Deadpool hauled himself out of the fountain, his red-and-black yukata clinging to him like a desperate ex-girlfriend. He squeezed a gallon of water out of his mask and looked at the camera with the eyes of a man who had seen the bottom of a coin-filled abyss.
"Did you see that, tum?!" Deadpool sputtered, coughing up a goldfish. "The Caped Baldy just tilted the earth's axis because I was 'too loud'! And look at that Mother Fu*** Aizen! He's still up there, looking like he just stepped out of a hair conditioner commercial! I'm a soggy mess, and he's a masterpiece? This is a Bi**h-ass world we live in!"
(It's Soum don't change my name you idiot)
The Soul King's Verdict
Brook was standing over Aizen, holding the Golden Mic of Truth. "YOHOHOHO! The winner by sheer elegance is Sosuke Aizen! Please, step forward and claim your prize so you can force the truth out of—"
"Hold your skeletal horses!" Deadpool screamed, lunging back onto the tilted stage. "I demand a recount! Or a sudden death round! You can't give the 'Truth Mic' to the guy whose entire personality is a lie! That's like giving a fire extinguisher to an arsonist!"
Saitama stepped up, still holding his tray of squid. "If you guys don't finish this in the next five minutes, I'm going to 'Serious Punch' the acoustics. I just want to watch the fireworks in peace."
The air turned cold. Even Aizen's smug smile flickered for a microsecond.
The Duet of Doom
"Fine," Aizen said, closing his book. "Since the bald one insists on silence through participation, I propose a compromise. We shall perform a duet. If we harmonize perfectly, we share the Mic. If you fail, Wilson... you leave this mall forever."
"Challenge accepted, you slick-haired Bi**h!" Deadpool grabbed a second mic. "Soum, hit the track! Let's give 'em the most sugary, high-pitched J-Pop nightmare in the history of Crunchyroll!"
The music started: "Renai Circulation" (Bakemonogatari).
Deadpool: Started doing a frantic, high-energy para-para dance, his voice cracking on every "Se~no!"
Aizen: Stood perfectly still, but his spiritual pressure was so high that the lyrics were literally appearing as glowing kanji in the air.
"Demo sonnan ja dame!" Deadpool shrieked, throwing a handful of glitter at Aizen's face.
"Demo sonnan ja hora," Aizen countered, his voice smooth enough to melt butter.
The Truth Revealed
The harmony was surprisingly... perfect. The Golden Mic of Truth began to glow with a blinding celestial light. It didn't care about the music; it cared about the connection.
"THE MIC IS ACTIVATED!" Brook yelled, his bones rattling. "ONE TRUTH WILL NOW BE REVEALED! ASK YOUR QUESTION, DEADPOOL!"
Deadpool didn't hesitate. He pointed his finger right at Aizen's perfectly coiffed hair. "TELL THE TRUTH, YOU MOTHER FU***! HOW MUCH PRODUCT DO YOU USE TO KEEP YOUR HAIR LOOKING LIKE THAT DURING A BATTLE?!"
Aizen's eyes widened. He tried to fight it, but the Mic's power was absolute.
"I..." Aizen's voice trembled. "I use three cans of Extra-Hold 'Kyoka Suigetsu' Shine Spray every morning. And... I wear a hairpiece on humid days."
The crowd went silent. Ichigo fell over. Vegeta started laughing so hard he turned Blue. Saitama just blinked.
"I KNEW IT!" Deadpool roared, rolling on the stage floor. "HE'S A FRAUD! A HAIR-PIECE WEARING BI**H! tum, write this down! This is the greatest day of my life!"
The Fireworks... and the Fall
Aizen's face went from "Transcendental God" to "I'm-Going-to-Kill-Everyone-Here" in record time. But before he could draw his sword, the first firework of the night exploded in the sky.
But it wasn't a normal firework. It was shaped like a giant Straw Hat.
"WHOOPS!" a voice yelled from the roof of the mall. "I think I aimed the firework cannon at the gas main!"
Luffy was standing on the skylight, holding a lit torch and a giant piece of meat. Behind him, Zoro was looking at a map and walking in the opposite direction of the exit.
"THE MALL IS BLOWING UP!" Deadpool cheered. "Finally! A proper ending to a chapter! Everyone run for your lives! Or stay for the barbecue! I don't care, I'm beautiful!"