Jay was still looking at me like he was trying to figure me out.
I shifted slightly, pulling the sheet up without thinking. He noticed, of course. He always did.
"You know something?" he said.
"What?" I replied.
He exhaled lightly. "I don't think I've ever had to try this hard before."
I raised a brow. "Try what hard?"
"To get someone to actually be with me," he said. "Not just be there, but be there."
I gave a small smile. "I am here."
He shook his head. "You are, but you're not ,you know - here, like all in"
That made me look at him properly, I laughed.
"And what exactly does 'all in' mean to you?" I asked.
"It means I don't feel like I'm guessing with you," he said. "Like I don't have to keep wondering where I stand."
I didn't answer immediately.
Because I knew what he meant.
I just didn't know if I wanted to give him that.
Then he said it.
"I love you, Anna."
Just like that.
I looked at him.
And I smiled.
Not the kind he expected.
Not soft or shy. Just a small smile like I had seen this before, because I had.
He caught it immediately.
"You're smiling?" he asked.
"What am I supposed to do?" I replied.
"Aren't you going to say it back?" he asked.
I tilted my head slightly, then smirked.
"I love you isn't something you just say to someone."
The look on his face changed.
"Wow," he said.
I laughed a little. "What?"
"You're actually serious?" he asked.
I shrugged. "What did you expect?"
He sat up a little more now. "I don't know… a normal reaction?"
I raised a brow. "Normal as in?"
"Girls usually blush," he said. "Or at least say it back."
I laughed again, off course they'd blush and he thought I'd do the same."So you're upset because I didn't react the way they usually do?"
He didn't even deny it. "Yeah. Actually."
RED FLAG NUMBER ONE, and this time I wasn't so blinded by love that I didn't see it. It was clear.
I smiled again, but this time there was something else in it.
"Then that sounds like your problem," I said.
He ran his hand through his hair, exhaling.
"I don't know what else you want me to do," he said. "Or say."
I stayed quiet.
"I'm trying with you, Anna," he continued. "More than I've tried with anyone."
That landed.
But I didn't show it.
He looked at me again, more serious now.
"You know one day," he said slowly, "the day you finally decide to go all in… I might not be here."
I held his gaze.
Because I understood exactly what he meant.
I just didn't move.
"You say that like I'm the only one holding something back," I said.
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
I shrugged. "You make it sound like you've figured everything out already like....."
I stopped short, not because I didn't know what to say but because I didn't have the strength to carry what would come after I said it.
"I have," he said. "At least about how I feel."
"That's you," I replied. "Not me."
He studied me again. "And what about you?"
I smiled faintly. "I'm here, aren't I?"
"That's not an answer," he said.
"It's the one you're getting," I replied.
He shook his head slightly. "I don't want to keep feeling like I'm the only one moving forward."
"You're not," I said.
"Then why does it feel like that?" he asked.
I didn't answer.
He watched me for a second longer, then leaned back a little. "I just don't get you sometimes."
I smiled slightly. "You're not supposed to."
That didn't sit well with him, but he didn't argue again. And that was when I realized something. This wasn't like before. He wasn't going to keep chasing forever, and I knew that.
I just didn't react to it the way I was supposed to.
I looked at him for a second, then away. "Goodnight, Jay," I said.