Nothing is more boring than this. Nothing. Listening to Muamar make ridiculous demands for the deliveries was better than this! Nothing is more boring than waiting for your own death; it becomes weirdly irritating after you've accepted the whole thing.
These were the thoughts going through my head, as I was laying on the bed, wheezing and trying not to trouble Mama Welles. More than I'm already troubling.
Last year I had to move in with Mama Welles because, after relying on my chrome all those years, suddenly removing them caused a lot of undesirable problems, mainly asthma. The bane of my existence. After returning to the city, I battled a lot of diseases, but asthma is one thing that I won't wish on my worst enemy. And now, slowly, my organs are failing me too. And today is my last day. I can feel it. Hell, Viktor said the same thing too.
"What are you thinking about?" Turning my head, I saw Mama Welles looking at me with poorly disguised concern and sadness.
"How do you know I'm thinking about something?"
"For four years, you've lived under my roof, Mija. I think I can tell when you're thinking about something and when you're not." She replied with a small chuckle.
"Don't worry, I'm just tired."
"Of what?"
"Waiting." I said with a sigh, I have no idea what else I can even say at this point. I'm in extreme pain, but it is nothing new, so why even mention it? I'm hurt because half of the people who I thought were my friends were either completely ignoring me or don't even acknowledge my existence, but I've already spent so much time crying over it that there's no point even mentioning it. And without my Chrome, I'm completely useless at the only other thing that I know how to do. Arasaka made sure of the first one. The only thing left for me to do is suffer and wait for the end. "I'm tired of waiting for the end, mama." I said, trying to cover up the frustration and hurt in my voice, but there's nothing I can hide from Mama. Looking at her, I could tell that my words had hurt her. "I'm sorry."
"No. Don't be sorry, V. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for you, so I don't think I'm in a position to judge or scold you." came her understanding and comforting voice. Of course, Why would I expect anything else from her? This woman who welcomed me into her house just because her son said that he had a good feeling about me—the woman who cared for me more than my own parents ever did, the woman who was the final person who was keeping me from completely shattering now. And she did all of this without even asking for a single thing in return.
"I just wish I didn't have to burden you like this all these years."
"You didn't V; you were never a burden," she said with such conviction that I almost believed it. Almost. Looking back on this year alone, I could see how much I've troubled her—my constant pained moans, the cost of ever-increasing medicines, the tears I've cried on her shoulder almost every day.
"Can I tell you something? Just don't be mad." I asked in an incredibly scratchy and whispery voice. It has been like this for the past two years. I've gotten used to it now, but by God do I miss my old voice.
"You can tell me anything, Mija, but I'm afraid I can't promise whether I'll be angry or not." spoken like a true mother.
Chuckling a bit, I looked out of the window of the apartment we were in. Outside, the day was misty and drizzly as usual, filled with fog and the occasional sound of fired shots. With my failing health, I also lost the ability to find beauty in this city. "Sometimes I think I should've died with Johnny all those years ago."
Looking at her, I could tell that this was something that she disagreed with me on, to which she of course conformed herself. "I hear you, V, but I don't think I share the same sentiment." scooting close to me, she gently started petting me on the head. "Anyways, you don't have to think about it anymore. Soon you'll be reunited with him."
"And Jackie too." It was out of my mouth before I could even think about what she had said.
"And him too," she agreed with a small, sad, watery smile. Fuck. No one will be around for her anymore. Misty is still in Poland, and Vik is almost always busy with his clinic.
"I'm sorry I'm leaving you like this."
"You are not to blame for this situation."
"Nice of you to say that, mama. But I can't silence these thoughts in my head."
"What kind of thoughts?"
"What I could've done differently—how many more people I could've saved if I had just worked hard enough and looked close enough. Peralez, Scorpion, Evelyn... Jackie." There have been so many people who could've been alive if I had just worked hard enough. "Hell, I could've saved Songbird too if I had just kept my temper in check, but in a moment of anger, I condemned us both to death." In a single moment, I condemned us both to our own kind of hell. She died a few months after the whole fiasco in a federal prison in NUSA, while I lay here, struggling to pull in a single breath.
"I know what you did, V. And I don't think anyone could fault you for what you did. It was understandable, nothing different from what I would've done." But it's not what I would've done in a rational state of mind. In the end, I hurt one person who I related to the most.
I have no idea how long I was in my own head, hours probably, but a gentle tapping on my shoulder pulled me out of my musing. Looking up, I saw Padre standing, looking at me with concern and pity.
"Padre" I greeted him and tried to sit up, but just ended up hurting myself, so I relented and just got comfortable again, which wasn't much to begin with.
"V, how are you feeling?" Padre asked, helping me a bit.
"Like usual, at least I get to rest now."
"Of course you do, my child," he said gently while giving me a glass of water, which I declined. Shrugging, he put the glass on the side table and sat in a chair beside my bed. "You have earned it." Padre was the one of the few, apart from Mama and Vik, who even visits me nowadays.
When I was strong, I had countless people trying to be on my good side and all trying to help me. The moment I lost that, everyone left too. The only people who even looked towards me were Muamar, Padre, and, weirdly, Mr. Hands. Judy calls every other month, but the real surprises were Saul and Mitch, who visited almost every month. It looks like they weren't lying when they made me an honorary Aldacaldo.
"To be honest, I don't feel like I've earned anything." I whispered with a humorless chuckle, "It's like I've stumbled my way into this situation. Leaving so many bodies in my wake."
"It might seem that way, V, but we all know that you were just looking to survive, just like the rest of this decrepit city. No one could fault you for that."
Looking out of the window, I could see it was dark outside and weirdly peaceful. For the first time in a very long time, there was no sound of gunfire or anyone screaming. Or maybe it is just that my senses are finally giving up. "It doesn't feel fair." I whispered again, turning my head to look at Mama and Padre one last time.
"What is it, V?" Mama asked as she came close.
"That I get to go like this. Peacefully with loved ones by my side." I whispered one last time. I could feel it; this is it. It's not like how I imagined it; it's like, I'm just so tired; maybe I should just go to sleep. A quick nap. It was not what I had imagined, but it was what I had expected.
....
....
....
What I hadn't expected was waking up. That too is in the middle of a street.
"Fuck," I groaned as I got up, and for the first time in the past two years, this time I was moving without pain in my chest, stiffness in my back, or soreness in my joints.
"What the fuck?" I muttered, examining my body, which looked far better than it had looked in a long time. It was almost like how I looked before my operation, before my coma. But how is it possible? There was no chrome on my body, not even ports and my personal jack—nothing. I was fully organic.
"What the fuck is happening?" I asked out loud and looked up to see where I was when I noticed another weird thing. It was so bloody quiet, and not just quiet; it was also empty. The entire NightCity was completely empty. I almost started freaking out when I heard faint music coming from around the corner. Walking towards it, I saw that it was coming from a bar. Specifically, it was the Afterlife.
It's been three years since I've even come to this area. Walking into the bar, I almost expected to see Emmerick, but there was no one at the entrance. When the doors opened, I saw a completely empty bar, except for a single suit standing behind the counter, leaning on it just like Claire did.
"Hey V! What can I get ya?" He asked in an amused tone, as if he were telling me an inside joke. To be honest, it could be, because that is exactly what Claire would say to me whenever I entered the bar.
I still remember what I said to Misty. There is no god, no higher power. Fuck, do I feel foolish now? I bet if she knew, she would be laughing her fucking ass off.
Giving a resigned sigh, I sat down at the bar and simply asked, "Is this hell or heaven?"
"This is just a junction. It's the place where we decide whether you're going to, as you put it, Hell or Heaven," he answered with a big smile while waving a bottle with flourish.
"What's there to see? I know what I have done; I'm not going to sit and grovel for you to let me go to the pearly gates; I very well know what I deserve."
"You people jump so quickly to conclusions," he said in an amused tone as he shook his head in mock disappointment. Straightening up, he took out a tumbler and said, "It was the same with your friend Jackie too."
"Jackie? Is he here?" What kind of question is that? Of course, he is here! Fuck, after all this time, I can finally meet him again.
"So what can I get you?" he asked again, turning back towards the shelf with all the bottles of drinks.
"You didn't answer my question!" I exclaimed, leaning on the bar.
"I know. Now tell me, what do you want?"
"I want to see Jackie!"
"Okay" okay? Okay! yes! Finally, after all this time, I will finally see- "Here." I was pulled out of my dreams as he put a glass of drink in front of me. Looking at it for a second, I gave the asshole in front of me a scathing glare. "Shot of vodka on the rocks, lime juice, ginger beer... oh, and most importantly, a splash of love. It's a Jackie Wells!" he exclaimed happily, to which I just gave an unimpressed look and picked up the glass. "You're a bastard," I said as I tasted my first drink in almost two years.
"Now we can talk," he said after letting me savor my drink for a few seconds. Looking at him, I could see that all of the amusement and playfulness were suddenly gone from his face. "Look, traditionally, there are only two places that you can go from here," he began with a frustrated sigh.
"But?" I ask carefully, gesturing to him to go on.
"But, you see, I have a bit of a problem. Four years ago, someone escaped my grasp. Someone I had my eye on for a while went against the natural order and lived on instead of meeting me, which I don't like at all."
Well, that's all well and good, but right now, one of the biggest question that I need answer for is who the fuck is he? "I'm sorry, but who are you exactly?"
Blinking in surprise, he looked at me for a second. "Oh, I didn't tell you? Silly me." With a small sheepish laugh, he straightened up again and introduced himself: "Hello, V, I'm Death."
"Fuck me." was the only thing I could say in that moment, an expression that he was intimately familiar with, if his rolling of the eyes were any indication.
"Now about this problem of mine." He urged again, trying to get us back on the topic.
"Yeah, what do you think I can do about it?"
"You, V my dear, came the closest to actually dealing with him, but you were not looking in the right place, so you missed him." That doesn't narrow it down in the slightest. I mean, I've been in so many life-and-death situations that it's not even funny at this point. And that's not even counting my days in Arasaka. "I'm sorry, who are we talking about?" I asked, wondering if I would even remember the person.
"Saburo Arasaka." Yeah, I remember him.
"Oh. Yeah, I remember him." I said with a grimace, finishing the drink.
"Do you? Because that piece of shit, maggot did something so heinous that even I was astonished—I mean, it's not everyday I see someone give me the slip like that. If I were anyone else, then I would've tipped my hat to the elegance and cheek of the solution, but unfortunately, I despise it when people escape my grasp like that," he said, refilling my glass and making himself one too, all with just a wave of his hand. Picking up his drink, he circled the bar and came to sit beside me, and with a frustrated sigh, he began drinking while sulking like a child. It would've been funny if he wasn't the fucking Death.
"I guess I can understand your frustration," I said carefully, but we both knew that I didn't understand shit, so I just cleared my throat and asked, "But what do you want me to do? I'm dead." I said, pointing to the surroundings as if trying to remind him of the situation I was in.
"Ahh, but my dear, I'm Death. If I wanted you here, then you would've been here at any time in your little life. If I wanted to send you back, then you would go back. Any time in your little life."
"Then why isn't Saburo here?" I asked, trying to control the little snickers that were rising in me, but it was a little hard when he was giving me stink eyes.
"Because even I have to follow some rules. To be perfectly clear, there is an agreement with other entities, like Fate, or destiny, that prohibits me from racing into the world and plucking anyone out, but there's nothing stopping me from putting someone there." He finished raising his eyebrows in a suggestive way.
"Wait... What are you trying to say?" I asked carefully, because I did not like where this was going.
"What would you say to a second go around Valerie?" He asked with a brilliant smile.
"So what? I go back to kill Saburo and come back here. Nah. I've seen enough fighting for a lifetime." I said, knocking back my drink and slamming the glass on the counter.
"Well, you wouldn't come back exactly," he said slowly, taking a sip of his drink.
"What?"
"Like I told you, I can't exactly pluck you out again. So I would have to wait for you to come back, the long way around."
...Holy shit, this is—I mean, how many people would I be able to save this way? How many things will I be able to change? "Can I save people?" I asked him, trying to keep my voice level, but a little bit of desperation creeped in.
"I have no control over your actions, V. I can just give you suggestions and help you a bit."
"How lon- when can you send me?" I asked eagerly, already making plans. But the expression on his face told me that I should keep my expectations low. "You're not going to like this." Yeah, definitely low.
"Why?" I asked, preparing myself for the worst. Maybe he'll send me back to the Arasaka days, fuck! I don't want to go through that again. Or maybe he'll send me right before the heist? Well, it won't give me enough time, but I'll definitely be able to save Jack. Or maybe he'll say- "I can send you back to the landfill."
...…
...…
"...What?"
"The garbage dump, my dear. Right after Mr. DeShawn shot you, Remember? The place where you met Takemura for the firs-" Cutting him off with a smack on the counter, I exclaimed, "I remember it very well, thank you!" I tried to calm myself a bit, but nothing worked—not the breathing exercise, not the calming thoughts, nothing. The only thing I could feel at this point was disappointment. "But why there!? Why not before that?"
"Here's the deal: people in your time use these... chips, rams, processors, all these unnatural components that, if I were to send you anywhere in your life, then you will one hundred percent develop... cyberpsychosis, as you all call it." he said with an understanding tone, trying to placate me with another drink, which I just swatted away. Shrugging, he continued, "To prevent that, I have to send you to a time where you either don't have anything, which would be as a child, or where all your components are dormant or rebooting."
And that would be the time when I was shot and almost flatlined by DeShawn. Fuck!
"I- i thin-. I understand what you're saying, but then what's the bloody point?" I asked, trying not to raise my voice and trying to keep my frustration out of it. It didn't work, of course. "I get this second chance, yet I don't get to save my friend, and I'll still get the timer on my life."
"Well. Regarding the timer, I believe I will be able to stop it without too much trouble. Your friend, however," He stopped himself and looked as if he was trying to think of better words than what he was about to say. "V, you need to understand that despite this knowledge of the future, you won't be able to save everyone. A lot of people are still going to die."
Fuck this, then!
"Then I don't want your bloody deal!" I exclaimed, standing up, ready to just move on from this place. But I was suddenly pulled down again by the death, who looked at me with pleading eyes. "V," he began, but looking at my expression, he slumped down again. After a while, a sigh began again. "Please think about this rationally, dear. Sure, people are going to die, but a lot of them will at least have a chance. A chance that they didn't have before." fuck! Why did he have to phrase it like that!? "Isn't that worth something?" he asked for the final time, and of course it was worth something!
It was enough to make me hightail it right back to earth, but the thing is that I'm too tired at this point. Tired of fighting, tired of fearing for my life at every waking moment of my life. This was such a great opportunity to right so many wrongs, an opportunity to do so much good, yet I just don't know if I can go through this whole thing again. "I don't know if I can do this." I said, trying not to let the tears fall from the amount of disappointment I was feeling from myself. Fuck, this is the lowest I've ever felt.
I was almost ready to tell him to just give up on me when I heard, "Come on, Chica! Of course you can!" with a strong pat on my back. There was only one person who called me that in my entire life.
Whipping around, I saw the last person I expected to see right now. There he stood, smiling beside me. "Jackie!!" I exclaimed and immediately jumped into his arms. Holy shit! Is this real? ... yeah its fuckin' real! Holy fuck, I missed this guy so much that I can't even begin to describe it.
"V! It's good to see you again, Mamita." he said gently, and when I looked up at him, I saw his smiling, blurry face looking at me. wit- wait blurry? .... Oh, I'm crying, aren't I? Of course I am... eh, who cares? I just tightened my grip on him and silently let my tears flow for a while.
"I'll give you two some space." I heard death speak, which pulled me out of my messy state. Looking up, I saw him moving to one of the cubicles that was always used by Rouge. Shaking my head, I sat down on the chair beside Jackie and watched as he poured us a few drinks.
"I can't believe it," I muttered, shaking my head. "I'm finally seeing you after all this time." I said with a soft smile as I picked up a Johnny Silverhand, of course. Jackie's favorite drink.
"Well. You did promise me that you'll see me in the major leagues, didn't you?" he replied with a teasing smirk, which reminded me of one of the worst days of my entire life. Probably the worst of the worst "Yeah," I muttered, trying to gulp down another round of tears that were threatening to come out. "I'm so sorry, Jack." I said, softly shaking my head.
"For what?"
For so many bloody things. For letting him die, for not paying enough attention, for taking my anger out on him in those last moments in Konpeki. There are so many things that I can't even properly formulate my reply properly. I just said, "I don't know," lamely as I took a sip of my drink, trying not to wallow in my sadness too much. It was pretty easy to see that Jack was there with me.
Putting his hand on my shoulder, he gently said, "You don't have to be sorry for anything. Instead, I should say gracias to you, chica." Looking at my confused expression, he just smiled and said, "You took such great care of my family after I was gone."
"Come on, that was nothing." I said, waving my hand in a dismissive gesture. Of course, it was nothing; they were the only people I had left who I could trust with my life. After Jackie, they were the last of my family. "I really missed you, Jackie." shaking my head, I looked at the deity sitting in the booth and said, "I just wish this asshole would let me save you," who just looked at me with a scandalized look. It looked like no one had talked to him this way before. People really should.
"Don't fret about it, V." Jackie said with a small laugh while shaking his head in amusement. "I lived my life already, and it was a happy one too. I'll be fine knowing that you'll be there for my family."
That's my Jackie, always going with the flow, always looking at the bright side. After that, we just sat there and talked for... I don't even know how long. We talked about nothing and everything, from the kind of jobs I took to the fact that how much of an asshole those bitches from Maelstrom and Scavengers were. After getting the news of the biochip from Vik, I really longed for this—just sitting down and talking about the most absurd shit with Jack.
We were just talking about Dogtown and its people when suddenly Jackie started fading a bit. His face contorted in pain for a second, and he gripped the bar as if in pain. "Jack? You okay?"
After breathing for a few seconds, he looked up with a sad smile and said, "Looks like it's time, Chica."
"What do you mean it's time?"
Instead of Jackie, my question was answered by the death who came and grabbed Jackie by the shoulder, which seemed to ease his pain a bit. "This is just junction V, It is taking an immense amount of toll on Mr. Wells' soul to be here."
"You're in pain?!"
"It's nothing, Mamita. Don't worry about it." Of course he would say that. Stupid, self-sacrificing idiot "Remember, whatever you choose, I'll always support you, no matter what," he said before he really started to flicker in and out of existence. Like a hologram. "Adios amiga." was the final thing I heard before I was alone with death again.
"So, Valerie." He said, tapping me on the shoulder, trying to gain my attention, "Have you made your decision?"
I did; talking and spending time with Jackie really put some things into perspective. It looks like I'm going back to earth. But before that, I had to ask. "Why me?"
Blinking at my question in confusion, he just shrugged and said, "You were in pretty convenient places, so it would be a major plus point. Also, think of me as a client! When a client wants to get an important job done, they contact the best in the….. Biz as you like to call it." he said, waving his arms around excitedly. "So this is me just giving you a job."
"Yeah, about that. First of all, I haven't been a merc in six years, and I also don't do pro bono."
With a grimace, he shook his head and said, "It's always about the money with you humans, isn't it?"
"Well, we can't exactly fix ourselves a glass of wine with just a wave of our hands, can we?"
"Touche," he said with a startled laugh. "Well, you're the experienced one here, so tell me. How much do you think is fair?" He asked, motioning for me to sit in the booth that he was sitting in before.
"What? You're going to pay me?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes, of course. You know I can just conjure stuff up, right?"
Nodding my head and thinking about it for a second, I said. "Seven hundred thousand eddies for Saburo, five hundred thousand for Hanako. And another five for Mikoshi." Well, I was about to do it for free, but if he's going to pay, then I'll go all in.
"Are you crazy?! seven hundred thousand to just kill a 150-year-old guy?!"
"No seven hundred thousand to kill the emperor himself. There's a reason he lived to be 150 years old and then went on to take over his own son." I shuddered, remembering the number of hitmen and termination teams I've had to deal with before. That's not to mention how many I sent after people in my time there. "No one fucks with Arasaka, and I know this; I worked there after all."
"That's true, I guess."
"Yeah. If you want me to go after his majesty, then I'll need some good gear. And good gear won't come cheap."
"Okay. I will pay for saburo and hanako, but instead of paying for the mikoshi, I'll do something else for you." He replied with a creepy smile as he nodded his head, thinking about something. I really don't like that expression.
Disregarding that, I simply asked, "Why are you being so stingy with the money? I thought you could just conjure it." I asked this in mock irritation, trying to rile him up.
Giving me an offended look, he said, "I can do whatever the hell I like, but I also have to think about the repercussions of my actions. I have to think about how this will affect the economy too; flooding the market with 1.7 million dollars will be a little too much, my dear, or have you never heard of inflation before?" To be completely honest, I haven't actually thought about that….
Nodding my head in understanding, I just sighed and asked, "Okay. So what do you propose?"
"500 thousand"
"That's a steep drop!"
"It's more than what you'll ever earn by working any of these jobs! And what exactly do you need so much money for anyways?! Just sell some of the weapons instead of collecting them! You hoarder!" Okay, that's hurtful. "And buy some less clothes." GASP!!
"Hey you, stay out of my clothes!"
"No one in their right minds needs that many clothes V! I mean, why do you need so many coats when you're only going to wear just one set of outfit every single day?!"
"You just don't understand." He doesn't know what he's talking about. Even on my deathbed, I looked fabulous.
"What's there to understand?! You bought a cowboy hat that you never wore in your life!"
"It was a great hat!!"
"That you never wore!" he screamed, flailing his hands around in frustration.
"Pfft!" I guess I could understand where he was coming from… but it was still a really good hat.
Shaking my head, I said, "Fine, 500." and watched as a smile bloomed across his face.
"Excellent! Then we should get you back on earth!" He exclaimed and immediately started pushing me out of the bar.
Digging in my heels, I stopped for a second and turned back towards him. "Wait! Can i-" can't believe I'm even asking this. "Can I meet Johnny before I go?"
He just gave me a mysterious smirk and said, "Oh, you'll see him soon enough."
"But it won't be the same, you know. He won't be the person I spent all those months with."
I just realized I would have to go through that whole 'what kind of joytoy are you supposed to be' again. I don't know if I have the patience to deal with Johnny's bullshit again.
"Who said he wouldn't?" He said this before pushing me out of the bar's doors.
"What are you, taaaAAAAALLL-" Instead of just stumbling on to the floor, I fell down into....darkness
I can already tell. This'll be a train wreck.
Choo-Choo Motherfuckers!!