I didn't text Jay again. Not because I was trying to be strong or anything deep like that. I just didn't feel like chasing something that clearly didn't want to be chased. Seen. That was enough information. So I left it. And for once… I didn't overthink it.
A few days later, my phone rang. I stared at it before picking up.
"Hello?"
There was a pause. Then a voice I hadn't properly heard in a long time.
"Anna… it's your dad."
I went quiet for a second. I knew who he was but why was he calling me.
"…Okay," I said slowly. "Hi."
"I want to see you," he said.
That was it. No explanation. No warning. Just that.
I sat up properly. "Why?"
Another pause.
"I'll explain when you come."
I should have said no. I almost did. But I didn't.
"…I'll come," I said.
Going back home felt strange. Like I was walking into something that once belonged to me but didn't feel like mine anymore.
When I got there, he was already sitting in the living room like he had been waiting for a while.
He stood up immediately when he saw me. "Anna."
I nodded. "Hi."
Silence settled in fast. Not the comfortable kind. The kind that makes everything feel louder than it is.
He hesitated for a second, then stepped forward like he wanted to do something more than just stand there.
Then he tried to hug me.
I didn't move away, but I didn't really go into it either.
It lasted a few seconds… then it ended.
Vague. Like it didn't know what it was supposed to be.
He cleared his throat and stepped back slightly. "Sit."
I did.
For a while, he didn't speak. Just looked at me like he was trying to figure out how to start something he should have started a long time ago.
Finally, he exhaled. "You've grown."
"…Okay," I said softly.
He nodded, then looked down at his hands. "I didn't know how to start this."
I stayed quiet.
"I wasn't there when I should have been," he said.
That one landed, but I didn't react.
"I know I can't fix anything now. I know I missed things I should've been part of."
A pause.
"I'm sorry."
The word stayed in the air, but it didn't move anything inside me.
He looked at me again. "I'm really sorry, Anna."
I nodded slightly.
"…Okay."
His brows pulled together a little. "That's all?"
I shrugged. "What do you want me to say?"
Silence again.
He leaned forward slightly. "I'm not expecting forgiveness. I just didn't want to keep avoiding you."
I looked at him properly.
"So this is what? Closure?"
He hesitated. "I don't know."
At least that was honest.
I stood up. "I should go back soon."
"Anna…"
I paused but didn't sit.
He stood too, like he wasn't ready for the moment to end.
"I'm trying," he said quietly.
I looked at him for a second.
"I know," I replied.
A beat passed.
Then I added, softer, "But it's late."
That word stayed between us.
Late.
Not angry. Not emotional. Just final in a quiet way that doesn't need explanation.
He didn't stop me when I turned and walked out.
Outside, everything felt normal. Like nothing inside had just shifted.
I walked slowly without thinking. Not sad. Not angry. Just… blank.
Was I supposed to be angry, upset?
I don't know. I should be happy he apologized but then the damage has already been done. The thing he apologized for shaped my life in a way that I couldn't comprehend.
It would have been much easier if I had a stable father figure in my life.
I've endured so much without even knowing how to explain it to myself properly. I just learned how to move through it, how to keep going even when I didn't understand what I was carrying.
And maybe that's the problem.
I don't really know what love is supposed to feel like.
So I just sit with everything… and call it normal.