cook these for us, please. I want to talk to Ayi before Aunty Sisi leaves for the market."
"Alright," Yu Bin agreed.
Zhan left the kitchen, grabbed his phone, and went into his room. He opened WhatsApp and sent a voice note to their neighbor, Sisi....his usual way of contacting his mom.
- - - - - -
Around 4 p.m., Zhan walked Yu Bin out to the ride he had ordered. His cousin had been calling repeatedly, worried about his delay. Once Yu Bin got into the car and waved goodbye, Zhan turned and slowly walked back to the apartment. As he approached, he noticed a car parked in the assigned space. He leaned against the wooden fence and peered through the gap.
He watched as his housemate stepped out of the car, engrossed in his phone. He entered the apartment. Zhan stayed put for over five minutes before walking slowly up to the door. He tried the knob. It was locked. Frowning, he knocked...three times.
He opened the door and said, "Hi."
Zhan didn't respond. With a blank expression, he brushed past him into the sitting room. He went straight to pick up his phone and reading materials from the couch. As he turned to go to his room, he paused, went into the kitchen, and grabbed a bottle of water.
On his way back to his room, he glanced at his Housemate. He was busy unpacking books from a large carton, completely immersed. He didn't even glance his way.
Zhanxianyibo💚❤️💛