I didn't even know how much I missed Ella until she sat beside me in class again.
Everything just felt lighter somehow. Like the whole place wasn't pressing on me like usual. We were supposed to be listening, but honestly, I don't think either of us were.
"I'm serious," Ella whispered, leaning a bit closer. "This lecturer actually thinks that microphone is doing something."
I tried not to laugh too loud. "No because tell me why he's shouting like we're in different countries."
"And you'll still strain your ears and hear nothing," she added.
That one got me and I laughed under my breath. "At this point I think he just enjoys watching us suffer."
Ella shook her head, smiling.
For a second, it was normal again.
But I noticed something. I didn't say anything though. She was laughing… but there was always that small pause before it.
Like her mind wasn't fully here.
I frowned a little but kept quiet. Not yet.
Later that day, I don't even know what came over me.
"We should go out tonight," I said suddenly when we were leaving class.
Ella looked at me. "Go out where?"
"Café," I said. "Eat something. My treat."
She gave me that side look. "Since when did you become generous like this?"
I rolled my eyes. "Just say yes."
She paused small, then nodded. "Okay."
Something about that pause stayed with me, but I ignored it.
That night, we were at the café.
It was warm inside, not too loud. Just soft noise everywhere.
At first, everything was fine. We were talking like usual.
"Did you even understand that assignment?" I asked, stirring my drink.
"Because that man was not serious."
Ella scoffed. "I swear, he talks like we all have private tutors."
"And he'll still say it's simple like we didn't suffer," I added.
Ella laughed. "Lecturers are actually not normal."
"And that microphone," I said, shaking my head, "don't even start."
She leaned forward. "That thing is useless honestly."
We both laughed.
But then I noticed it again.
That pause. That small delay before she answered. Like she was somewhere else and just coming back.
I slowed down a bit.
"…Ella," I said.
"Yeah?"
"You're not really here."
She looked at me immediately. "I am."
But I could see it wasn't true.
So I leaned back. Didn't push her. I just changed the topic.
"Do you want to come home with me?"
She hesitated. Then nodded. "Okay."
The ride to my house was quiet.
Not the good kind.
The kind where you know something is there but nobody is saying it.
I kept looking out the window, but I wasn't really seeing anything. I could feel her beside me though. And I knew something was wrong.
When we got home, we just sat down at first. Like normal.
But I could still feel it.
So I looked at her properly.
She wasn't okay.
Her hands were together, her eyes kept shifting like she didn't want to settle in one place.
That's when I stopped pretending.
"What's wrong Ella?"
"I broke up with him."
I froze.
Not like shock shock. Just like my brain needed a second to process it properly.
"…When?" I asked.
She looked down.
"That day I came to your house."
That hit me differently.
I remembered that day too clearly now. The tension between us, me talking too much about my own stuff, not even noticing she had something heavy sitting on her chest.
She continued, quieter.
"I wanted to tell you, but we had just fixed things between us. I didn't want to bring another problem into it."
I didn't say anything for a while.
Because I didn't even know what to say.
Then it came out before I could stop myself.
"…It seems like you really loved this one."
She didn't answer immediately.
And that silence told me enough.
Then I stood up. Walked over to her. And hugged her.
She stayed still at first… then slowly leaned into it.
"I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I'm so sorry, Ella."
A pause.
Then I added softer,
"I was so busy in my own head…with my problems ,I didn't even see yours."