I did not know exactly when I passed out. When I woke with a splitting headache, a cold bucket of ice water was thrown onto my face.
I gasped for air, shivers running down my body. My wounds sent a sharp pain through me. I found myself detained in an empty prison cell, my hands and legs chained.
"Time to get up, traitor." The guard in armour threw the empty bucket away. "You'd better wish Junshang goes easy on you!"
Those words were a stab to my heart. I looked at the person who spoke to me so rudely. My chest ached. I recognized him vaguely. He must have been a soldier who once served under me, back when I commanded the eight battalions of Yan'an.
But now that pain felt numb. Things had already come to this. Every face that looked at me was filled with disgust. From nobles to peasants alike, they all looked at me with hate.
I slowly got up from the cold, stony floor where I had been lying all this time. I couldn't help but groan when my knees creaked.
It was already the next morning. I was dragged all the way to the Court Hall. Almost every minister was present, except him.
My red, moist eyes fixed on a single point, guided by instinct rather than thought. It was a place close to the empty throne.
That place once belonged to me...
The seat of the general...
But there was a person this day. He looked at me with narrowed eyes. I gulped. I recognized the profile immediately. He was not a person I had known when I was in the military. But I couldn't forget how he broke through the ranks of Liu Shan battalions under the orders of the emperor to catch me...
I couldn't forget the day he captured me and crushed my core personally. I lost my martial arts never to recover again. If it was another person, he would have killed himself. What life it would be for someone who used to be very strong to suddenly loose all his powers?
But I was already tired. I looked at him with pain and sorrow.
So he had to be the new general of Zhenhuang now, Zhao Xianyu, commanding the battalions of Yan'an. My heart ached a little when it came to me that I was the person who used to be there. But I was no longer. And I can never claim that seat in this life. I don't deserve it at all.
But that person was obviously younger than me, handsome and was full of youthful vigour unlike me who was already half dead. This made me feel numb.
I was embarrassed at my own dirty self compared to him. I was no where near to match him.
Yes... Perhaps the emperor needs someone like that person to be by his side, protecting him, not someone like me who had bitten the hand that had fed me...
I closed my eyes and silently knelt down in the mid of the hall. The heavy chains on my neck dragged down, making my head bend low.
The only wish of my life now was to die. I wanted to die by his hands, so that I can leave contentedly at least that I had paid a little for betraying him. So I waited silently. I waited silently for my death. I waited silently for that person who hadn't come to the court yet...
Some ministers looked at me and smirked with disgust, shaking their heads.
Deception...
I did not know how many hours I had been blindly enduring the pain in my body in the middle of mocking and hateful gazes of those who once respected me...
Perhaps it was hours and hours. Or may be it was just few moments. Suddenly the arrival of that person was informed with a hoarse ringing voice just outside the Court Hall.
My back went subconsciously stiff.
No sooner, the hoarse shout of the imperial guard was replaced by the sound of unfaltering steady steps.
My heart stopped beating. It ached so much. Though I remained expressionless, my heart was in a raging storm. It was surging with a thousand inexplicable emotions that I restrained from giving out. But I couldn't stop my fingertips from shuddering.
The familiar sound of those unfaltering footsteps... They still sounded the same though five years had already passed.
Could it be his face was also looking still the same? Could it be his handsomeness was still the same? Could he be having the same majestic demeanour of an emperor?
My heart was in a mess. I tightly closed my eyes. My death was nearing moment by moment. I couldn't understand why I still kept thinking about these things
A thousand inexplicable emotions surged like strong unbreakable tides, gnawing to the depths of my heart like sharp needles.
My mind went blank. I didn't hear the ministers greeting the emperor.
All of this suddenly felt so absurd. I was suddenly weary and did not know when that person confronted me.
At some unknown moment, he was standing in front of me, his figure tall and majestic than ever. His black and golden dragon robe dragged behind him. His entire self exuded a cold immortal aura.
For a split second, my eyes suddenly got locked with his unfaltering phoenix eyes.
Those slightly up turned eyes at the ends were beautiful beyond words, beneath those dense dark brows. His face was jade like, unusually clear. Fair.
His long black hair was very healthy. The pearl crown glistened under the bright light.
Those thin and pale seductive lips were tightly pursed under his sharp nose...
This cold beauty made him look more abstinent and unfriendly.
He still looked the same... He hadn't changed at all... If he had changed even a bit, then he had become more mature than before, than the person I had been carving in my mind almost every night during the past five years.
He watched me with an icy gaze that was completely indifferent, and suddenly spoke in a softer but more dangerous voice that didn't go with his style.
"Long time no see, General Liu..." Then he gave a frightening smile. "Five years..."
Tears left my eyes convulsively.
Emperor Lóngxuan never smiled. But when he did, it was frightening than death. I did not understand one thing. I'm a person who played with weapons since I was barely four.
I had rode in countless battles, confronting enemies and won them. I had gone through almost every kind of torture, endured a thousand sleepless nights continually and even survived near death injuries.
I was not weak. I was a general of an empire. I was stronger than many. But today under that smile, my soul almost flew out of my body.
He was... frightening...
I lowered my head immediately, tightly shutting my eyes and never daring to open them back.
My heart bled. That smile. I could sense how much frustration and disappoinment was twisted within. He was disgusted... He was really disgusted of me...
Tears suddenly started pouring down my dirty face. When did I start to cry??? I'm not a person who would cry. I haven't shed a single tear as long as I can remember my past. Why was I crying now? And in the middle of the whole court when all the officials and ministers were watching?!
I did not know what made my heart ache more. Was it anger? Shame? Fear? Embarrassment? Frustration? Sorrow? I did not know.
I tightened my jaw, controlling my tears. They became red in the attempt until fine blood vessels appeared running across them. Blood lines left my lips where my teeth bit onto them forcefully.
Since things had come this far, what was there to be scared of? I'm a sinner. I had already betrayed my country. I cannot turn back no matter what. So why not let the nature take it's own course?
I silently wiped away my tears with the back of my blood stained palms and tightened my lips into a thin line. And once again, after five years, my face finally came to look like once it used to be. The smile less and silent general of Zhenhuang...
Lóngxuan stared at me for a long time. They were clearly filled with break of hopes and frustration. He looked at me with loath, as he stood straight with his hands behind his back.
"General Liu." He said in a cold voice, raising a brow as if waiting for me. "Did you forget to say something?"
I swallowed, and felt a sting as my adam's apple slid down my wounded throat.
Yes...
I had wanted to tell something to him since five years.
I had wanted to tell him sorry...
I want to tell him sorry for everything that I have done to him...
But it was too late.
I'm a wretched person who even didn't deserve the word sorry...
I kept painfully silent.
"Do you accept your crime?"
"Yes." I whispered hoarsely.
"Then do you have any blames for Zhen for punishing you now?"
"This traitor has no blames!"
"Then is there anything that you want to tell before you die?" Lóngxuan asked me ruthlessly.
Die...
I felt blood rushing to my mouth. No matter how I expected him to kill me, yet to hear that word from the person whom I madly used to love was torture. I couldn't handle it at all. I raised my dirty face to him.
But there was nothing I could do. It was my fault even from the beginning. He was my master. I shouldn't have betrayed him. Even beyond that, I... shouldn't have loved him...
But I will never regret loving him even if he kills me.
"I only have one wish." I said in a hoarse voice. My eyes were pleadingly fixed with his unfaltering phoenix eyes. "I wonder if Junshang can fulfil my last wish..."
The Court Hall was immediately thrown into a wave of chaos. Those who were truly loyal to the country, but were forced to keep their mouths shut, finally broke the shackles and started cursing me.
The young general unsheathed his long and heavy sword, pointing it towards me. "How dare you!!!"
The emperor slowly raised his palm and the entire Court Hall fell into a dead silence again. Zhao Xianyu drew back his sword though his hostility was clear.
Lóngxuan's face was cold. He turned to me expressionlessly. "What is general's last wish?"
I stared at his eyes. I knew my red eyes were full of tears and I was a terrible mess. But I didn't care. I only cared about one thing now. I smiled in difficulty and gulped.
"This traitor... betrayed his country and fled to the refuge of the enemy. But this traitor also used to serve his country once. For the sake of the services he had done to Junshang in the past... let him beg Junshang to fulfil his last wish..."
"Zhen is listening."
"Junshang, kill me with your sword."
The entire Court Hall was thrown into a second wave of chaos. Even the new general stared at me as if I was crazy. In many old faces were disbelief.
Their faces made me smile in my heart. What do they take me for? I'm a general. I'm not afraid of death. But I'm afraid of not being able to pay what I owe others before I die.
"Junshang, can you fulfill my wish?"
Lóngxuan continued to stare at me with unfathomable eyes. They flashed in a strange inexplicable light. It was cold and freezing, also frightening to the point of sending chills down to the marrow of my bones.
After a long time, he spoke again. "General Liu, do you really think that simply dying could atone the sins you've committed?"
I gulped. "Then torture and kill me."
Lóngxuan was silent for a long time again. Though his face was emotionless, there was something in his eyes that I didn't understand. Finally he spoke in a steady voice, as if what I just saw was an illusion.
"But Zhen thinks torturing death is still too merciful." He narrowed his eyes at me. "General Liu, do you know how many innocent people died because of you just five years ago?"
It was a clap of thunder in my ears, a stab in my chest. My head felt as if going to explode. I did not expect him to bring this matter at this moment.
And those haunting memories which I tried hard to forget, slipped back to my mind. Yes, once many people who respected and loved me died in front of my own eyes.
Those helpless cries of children and women in the middle of raging flames echoed in my ears. I had the ability to save them. But I didn't. I had already betrayed my country at that time...
I was the cause of their death. This incident haunted my nightmares for five years long. How could not I remember?
I did not know what to say. But my heart was beating like thunder. Lóngxuan didn't lie. I deserved worse than a tortured death.
Lóngxuan stared at me with thin pursed lips and suddenly drew closer. I was caught off guard. It wasn't only me, but the entire Court Hall gasped in shock when the emperor pushed a candy through my blood stained lips forcefully.
"General." He said in a frightening whisper. "Is it sweet?"
I was suddenly thunderstruck. I felt as if stabbed. My heart raced. These words...
I've heard them before, five years ago, one cold and a stormy night, just before I left the Capital of Xi'an to the borders and unexpectedly betrayed him.
I felt something shatter inside me when those hurtful memories flashed past my eyes. Those were of the chaotic days when the northern border of the empire went under the siege of the enemy.
That night I was summoned by him into the Imperial Study. I was very sad. Back then, my only thought was that it was my last time seeing him.
His expression was cold than ever. He was reading some court documents when I entered inside. But he got up from the seat and strode towards me. One of his hands were holding a little sweet candy, rolling it in his fingertips skillfully.
He leaned his back against a wooden pillar and continued to stare at me with his deep unfathomable eyes for a long time, making me so uncomfortable.
Under the weak lamplight, I felt as if those eyes were about to devour me. They were capable of killing a soul.
I tried hard to keep calm. But after staring at those eyes, I soon found it hard to keep up. So I averted my face, gaze a chill run down my back.
He didn't say anything. He raised the candy in his hand to my lips. I was speechless. What was happening??? I was shocked. But I dare not refuse. He was the emperor, someone whom I cannot offend.
If he gives me something, I knew I should accept it and thank him. Though my heart was in a surging storm, I slowly parted my lips, yielding.
I let his slender and cold fingertips push the candy through my lips and into the mouth. His fingertips slightly brushed past my tongue. And I accidentally sucked them. I was stunned.
"General." He said in an unmoved voice. "Is it sweet?"
Back then, I was so confused and was in a daze so I only remembered having replied back to him vaguely. "Sweet..."
But now when I remembered that scene from back then, I felt a stab right through my heart. Color drained off my pale face. I suddenly had a frightening guess in my heart. He... He actually knew that I was going to betray him...
He knew even from the beginning that I would betray him...
Blood lines seeped down the corners of my mouth in shock. I couldn't speak a word. My heart tightened. I silently closed my eyes but I couldn't stop the tears that left them.
"Sweet..." I finally said in a hoarse voice.
Lóngxuan nodded at me with narrowed eyes, his lips stretching back into his frightening smile. He leaned close to my ear and softly spoke in a threatening voice. "Then Zhen will show you what it would be like to taste it bitter!"
I lowered my head. I didn't want him to see anymore tears in my eyes. Every word that person spoke were like needles piercing my heart. I gulped.
Lóngxuan smiled coldly. "Though Zhen got to know of it back then, Zhen couldn't believe it at all. Zhen wanted to see it himself. Zhen even punished the spies who reported Zhen that you're going to betray Zhen. How sarcastic!"
He laughed softly. My heart ached. That laugh was wrenched with so much loath. And something else.
Then suddenly his smile faded and the murderous aura around him intensified. "You never felt how the common people suffered outside the palace. Else you would have never betrayed your country, would you? As your emperor, Zhen will make sure to teach the lesson that you failed to learn as a general."
He turned to the court.
"Liu Weiyang failed his country and people. He betrayed Zhen's trust in him. Hereby Zhen decides to demote him to a common civilian. His property shall be confiscated."
I did not know why. But I felt a bit of relief that there was no one left from my family. If they were alive, they would have doubtlessly faced with death sentence now.
Lóngxuan commanded. "Drag him. Zhen wants him to taste the real life of the people that he didn't understand before."
The guards bowed low. "Yes! Junshang!"
Lóngxuan watched me for a while, then he shook his head disgustedly, flicked his sleeves and spoke again. "Court dismissed!" He did not turn to look at anyone after that. "Zhao Qing. Follow Zhen." He strode out of the hall.
The young general silently lowered his head. "Yes, Junshang!" He silently followed Lóngxuan out of the Court Hall.
Zhao Qing?
My heart burned. When had an emperor ever called a subject by their personal name? The ruler of a state had no one above him, no equal, except the mother empress. There was no way for an emperor to address a subject so intimately.
I had never seen Lóngxuan call anyone by their personal name. When I was once the general of this state, he always addressed me as General Liu. It was cold and distant, not intimate at all.
My throat ached. I suddenly had a terrible guess in my heart. Is there something between this emperor and general?
Tears fell from my eyes again. I did not feel the pain of being dragged away by the guards. What I felt was the pain in my heart. It was a thousand times harder to endure. I closed my eyes tightly.
Why don't I die?!
***
Glossary
Zhen: used by the emperor. Equal to "I".
Lóng Xuanwei: the temple name of the emperor. Age prior to the story: 30 (current age)
Liu Weiyang: the temple name of the general who betrayed the country five years ago and fled to Liushan. Age prior to the story: 25 (current age)
Zhao Xianyu (Zhao Qing): the present day general of the empire.
Zhenhuang: the name of the empire under Lóngxuan's reign.