I woke up once again, but there was something unfamiliar there this time.
As soon as I sat up, someone was staring back at me, but surely that couldn't be me. Her bruised skin and long, matted hair didn't match the description I had of myself, but eerily her movements mirrored mine. The last time I saw myself I was haggard looking but there was still some truth of who I was looking back at me.
Not this time.
Whoever, or whatever was looking back at me was definitely not me. Physically, the features looked like mine if I was very heavily abused and on the brink of death, which probably wasn't so far off from the truth, but the eyes, void of any emotion and life, so dark that the light of the room barely reflected in them.
There had to be a reason why now of all times that they decided to bless me with this image, when I was already questioning who I was. They must have known that I was losing my mind and decided that this was the best time for them to play one last mind game on me.
Were they hoping that I would go completely insane having to stare at what can only be described as a shell of a person? Would I see glimpses of myself while I was writhing in pain? See myself while I was living through hell?
If that is what they wanted then they would definitely succeed, granted I could barely move around anymore, my body has been progressively getting weaker since I was 'diagnosed' with this mysterious virus that they didn't even name. At times I would feel strong enough to move around and at least get my muscles working, but ever since the pain started intensifying, I found myself moving less and less each day.
I couldn't stop looking at myself though, no matter how my muscles were screaming with exhaustion from sitting up, my eyes would not tear away from the reflection looking back at me. All while the withered woman looked back at me, her eyes almost accusing, as if any of this was really my fault.
Without it I had started vocalizing my thoughts to her, the resentment still etched into her face as I poured out what was left of my emotions, completely broken and helpless. The tears streamed down my face of their own volition, but what surprised me even more was her response.
I hadn't expected her to respond to me, but I clearly heard her say "That's exactly where they want you."
I looked quickly around the room to see if it was possible that someone else had been here all along, but no one was here except for the two of us. I looked at her again, she stared back, daring me to do something with the information she provided.
Finally having the strength to look away, I pulled my journal from under the pillow and saw them again, notes that I hadn't written but clearly there in my penmanship, if anything it was only a little less fancy than other notes.
It must have been her, she wrote them, she was trying to tell me something but some of these didn't make sense. Numbers 4, 5, 28, 35, 672 and 840 not written in that order, words were listed there as well, but were all fragmented and barely making any sense, much less to make an entire sentence.
If she was trying to help this was a shit way to do it because I couldn't understand anything. I kept looking through the pages to find a clue as to what she meant but everything was gibberish, some words even written upside down and backwards. I looked back to her hoping to get an answer, but when I did she was bleeding.
Blood poured from her nose as she still had that blank stare in her eyes. Her eyes widened at the same time as mine, probably only realizing that she was bleeding when I looked at her as well. I tried reaching out to her in hopes that I could help but a violent cough racked my body forcing me to look away.
I was worried about her, but my body wouldn't allow me to help. My eyes were shut tight in pain, and my breathing was increasingly becoming more difficult. Each intake of air felt wet, sticky even, I'm not sure why that was as I was certain that weird woman was the one that was bleeding.
Crumpled onto the bed in a fetal position, the coughing fits continued, and I was gasping for air at this point. I heard the door swing open, but I didn't have the strength nor intention to look at who came in. I only felt a prick in my arm and my already heavy body sagged even more. I never got to reopen my eyes as my consciousness immediately started sleeping. Even as I was fading, I couldn't help but hope that they helped that woman who was staring at me.
....
My eyes had blinked, a familiar mandala covered ceiling staring back at me when they eventually opened. A groan escaped my lips as I tried to move, however my body quickly let me know that I was not going to do anything of the sort.
I closed my eyes wishing to succumb to sleep once again, but it never came, so I just lay there in silence completely empty headed because for once, my thoughts were not over taking me. I could let my thoughts drift from one topic to another. It felt like a moment of respite in all of the madness that I had been experiencing recently.
On the topic of madness, I had suddenly wondered how that woman was doing. I was too tired to get up and check, but I had hoped they had helped her because that bloody nose looked pretty serious. From a medical standpoint there are a number of things that could be wrong with her but I was not currently in the frame of mind or position to speculate what her condition could be.
I wonder if she has left any new notes for me, hopefully a more legible one this time. Something that might help me fully understand what was wrong with me or dare I say a way out of this. That was definitely optimistic and a lot to ask from her but she did seem intent on helping me, so I could only hope that she chose to do so to the best of her ability.
I'll check on her when I feel better and see if I can get her to talk to me more. I also wanted to confront her about why she was mimicking me. That had initially thrown me off and caused me to be weary of her, now that I know she was only trying to help I would definitely try to have a proper conversation and ask how she got here.
Aside from the nurses and the pretty man from the projection, I hadn't seen anyone else here. It was nice to have another face around and one that was so familiar too. I guess I didn't mind if she tried to mimic me after all, it wasn't perfect but bearable.
My brain had finally worked itself enough for me to go back to sleep, but I heard shuffling around. I hadn't even noticed when they entered the room and for once it sounded like more than one person, but I was too tired to care and I figured they could do what they needed to do with me asleep.
At least that's what I thought before they started talking.
"I thought she was the one, he seemed so interested in her." a female voice rang clear.
"I thought so too, we've been monitoring her closely but shouldn't we be seeing different results if a month has passed already?" a more sultry voice responded.
I wanted to open my eyes but I was afraid they would notice I was awake and stop talking so I kept them closed and simply listened.
"We just have to do what they say and whatever the outcome is depends on her." the first female said cooly.
The silence that stretched on let me know that they had no intention of continuing their conversation. I felt this was the best time to wake up. I tried moving again causing another groan to escape my chapped lips. I opened my eyes and only saw a part of the same hazmat looking suit before I felt another prick in my now already hole filled arm.
Once again slumping back into the unconscious.
I barely had time to think about what they said as the sleepy void was quickly approaching me.
I know I was being monitored so that was not surprising, I had also picked up on a month passing based on the projection from before, leaving the only new piece of information that I got from their conversation being the mysterious he that was interested in me.
Maybe if I pretended to sleep more often the attending nurses would be inclined to say more around me and I could find out more about this mysterious man. I wonder if he was the same man as the one from the projection?
It was too early to guess and I had too little information on him.
My mind was lulled into silence as the drug took full effect.
How was I supposed to know that would have been the last time?