The Nexus Mall was quiet. Too quiet. The debris from the graphic glitches had settled, and the food court was a disaster zone of half-eaten ramen, broken tables, and shattered neon signs.
Saitama was just about to walk into the grocery store when the automatic doors locked shut. A loud click echoed across the linoleum.
"Attention, shoppers and interdimensional vagrants," a tired, deep voice echoed over the PA system. "The mall is now closed for an emergency audit."
"Audit?" Deadpool gasped, dropping a stolen pretzel. "Soum, I don't do taxes! I claim 'Mercenary Madness' as a deductible, but the IRS never buys it!"
The Mall Manager
The doors to the Management Office opened. A man in a sharp tan suit and funky goggles stepped out, holding a clipboard that looked heavier than a broadsword. He adjusted his spotted tie and let out a sigh that contained the exhaustion of a thousand retail workers.
It was Kento Nanami (Jujutsu Kaisen).
Behind him, holding a mop like it was a lethal weapon, was Levi Ackerman (Attack on Titan), wearing a pristine white apron over his Survey Corps uniform.
"Look at this mess," Levi sneered, his eye twitching as he looked at a smudge of strawberry milk on the floor. "You filthy animals have dragged your muddy plotlines all over my clean floors."
Nanami tapped his pen against the clipboard. "Property damage. Unauthorized use of gravity manipulation. Exceeding the animation budget. And frankly, causing a workplace disturbance. The total bill comes out to roughly 450 billion yen."
"450 BILLION?!" Goku yelled, counting on his fingers and quickly giving up. "How many bowls of rice is that?!"
"I have exactly 20 yen," Saitama said, patting his yellow jumpsuit. "And a coupon for eggs that expired yesterday."
The Terms of Employment
"Since none of you have the capital to pay for this," Nanami stated flatly, checking his watch, "and because I refuse to work a single minute of overtime dealing with police paperwork... you are all going to work off your debt."
"Work?!" Denji (Chainsaw Man) screamed. "I already had a terrible job! I don't want to fold shirts!"
"Too bad," Deadpool laughed, suddenly wearing a too-tight, neon-yellow "MALL SECURITY" polo shirt and riding a Segway. "Listen to the man with the goggles, kids! Daddy Pool is officially the law around here! Respect the badge, or I'll hit you with my tactical flashlight!"
"You," Nanami pointed his pen at Deadpool, "are on probation. If you run over one more customer with that machine, I am cutting your salary in half."
Nanami began handing out uniforms.
"Saitama. You are working the cash register at the discount grocery store. If your scanning speed is as fast as your punch, we might pay off this debt by next century."
Saitama took the green apron. "Do I get an employee discount on the cabbage?"
"No."
"Goku," Nanami sighed, rubbing his temples. "You are working the food court sample stand. But if you eat the inventory, Levi will mop the floor with your face."
Goku put on a tiny paper hat. "I can't promise anything, suit-guy. My stomach has its own aura."
The Harem Hijinks
Rentarou Aijo stepped forward, his 29 girlfriends lined up behind him in perfect formation. "Sir! We will take any job necessary! My family works as one!"
Nanami stared at the massive crowd of girls. "Fine. You are all assigned to the 'Lost and Found' and 'Customer Service' desk. God have mercy on whoever tries to return an item without a receipt to you people."
"If someone yells at Rentarou-kun," Karane cracked her knuckles, "I'm returning them to their maker."
The First Shift
The 'OPEN' sign flickered on. The doors unlocked. The citizens of the anime multiverse flooded into the Nexus Mall, ready to shop.
Deadpool rolled past the camera on his Segway, sipping an iced coffee. "This is it, Soum. We've traded life-or-death battles for Karen complaints and spilled slushies. The stakes have literally never been higher."
Suddenly, a loud crash came from the grocery store.
"Saitama!" a customer screamed. It was Frieza, sitting in his hover-pod, holding a box of cereal. "You scanned my 'Space-O's' twice, you bald monkey! I demand to speak to your manager!"
Saitama stood behind the register, his face blank, holding the barcode scanner like a gun. "The machine beeped twice. That means you pay twice. Now give me the money, my shift ends in six hours and my feet hurt."