I was only twelve when I first met Ryan. Tall, dark, handsome and extremely popular with the girls.
It was my first day of sixth grade at a new school, so obviously, I dreaded it. I was nervous, beyond nervous. But that was a truth I was never willing to admit.
When I first arrived, the class was exactly what the old American highschool movies showed. The three popular girls that thought they were too pretty for this world, Tasha, Ashley and Jane. But Jane was more of a side character that always stuck around Tasha and Ashley.
The popular boys who were also dickheads, Thomas, Travis and Ryan. Yes, Ryan too.
The minute I found my seat, I analyzed the classroom and could tell what kind of person most of them were. I could tell 'Ryan' was an absolute asshole. They would use mirrors and set them under a girl's desk to peek into their outfits, totally disgusting.
But in that same class a set of girls who laughed, blushed and joked around with them despite them being victim of such foolish behavior.
I admit, at that very moment, my only impression of them was that they were pathetic. And they were.
A friend of Ryan, Thomas, cute by the way....hehe, was dared to do the same stupid act on the new girl.
So like the fool he was, he borrowed some guts and walked confidently towards me with his loosely fitting pants puffing up, making him look incredibly stupid.
Standing behind the unaware quiet girl, he tried to do the same frivolous act his friends had been doing but sadly for him, God had decided to let him be the example.
I stood up abruptly and slapped him twice before questioning him about his behavior. When he didn't respond, I continued to slap him all the way back to his desk, with the rest of the classroom hyping me up like I was some sort of star.
Unfortunately, my time of joy was cut short with a shout from a teacher, but he did not comment about the fight, only warning the class to be quiet. I still wonder till this day whether or not he saw me hit Thomas.
Having sent my "don't fuck with me" message, I felt empowered, like I just helped the world pay back the debts they owe ..... aliens?
Seriously, who do we owe?
From that day onwards, I had NEVER been messed with in middle school. Ryan used to fear me, he never talked to me with the same disrespectful tone he used on other girls and I LOVED IT.
Fast forward to months before my grade seven examinations, I realized something.
Don't judge me....
So I realized that asshole Ryan had changed. No longer entertaining just any girl, paid better attention to school (his annoying ass was super good at math actually) and was genuinely starting to not smell like an asshole.
So. He started looking less ugly in my eyes. (Cough)
But Nelly, this guy was an asshole!
Sure, but people change. RIGHT?
So your girl Nellisa developed feelings for Ryan. It my second serious crush on a guy but I never did tell him anything.
We did have a little air of ambiguity too because I KNEW that mother ducker liked me back.
We wrote our exams without confessing and lost contact.
Sigh.....
I remember wishing that he was the one comforting me during my mom's funeral but that's a story for another day.
Fast forward to tenth grade.
We met and started talking once in a while, then once a week, and then everyday.
But neither one of us confessed.
I still remember that night. The sky was beautifully decorated with stars and the moon arrogantly, proudly bright.
He came to my house and texted me to meet him outside, at 6pm.
So I did what any normal teenager with a crush would do.
I snuck out.
He stood not too far away from my house and waited for me.
I was a mess. My heart was racing because i was finally going to see him again and...well I had never been out that late before. I had a plan, I wanted something from him, only one thing.
A hug.
I made up my mind that I was going to hug him that night and I did.
As soon as I met him, I wrapped my hands around his neck and tightly hugged him. Slowly relaxing in his arms as his hands made their way to my small back, rubbing back and forth.
It felt good. So fucking good I didn't want to leave.
I wanted more, I need more.
I pulled back and looked at him, my big eyes glancing at his lips before kissing his cheek.
Then I felt him stiffen. I could already tell how surprised he must've felt being kissed by the girl that had openly hated his guts in middle school.
"Do that again" he suddenly said, his voice alone making me feel things.
And despite knowing the answer, I looked up at him and asked, "do what?"
I could see him struggling to hold in his smile as he whispered, "do what you did before"
Who was I to not oblige, right?
I looked up at him with a teasing smile and kissed his cheek again, instantly feeling his grip around my waist tighten.
Ryan lifted my chin up and lowered his head to meet my height, his clear eyes seducing the shit out of me.
He smirked before placing an ever so gentle peck on my small lips. He looked at me for approval before kissing me again, his sweet lips biting gently on mine before probing my teeth open, tasting me whole.
I kissed him back with my sloppy kissing skills, letting his tongue claim mine as his hands behind my back went lower.
And lower..
And lower....
Until finally, his grip was filled. He pulled me closer, so close I could feel just how much his member wanted me. He kissed me hungrily yet gently, every action of his filled with longing.
The longing that I, too, felt.
I wanted him.
I knew I wanted him.
But I would never let it get that far.
My first kiss, just like that, gone as fast as the wind.
But I never did regret,
Because at that moment, it was he and I, me and him. Filled with emotions we knew we felt and so terribly failed to hide. That moment was one of the most beautiful things that had ever happened to me at that age. And how I wished we could just stay there, in that perfect picture, just the two of us.
He was my first real love and my 'wanna be' last.