"Good morning Dr. Azurine, I am the attending physician who will be supervising you today. My name is Dr. Brans, and I won't be interfering much with what you do but I will be taking notice. You'll be working initial checks today so it's nothing too crazy and you should definitely be able to manage." Her pace never slowed as she continued rambling off instructions to me.
Beads of sweat ran a racecourse through the veins in my palm, and I tried my best to keep a grip on my clipboard, this was the moment I had spent so many years preparing for, and I all I needed to do was perform exactly what I had practiced and observed so many times prior.
Mirroring Dr. Brans's walk, I moved with all the grace and confidence I could muster no doubt looking like a newborn gazelle.
" You'll be occupying room 12 today, any further questions?"
A simple 'no doctor' was all I managed to squeeze past the lump in my throat before receiving a curt nod from her. Rubbing my palms across my slack one last time, I walked into the room where my first patient was already waiting for me.
.....
A sigh of relief escaped my lungs as a smiling patient walked out the room yet again, this time a sweet old lady who came in for her monthly check up. My stomach rumbled reminding me that it was a very real part of my body.
While eating I began reflecting on my patients thus far, things were going great until him. A middle-aged man who was having violent coughing fits and was extremely pale. The patient wasn't troubling by any means and had actually had a wonderful time chatting with me about his past adventures while I did the necessary check on him. I had originally thought that it was a common cold and flu, but the more I spoke with him the more unsettled I became.
His symptoms were all over the place, I remember asking him the standard question while checking his pulse. Reports from the patient indicated an elevated heart, chest pain, fever, nausea and vomiting. These could have all been classified as symptoms of the flu, but the way he described the severity and complexity of the pain, it was becoming less flu-like by the sentence. Blood spotting while coughing, piercing noises ringing throughout his ears, rashes on the skin and constant fainting, especially through moments when he had heightened emotions.
Even now as I sat picking at the contents of my plate, for some reason I could not forget that man. Nothing about that screamed the flu, but when I inquired my suspicions were brushed aside, I was told I was being paranoid because it was the first case I have encountered like that. Dr. Brans had ruled it as a variant of influenza without making any further checks stating she had seen cases such as his already.
When I inquired about the rashes breaking out across his skin, she had mentioned stress-induced dermatitis which had been frequenting the hospital lately.
My lukewarm peas rolled around with each poke of my fork, my head stuck in my study reference as I tried to fathom what kind of dermatitis had that pattern, stress-induced or otherwise. Regardless of what Dr. Brans had said, I had the symptoms recorded in my journal because something felt off and that is precisely why I had also given the patient a recommendation to do an ECG to make sure the chest pains weren't actually palpitations.
No later than I threw the paper plate in the trash had I heard my name being bellowed from the door. Grabbing my journal and clipboard I rushed from the room to find an impatient Dr. Brans waiting in the hall, foot tapping in a staccato rhythm while she pursed her lips.
Without waiting for me to acknowledge her she turned and started rattling off details about the patient currently waiting in my room while simultaneously walking down the hall back towards room 12. Never neglecting to berate me for my tardiness and idle nature while keeping her steady march towards the door.
Quietly I took her criticism and continued walking with her, not hesitating for a moment to rush inside the room as soon as she had stopped talking. The rest of my 5 hours went by in a blur, consult after consult, learning more and more about this flu-like virus that was quickly spreading. The hospital was overflowing with sick patients, and the work never seemed to end but that was exactly what I signed up for.
Oftentimes, I find myself unable to deal with superiors or having to constantly speak with other colleagues throughout the day. While I had to speak with other doctors and nurses throughout my day, it was much less challenging because my interactions with them were limited to a few sentences at best.
The majority of my conversations were with the patients and that is something I thoroughly enjoyed. Hearing people's different backgrounds and lives was a constant reminder to live my life in earnest because no matter how nice someone's life looked from the outside, there were always unknown secrets lurking through their windows that outsiders would never know.
Looking around my small and simple consultation room, a smile stretched across my face, my feet ached, my coat soiled and my bun now messy but I had never felt as accomplished as I did now. All the nights preparing for exams, crying over grades and wanting to give up because I never thought I would be good enough. This was by no means an end goal, but it was a start, and a damn good one at that.
Gathering the last of my things I move towards the filing cabinets to place the last patients document back in its place when I noticed a note taped on the inside of the drawer that I had neglected to see all day.
Figuring the previous doctor or nurse using the space must've forgotten to shred it, I plucked it from the interior to inspect it before tossing it in the shredder. The content of the note was shocking not because the symptoms on the note were identical to the worrying patient I had consulted earlier that day but because the date was a year ago. Now feeling like I discovered something I shouldn't have, I took a shaky breath as I read the rest of the information on the note.
'Pt may have the flu but symptoms don't match, please update pt record to show other symptoms bleeding from the nose and weird patterned rashes' signed by a Dr. Stoner.
I was so engrossed in the contents in front of me that I almost didn't hear the door being opened. I quickly slapped the note back in the cabinet where I had originally found and started placing the files back where they were.
"Are you Dr. Ravana Azurine?" a brown-haired nurse asked.
"Yes, that would be me," I responded coolly.
With her ever-increasing smile she stated her name was nurse Joyce and she was just coming to confirm if the space was empty as she was working the night shift in that room. Letting her know that I was almost done and double checking to make sure I hadn't left anything behind I made a quiet exit wishing her a good shift.
My entire body shook as I moved to the storage area to grab the rest of my bags. I needed to go home immediately and start reviewing my notes because that note confirmed that these were not regular symptoms like I was made to believe, and it was obvious that other people knew as well so the question of why Dr. Brans brushed it off had started roaming my thoughts.
Before passing through the entrance, I stopped by the receptionist to ask if she had any idea when Dr. Stoner would be in, but initially all I received in return was a strange look. It finally seemed to click to her that I was a new doctor here, her actions seemed to pause for a moment in a reminiscent and persona shifted into a distant manner, reserved for a someone no longer there. Her eyes saddened and she turned her face away while she informed me that he passed away 9 months ago.
My drive home was a silent one as I pondered over everything that could have possibly caused Dr. Stoner's death so suddenly and only three months after the note had been written at that.
Was it something he found or discovered? Did he catch the same illness? Why on earth was I of all people the one to find it? My brain was in a constant state of overthinking as I pulled into my apartment's parking lot. Before I even went inside there was a broadcast over the radio that made my hand hover over the door handle and reach for my bag pull out my journal instead. That name, district 17, that was the same district the patient had made mention of while I had asked them about places they have been to recently.
According to the government official speaking, someone by the name of Cael Thorne the area was safe, and it was going under redevelopment to help fix parts that had been deteriorated during the pandemic. Community members were involved as well, and everyone was advised to play their part through labor and donations.
A sharp cut off was made during the presenters' speech as I killed the radio. Confusion bubbling in my brain as I made my way out the vehicle, I couldn't help but sigh, tomorrow was going to be a long day.