Within the indescribable darkness, the first vestige of memory flickered to life.
A sharp pain in his left chest and the crushing sensation, like a hammer striking the same spot, came to mind before the vision faded again into darkness.
"Wake up, William Carter."
At the sound of a powerful and majestic voice calling his name, William opened his eyes.
Before him was the scene of a vast hall, its architecture reminiscent of what one would find in a Xianxia manhua. The grand chamber was built from dark wood, and eerie green-blue flames floated around the pillars like lanterns.
The chilled air, the endless darkness, and the red glow on the horizon told him one thing…. he was definitely not on Earth. Coupled with that piece of memory in his mind, only one thought surfaced.
"Am I dead?" William muttered, his gaze drifting forward, where it caught sight of a towering figure.
The figure was clad in a black robe, the kind one might see in an ancient Chinese drama. William was stunned, not only by the figure's immense size but also by the dark and oppressive aura it emanated.
Its face was a pale skeleton, with a deep green light glowing within the darkness of its eye sockets. The sharp contours of its bones and the faint trace of fangs on its teeth made the sight even more terrifying.
The figure sat on a dark throne made of some kind of jade… or perhaps obsidian, adorned with gold. In front of it stood a massive desk, the size of a house, with several piles of documents stacked like mountains upon its surface.
William, a simple American dude, trembled at the vision before him. Never had he imagined that one day he would witness such a scene, standing in judgment before the lord of the underworld.
Make no mistake, William was a Christian. At least, he thought so. Though the number of times he had actually set foot in a church during his short life could easily be counted on one hand.
"Err… hello?" William raised his hand in the familiar "we come in peace" gesture, mimicking the greeting from the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
What William didn't know was why the hell he had ended up in this kind of hell. Last time he checked, he was fairly certain he didn't have any Asian ancestors.
The figure in dark looked at William. There was nothing William could discern from the figure's skeletal face, whether it was anger, happiness, or irritation.
"There are many things I want to correct about you, William Carter," the figure spoke.
"But first, let's start with that." The figure pointed at William's "We come in peace" gesture. "I'm not some extraterrestrial life form in Spielberg's movie, so stop it."
William immediately lowered his hand.
"Good…" The figure nodded. His bony hand picked up the documents in front of him, while his other hand reached for a pair of glasses resting on the desk and put them on.
"Hmmm…" The lord of death hummed softly, looking over the document.
"William Carter. Your streamer name: Zane Boombox. Age: 32. Died: 23 August 202X. Working as a content creator, you took the path of a nuisance streamer after stumbling into accidental fame from toxic streaming. You were quite successful, amassing a net worth of more than 20 million US dollars." The lord of death adjusted his glasses as he read.
"Your girlfriend, Cindy Liu, broke up with you due to the stress caused by constant harassment from your haters. Your family also suffered collateral damage, receiving death threats and grotesque packages sent to their home.
After the anti-nuisance movement gained traction, you were about to be banned from your platform. But in a reckless bid for your career, you doubled down on nuisance streaming by blasting a boombox in an angry neighborhood in Texas, where you were shot with a hunting rifle.
The bullet struck your heart, and you died instantly, ending both your life and career."
The lord of death set the document down, looking at William through the lens.
"Is there any mistake in what I've read?"
William was shaken. That was the sum of his life right there! Now he was sure that he was definitely dead, and this place was some kind of hell.
"Yes, your honor… there's no mistake."
"Your honor?" The god of death touched his chin, thinking. "I'm not your judge… but… maybe you're right. You may call me your honor."
William nodded and waited for the god of death to continue.
"William Carter. As you can see," the god of death raised his hand, gesturing to the great hall, "this place is not your world… at least, not the version of hell you were supposed to go to."
William was startled. "You mean… I'm in another world's hell? Don't tell me I've ended up in some kind of Xianxia version of hell? Hahaha."
He forced a laugh to lighten the mood, but the god of death nodded in confirmation.
"You're serious?" William muttered.
The god of death pointed his bony hand at his own face.
"Does this face look like someone who's joking?"
Even if it did, how would I know? There's not even a shred of flesh on your damn face!
William smiled wryly, keeping the thought to himself. Still, he couldn't shake the sense that the god of death was amused by his reaction… though maybe it was just his imagination.
The lord of death steepled his bony hands in front of his mouth, letting William feel the weight of his next words.
"I'll get to the point, William Carter. I want you to help me…" He glanced at the mountain of documents stacked beside him. "Reduce my workload."
"Your honor… you want me to help with your documents?" William pointed at himself. Just one look at those towering piles of paperwork was painful enough.
The lord of death snickered. "Of course not. Who would let an idiot handle their documents? I'd have to re-check every single one that passed through that idiot's hands."
William: …
"I mean… too many people are dying up there. Killings, sect wars, duels, especially those so-called sect and clan annihilations! Hundreds of thousands die every single day, and their souls are all powerful. Those high-ranking cultivators are the worst; they are arrogant bastards who think they're destined to rule this damn place!"
His explanation turned into a rant mid-way as he gestured toward the horizon of the underworld outside the great hall.
"Can you imagine!? Some of them are strong enough to beat up my lieutenants, and I've had to beat the shit out of them myself! Even for me, that's too much! I am the ruler of death, not some low-level laborer! If I have to do everything myself, then why the hell did I even hire them?
To drain away my god damn underworld qi!?"
At the end of his rant, the lord of death seemed to calm down, as if he had vented all of his frustration.
"Ahem…" The Lord of Death faked a cough to regain his composure. Then he returned to the same posture, steepling his hands in front of his mouth.
"I'm going to give you an offer you can't refuse," he began, raising one hand and pointing upward.
Are you some kind of a mob boss? William retorted inside his mind.
"I'll give you a second chance at life, with a little bonus to enjoy while you're up there. In return, I want you to reduce the death rate in the mortal realm," the Lord of Death stated plainly.
The offer was very tempting, but… stopping a sect war? Stopping people from dying? As a content creator and a nuisance streamer at that, he had no idea how to do that! If he knew, he wouldn't have become a nuisance streamer in the first place. He would have already won a Nobel Peace Prize!
"But how? How can I do that?" William asked.
The Lord of Death nonchalantly gestured toward him. "How would I know? You are the solution I brought into this world. It's your job, not mine," he said, as if it were none of his business.
"Me? A solution?" William frowned. "Why are you so sure that I'm the solution? More importantly, why are you calling me, an American, to a world tied to Chinese lore and mythology? Shouldn't you be summoning someone with the surname Yun, Chen, Li, or Lin?"
"First!" The Lord of Death raised his bony index finger. "I'm sure you are the solution because I asked Heaven for a prophecy, and the one with the greatest chance of fixing my problem was you."
"Second!" He raised another finger. "I already invited the people you mentioned, and nine times out of ten, they made things worse. They tried to unify the world, only for it to fall apart again later. When you subtract the deaths from their so-called unification, the lives saved were not worth the investment."
"Third!" He raised a third finger. "You're an avid fan of Wuxia and Xianxia novels. I even know you have an American Chinese girlfriend because you wanted a jade beauty of your own. So, I think you should be able to come up with a solution based on your preferences."
William: ….
"So, what will it be, William Carter? Will you accept?" asked the Lord of Death.
"If I don't accept, what will become of me?" William asked.
"I'll send you back to your world, and you'll be processed according to your underworld system. And I can tell you, living the life of a nuisance streamer is not good for you. Although you're not a mass murderer, a genocide war criminal, a douchbag corrupt politician, or a drug lord, those people are major league and will surely go to eternal hell. But…. you shouldn't expect anything like heaven either, if you know what I mean," the Lord of Death explained.
Hearing this, William gulped down his saliva. He knew he wasn't one of those major league heavyweights, sure, but he didn't want to find out what awaited him. He wasn't a saint, but he wasn't a bad guy either…
Well… maybe making a career as a nuisance streamer did make him a bad guy.
So, if he refused, he might end up facing his due and suffering the final consequences, something he desperately wanted to avoid.
"Err… let me think for a bit, Your Honor…" William said as he tried to rack his brain for a solution.
After a brief moment, William said, "Alright… I accept."