I can feel someone there, watching me, but I can't see or hear them, only sensing it. The system has been coming online for the last 3 weeks, every day, just like I imagined it would. I, on the other hand, have been waiting for the time to pass.
It was almost done; I knew that and so I restlessly and patiently waited as the time flew by me. While waiting, I had learnt a few things about how the systems operated.
Initially I thought that it was made specific to me, or catering to my memories only, but I realized that was not the case, which made it even more extraordinary. If my theory was correct, the virus was used to implant a system in people's bodies which then controlled the way they acted for a specific period of time, around 3 months.
Persons whose body couldn't handle the strain of the virus along with the heavy drugs needed for the system to work effectively they would simply die. Hence, they got away with making it seem as though a mysterious virus was killing people, when in reality it was all an experiment but for now the cause remained unknown to me.
To add more to that, whether it was because I had originally died and the system remained online for me after that or whatever the cause, I'm still not sure, but there were glitches every time the system tried to operate on my mind. Luckily for me, those glitches exposed the memories of others as well, Rin, Ms. Iyla and all the other patients that had contracted the virus I worked with.
I had never gotten a glimpse of what exactly the system was changing for them, only ever seeing the memories themselves for a brief moment, and then they would change back to my own. From my short peek into their memories, I could only assume they were experiencing the same thing as me. Though I don't think they should be experiencing the same glitches as myself, considering all this should happen in the final phase while they were alive.
I wondered what the connection between myself and all the other people was whose memories I was able to glance at. Could it be that they had also died, or were they stuck in some weird limbo state like me. It seems that it could only provide access to people I had already met, like it was somehow connecting the minds and memories of everyone that contracted the virus. I don't even know what kind of technology was needed to pull off something of that caliber, but for the most part, it actually seemed to be working.
The system was online today as well, making its adjustments like every other day. What I had also long realized was that these were not just minor adjustments, the longer it went on, the more of the person's originality was erased. From the cadence in the way they spoke, to a certain swagger in the way they walked, then it moved to removing 'background obstacles' as it referred to them, but it was really people who may not have seemed to contribute significantly to a conversation or action.
It was like programming a robot, leaving only the necessities that would make them as human-like as possible. If that was the case, it would make sense why the system was connecting the memories of everyone else, akin to a giant spider-web. It would be easier to command everyone who had gone through the same thing, but you could also individualize the commands as well.
It barely made sense to me so I wouldn't even try explaining it to anyone else, but that was what I had gathered so far. While I was continuing my observation and speculations, there was a pulse, so faint I thought it was a part of my imagination or just a slight flash of light.
Then it happened again, now I was sure I had seen it for a brief moment, just a second or two, but I saw something in front of me, not in my consciousness, but with my eyes. Just a flash of light, everything was foggy and blurry, you could hardly consider it an image given I couldn't make out anything. For a second my memories disappeared and the system went offline, but just like that it was back. What the hell was that?
The memories came back and the system continued as if nothing had even happened, but how the hell was that even possible
I was dead, I was sure I died. I watched as they pronounced my time of death, fluttering through the afterlife, wandering in limbo. I'm absolutely sure I died, so what the hell did I just experience?
I have seen the system have glitches and it was nothing like this so the questions would not stop stockpiling about what exactly I had just experienced. There was no give away or clue, just confusion and the ever persistent system continuing its job dutifully. I was tempted to start yelling at it, demanding answers, but I already knew that wouldn't work.
There was no point in just existing in a state of shock, I needed to figure out what the hell that was but I didn't have the slightest clue on how to do that. I needed answers about what that was and whether I could somehow cause it to happen again.
Thinking back to what had just happened, I wondered what was so different about this time in comparison to all the other times that the system had operated on me. There was no difference that I could think of. Everything was the same, manipulating memories in mere seconds, working on memory after memory over the course of hours. The only thing I was contemplating was how the system worked.
Is it possible that if I actively thought of a way to manipulate the system then I could actually do it?
Though that may seem a little nonsensical, it was worth a try because at the moment I was at a loss for actions. There was really nothing different about this encounter. It's not that this was the first time I had thought of a way to manipulate the system, considering it was literally changing my memories.
I had tried many times to change or stop this damn thing from righting wrongs that didn't even exist in the first place. However, everything up till now had proved futile, it simply continued like I wasn't even there, which to it I probably wasn't.
Although I wanted to find a way to do that again, I still had to consider if there would be any repercussions. While I was desperate to wake up at this point, basically tethering on the edges and tearing at invisible seems for the answers to my questions.
I was supposed to be dead for the last 3 weeks basically if not a month by now, because I don't even know how long I was asleep before the system came online. Did I even have a body left?
Considering only the three weeks I had been confident about, that was already an active decay stage, and my soft tissues should've already started breaking down. So even if I woke up, wouldn't I die on the spot?
Just because my mind was intact and living after death, doesn't mean that my body would still be intact. I should be at the stage now where I was swelling and oozing all sorts of liquids and scents, disrupting the peace of anyone close enough. The maggots would've gotten to me by now, being consumed an active part of my existence, biting and breaking through every piece of supple soft tissue they could manage to wriggle through. Well that's if they had me thrown in a ditch somewhere, or in some shallow grave.
Maybe I had been incarcerated, as soon as they moved the body, throwing me into the glowing inferno, singed by the flames before being consumed whole, scorched down to the bones that hold my skeletal frame together. That would be a far more humane ending for me, considering the inhumane existence I had led only hours before that.
The image was enough to make me reconsider wanting to wake up at all, but there was something telling me that was not the case. No matter how gruesome a death I thought I had, could my consciousness exist without a physical host?
Was the flesh and blood what prevented the consciousness from wandering away? Did it somehow anchor my consciousness in one place? Or did I need it all, was it actually a restriction?
Those are questions I wanted answers to but I highly doubt that I would ever get the answers to.
What I needed at that moment was not some existential, philosophical question answered but rather some sign that I was actually alive. I needed to know that my body was still functional, and the only way to do that was to wake up.
It was risky whether I forced myself to wake up or waited one more week to see what happened, but even then, it was never a guarantee that I was waking up at the end of this.
So, I had two options, try to force or wait for whatever comes next. Either way the worst thing that could happen was an already dead woman, would die again.