Crisp white, smooth, cool and breathable linen, bed with elasticized corners that hug the mattress along with the oversized purple shirt that was worn by me as my arm rested on the soft cushion next to my hib , My left wrist heavy, with a sticky liquid, I gulp almost chocking on my own saliva as sweat leaks from my forehead.
"ha.. haa.. shii-"
I spring up, fast, to run to my drawer as I press on the wound with my free hand, blood pumping everywhere "Damn it ,Damn it!" I press the towel on my wrist.
"Oh god that hurts like hell.. mmh-" I bite my mouth shut , I should probably get to a hospital, Fast!
I sprint to the door , I move my arm and try to open it but my hand wasn't working!
"Oh my god.. oh my god my precious hand.. oh sh##..!" I gasp and tears starts streaming down my face as I grasp my wrist that i did this mess to, with my right, own hand and now I'm gonna be all right.
The scenes play back in my head as I open my eyes to a white space and a sterile smell hit my nose.
"Ugh..!" I hold my head as I feel it throbbing and my eyes flutter.
"Doctor! I'm still dying!"
I yell for the doctor.
"Damn you doctors, never do your job correctly! I'm dying I said! Hello?!?"
A Doc enters my room with a very slow pace of steps as she sighs and I can't help but gasp at that cold act like I wasn't a patient who was dying in front of her.
"Sir Lale , I would like you to calm down as there are other patients in the hospital at the moment"
"What!" I cry.
She looks at me, Then hits my head with a sheet of paper that was on the grey desk next to me which made my head throb even more
"Haha.. you tryna kill me?" I say as the dizziness hit my head.
"No, that's what you do apparently."
My eyes narrow a little as my eyebrows stiff and I scratch my face.
"I got a little.. how do I say this..?" I avoid the eye contact she was Initiating as my hand moves to the back of my neck rubbing it.
"I knew things were getting harder for you and I understand but almost collapsing completely to these thoughts is not normal, no matter how hard it is physically."
I lower my head and a few strands of my hair follows my movements to my face but then she reaches her hand to brush those hair off my face.
"Hmm.." I look at her my expression still the same.
"I didn't like it, I don't know what I was thinking"
"Clearly not straight!" It sounded like a yell as she immediately uttered that.
I have known Azalea since we were kids actually when I think about it .. this is a little embarrassing.
"Oh! By the way" she raises an eyebrow as her face goes stiff.
"How did I get to the hospital? Haha I don't remember a thing after getting to the door.." I chuckle awkwardly.
A moment of silence was there before I was about to get hit with the paper again but I flinch and back away closing my eyes.
"Yo dude get that paper off, I'm serious if hurts like bloody hel-"
"A dude found you collapsed in front of your door." She says with a serious expression on.
"Ahh.. so I was able to unlock the door?" I look at my patched up wrist and try to open and close my hand.
"Ugh.."
"Lale."
"What."
"I have signed you up for a psychologist"
My mouth goes wide opened and so does my eyes.
"What?"
She frownes at me.
"Pft."
"I won't go?"
"If you don't you'll end up in a mental hospital, your choice." I shrugs and presses one leg on another.
"Haha, you can't do that."
"You're right I can't but the hospital records, can."
"I told you I don't know what gotten into me, It won't happen again Azalea, why are you making this into such a big deal?"
"I'm not making this a big deal, just simply being the Doctor I'm supposed to be before being your friend Lale"
God.
I curse against my breath as I stare the other way which has the window as I frown.
"Annoying.."
"What was that?"
"I said for how long?" That almost sounded like a yell.
"2 months."
I flinch and immediately turn to her.
"That's way too long!"
"No actually it's like that for now, If I don't see an improvement I'm extending it."
"Pft that's bullsh#t and you can't get someone to the mental hospital just cause they made a little wrong way with a kn#fe"
"Watch me." She fiercely looks at my forehead to make me nervous which makes me stiffin especially that I know her moves and frown.
"Get out of my face man"I look away from her and get up from the bed and snatch the needles off my arm with one grab that leads to drops of red liquid steering on my arm for a second Then head to walk out of the room.
"I'm going to send you the details on phone." She says.
"No need, you're blocked."
I feel her move from her seat behind me.
"Don't make me do things I'll regret, Lale."
I step into the streets.
"Jeee now what?" I look at the blue roof above me.
I'm a little hungry..
I ended up going home and cooking something for myself.
Chicken Florentine.
base of cooked spinach, a protein component and Mornay sauce, Mornay sauce is a derivation of béchamel sauce which includes roux making it apparently a hard dish to cook.
Not on me though.
"Mm.. that looks tasty"
I turn to grab a seat and sit as I smile but suddenly the memory of my little brother comes to thought.
He used to like my cooking..
I grab a fork, a knife and press the knife through the creamy sauce, touching the chicken.
My hand trembles a little as I let out a shuddered sigh.
"I need to find a new job.." p#nk fired me just so the old man wouldn't be angry.
He got mad because I was too busy with other customers even though he was the last to come, like what man..?
Suddenly I hear a notification sound coming from my phone's direction.
"I hardly talk to anyone anymore so who could it be..?" I quickly chew my food and extend my hand to catch my phone with my fingertips, just so I'd place it in front of me.
"Ah.."
Message from Az..-;
..×-wedenesdaysandsundaysonly-×..
..×-I'lltreatyoutodinnereverytime?Prettyplease ..-×..
I chuckle.
"My.."
×-..you never give up do you? ..-×
×-..fine. what time?..-×
Typing...
..-× 5 pm -×..
Received'
"Free dinner for two days a week doesn't sound too bad.." I twirl my neck.
"Although taking that from a lady is what's probably bad though.." I shrug.
"She asked and I'm a gentleman" I pull the chair back and lean my head as I couldn't help but smile.
I hear another notification sound.
"Okay now, you're texting too much." I fix my position and get up to wash the dishes.
Time went by fast and before I knew it, it was Sunday and Azalea walking me to her little friend's place as known as the psychologist.
As we step into the place it does look really clean I kinda like that but I still looked at Azalea suspiciously.
"Look if you're tryna hypnotise me so you'd take my wealth I don't have any just in case."
She doesn't bother looking at me but steps on my foot instead.
"Ow! Holy mo-" I cover my mouth with a hand and another held my injured feet now.
"Just kidding ya know? I'm very rich"
I smile at her but she keeps focus on something else as she walks further into the white place.
"Okay.. maybe that's a bad idea to tell you tha-" she suddenly shush me with a finger on my mouth.
That action caught me by suprise considering the huge height difference so a finger appearing and no mistakingly hers Infront of my far away mouth is truly surprising.
"Ay! Who do you think you're shushing woman?"Azalea was 3 years older than me in years only.
But when I move my head to look at where she's looking at I glimpse something that makes me want to look back again.
A tall, pale, short black haired women stood in a silk like white T-shirt and a black skirt that lengthed after her knees with red heels.
My mouth watered.
"Doc Nanala!"
I hear Azalea call for the gorgeous woman.
No way.
Was she my psycogoli- whatever??
She immediately notices Az and walks to us, every step with a click from each one of her heels.
Until she was close enough for me to compare our heights unconsciously, not listening to what cr#p Az had to say about me.
This was quite the scene that I couldn't help but to smirk and she noticed.
"You can wait for me Inside Mr Lale" the woman speaks as she points at the room behind her.
"Ofc." I squint my eyes a little before walking into the room like she said.
Not long after we were sitting on the same desk and she was asking me general questions like what I eat and if I do sports and my overall health.
"You're doing amazing, You are pretty healthy and you're not neglecting your health by what you said Mr Lale so what made you think.. of taking that root?"
My eyes narrow a little and I place a hand on my chin.
"You know that kind of decision is really dangerous and cannot be done so easily.. I just want to help you so please be honest with me okay, Mr Lale?"
I look at her.
"If you really wanna help me it'd be better if you don't say the 'mr' anymore" It actually started annoying me but she looked a little troubled by my request.
"It's quite awkward that's why." I explained myself as I scratch my face.
"So?"
"Um.. back then I got like kind of fired from my job so I think that was why.."
"Did you love that job that much?"
"Something like that."
"Are you being honest Lale?"
I look at her in an awkward pace before thinking a little.
"Um well-"
She smiled at me.
I'm pretty sure I'm getting manipulated a way or another at the moment but it's probably just her job.
"My dad's not a good guy and by the time I was fired, well he doesn't exactly know I'm alive so.."
Is it okay to actually tell strangers these stuff, I feel really uneasy.
"Someone informed he was in Seoul and then it just kind of popped, you know?"
Yeah..
"You thought you'd be better off dead then?"
My lips parted and my head leans in to the floor.
What's wrong with this woman, I couldn't even say it and she's out loud with it seriously..
"Lale look at me."
"What?" I look up but not at her.
"Do you think a bad person especially him, who abandoned you, would like seeing you dead or alive?"
I look at her.
"Hey I'm not trying to get in touch with him or anything, It just got to me in a different way at that time"
"It shouldn't have, you should know you should live so you'd prove that he wasted something not just prove him right when you know he's wrong Mr Lale. "
"But is he..?"
"Do you not think so?"
"I mean.."
She ended up giving me entire lecture of self love dictionary.
I like myself just fine, what I meant was he had no use of me..
My head droops a little.
"Haa man.." I drink some water from the water bottle in my hand.
"I'm.."
I bite my bottom lip and rest my arms on my knees before I stand up straight again.
"I have something in mind pretty lady.." I murmur to myself.