The skylight of the Nexus Mall shattered as flames licked the ceiling. Below, Deadpool was rolling on the floor, pointing a shaking finger at the legendary Sosuke Aizen, who was currently standing in a circle of fire, looking remarkably like a man who had just realized his entire villainous mystique was tied to a bottle of extra-hold spray.
"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Deadpool wheezed, his mask muffling his hysterical cackling. "Did you hear that, tum?! A hairpiece! The God of the Hollows is wearing a rug! You vain, balding Mother Fu*! No wonder you wanted to stand in the heavens—you were just trying to get away from the overhead lighting!"
The Silence of the Gotei-Fraud
Aizen didn't move. He didn't even draw his sword. He just stood there as a burning banner fell behind him. His spiritual pressure was so heavy it was literally crushing the nearby Hello Kitty merchandise into fine dust.
"Wilson," Aizen said, his voice dropping into a register that made the floor tiles vibrate. "I was going to let you live as a coffee table. But now... I'm going to ensure that not even your healing factor can find enough pieces of you to put back together."
"Oh, shut up, you insecure Bih!" Deadpool barked, leaping to his feet as the Akatsuki Fireworks Store next door started to hiss. "You've got bigger problems! Specifically, the fact that Luffy just turned this mall into a giant hibachi grill!"
The Zoro Factor
High above on the third-floor balcony, Roronoa Zoro was sprinting through thick black smoke.
"The exit has to be this way!" Zoro yelled, confidently turning left into a burning Victoria's Secret. He stopped, looking at a mannequin wearing lace wings. "Dammit! Why did they move the emergency stairs into a lingerie department?!"
"HE'S GOING THE WRONG WAY AGAIN!" Brook shrieked, running past him with his afro on fire. "Zoro-san! The exit is literally behind you! YOHOHO—MY SCALP IS CRISPY!"
The Serious Solution
Saitama stood in the middle of the burning food court, holding a single, slightly charred grilled squid on a stick. He looked at the chaos, then at the fire, then at the ceiling.
"This is annoying," Saitama muttered. "I'm going to miss the late-night anime broadcast if I don't get home soon."
He took a deep breath. A really deep breath. The kind of breath that creates a localized vacuum.
"Serious Series..." Saitama's chest expanded until he looked like a yellow balloon. "...Serious Sneeze."
ACHOO!
It wasn't a sneeze; it was a Category 5 hurricane. The pressure wave didn't just blow out the fire—it blew the entire roof off the Nexus Mall. The fire was extinguished instantly, but so was the gravity. Everyone—Deadpool, Aizen, Zoro, and three thousand plushies—was sucked upward into the night sky.
The New Frontier
"WE'RE TEAM ROCKET-ING OUT OF HERE!" Deadpool screamed as he tumbled through the atmosphere, clutching the Golden Mic of Truth. "See ya, tum! If I die, tell Ryan Reynolds I loved him in Green Lantern! Just kidding, that movie was a pile of—"
K-THOOM.
A blinding flash of white light consumed the group as they hit the upper atmosphere. When the spots cleared from Deadpool's eyes, he wasn't in the sky anymore. He was face-down in a bed of tall, pixelated grass.
A small, yellow mouse with rosy cheeks walked up to him and tilted its head.
"Pika?"
Deadpool looked up. "Oh, you have got to be Mother Fu**ing kidding me."