[Chapter 0]
I've always been nothing more than a dog in the street. A pile of miserable existance shoved into the realm of violences. Am I regretted it? No. Not really. As long as I can still breathe, even if I hit rock bottom, I'll crawl back into my foot. And now, as I standing here in the vast grassland of a world that isn't mine, I started to question where life will brough me this time.
Let's back a bit, okay? To the day I finally tasted freedom after a couple years rotting away in the cell.
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"Asep Muhammad Ridwan. Kaluar."
The warden called out my name. I stand up and walked into the cell door who was opened by two of them.
"Cing jadi jelema jujur. Cing eucreug jadi jelema. Ulah ngalakukeun kajahatan deui." One of the warden look at my eyes with such intimidating aura while speaking. I just nodded without any unnecessary talk.
After two years, I've finally regained my freedom. Well, I'm not exactly happy though. No more free meal. But at least I'm on my two legs right now.
Sadly, I'm unable to finish my high school. Well, I suspect it will be like this anyway.
How was Fatimah doing? I hope she's alright. She stopped visiting me since a year and a half ago. Maybe I should visit her later. But.... Damn, Wil his father, Ustadz Toha even allowed me? I'm such a disappointment. But, I should visit my mom and dad first. Yeah. Their tombs.
After shaved my head bald, I went out of the prison, I've decided to pay a visit to my parents grave. If I had to be honest, I don't really know my parents. I never know the warmth of a mother's embrace. She died giving birth to me. My father died when I hit eight. After that, I've been on my own.
Well, being orphaned at such a young age was very tough. Not once or twice I had to scraping some food from junkyard. But I lived, I goes to school despite I fucked up nearing the end. But I think that's what my parents want.
I arrived at TPU (Tempat Pemakaman Umum) where my parents buried there. Their simple graves has been growing with vines and grass. Of course, when I'm imprisoned, nobody look after their resting place anyway.
"Umi... Abi..." I said. I can't really hold my tears. I'm know that I'm such a failure. I'm just a misfortune for them. "Hampura Asep, Umi, Abi.... Hampura pisan Asep teh ayeuna jadi jelema teu bener. Mugia Umi sareng Abi dipasihan tempat nu endah di sisi Gusti Allah nu Maha Kawasa. Hampura pisan."
I recite some prayers. Despite of how I look, I'm actually know how to recite some prayers for the dead according to islamic tradition. After that, I clean ups their graves before continuing to my next stop.
To my friend's place.
I went to my friend's place, located in a tradisional market, "Pasar Gegerkalong". I spotted the guy who was overlooking a fruit stand. Despite being crippled and with wheelchair, he still eager to serve the costumer with care.
"Woy, Agung." I called out.
"Asep? Njir si eta botak ayeuna mah euy!"
"Na ari sia, heeh atuh da kumah deui!" I walk closer and give him a high five.
"Kumaha cageur maneh? Heeh, alhamdulilah geus bebas mah atuh!"
"Nuhun, dua taun ieu karasa beurat pisan."
"Pastina ge."
We talk about many things. About what lives after graduation. He's content with his profession now. Not that there's any for rejects like us anyway.
Agung is one of my friends from back then during our school days. He used to be my right hand man and also the official 'Leader' a little thug club, while I'm working from the shadow. Back then he was still a normal guy, a young man with fiery temper and great fighting prowess. But, after our final fight against hordes of adversaries from another schools on that fateful day, he got shot by the enemy leader while protecting one of our friend. And now he is crippled. That was the day I sacrificed myself as well. I'm fighting to protect our school's name until the very end.
In the end, I got imprisoned. But I've doing my job of protecting them.
"Oh, Kumaha sakolaan ayeuna? Ari jejegran masih aya keneh?"
"Eweuh ayeuna mah," He waved his hand. "Saenggeus maneh dipenjara kusabab perang eta tea, masa-masa jejegeran geus beres ayeuna mah. Sahenteuna di daerah ieu."
"Oh Kitu? Syukur Alhamdulillah atuh Ari Kitu mah. Najan urang nu babak belur."
"Hehe. Sia gelut siga nu edan basa harita, komo deui pas urang Kana beceng si Tajud."
"Heeh kumaha deui atuh. Da urang he eleh jumlah basa harita. Oh heeh, kumaha kabar si Andy Jeung si Riska? Geus kawin can si eta?"
"Nggeus. Teu lila, si Andy Jeung si Riska pindah ka Jepang."
"Syukur atuh ari Kitu mah."
We talked alot about our past, until Fatimah was mentioned.
"Oh heeh, si Fatimah geus kawin ceunah."
"Hah? Nu bener siateh? Jeung Saha?"
Well, it made me quite shocked. No wonder she stopped seeing me in prison. But the thing that made me worried is, who is the person that become her husband? But Agung's answer Made my heart a bit of peace.
"Jeung Habib Hasan, nyaho meureun pas muludan tea?"
"Uhh...." I nodded. I remember Habib Hasan. He's not that older than us, a young man and also islamic preacher. It's made me relieved that she's married a man with high social standing instead of being a failure like me. I'm glad.
With that, I bid farewell to him and went back to my place.
Yeah. My place. A rundown shack beneath a bridge. I hope no one destroying it during my absence. But... Yeah, just as expected. When I arrived at the location, my home is no more, along with all of my stuff.
I sighed deeply. Man, I wonder what should I do today. I have no place to return. No parents, no relatives. I, to be honest, really want to cry. But my pride as a thug holding my tears back on my eyelids. I've stopped crying long ago and don't know how to do it anymore.
Well, for now on, I guess I just need to keep living, right? And so, I keep walking and keep walking until I feel my toes were burning. But I didn't stop. I don't want to stop.
But somehow, I feel this isn't right. I was walking in a paved road, right? At first, the air was changed. From bleached smoke of various vehicles to fresh air like it was in Cianjur. Then slowly, I realized that I was walking on grassy dirt road. Something snapped on me. When and how did I ended up walking in the middle of grassland? Did the ganja at Agung's stall really this good?
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