I was heavily bound with chains. My arms and legs were shackled. My mouth tasted of blood. They dragged me mercilessly through the middle of the street as an enormous crowd watched me.
I never raised my eyes to look at them. I was too afraid. They were once the people whom I used to protect with my life. But now I was no longer. I knew their faces were twisted with disappointment. Their face had disgust. They must be cursing me in their hearts.
But under imperial orders, they gravely kept silent. No one dared to speak a word. Their resentment towards me was obvious. They must hate me so much.
I was tortured and starved for many days. The journey to the imperial city was long. My body was covered with ruthless cuts. Blood oozed from them, staining my already dirty and ragged clothes. They were torn. Their original colors had long faded. I didn't remember what color they used to be.
Numerous slits from a whip on my back had already begun to fester. My feet were nearly scratched into a mess amid dirt and blood. My head hurt so much, and my vision was very blurry.
To be honest, it should be pain. But I did not feel pain at all. That pain was nothing compared to the pain in my heart, the terrible pain from something I dared not speak aloud.
And that kind of pain was a thousand times harder to endure than wounds made by daggers or swords. I felt shattered. I did not expect this to happen even in my nightmares...
Was it anger? Fear? Disappointment? Frustration? Sorrow? Or something else? I did not know.
Where did it go wrong? How did it come to this and why was I here? Once I used to be a person who was venerated. Once I was the respected general of an empire. I used to be the most trusted aid of the emperor.
But that was long time ago...
That was five years aback...
That was before I betrayed him...
And now I'm a traitor...
The criminal who betrayed his country...
But I just never expected. I never expected even in my wildest dreams that he would fight an empire of thirteen kingdoms to capture me.
He was once the person I secretly loved, the cold and indifferent Emperor of Zhenhuang, Lóng Xuanwei...
For five years... I missed him. I missed his expressionless face. I missed his majestic walk. I missed his cold voice. I missed his frightening smile.
My heart was in a mess. Within a few hours, I would be seeing him again. I would be seeing the face that I missed for so long. I bit my lower lip hard and felt the taste of my blood.
With every step I took towards the palace that loomed in front of me now, I knew I was walking towards my death. My crimes could not be forgiven even if I died ten thousand deaths. What hope do I have of living?
Countless were the people who had died by my sword. I had killed so many people that I had already forgotten their number. I knew that after my death, I wouldn't deserve even the deepest pits of hell. My sins were too sinful to be atoned for. But I was not afraid.
My heart ached more not because my time was too short, but because I was going to meet that person again.
What will he do? He was never a person who had any sentiments. I knew it more than anyone, because once when we were small, we rode on the same horseback, shared meals from the same bowl, and studied together from the same scroll.
He almost never had a smile on his face. He was unreachable and cold to anyone.
But –
He used to trust me. He used to give me everything, though he only looked at me as a subject. For him, I was his general, his trusted aide, and subordinate.
But for me, he was the person I loved. I liked him. I liked his smiless face. There was a time I used to content myself by standing silently by his side, watching him... I was never tired of looking at that face.
The thing I regret the most in my life was betraying him. This incident haunted my life for five years. It left a terrifyingly deep scar in the depths of my heart that scraped every time I was reminded of it.
That scar would never heal until the day I die, and I would probably never forgive myself for it.
Never mind. I would be content if I could die at the hands of that person... I would never regret it.
The sky was gloomy above me. Now and then, soundless lightning flashed, brightening the entire capital. Cold drops of a gentle drizzle slapped upon my face.
Warm tears left my eyes, gathered at my chin and fell down. But it would never warm my frozen heart.
Because there was nothing more sorrowful than a heart that had died...