"Umm~ Yeah, my dear Kragor… just like that~ 💦"
The voice in his head was doing premium-tier ASMR damage — breathy, needy, looping like a cursed TikTok sound.
"Ahmm~ Fill up your aunt with your hot seed~ 🥵 Fill Auntie up, you big brute~"
Kragor's forearm was moving at speeds that would make a piston jealous. Veins bulging. Sweat dripping. The whole farm smelled like regret and teenage hormones.
"UGHHH!!~"
SPLORT. SPLORT. SPLORT.
A majestic arc… that immediately betrayed him.
Ropes of thick, pearly defeat rained straight down onto the cracked dirt in front of the chicken coop. Not a single drop went anywhere useful. Just wet splats turning dust into sad little abstract art pieces titled "My Life Choices."
The chickens stared. One clucked judgmentally.
Kragor stood there panting, staring at the crime scene like it personally insulted his ancestors.
"…Haaah. I fucking hate this body."
His voice came out like distant thunder having an argument with itself. 6'5", shoulders wider than most doorframes, built like someone asked God for an orc and then tripled the muscle sliders. Eighteen years old. Looked thirty-five. Sounded like he gargled gravel for breakfast.
He awkwardly crammed the offending monument — the one that made stallions feel inadequate — back into trousers that were basically repurposed sailcloth. Then he kicked some damp mud over the evidence like a guilty teenager hiding a vape under the mattress.
"Can't let Auntie find this again," he rumbled, already knowing it was a lie. She'd stopped coming inside months ago. Now it was just a food basket left on the porch like he was a feral raccoon the village pitied.
He turned and trudged toward the mud-brick shack that looked comically small next to him. One wrong lean and the whole thing would fold like origami.
"Seriously… how cursed does your luck have to be to get isekai'd into this exact body?"
Yeah. A week ago he'd been some random Earth guy hate-reading isekai threads at 4 a.m., muttering "if I got truck-kun'd I'd fix everything." Universe said: "Bet."
Dropped him straight into Original Kragor's corpse.
Original Kragor had yeeted himself after the Aunt Incident™. Parents had abandoned him young. Hot(ish) aunt still came by out of guilt, cooking meals even after he moved out. Then one day she walked in without knocking.
Saw him.
Mid-stroke.
Dick harder than forged steel.
Moaning "Auntie~ Auntie please~ please let your Nephew Breed you ~" like the budgetist hentai protagonist alive.
She froze. He froze. Eye contact lasted approximately 0.8 geological epochs.
After that? No more visits. No more talking. Just silent food drops like he was in quarantine. Depression + perpetual boner debuff = lights out for OG Kragor.
New tenant (current Kragor) inherited the exact same curse:
Perpetual Horny Status: Active
Debuff: Massive Ogre Dick – Cannot be concealed
Passive: Village-wide secondhand embarrassment
He couldn't even go to the market without mothers covering children's eyes and men instinctively stepping back.
"Fuck," he whispered. It still sounded like a raid boss spawning. "I really hate this body."
The chickens clucked in agreement.
***
Author's note to the reader:
This opening chapter is deliberately unhinged, meme-bait, and over-the-top horny-slapstick to hook people and get people screenshotting / ratio-ing / posting "when the isekai hits different" memes in group chats.
Starting from Chapter 2 onward, the tone shifts completely.
No more exaggerated meme narration.
Proper third-person limited perspective.
Serious worldbuilding.
Actual plot progression.
Character interiority that isn't just "my dick big and life bad lol."
If you came here for the cursed-horny-ogre comedy, enjoy it while it lasts — this was the bait.
If you stay for what comes next… that's the real story.
See you in the next chapter.
(And yes, he still has the debuff. But we're not going to meme it every paragraph anymore.)